I spent a few hours this weekend packing up prizes from the 5th Anniversary Giveaway and it was quite an enjoyable task. I seem to be finding pleasure in little things these days – a direct result of not overloading myself, I suspect. With a bin full of packages and customs forms, I headed for the post office to send them on their way.
In true Canada Post fashion, it cost twice as much to send a package 200 km Calgary than 3280 km to Tennessee. After 45 minutes of weighing, printing, signing, posting and paying – thankfully the clerk was methodical and calm – the bin was emptied and the task can finally be crossed off my list (I love my lists!).
What was really cool about this exercise was that it shifted over from a virtual connection to a tangible one. The recipients of those packages will see my handwriting, hold gifts that I chose for them, and read personal messages that were written for their eyes only. I don’t know if they will find that experience as moving as I have, but to me it is new territory. “Our relationship has gone to another level” kind of thing.
I think it can be too easy for bloggers to adopt a “voice” that is almost an alter-ego and it can become a mask of sorts. I have worked very hard from Day 1 of this blog to stay authentic, and that can be hard because I write much more eloquently than I speak. The codependent in me can’t help but think, “Does my handwriting make me look uneducated? Are the lines straight? Will they like this prize? Do I sound silly?”
I was telling a friend recently that I have a vision of heaven as a place that reveals all the unseen aspects of our lives on Earth, and we get to see who we helped along the way as well as the strangers that may have helped us without our knowing. I think all of our questions are answered and life’s little mysteries and coincidences are revealed. I fully believe all of us who have been helped by the recovery blogosphere will have a giant meetup in the sky, where we all get to hug and talk to each other in person (spirit?) and see, feel, understand the enormity of the impact we have all had on one another. Wouldn’t that be cool?
I’ll leave you with that happy thought today.
UnPickled 
Hi. This is my second entry today. currently attending 12 step meetings in Madrid but not fully commited. It would be great to have you come amd speak here in Madrid as the sobriety program for english speakers needs you!!! I love the podcast and please keep it alive by simply letting us listen to people’s experiences. Do once a week. i miss lostening to you and others. Thanks.
LikeLike
Thanks Kate. I do try to keep new episodes coming each week but occasionally I do take a break. Lots of good episodes in the works!
LikeLike
Good morning Jean, I enjoy reading your blog and I love how authentic you are. I am an Adult Child and I have been in recovery for codependency issues since 1994. I attend Al-Anon on a weekly basis. I had two alcoholic fathers who have both died and my mother is 82. Growing up in a lot of chaos, my mother was always my “safe haven”. She is an active alcoholic and she is a huge challenge for me today!!! For probably the past six years she has turned her anger on me. It has broken my heart because my step father was extremely mean to me. I have tried countless times to talk to her about the way she treats me and she acts like she doesn’t know what I am talking about!!!! I am in a place today where I am no longer willing to be her scapegoat!!!! We have maintained a fairly close relationship but I stay angry with her a lot!!!! I would love any feedback you may have for me. Thanks so much Jean!! Sincerely, Rhetta W.
LikeLike
Hi Rhetta, that is a very heavy load you are carrying. My best advice would be to seek a therapist who can help your process some of this pain and develop tools to create safe boundaries in addition to continuing with AlAnon. Please know that you don’t deserve the anger and rejection from your mom, that is her addiction rearing it’s monster head and likely not at all how she feels towards you. I am sure she hates it as much of you do, which is why she can’t acknowledge it, but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it. I send you a big, strong loving (((hug))). Put your energy into healing and protecting yourself, and appraoch your mom with kindness from a safe distance. Please come back and share what you learn along the way.
LikeLike
I agree with your heaven! It sounds lovely. I try to be as authentic as I can on my blog as well. The good, the bad, the crazy, it’s all me.
LikeLike
Starting over for the third time today, I know this one will be a charm. No drink is worth the self-guilt I feel afterward and reaching milestones of no drink had feels good.
I know by the end of this weekend I’ll be able to proudly say I have 72+ hours of sobriety under my belt…and a full week ahead to add to that.
But for now, I process the self-hatred and intense guilt of drinking yesterday and it feels awful, I don’t like myself at all.
LikeLike
I love your blog thank you so much for sharing your experience. I keep praying that one day I can stay sober. I don’t think it’s in me. There is so much stress and without alcohol I get wound up so tight I feel I might explode.
Sent from my iPhone
>
LikeLike
Hi Karin, I’m glad you wrote because being that stressed is not how you are meant to live your life. All that stress is a symptom that you need to make some changes in how you do things, and alcohol works for a while to manage stress (anxiety), but then it start to add to the problem instead of helping it. I drank to self-medicate anxiety, but once addiction set in I had much more stress about drinking (when, how, what, how much, when when when). Also it messes with your emotional regulation, so it makes you feel anxiety more and more. It’s a trap, so don’t be fooled that alcohol is helping you. If you want to quit drinking and find you can’t, its a big red flag. Normal drinkers can give up alcohol easily. Quitting is hard at first, but it gets easier and gives you the space to deal with what’s causing you the stress. I feel for you, Karin, I truly do and I wish you freedom and happiness!
LikeLike
I like that heaven, too!
Thank you, Jean!!
xo
Wendy
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is the coolest version of heaven I’ve ever heard. Thanks for sharing that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love your idea of heaven and love your blog.
LikeLike
I love that idea of heaven. What a nice reminder that the universe truly is conspiring to help us. All of us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi, Jean. It was a pleasure to hear you on a recent “Bubble Hour” . I was like, “I know this person.” Not really, but having read some of your blog, I did feel that your voice and thoughts are authentic and very much from the heart. Peace.
LikeLike
Oh, this makes me happy. How are you doing, Gayle?
LikeLike
I am well, thanks for asking. 56 days without alcohol and feeling good about it. Recently started back to walking for exercise and working with a nutrition coach to form healthier eating habits. I am, shoot me now, planning a road trip to Florida with my bestie and…wait for it, her 10 week old puppy. This is something i would never have thought about doing when I was drinking because, well, I was drinking. Wish me luck. Peace and love.
LikeLiked by 1 person