Inspiration

Thanks for the words of encouragement – the simplest messages are often the most powerful. Appreesh.

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Day 36
This post is so powerful jean thank you so much. I tackled one of the biggest obstacles yesterday…I made an appointment with a therapist, I start tomorrow. I had some inner dialogue going on and wanted to share with you and others in the event this is something that has come up for others.

Yesterday was great because i made an appointment with a therapist and for the first time IRL (in real life) verbalized the words I needed to say for a long to time to someone else. It’s at the center or my narrative right now so I have to keep reminding the “pride voice” (yup a new little friend popped up yesterday during that call) of that. It was telling me I knew more than the therapist, the therapist “was talking too much”, she was “getting my narrative wrong”, and she even rolled her eyes when the therapist mentioned something about GMOs. Yup MY pride voice is a little jerk! I am sure she will be around for a while, but it’s ok because I am determined to slay this beast. Another thing that made yesterday great was that i went to two restaurants where people around me were having their drinks, and I was ok! I told a friend I will “skip the drink today but thanks” and the world didn’t end. I was ok, and the mind body split was not as bad. But I think it did happen earlier in the day as I almost hit another car backing out of a parking spot. It was very close call but it didn’t. I reflected in the fact that I was grateful that if it had happened it would not have been because I was drinking (no drink related accidents here so far thankfully, but DUIs were always a big fear of mine and I am lucky I never had one). After the second place yesterday I was super ok, I was with two people one had beer and the other red wine…both my poisons of choice. After that I drove them home and was surprised at the fact that I was disgusted at the smell of red wine in my friends breath after one drink! I can only imagine what my breath smelled like after 4-5, that was another fear the smell of booze on my breath especially the next day—this has origins in my childhood because my father who was an alcoholic would have booze breath the next day after his benders and one of my fears (yes I have a lot of fears) is that I will end up like him. I was also surprised at the lagged reaction of “well maybe in the future…” because no just NO, it’s not just one for me ever and it’s just so much better to go without it. The sneaky “rationale voice” tried but I know she’s getting weaker, I know it’s easier to remain without than it is to moderate (thank my podcast warriors hosts for reminding me of that on the daily) I’ve been trying to moderate for the past 8 years, so NO thank you this is so much better.

Onward day 36!

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