I started this blog anonymously in 2011 on my first day of sobriety. After a year or so, I felt brave enough to add my photo and first name, Jean, plus this little blurb:
I am learning to walk without the crutch of alcohol. I began writing this blog on my first day of sobriety. Gulp. I drank quietly in private and have managed to quit just as privately. I didn’t stay quiet about it, though. My story is all here. The purpose of this blog is to help make me accountable and, as it turns out, to encourage others along the way.
I believe you will see yourself in me. I am just one of many faces of recovery, and if you ever recognize me in an airport or maybe even in my own hometown I hope you’ll say hello, tell me how we’re connected, and give me a hug. We’re in this together.
Please tread lightly through these woods. Please read the hundreds and hundreds of comments from people around the world and respect that my story is their story. Resist the urge to be entertained and instead let yourself be moved. Something beautiful has been happening here. Maybe it’s time you knew.
My name is Jean, and I am UnPickled.
Now I am much older, still sober, and don’t mind if you know who I am.
My name is Jean McCarthy, and I live in Alberta, Canada. I write books, host a podcast, facilitate the occasional retreat or online class for women in recovery. I also do a lot of other interesting things that have nothing (and everything) to do with sobriety: ski, kayak, travel, paint, and live life to the fullest.
Learn more about me at www.jeanmccarthy.ca
UnPickled 
Wow! What a treat to have a message from Un Pickled in my email! When I first got sober I was shy too go to in person AA meetings. So I listened to the podcasts driving to and from work and I could so much relate to what was being shared!! I thought, “There’s others like me!! They feel the shame and hopelessness that I do! Whatever this totally baffling behavior I was experiencing of NOT being able to stop drinking after one or 4-5, this insatiable craving?? What was going on?” You helped me. You helped me see that I was not this horrid drunk, but rather I needed help, I longed to be free of this embarrassing person I became when I drank. I finally realized after not only listening to Unpickled while driving, but throughout the day when I had free time, this podcast made sense. I stopped drinking completely. As a bonus I also stopped smoking as they went hand in hand for me. But the Unpickled podcast was my jumping into freedom point. My spiritual life was and is my strength. Next month I will be sober, not a drop, for 7 years. My life has taken such a turn around that would never have happened had I still been drinking. I believe God brought me to your podcast and now I work with people struggling with alcohol and drug addiction. I have traveled more thanI ever dreamed
. I am active in water sports and the outdoors! I NEVER thought I could live without drinking, how boring life would be….Hah! Alcohol is a liar. I experience deep belly laughs now….sober! For those of you struggling, experiencing self loathing…It really really can happen, LIFE, and far from boring. Push on through each day, one day at a time, keep pushing, you’re way stronger than you have any clue. You’re about to meet yourself. And she’s pretty cool. May God Bless your journey.
Beth
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Another few books that I found helpful outside the one’s listed are William Porters Alcohol Explained one and two, also Alcohol Lied to me by Craig Beck, Jason Vales Kick the Habit and many more. I just found your blog and have 243 days alcohol free. (It was 8 months on Monday).
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Many people who experience depression use alcohol as a way of coping but it lead them towards addiction to alcohol.Who struggle with depression may turn to alcoholic for relief.
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How do I participate in the blog?
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Hi Cari, readers are welcome to comment on every post. If you’d like to have more interaction with sober people, message me via UnPickled Facebook page and I’ll connect you with some online support groups.
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I found your blog about two weeks ago (three weeks sober) and I can’t thank you enough! I’ve been reading each post, starting at the beginning, and I can sooo relate to many of them. As a kindred Canuck, thank you for all your honesty and especially your tips on how to get through the “witching hour”.
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Hi Jean,
I’ve been reading this blog off and on. Mostly when I’m really considering making a change. I managed three weeks being alcohol free, due to being on some serious antibiotics. The kind which would really make you violently ill if you drank any amount of alcohol. It wasn’t so bad and I actually managed. But once that was done, right back to where I was, and have been for the past 10+ years.
I fortunately found I have a weekly SMART meeting, which is literally a two block walk from my house. And it is a weeknight evening meeting. I don’t know at all what to expect. I am seriously considering going. I was considering it last week, but continued with my normal schedule. This is a Wednesday meeting, and I’m considering going. I have nobody to talk to about this. And I’m terrified if I walk in there that I will see an acquaintance from work, or one of my neighbors. Seriously, I would turn around and walk out. Or, what if the people there just make me uncomfortable. Being, what if it is just full of people that I can’t associate with?
I just have no idea what to expect. I think my fear of the situation is not really fear of recovery. I just get social anxiety. I have a gym membership and I can’t even go there. Whether it’s the daily hangover, or just social anxiety.
I fear things are getting worse. My two best friends recently moved out of state. One of which was also my neighbor. And I lost my dog. So I have quite a bit less of a support system. And my family wouldn’t understand or trust me if they knew of this situation.
Anyway, just thought I’d comment here. Since I respect you and your blog. And you actually seem like the type of person who would resonate with me if I met you at a meeting. Do you have any advice about a SMART meeting? I know that I just need to go and not like someone giving me notes and pointers won’t help. From what I read, SMART sounds more cut out for me than AA. We’ll see. I’m ready!
Thanks for being around on here!
Jay
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Well, here I am again after drinking to excess last night. I can only seem to stay sober a few days and then I weaken and drink too much wine and wake up hungover. I hate this. I’m going to an AA meeting at lunchtime and I’m going to try a Smart Recovery meeting tonight. I need all the help I can get. At 65 I’m far too old to be behaving this way. I’m reading your blog along with Mrs D’s. They are both great. Keep up the good work Jean. You are a lifeline for so many people.
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Glad to hold a lantern for you. It’s great that you’re making use of meetings and programs – please share how it goes. I bet you’ll love it!
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The AA meeting was awful. I’ve been to a few and they are just not for me. The SMART meeting was very good. I think it’s more up my alley. I’m 5 days sober now. Thanks for the support.
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I’m glad you found what works for you and didn’t let The addicted part of your brain convince you that a bad meeting experience was a reason to abandon recovery altogether. Good work.
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I’m two weeks sober now! I have been going to SMART meetings and they are definitely more my style. Thanks for your support Jean,
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I’m now 52 days sober and going to the SMART meetings. I really like them. Thanks again Jean.
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What are SMART meetings?
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check out http://www.smartrecovery.org
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That’s funny. I don’t know anyone who walked into an AA meeting and said, YES! This is exactly where I want to be. Recovery blows, especially early on. I hated meetings and I hated being sober. Honestly, it was much harder to be sober than drunk. And now it’s much easier to be sober than drunk. Whatever you need to do to stay away from drinking. I must say, my life is MUCH better on this side than the other and I’m so glad I stayed sober. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Good luck.
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Keep pushing!!
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I just celebrated 30 yrs of recovery! It hasn’t been easy especially when my husband went out 7 years ago and I wanted to escape the pain. Thank God he is back in the program. I wrote a fictional book called FINDING JAMES that I poured a lot of my recovery into as well as forgiveness. Let me know if I can send you a copy in the event you might want to promote it on your website! Wishing you and all your readers continued sobriety. Life is good on this side!
Nancy
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Hi been listen for several days. Have been sober for 10. I wanted to comment on Brendan’s interview and how helpful it’s been. his intro to drinking and his relationship with drinking could be me. My problem has been binging but I’m setting the course straight. I’m tired of being hungover. Tired of not being at my best. Tired of being at odds with my wife. I’m ready to move forward with the rest of my life. At 47, I feel like I’m teeing off on the back 9 of life. I want to keep it in the fairway!
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Hi Jean,
I have been sober since last August and absolutely love listening to the Bubble hour. Every story adds something to me and my recovery. I never knew that getting sober would mean a complete and utter transformation of myself. I feel strongly that I am well on my way to conquering alcohol but am now being able to focus on my relationship with food, which I find is a fairly similar process. I feel so enlightened and full of self knowledge. I will keep listening to you every day, your interviews are such a comfort. Keep up your great work .
Lots of love
Henrietta
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Thanks Henrietta, I appreciate your kind words and totally understand how great it feels to take back power in our lives. We start out fixing one thing and the ripple effect unfolds. It’s more work than expected but worth the effort!
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I love this blog and your honesty
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This is curious as I just started a BLOG on Monday night about this very thing. Posting one day at a time as I go. Like you I’ve tried stopping for years with no success. I fell a little harder though. Lost pretty much everything in my life. Pretty much at rock bottom so I’m curious as to where I will be in two or three years or if I fall back into the abyss. Reading your posts I can relate with a lot of it.
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Your article about the ‘fiasco’ in the airport and the screaming lady on the phone, is what made me more curious to learn about you. Seeing your picture, and seeing how beautiful you are, was a nice sight to see. Then, I began to think about how ‘looks’ in everyday life, often can be our ‘best friend’ or ‘make things worse’ when dealing with society. Luckily for you, you have all the ‘positive energy’ going for you, even if it may be the superficial part at first. Yet, reading deeper to your past, and then seeing how you came out at the end, shows even more how your ‘inner strength’ is just an ‘addition’ to the already *beautiful* package you, your soul share to the world, with every public step you take. I wish you the best – Whether you know it or not, you have lots going for you already….as is.
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Your story sounds a lot like mine. I would be curious to see how your making out. I was trying to cut back and be more sociable and I took 10 days off but I’ve discovered once I start there’s no stop for days. I can see what it’s doing to my life.
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Love your blog!
I’ve been sober 26+ years in AA, 31 years in Al-Anon, etc., and write books about sobriety for Hazelden under the name Michael Graubart.
Just released a CD called Sober Songs Vol. 1 — 13 songs about the inner experience of sobriety. You can hear the songs in their entirety at https://smichaelgraubart.hearnow.com/ .
The site for the Hazelden books and the CD is MichaelGraubart.com.
If you like the songs and could possibly bring them to the attention of your community, I would be thrilled…
Let me know…
Best,
“Michael Graubart”
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Yay, you!
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Hi Jean
I’m on day 7 – after years of stopping and starting I’m hoping to stop for good! Every evening I leave the house and listen to the bubble hour and it has really helped. I’ve been listening long before I decided to get sober but it really helped me to realise that I’m not alone! It’s good to leave the house and kids and just have time to walk and listen. I live in Ireland and to be honest there doesn’t seem to be much support here. I’m not an every day drinker and drinking to excess here is fairly socially acceptable. Thank you for your support – you are an inspiration x
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Hi Sinead, thanks for your comment. Have you listened to the episode with Brid? She’s in Ireland and organizing meet ups for women in Recovery. Email me at unpickledblog@gmail.com and I can help you connect.
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Hi Sinead. Here in Ireland too. Can relate … On day 17 now. Hope you’re doing well.
Love the Bubble Hour, thank you Jean out has really helped… Looking forward to delving into the blog .
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I have a friend whom I’ve known since kindergarten, she is very smart great person who never had any issues with alcohol until she lost both of her parents. After they both passed is when where it seemed to all begin before that she was very successful in all aspects of life, raising her son and being married to her husband she loved her house and was proud of her son. Now she blames her husband and son for everything. Always hyper as a child and could have had ADD too but back then kids were never treated for it. Her doctor prescribed her medicine to mellow manage her stress levels during that time she lost her Dad and was dealing with a lot of stress at work. Shortly after her Mom passed she really started drinking heavily where she used to limit her Mom’s intake. Many of her friends have tried to get through to her to stop drinking. I tread lightly try to listen I have never judged her and I do not want to upset her as she has been my friend for over 40 years and I know it has to be her decision to quit but I will always be there for her when she is ready. I struggle with the fact if I can’t get through to her will she die from this her health has declined and she won’t seek help. Now that she has no license her husband will only give her X amount of beers a day to maintain so she doesn’t go into shock but somehow she is good at finding alcohol from some source. I’ve left pamphlets around her house hoping she would understand help is out there. I’ve called intervention centers but they want 7,000 dollars for only a few days of treatment. Even if it were free she probably refuse to go. My friend has since lost her job, and recently the 1 thing she told me she would never do is drive drunk and because her husband wouldn’t enable her anymore and go buy her another 30 pack she got in her car drove a mile down the road then got an aggrevated DWI charge when she drove into the side of the building. Thank god no one was hurt including her. Everyone suffers including her and there are so many people that care about her. How do you even begin to get her help if she refuses it and I’m always left feeling very very sad and frustrated that I can’t help her with this disease. She will always be my friend no matter what happens and I will always be there for her when she is ready.
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Thank you Jean you are astrong person. I enjoy reading your stories and honestly I thought I was reading about myself. Friday night I said I was done, I am done with hurting people and myself. But Sunday I thought nah I have got this I’ll have a sweet little happy hour… which went into Happy Night and again the same ol same ol feelings come over me. I always say things and I regret them the next day, feel so so shameful. Well I asked the universe for help… please help me and Jane you were there. Unpickled me… thank you.
I have so many question only a person that is true to their drinking problem/addiction
can answer. I shall ask those question another time. but in the meantime love your honesty and writing. Peace to you x
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So glad to be helpful. Have you ever listened to my podcast “The Bubble Hour”? Hundreds of conversations with people who have been there and made it out. You’re not alone. So many are walking this path!
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Jean you are my inspiration.
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Aw thanks. I hope you find the freedom you deserve Glad to help you get there.
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Looks like tomorrow will be Day 1…again. 😦
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3rd day again. Going to a winery to be in a wedding. It’s the morning so I have resolve. My witching hour is happy hour. Asking for prayers to get through today. I haven’t told my husband. Daughter is ten so not telling her yet. I’m just trying to do it one moment at a time. Have to work now. I think we are the same person. In a kindred way. Just wanted to reach out to someone. Hoping the romance of wine does not pull me away from the best me
I can be. Because I know I will never get there drunk. And yet I keep trying the wine. As of this time for the millionth and one time it will finally work. I’ve done this before so I know it’s in me. That was decades ago. But it’s in me to do it. I have to remember that. Thanks for your blog.
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This is going to be tricky but you can do it! I’ll be praying for you as you asked and also you can email me unpickledblog@gmail.com throughout the event with updates on what’s happening and how you are doing. I’m totally serious. Slip off in a corner with your phone every half hour if you need to and send me an update. It will help – I’m holding you officially accountable! PS – can you take a big purse and stash along a few cans of something nonalcoholic that you enjoy – sparkling water or fruity drink – just in case the options they provide don’t appeal to you. It’s one of my go-to tricks!
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I am starting my 24th sober day and looking for ….what the heck am I looking for? Connection I suppose. I feel too fragile right now to actually talk face to face with another recovering alcoholic so I believe I was led here.
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Hi Kat, 24 days is a big deal. Congrats! Soon you’ll be celebrating a whole month. Milestones are important. If you send me a message on Facebook through my UnPickled page I can connect you with an online support group.
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Dear Jean,
First off thank you so much for what you do here! I’m on day 25 (again) and it’s through these podcasts and stories where I find strength in this journey! I actually pulled over on my commute to work today after hearing Pete’s story from this week’s podcast to write this comment of gratitude . I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to relate as much to a male’s story but I cannot believe how much his story resonated with me! Other than being a tad bit younger than him- I felt our patterns and behaviors were mirrored. His story helped me out of my funk and doubt today, and added more motivation in my journey to keep at this. So thank you Pete and you Jean for sharing! -K
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Dear Jean,
(And Amanda and Ellie from the bubble hour podcasts dating back to 2013)
A big THANK YOU for putting the time and energy into the bubble hour podcasts. They are literally a life line for me right now. I can’t believe some of the confirmation I feel that I’m not alone. There are other people out there that feel the way I do. There are other women with similar struggles. I’m at 38 days and I don’t think I’d be here if it wasn’t for my daily podcast or two from the bubble hour.
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Sending you a great big HUG – this is exactly why we’ve been doing this all along, to be there when needed for others. Glad it’s useful, and I’m so happy to hear from you. Stay with it, it gets easier!
Jean
Ps – I’ll make sure Ellie and Amanda see your message, too!
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reading all your comments gives me hope for a sober future. i am in the early days of wanting and needing to stop drinking. it is so lonely sometimes i often think why bother. blogs like this help those who think they are alone. thank you x
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You are not alone! There are so many of us who have chosen this path and we have as much fun as anyone. Check out my resource page for ways to connect with others: https://unpickledblog.com/resources/
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10 months is awesome so don’t discount that. Every journey is so personal, it takes what it takes. I certainly have regrets about my actions when I “fell off the wagon”, but they were necessary and made me who I am today. (one year sober this month). I have gone in and out of sobriety..had 2 months, 7 years, 4 months, 1.5 years. So, don’t lose hope.
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Hi Jean!!! Are you taking a scheduled break?Did I miss you saying that you were? I am worried about you and just wanted to check in and make sure all is good and you and your family are well. I have been meaning to write you an email for ages because every time I listen to a story on your blog, I hear part of my story. I love the courageous women you gather who have made such strong life choices. Your blog has made such a difference in my life.
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Hello and thanks for thinking of me! Yes, I am taking some time for myself this month and focussing on a creative project that is consuming my energy in the nicest way. I’ll be back soon with more podcast episodes and blog posts. I’m grateful to know that you find them helpful and look forward to doing more in the weeks to come! I’ve been a guest on a few other podcasts meanwhile, here is one that was just released today: http://odaatchat.com/index.php/2018/01/27/jean/
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Could I ask? Is this a female only blog? If it is, I’ll back out, but we’re all the same with this illness. I have posted before, and may not have settings sorted. One of those things really, when you need the help and support in times of trouble, you dive in and hope. It’s that first step thing I suppose.
I ask because I’m male, but find the blog posts predominantly female. No problem with it, but we’re all in the same boat, a boat that can benefit from everyone pulling together.
As an example. In the UK there is a strong female breast cancer movement. I have had and recovered, from thyroid cancer, and left feeling somewhat confused and alone in its aftermath. Got me back into drinking. I’d ask that we join hands on issues that affect both male and female alike.
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Hello Richard, this blog is for everyone. Welcome!
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I can really relate you and have loved reading your blog. I also listen to the Bubble Hour all the time. I appreciate you sharing and I pray you continue to share and interview others.
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Thanks, Leslie! That means a lot.
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Hello Jean,
I’ve been enjoying your interviews on The Bubble Hour for the past few months. I’ve actually been listening to The Bubble Hour almost since the beginning in 2012, during my early attempts to quit drinking alcohol. I also enjoy your blog.
I don’t actually know anyone in recovery, and just about everyone I know drinks. I have no interest in 12 step meetings, mainly because I’m too terrified to walk into a meeting in my small Canadian city. I’ve heard you and your guests talk about online support groups, but I can’t seem to find any show notes on The Bubble Hour website. Plenty of groups come up when I google, but I’m leery about joining groups I know nothing about. Any suggestions?
I’m a 63 year old mom and grandma whose tired of the on again, off again relationship I have had with alcohol over the past 5 years. Like I’ve heard you and others say, it’s exhausting!
I saw your post on the Facebook page about the episode on Cross Country Checkup on CBC radio. I plan to listen to it today. I personally think alcohol is becoming a huge problem with people in my age group. So it’s encouraging when I hear about so many young people in the 30s and 40s quitting.
Anyway, thank you for all you do.
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Hi Cecile, I’m so glad you wrote! I have a list of groups here: http://www.unpickledblog.com/resources – I suggest you start with Women for Sobriety. Also did you know you can go on
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Oops go on http://www.aavideomeetings.com (and leave your camera turned off, if you prefer) and listen to online as meetings (participation is optional). I really encourage you to do this. Cecile you will love living free of alcohol. The health benefits alone are worth it but you’ll also see many aspects of your life improve. Write me a private message on Facebook through UnPickled or The Bubble Hour and I’m happy to keep encouraging you!
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Hello
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Good morning Jean, After many years drinking I have decided to give it up after a particular bad night. This is not the first time I have given up drinking the last was when my then husband forced me to stop I did so but regretted him for making me stop, sober for two years but always looking for a reason to start again. This time I quit because I, myself wanted to stop… big difference!! I’m sorry it took me so long to do this just so much wasted time, I am now 31 days sober. I started out going to AA but could not identify with the program and knew that there must be something else out there to help me, that’s when I found so many blogs on the subject. Thank you for un-pickled it is fresh and very helpful. Will continue being a sober reader of you.
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That’s a good, honest post. I’ve had my ups and downs and know it must come from me, and be a personal journey. I used AA as a way to stay sober during an afternoon and evening, but I didn’t find the rooms to be very helpful for me in terms of direct communication. I know the 12 step works for many, and I understand how it does so, but I’m better in small group or one to one. I wish you the best.
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I’m starting over today. Made it 3 months from June to September before thinking I could just have a little on a girls weekend. That did not work as planned and I found myself drinking almost daily since. I’m ready to feel great again and hope and plan to not make the same mistake. I’m nervous but so excited. Thank you for sharing your story. Found your page by way of Crazy Bananas which is the blog that got me through my dry summer. You are both an inspiration to me.
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Made it to day 4. It’s a Friday evening and I am sober. Spouse had usual 3-4 drinks but I abstained. Feels good knowing that I won’t have a hangover tomorrow or wonder what happened tonight. Encouraging.
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Weekends can be tricky – stock up on lots of treats and distractions to help get through difficult moments. Sober mornings are the best! No more hangovers ever!!
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that is wonderful. i was on this website a long time ago. still haven’t kicked the habit.
i was not going to drink last night (Friday). but stress, etc kicked in and ended up drinking a glass @ dinner and a bottle of wine @ home. Home is where i abuse the wine. be glad you didn’t drink, i have a killer headache, pissed @ myself, etc.
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Morning,
Just wanted you to know you are not alone in the not being quite there yet club. I keep saying today is the day and then I “forget” when the stress happens or the irritation at something or even just when my favorite show comes on TV. Then it’s the “just one” thoughts, then another one etc…….Then the next day I remember all the tools I have to not have “just one”…….it’s like the wine just takes over. Bigger than every other thought or want. Groan. Today is another day. Thankfully. One day it will stick.
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AA have a cool way of referring to giving in the the urge. Mad, Sad, Bad, or Glad. We can use any of these as a reason to have a drink.
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Hello I’m 3 months sober from alcohol and drugs. I’m just wondering where you are from. I live in Minnesota
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Hi Amelia – I live in Alberta, Canada. Did you know that Minnesota is considered a recovery Mecca because of Hazelden and their annual Hazelfest and the abundance of positive recovery-based groups and activities there? Lucky you!!
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In England there is a place called Bournville. It is named after the Cadbury family, chocolate manufacturers, who were fiercely anti alcohol Quakers. It’s a model village, on the outskirts of Birmingham UK.
Many recoverers have moved there over the years because there are no pubs, bars, or shops that sell alcohol.
Not any more. It’s kind of annoying that the comment from the proprietor of the shop is grumbling about the effect on business when the alcohol ban has been in place for 120 years. He says it’s affecting a business he chose to take on in full knowledge.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3254781/Alcohol-sold-Bournville-time-120-years-newsagent-overturned-tradition-dry-village-founded-Quaker-family-ran-Cadbury-s.html
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Today is my first day, 2nd try at the sober life. I spent most of the summer not drinking and the last month I’ve drank here and there but last night I had too much. My husband (who can control his alcohol intake) is probably mad at me and once again I feel ashamed. But I feel very hopeful too. I want my kids to be proud of me and not embarrassed of me.
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I’m cheering for you Megan!
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Hello,
It is day one for me.
my biggest challenge is that I have a spouse who drinks but, unlike me, can control it and stop after 2.
My spouse is also very angry that
A. I cannot
B. All of the stupid, horrible things that I have done while drinking that I, of course, do not remember.
I am not sure how I am going to succeed, but I am determined this time.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
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Sending you lots of encouragement and support for this wonderful gift you are giving yourself – freedom from alcohol! Be very gentle with yourself, plan ahead to stay pleasantly distracted through the “witching hour” and have other treats on hand to negate cravings – oranges, gummy bears or ice cream work wonders. Allow your spouse to have whatever feelings necessary, focus on yourself. It’s great that you were so brave as to reach out here. Real-life support makes a big difference so be willing to go to a meeting if need be. You’ll find warmth and support and compassion – all the things you need. Listen to podcasts (www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour) and check out some of the sober resources here: http://www.unpickledblog.com/resources You can do this, I promise!
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Thank you for the encouragement. I can really use it right now.
Made it to bedtime of Day #2.
It’s quite difficult though because spouse and Mother in law still drinking in front of me. Feel fragile and resentful, but just going to bed instead.
It does feel good to check in though. Like there actually is someone out there that understands and cares.
Thank you
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I’m really glad I found your site. I managed to get myself sober, I didn’t count days, but it was about 8 months. I got a solid job that kept me busy from dawn to dusk. I simply didn’t have time to drink and was happy to accept the daily routine for what it was.
It’s all gone now, I developed a huge lump in my neck and got a diagnosis of lymphoma. A long stage of chemo, and ‘what the heck just happened’ followed. Kind of flipped my world upside down, along with my wife, my parents, and everyone around me. Then the damage of the chemo presented itself in bone damage to both hip joints, I’ve worked them hard as a tree surgeon. A bone graft to one to try and preserve it a while, complete replacement to the other.
I’ve lost the structure of my life and am in “the rut” again. Why do we do it? The self sabotage? I have an all clear on the cancer, yet I continue to harm myself. I’m a sensible bloke, yet my logic doesn’t seem to apply to me. Alcohol is a cunning master for sure.
I see this is mostly a female site, I hope you don’t object to me posting. I get a bit annoyed with some of the breast cancer charities being exclusively female when it’s a disease that can affect anyone in any area of the body.
Best wishes to you all, I’m currently trying and not getting anywhere.
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You are of course welcome here. We are all in this together. If you can get through cancer you can get through anything. Don’t waste another moment!!
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Hi Jean, thank you for all you do and for The Bubble Hour! It has been a tremendous help to me. Afyer many stops and starts, I am on Day 37 today. I do have to tell you that when I listen to your podcast, there are advertisements for beer, which I find amusing and ironic. Just wanted to let you know.
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Ugh, I’m sorry about the inappropriate ads! I’ve talked to Blog Talk Radio and we are trying to sort this out. Thanks for the heads up. And a HUGE congratulations on your recovery success!
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Hi Jean!
Long time listener here. I had six months of sobriety last year and thought I had this problem licked. Thought I could moderate my drinking ha! Starting to ‘moderate’ and within months was back to daily drinking. I was using wine to deal with my anxiety and stress and in July realized I am officially done. Alcohol was just a poor choice of medication for me. I have a month under my belt now and I haven’t had a panic attack in a week. It’s amazing. I love the Bubble Hour. What you are doing is SO SO important. THANK YOU!!!!
Clare
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Today is day 2 for me. I’ve been listening to the bubble hour for quite some time. I’ve tried moderation, I’ve tried rules. I’m a mom and I don’t want my 6 year old son to know me as the mom who was always drinking wine. Always. I’m sitting at my desk this monday morning shaking with anxiety. I’m scared. I have a wonderful life and I’m scared to live it sober. I have to do something now. My drinking is not normal.
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Hi Janet. Please know you are not alone and that your awareness is a wonderful gift. Nothing bad will come of leaving alcohol behind. Your wonderful life will become even more so. But first it will be hard. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. Time to give yourself the gift of freedom and peace.
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Thank you! It’s comforting to see that others are scared, too. I’m accepting this anxiety as part of the process. Hoping it will get better with time.
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Day 3 and alcohol free. Stomach full of knots. Head full of shame.
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…and a heart full of hope and freedom ❤️ Release the shame, it doesn’t serve you. You’re not alone. You can do this.
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This is my first day and I am scared.
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My friend, you are not alone. So so many have walked this path ahead of you and would love to help. Don’t be afraid to reach out. You’re doing a wonderful thing.
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How are you doing today?
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The Bubble Hour was my secret group of friends who understood me though we’d never met. I listened to the podcasts daily and read Unpickled for 4 months and slowly began to realize I was not alone in this despair I was experiencing. There’s a whole bunch of other women who knew what I was going through! Im on day 100 today. Its been more than 23 years since I went that long without drinking. A miracle? Absolutely! And life is not boring anymore!
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Today is my first day and I am scared too. I hope these last few months have been wonderful for you, good luck with everything!
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Hi Jean,
I have been listening to the Bubble Hour since 2014 and that shows how long I have been thinking about quitting drinking. I have been thinking about your story as to when you first told your husband that you needed to stop drinking, and it gave me courage to do the same just a little over a week ago. I have a 4 month old daughter who I am nursing and this gave me the wake up call and motivation I needed to FINALLY stop drinking for good. I knew that in doing so successfully I needed to come clean to someone close to me, in this case it was my partner. This will help me be held accountable, and I actually feel this time is different because of that step I took. Love you and the Bubble Hour so much, and would love to talk about my story one day after I have some good months of sobriety under my belt. Just wanted to drop a line so that you know that what you are doing has helped give me hope. Xoxo
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Telling someone is scary and hard – I’m so happy you have made this step. When you hit 90 days, email me about an interview!! I’ll watch for it in September. Meanwhile, keep checking in.
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Will do! 🙂
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Your podcast and blog have changed my life. Thank you. Please tell me the name of the song and the artist that plays at the beginning and end of your podcast. It’s a great song and I would like to look up the lyrics. Thank you, again, for all you do. Katy M.
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Wow Kathryn, that’s the nicest compliment ❤️ I’m honoured to know it’s been helpful. The theme song is me, if you can believe it. Ten years ago I was side gigging as a singer songwriter and I have 2 albums on iTunes. The song is called “I Own It” and here are the lyrics:
I own it, I did that
Not proud but that was me
When I face it I take back
A little dignity
Not looking for excuses
I just want to be free
From the power weakness had on me.
In a darkened corner is where shame likes to hide,
Oh you think you’re strong because you keep it all inside,
It just lays in wait there to rob you of your pride,
Turn the light on, turn the light on
You can shine
When you say
I own it, I did that….
You don’t have to shout it out on main street to be clear
You don’t need to whisper to confessionary ears
The person you should talk to is looking at you in the mirror
And the one who matters most can always hear
When you say
I own it, I did that…..
Free, free, free, free, free….
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Ps I talk about the story behind the song in this episode:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour/2016/08/15/listener-letters-and-questions-august-2016
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Just like Mary (previous post), I stumbled across your blog. About 5am I think, I wake up early since most days. I then listened to The Bubble podcast. What a wonderful think to feel not so alone. I have been as I have for many years, secretly wanting to stop my less than secret drinking. I mean, do we REALLY think it is a secret [grin]? I functioned many many years in a professional career (albeit below my potential). I’m with you, gals… and we’ll all hold hands and make this journey together. I’m 63 years old and doggone it, I’m going to slay this dragon before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
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We are with you, Marsha Ann!
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Hello Jean. I came across your blog about 3 years ago when I did an internet search on living life sober. Your story about your sober trip to Italy popped up and ever since then I have been absorbed in reading blogs and books on recovery and listening to recovery podcasts almost daily. I have joined an on-line community, attended AA meetings, joined a church group in search for my “higher power” and even tried medication. I have been able to string together a few days of sobriety here and there, sometimes a week or two, and once I even made it to 25 days. Six months ago I signed up for the She Recovers event in NYC, hoping that the cost of this commitment to attend this event would be the one thing to get me sober and I could then celebrate 6 months of sobriety in NY! Well, it’s one week away and I’m still drinking. I’m a high functioning alcoholic with a beautiful family, great job, and a large circle of friends–none of whom know my dark secret except my husband. I am deathly afraid to tell family and friends that I am an alcoholic and I know that is preventing me from holding myself accountable to quit drinking. I am looking forward to the conference next week and I hope to meet you in person as I have listened to every episode of the Bubble Hour and I have great admiration for you and all the other women who have been brave enough to expose their addiction to the world.
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Gosh Mary, we must be twins, although a few more than my husband suspect the quantity of my imbibing. Oh, the shame, right? I’m just now actually doing something about my problem and your post helped me see that if I stumble, I can get back on that horse. Funny thing about me. I am gladly willing to say out loud I’m a functioning alcoholic, but I am afraid to say out loud that I’m trying to find a way around above or below it. Go figure. I’m so very thankful for finding this blog. And you will be in my thoughts.
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Mary, on Friday night there is a “Meet the Bloggers” event where you will find me at the “UnPickled” table. I will give you the biggest hug. The energy of being surrounded by so many women in recovery – who will welcome and encourage you, not shame you for struggling to quit – will give you a good idea of what it would be like to get past this roadblock. It may very well provide the little bit of energy you need to keep going. Big hugs.
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Thank you for your reply Jean! You made my day. I can’t wait to meet you in person Friday evening. I am so looking forward to the event and being surrounded by women in recovery and all the excitement and hope that it brings. See you in a few days!!
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https://soberthoughtblog.wordpress.com/
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I received a letter today. It wasn’t unexpected. My agent had called me last week to soften the blow but didn’t have all the details. But that didn’t matter. I knew what it would say. I’ve heard of a tipping point, the time in an addict’s life when the desire, the hunger to change overshadows the simple idea of changing. For me I think this is it. An underwriter hundreds of miles away has deemed me too much a risk to insure my life for any amount of money. This based on a (semi-)honest phone interview and notes from open dialogue with my GP which were recorded in my medical chart and therefore shared with the insurance company. With my consent, of course. Things like how I typically drink 4-6 light beers a day and never skip a day. And of course the 12-16 I may drink on a Saturday or Sunday. Or both. Every weekend. I’ve been a regular drinker for 20+ years but at this level for probably the last 10. I cannot recall the last time went a day without drinking. I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for as long as I can remember and a rather accomplished one at that. Married for 26 years, 3 great kids, well paying job of 23 years, nice home; I’ve never had a DUI, I’ve never been arrested or ticketed for any alcohol-related offenses; I’m in decent shape, I’ve ran marathons, my BP, heart rate, cholesterol are all good; surprisingly my liver enzymes are within normal range; I get a physical and blood work ever couple of years, carefully watching for any signs of trouble, etc. All this and more is how I justified my behavior both to myself and family, friends, and-coworkers. As long as I was “healthy” then my drinking was not a problem. But is this really the time? Do I really want to change? Years ago when I might commit some major fopaux I’d wake up with the typical drunk’s remorse and vow to stop drinking, dry out for a while, or cut back. But as soon as I would stop feeling sorry for myself, relationships mended, and feeling good I’d rationalize dipping my toe back into the pool of my addiction and before long be back in the deep end. Might take a month. Might take a week. It was a vicious cycle which was unfair to my family, having to see me make promises and break them. So I simply gave up, accepted my addiction, and strove to suffer in silence with a drunken grin on my face but ever treading water in the deep end. Let’s be honest: I never really wanted to quit. But this feels different. Now I’m actually rattled. But also calm. As I’m writing this I have passed the 24-hour mark and have no desire to drink anything other than a diet soda. This with my beer fridge stocked and a reserve case chilling in the garage. Remarkable.
So, anticipating “the letter” arriving today, yesterday I did a bit of googling and came across your blog. Starting from the beginning I read it for two hours last night then tossed and turned until the early morning, weighing what I would want to share and what I want to keep private. Like you, I’m not looking for meetings or counseling. At least not yet. I’d like to travel this road alone for a stretch, see where it goes. I’m trying not to put any undue pressure on myself. I’ve not made any promises. I’ll go to bed tonight and get up tomorrow and with any luck feel just a bit better about myself.
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Thank you, Jean for all you do – you are an inspiration to me! Peter
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Hi. I would very much like to read all of your posts in chronological order (I am trying/hoping/striving for sobriety, but I am at the beginning of my road, as you were at one point, and the earlier posts will be much more relevant). Trying to select “back” repeatedly and repeatedly enough to get to your early posts through several years, each time I visit your site, is just too much work. But I want to read the earlier posts. Maybe I’ve missed the magic button that lets me chose the date/year post I want to read? Any guidance would be appreciated. And thanks for this blog. -grateful4life
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Hi, thanks for posting. If you are using a computer, scroll down and you’ll see links to old posts listed on the right hand side of the page. If you’re viewing on a tablet or phone, you’ll need to choose “desktop view” to see this option. Hope this helps!
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Thank you.
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Thanks for this blog. After 20 years of irresponsible behavior. 8 of them being daily consumption and a couple weeks worth of learning what “dangerously drunk” feels like, I’m ready. As of say midnight 3 days ago was my last drink. I live alone, am doing this alone, and don’t have anyone to talk to. No significant other and no friends that are interested in this. So far it’s alright. This is about all I’m willing to post here – but I like this blog. Thank you for listening!
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Hi, I’m glad you’re here and congrats on your decision to take charge of this. Having some support in your life can be a big help. The internet is great and so are real life meetings and connections. That way when the sneaky voice of addiction starts whispering sweet nothings in your ear, you have someone to check in with. A recovery coach could also help. Or online meetings. There are lots of people
Who’d love to help. You’re not alone!
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Thank you! Five full days and I’m feeling so much better. Living like that is just not worth it. I completely forgot how this feels. Not hungover, not drunk, not groggy, not a zombie drunk from the night before. Regular. I know not to start feeling too comfortable – because I know it can start up again. But I don’t really think the “fun” part outweighs the trouble. I’m just going to keep doing what I am doing. I actually did most of the things that I previously couldn’t imagine doing without a drink. Not going out to the bar or anything yet – but simple daily stuff that I felt like I could fly through as long as I had enough to drink. I wasn’t flying through it – it took forever to get anything done, I just didn’t notice it! Well, happy I found this blog on day one and a half!
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I love the “sneaky voice of addiction whispering sweet nothings…”. If that isn’t the truth!
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Dear Unpickled,
I write this from a place of deep fear and sadness, of shame and self criticism. I write this because I know I have a real problem with alcohol, and I know I’ve been aware of this for some time. I have been listening to your podcast and reading your blog. My story is that of so many others, with only small differences in the details. I am putting my story out here as a first step. I’m too afraid to go to a meeting right now but know that something must give if I am going to lead the life I want to live.
I am 34. I have never been married, though am desperate to find a partner and start a family. I am like so many of the women you interview on your podcast. Type A, a perfectionist to the core. My own worst critic. I have a graduate degree, own a home and live in a city I love. I have wonderful parents and friends abound. I run and hike and ski. I travel and backpack. And between all of those things, I drink. I drink when I’m out, I drink when I’m alone. I drink because it’s easier than sitting still. Than sitting with my feelings and anxiety. And I am MISSING OUT ON MY LIFE. I know that be the truest part of all of this. I feel the shame and guilt when I wake up after drinking. I see it in my face and in my eyes. There is an emptiness there. A sadness deeper than I thought I could know.
I started drinking in high school. Partied in college and then moved to NYC where happy hours are as much a part of life as crowded subways and NY pizza at 2am. After a few years in New York, I moved to the west coast. I got a graduate degree followed by a good job and a group of wonderful friends. The late night parties in NYC have been replaced by $12 cocktails in the newest and hippest bars and grown-up wine-fueled dinner parties. When I don’t go out, I drink a bottle of wine a night. I feel like shit most mornings and take pride when I am able to have only 2 glasses of wine in an evening. How I’ve slid this far, I do not know. What is scariest is how much further I could continue to slide if I don’t put a stop to it. I am MISSING OUT ON MY LIFE. I have met a wonderful guy, one I could marry. And I’m terrified that I will get in the way of that if something doesn’t change.
Last January, one year ago, I stopped drinking for almost a month. I recall writing in my journal that it was the most connected and participatory I’d felt in my own life in years. It was a hard month but the best I’ve had in I don’t know how long. At the end of that month, I was able to control my drinking for a couple of months. I didn’t drink alone and when out, kept it to 1-2 drinks. But as predictable as the hangover that follows a night of binge drinking, I slipped back into old routines, now having slid further down than before the 1 month hiatus a year ago. I told myself I’d do the sober January thing again this year. I let myself drink as much as I wanted in December, certain that January would come and I’d somehow (magically) have the discipline to stop come Jan 1. I made it one day. One day, Unpickled! And I think I only survived that because I had perhaps the worst hangover of my life following a night of drinking on NYE.
So here I am. It’s January 8th. I honestly do not know if I can do this. But I know I have to try. Thank you for providing this space for people to read and share and take hope.
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Hey, brave friend. You’re not alone. This can be the last day you feel like shit. Well, actually you’ll feel kind of shitty while you detox the first few days but you’ll be so proud of yourself that it will be worth it. I really really REALLY encourage you to go to a meeting because connection, support, and accountability will make this so much easier (and even enjoyable). You deserve to be happy, and booze is a barrier. Big hug.
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Thank you so much for your response. You have no idea how it felt to know that I was heard (and accepted) after feeling so vulnerable in sharing the above. Really, thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.
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I think I do know, I remember how good it felt when others answered my posts. Cry in my kitchen good.
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Hi there! I recently started following unpickled and my story is VERY similar to yours with a little more chaos in mine. If you would like to connect please let me know, support is key
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Thank you for reaching out! That step alone speaks volumes on your desire to make a course correction in your life and is the first step to freedom. All of us who struggle with alcohol need encouragement from others especially in the beginning. It is a sign of strength not weakness. I, like you am educated, athletic, and am a runner who drank every night. After recognizing I had a problem I began to view the solution like a daily run. I don’t focus on the finish, just each step I take to avoid the hazards along the way. These first few days will suck like the start of any long race, but nothing is more important that getting free! It will take a lot of tools to deal with your alcoholic brain that is so cunning and persuasive. It knows what and when to say things to get what it wants. I confided in a friend, changed my daily pattern, attended AA, prayed to the Father in Heaven, and found things to occupy my time. I will pray for you today for strength and support. You can so do this! Be persistent! 🙂
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Thank you, Hailey! I apologize for the delayed response as I am just seeing this now. It’s been a week without drinking. I just woke up feeling clear-headed and ready for the day. So different from most Sunday mornings. It’s been difficult, no doubt, but I’ve taken it one day at a time and found a fantastic online community. I hope to attend meetings in person once I can work up the courage. And running, thank goodness for running. I loved your idea of viewing this a daily run and keeping your eyes on the finish. That is something I can relate to!
Thank you again. It is so incredible how powerful it is to hear from others and know we are not alone, not even close. Sending back support and warmth.
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I’ve known for a long time I’ve been drinking too much. I thought I crossed the threshold after my first child was born, a crutch perhaps for postpartum issues. But lately when I think back…really, really far back, I remember all these other times when it was messy. Back then, during those times, it just appeared as reckless youth abandonment. But lately, my perspective has sharpened and I see how I’ve spent most of my life with this profile. I don’t know what more to share right now but one thing has me kinda freaked and it’s the current impetus for me to do this life AF already! I’ve had ongoing vertigo–cloudy, dizzy, hard to concentrate, etc. Even on days after evenings I haven’t had a drink. So wonder, is this an ailment from long term drinking?
I’ve thought about stopping many times because I love my children more than life, but what if my body is saying–times up?
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I’ve been drinking a bottle of wine every night for the past 10 years. I only drink when I am alone and because I live alone, that means every night. When I travel or visit others, I don’t drink excessively. One or two glasses of wine, and I am done. I’ve noticed lately that my feet and hands are swelling so much that I am uncomfortable wearing shoes. I know all that alcohol has to be having a negative effect on my body. I tried AA and a therapist, but neither worked. AA was full of court ordered drug addicts, and the therapist was clueless. I found your blog and can relate to several things you have written. Today is a new year, and I am hoping the beginning of a new life for me as I follow your story.
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I am very happy you are here and encourage you to check out some other programs and resources for support. Connecting with others will really help. Not all AA meetings are the same, so if you live in a bigger city that has several meetings to choose from and you might find a group that’s a better fit. Also look on my resources page http://www.unpickledblog.com/resources for links to other programs, materials, podcasts, and more. It is time to take your life back!
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Thanks Jean!
I’m considering your suggestion. I’ve been in such a bad mood today. I think it’s the anticipation of what sober will mean. I can’t remember the last time I have fallen asleep without drinking. So that has me anxious. The last time I didn’t drink for a few days I couldn’t sleep. I’m just feeling really scared. However, I am determined to make this change.
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You might be pleasantly surprised by how well you will sleep. Remember there are lots of other wonderful things to help with sleep – I love Vanilla Sleepytime tea before bed and also I diffuse essential oils and put some on my feet and wear cute pjs. If all else fails, have a good book to read and if you can’t sleep at least you’ll be sober and you may be tired in the morning but not hungover! Your addiction will play all kinds of tricks on your thinking to convince you that there are good reasons to drink. Don’t listen to it. Some people call that voice Wolfie, some call it Trixie, some call it “The Itty Bitty Shitty Committee”. Tell that voice to buzz off and start listening to your highest self instead, the wise good part of you who is waiting to take over. Be good to yourself!
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I’m enjoying your blog. I have decided I need to quit drinking. I’m giving myself till the new year. I have a couple bottles of wine left (maybe couple more than a couple). I drink alone after my son is asleep. My marriage just came undone in the last few months. I’m tired of drinking but also scared to stop. I’m hoping reading your blog will inspire me. Wish me luck.
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Tomorrow night is New Years Eve, Jessica and I will be cheering for you. Here’s an idea – why wait? Put on your favourite song and make a big ceremony out of pouring out all the wine you have left (I suggest “Goodbye Earl” by The Dixie Chicks!) then go shopping for some alcohol free drinks to celebrate the new year and your new life! I’m sorry you are going through hard things right now. Please know that getting booze out of your life will make you stronger to deal with it all.
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Thanks for sharing your story with the world. I have been struggling with alcohol for around ten years. Before that I had an addiction to marijuana. I have quit drinking on one solid occassion for a bit over three months, and then took it back up right where i left off. I’ve had a few goes at it over the last 18 months, getting about a month under my belt. I’m now on day 6. I’ve had the first sober Christmas in over 30 years, and I’m feeling great. I’m inspired by your story and the stories of people around the world. Thanks again.
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Hello. I have grappled with quitting drinking for so, so long. I guess in a way I was hoping someone else would call me on it but that hasn’t happened. I know in my heart and my head that I need to stop but am finding it hard to get the support I need. I am in Melbourne, Australia and recently listened to Karen’s story which resonated with me. I agree that sobriety or quitting drinking is not celebrated in Australia. I have been to a couple of AA meetings and found them hard. This year has thrown incredible challenges at me including the end of my 18 year marriage. I would love to connect with Karen if at all possible? I have booked an appointment for tomorrow with an addictions counsellor so I am hoping that is a step in the right direction. Jo
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Wishing you a peaceful weekend, fellow spiritual warrior!
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Today at work, I was feeling super anxious, my head was buzzing, I felt crazy! Anyway, at some point, I was thinking, gee, maybe I’m going through alcohol withdrawal??? I had two shots yesterday afternoon with my girlfriend but quite a bit on the preceding days with the Holiday and all. I have definitely been a regular drinker the last few years. Anyway, I managed to drive by the gas station where I usually stop and get my mini- bota box – managed not to have a beer because there is almost always beer in the basement that my husband keeps although he doesn’t really drink. Wine tends to be my downfall. Went to church with my son, did some housework and work. I have to get up in six hours but not sure I can sleep yet? Anyway, I’m here on the site reading comments… Thank you all for your honesty. I’ll be shooting for day 2 tomorrow.
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Oh wow, thank you for sharing that! It definitely struck a chord. And I like how you describe your photo as the outside not matching what was on the inside. I too, have quite the collection of ‘flattering’ photos that I was so proud of for years…. but looking back now (even through non-sober eyes) on many occasions, I know the true pain that was behind all those ‘happy smiles and good times’ with friends as I had that ever full pint of beer in hand.
I know exactly how I felt all those times–the loneliness, the pain, insecurity…a longing to be accepted and belong….mix in some old anger and resentment…..you name it. I didn’t know back then that I had a true problem with alcohol, but I am pretty sure I didn’t like that I felt I had to resort to drinking to bring me joy. That dependency on weekends eventually turned into dependency on week nights….then sadly dependency on many week days…. I never would have imagined the steady upward progression in my drinking. I thought I would just stay on that level forever.
But not only do I reflect on how truly unhappy I was underneath it all, I also recall all the ugly next morning hangovers and how I did NOT look so lovely afterall!
Whenever the temptation to join in with friends at a social event with ‘just one’….. I try and bring myself back to the reality that ‘just one’ is never just one, that is, as long as there are no external controls in place. And I also remind myself how even after one glass of wine, I start getting depressed and can feel the emotions creeping in…and then I will realize how the drink actually doesn’t even taste that good anymore….and then try and picture the ugly feeling the next day. Would it be worth it??
Again, I am only 7 days sober (again, LOL)…. but it feels good. And I realized that only about the first hour is difficult, atleast while there is a meal involved. I find that after a meal, I’ve lost the desire to drink anyway. And so long as we are having a good visit, I find the drinks are actually pretty unnecessary. I feel clear-head (and well hydrated with all the glasses of lemon water I am served over those few hours), and proud.
The holiday season is sure going to be a challenge. I’m not going to lie.
thank you for your support,
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Thanks for reminding me that lemon water can be so refreshing and conversation so enjoyable when one is present for it. hah! I spent so many years in the booze cloud that my conversations were pitiful and self centered. how boring. I am so grateful you are here, cause I’m trying to beat this addiction that has such a grip on me in my brain! Even tho I know I can’t and I don’t want to, I slip. Crap! Day 3….again. But not giving up.
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I am a bit confused as to whether or not this is ‘the place’ to post.
Anyway, as I ‘restart’ again after writing earlier, I am all of 3 days sober. But that’s ok, I picked myself up and dusted myself off, again. And instead of wallowing in shame, I can only look forward and try and envision the end goal. I am also looking into nutrition after alcohol abstinence and preparing to start filling a bunch of huge holes in my vitamin and mineral stores.
I found a facebook picture of myself from 9 years ago, then took pictures of myself the other day. Wow. Now that’s what alcohol abuse looks like!! And that is why I desperately search for testimonials (pictures included) of people who have experienced physical improvements since they stopped drinking — that is, just mainly from not drinking and making basic dietary changes, getting moving, and supplementing with vitamins and minerals. THIS is what keeps me motivated….
Even after 5-7 years of binge drinking which I had under my belt 9 years ago, my face was still plump in the cheeks and had some sheen. I didn’t need a lot of make up tricks then. Then I looked at my pictures now and saw the large bags under my eyes, the puffy and droopy eyelids, the deep crevices in my chin area from dehydration, the dullness in the complexion and of course the loss of plumpness in the cheeks and under the eyes (loss of collagen). Then of course, although I am a similar size to 9 years ago, I have the start of the jowels and the general look of puffiness in the face. I mean, I knew I was aging, but that’s harsh. Many many days I have thought to myself, “I wonder what I would have looked like if I could have just stopped drinking 9 years ago”–and I would say I would have looked pretty good in my 40’s! And then I think I probably could have looked even worse today, if not for all the years of regular exercise and eating healthy food — amongst my drinking….
I got a hair mineral analysis done about 6+ months ago, and I was deficient on just about all of them. So that would indicate that I would likely be deficient on a lot of vitamins too. And you know how I can tell? My hair is extremely brittle and dry, along with my finger nails. I used to have very long and thick hair up to about 10 years ago…..then I couldn’t figure out why it was getting thinner and thinner. I am anemic, have uterine fibroids, have poor nutrient absorption/assimilation (obviously), have a skin fungal rash (upper body) that hasn’t left in 5 years, I bruise easy often with no apparent reason, my gums are puffy, and…….need I go on! And it makes me so sad because ALL these years as I started to see these things happening, I never attributed it to alcohol abuse. I knew of so many of my friends who could binge drink (to this day), and still have glowing thick hair and skin and it perplexes me. But I just wasn’t so fortunate. Or maybe I was.
My joints are stiffer, and my knees crack and pop when I walk upstairs. I have been completely sedentary for 2 years now (and I never used to be) and I feel lethargic and lacking in energy. I really miss the days when I felt good after exercising, and feeling limber and full of energy. I truly have not felt that way since I was about 30–and I am 43. These things bring me deep sadness, but I really want that feeling back. And I know I can get it. It may take a year or two, but I am trying hard to envision it.
I encourage everyone to take inventory of just the physical affects from alcoholism — I know this is only part of all the damage that we do but it’s pretty important. I took those pictures the other day so that hopefully they can become the new ‘before’ look — to compare to the ‘after’ look I am desperately hoping I can be proud of.
Please, who ever is comfortable in doing so, post before and after photos. I think they will help a lot of people. I would love to hear how you have regained your health.
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Hello Alice, how are you today? I hope your weekend was filled with self care and kindness – weekends can be so hard in early recovery. Everything you have writtens says that you are READY, that you KNOW what you know and that it is YOUR TIME to shine!!!I can cheering for you (don’t read the capitalized words as aggressive shouting, read them as happy assertions) Here is a post I did a while ago with my own before and after photos: https://unpickledblog.com/2014/11/20/the-best-kind-of-before-and-after/
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I am new to officially posting about my problem with alcohol, but I feel the need to ‘voice’ it for the first time. I have been listening to podcasts on alcoholism for the past year or more, and have likely been trying every modality possible to release negative cellular energies that have lead to my ‘need’ to drink alcohol. However, I have been unsuccessful….that pull has been so strong. There were times I quit for a month at a time (probably the longest in 15 years) and was so proud of my ‘will power’, but much like dieting, I now realize quitting is not about will power. It is about changing the whole mindset around the perceived ‘benefits’ of drinking alcohol, as opposed to deciding we have to quit because of all the negatives. It is also recognizing that the addiction is very much psychological. I was aware I had a problem not long after my first DUI. And the sad thing is that as I slowly learned my alcoholism was progressing, I feared another DUI. I was aware and wanting desperately to work on my problem, but the second DUI came first. I am ashamed and full of anguish. I can’t work up the courage to tell my family, and I am in my 40’s! Maybe that’s why its harder. My husband says I shouldn’t ‘quit’ drinking just to punish myself. Everyone makes mistakes. Well, sadly he doesn’t know the extent of my problem, and this decision to work towards total abstinence is not about punishing myself–it is about recognizing that a progression in alcoholism caused me to take more risks I otherwise wouldn’t have taken–the fact that I got behind the wheel impaired again indicates a problem. Never mind all the other shameful things it has caused. If I abstain, PERIOD, I cannot possibly get another DUI, and risk anyone’s or my own life by driving impaired. I feel lonely, although I am newly married, because my friends are primarily big drinkers. I know I can do this, but I desperately need support from other people in my situation. I need to share my terrible stories and also talk about my plans to change that. I want to help others. Thank you for listening.
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Alice- I, too, have two DUIs under my belt and 35 years of binge drinking. (I started young.) Largely with the help of Unpickled and other sobriety blogs, I quit drinking from May 8, 2015 to January 28, 2015. During that time, I went through the entire summer (big social time)my brother’s wedding (a rip roaring time for most) and numerous other holidays and events where I would potentially have been “the life of the party.” While sober, I found that at social gatherings, I was uneasy until others loosened up from their booze, then I was ok. But, it was a grueling hour. I noticed that I would slam wine glasses of water or club soda or whatever unalcoholic beverage I was holding (learned behavior?) It became important for me to have those drinks in hand as a safety. During my almost 9 months of sobriety, it was interesting to see how many of my friends really wished I was drinking. One of my “close” friends said “God, can you please start drinking again!” I believe she was prompted to say this by the fact that I was ready to call it a night at 10pm. ( Which is the time that most people consider calling it a night.) )My husband who sounds a lot like yours has never fully understood the extent of my alcoholism. He tells me that I’m too hard on myself and just have a drink or two. Well, off and on during my sobriety, he offered me drinks on several occasions (and he rarely drinks.) Interesting. What I discovered during my sobriety is that alcohol makes my life more enjoyable, more fun. It takes the edge off my personality. So, I returned to drinking. Very nonchalantly. I was out with two couples and joined the birthday toast for one of the ladies at the table. Both ladies were taken aback as they knew I had quit and wanted to make sure that I really wanted to drink. I drank moderately and felt fine. I started drinking regularly but less often and fewer drinks. For awhile. I am now back to getting drunk regularly, and I am now back to needing to quit again. I am now at a cross roads (the most important one in my life) as I am realizing that to sustain my sobriety, I must build a richer life for myself. Without fully realizing it, my life has been one social event (drinking occasion) to the next, and while most people had a few drinks the night before and went to work, I woke up and nursed my hangover until the next occasion. My life, although rich on the outside, is unfulfilling because of my alcoholism. Drinking doesn’t give me the release and joy it once did and it certainly doesn’t contibute to positive transformation. It”s going to suck not being able to numb out, but it will suck a lot less than being a hungover mess who is hiding from life and squandering her talents and ultimately hurting herself, her children, and her husband. You absolutely can quit. It will not be easy, but you will be empowered in the doing. Your friends and husband will be uncomfortable, so pour yourself a non- alcoholic drink if you are attending a drinking event with them. Alcohol is a progressive disease. It will only progress. You cannot get those years back. You are young and you definitely have a drinking problem, but you can reclaim your life and stop wasting your time. And so can I! Good luck and thanks so much for your post!!!
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Thank you Dlite for commenting! I am sorry you have experienced relapse, but I know how easy it is for that alcoholic voice to convince us that we will just have ‘one or two’….yet I have realized that all those controls I put in place simply do not work anymore! I had my court sentencing last week for my DUI, and I joked (although crying inside) with another alcoholic friend that “it’s a true sign of an alcohol problem when you leave court with a second DUI and spend the afternoon drinking to numb the feeling of shame”! I bet so many others have done the same.
It’s crazy how both our friends and even loved ones try to enable us, or just cannot support our decision to stop drinking! I totally agree with that first ‘hour’ of a social event.. If we could just suffer that hour our without giving in we have a fighting chance. But sadly, the power of our peers’ actions and responses gets in our way.
I have become very aware lately how terribly engrained alcohol has become in our everyday existence. And it’s really sad that many of my friends and co-workers quit wanting to hang out when I mention I am taking a break from drinking. You can Tell they are counting the days til I ‘come to my senses’!! I tried for many years off an on to go out to the bar and be sober. It was terribly difficult and it’s funny how I want to shut we down by 10 pm too’! Lol. People are loud and repetitive and I suddenly hate having to scream over the background music!! But I will say I believe we MUST learn how to function in all settings or we will always feel we are ‘missing out’ by not drinking.
I am working towards a mindset that I neither want nor need to drink to have fun. Sure, I know umpteen times over the past 25 years that alcohol has lead to a ‘good time’, but sadly I know of just as many times when alcohol stole my dignity, made me depressed and moody, caused me to drive drunk, lead to much shame and embarrassment, affected relationships, deteriorated my health, made me lose interest in healthy habits, and cost me a great deal financially.
I know we can do this, but we need to keep up getting support. I am now officially ready to attend an AA meeting. And that is very scary for me, but I am pushing my comfort level, otherwise it is too easy to keep up my terribly destructive and secret habit.
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Hi Dlite, you sound so sad – alcohol is like a bad boyfriend who is not worth keeping around. Are you ready to try again to break free? You are in my thoughts.
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I am glad you are here, Alice. Further to my other comment, let your hubby know that you don’t see living alcohol-free as punishment but rather FREEDOM. Reframing it might help him make sense of your choice in a way that will allow him to be more supportive. Sometimes the people who love us just don’t understand what we need because they themselves aren’t experiencing addiction and can’t imagine feeling enslaved to something they see as benign. Sometimes they resist our decision because they are entrenching in coping strategies of their own that feel threatened by change. Sometimes they just want us to be happy and well – to be fixed and “normal”, without realizing that the way for us to do that is to change – not to stay the same. Your words and perspective will have enormous power over the people around you. Let them know this is the pathway to a happier, healthier you. If they love you, they will want that for you more than anything!
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I did it , day 1
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Day 1
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38 yr old woman, mother, sister, friend, Aunt, companion, marathon runner, weight-lifter…and I believe I need to add alcoholic to this list. It’s the first time I’ve ever said it or typed it. 15yrs off drinking and each year it’s gotten progressively worse (minus pregnancy and a few weeks of failed hiatuses) and I’m just tired of feeling like crap every day. I know that there is SO much more to life than nightly drinking and I WANT to stop it. Today marks Day 2 for me and I’m reaching out now for tools, support and guidance. Thank you for being brave and speaking out loud! I am finding support thru your words and others on here. I never realized how many of us are struggling so similarly.
Here’s to day 2 of sobriety and aiming for so many more!
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Hi Peg thanks for the advice. Have had a look at the website. Lots of helpful information. Ok so Day 1 is done, onwards and upwards!
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Hi Caz,
Yes you know you can do this.Youve done it for 10 months!
In order to have a lapse or relapse you would of had to have been sober and you were.
Consider this a blip in your journey and get back on the horse. You can move forward but the drinking has to stop now. The longer you wait the harder it will be.
Jean is right,surround yourself with support. There are many ways to do this. I am involved with Smart Recovery. There are F 2 F meetings and also an online community if your not comfortable going to meetings,( although I highly recommend them)
Smartrecovery.org is where you can read all day very day. I think you will be surprised with how many are going through exactly what you are. Maybe just check it out and read the Sucess stories. There’s no commitment and the choice is yours.
I wish you the best
Peg
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Starting over is like reaching out to embrace the calm. Ahhh, safe, sweet life.
From: UnPickled Blog To: wavcrst06@yahoo.com Sent: Monday, August 22, 2016 4:04 AM Subject: [New comment] About UnPickled #yiv3996895890 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv3996895890 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv3996895890 a.yiv3996895890primaryactionlink:link, #yiv3996895890 a.yiv3996895890primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv3996895890 a.yiv3996895890primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv3996895890 a.yiv3996895890primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv3996895890 WordPress.com Peg commented: “Hi Caz,Yes you know you can do this.Youve done it for 10 months! In order to have a lapse or relapse you would of had to have been sober and you were.Consider this a blip in your journey and get back on the horse. You can move forward but the drinki” | |
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Thanks, I know can do this. I could see the signs about a month ago. You see when people asked me at the beginning why I wasn’t drinking, I used to be honest and say “I thought I was becoming too dependant on it” and it’s funny how so many people looked at me and said ” I know what you mean. Wow I really admire your strength” that made me feel so good I used to want shout from the rooftops. I took lots of opportunities to discuss alcohol with people, look on websites, blogs. THEN…..I got complacent and I stopped talking about it, stopped reading about other peoples journies. I though I was out of the woods, I thought I’d. nailed this alcohol business and it’s was so easy. so when people asked why I had stopped drinking I’d say “I’m not really sure. I may have drink again someday” my goodness I planted a big,ugly seed in my brain. So here I am back where I was, 5 weeks of sneaking around, hiding the bottles etc ,you know all the tricks! I don’t have the sort of relationship with my husband where I can tell him what’s been going on, and if I am honest, he doesn’t really ‘get it’ . His response to me would not be supportive. That doesn’t mean he is not a really caring person but he is not the person I can turn to when I am down, a shame but that’s just the way it is. Ok so back to the plan. I am on day 1 and I’ve given myself a good talking to and re read all of your blogs and people’s comments. I am feeling armed, Time to start talking again!
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Have you considered going to meetings? A sober community might be just the support you need.
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I have started drinking again after 10 months of sobriety. The fact that I am here writing this in the early hours of the morning feels me with a sense of absolute dread because I am so upset that I am right back to square one again but also hope, because I am being honest with myself. I just.need some words of encouragement, as something tells me this time it’s going to be tougher than the last time.
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Ah Caz, I wish I had a magic wand to take away your pain and make things better. I have no magic wands or words or wishes. All I know is that my best life has no room for booze. You have more knowledge, experience and understanding than you did when you quit the first time. Put it to work and add reinforcements. Be fierce and fight for the life you want. Don’t settle for anything less.
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So sorry I meant Jay not Ray brain still fuzzy I guess :/)
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The thought of not having the burden of a hangover is…..well, I find it exciting! Something to look forward to! Sounds crazy I know, but there is so much I want to do!!
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Hello Jean
I can so relate to Ray I have been on the hamster wheel myself for a while now. Yesterday I had 30 days ,last time I had 30 days I celebrated with of course a drink. This time I went to A F2F meeting and it was great,
Ray if you have the book DR read May 26 th it has helped me any times,
I want to thank you for this blog and the podcast it is what really helped me on my journey.
The complete honesty and courage of evert one that blogs has helped me to get in touch with myself,be honest and of course grateful
Thank you for being here
Hugs
Buggy
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Hi Jean, I’ve been coming to your site for a while now. I’ve been trying to quit but I feel alone and don’t know how.
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UnPickled – you have inspired me to write and create Day154.com. A critical pivot point in my search of sobriety. Thanks. TBR
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I actually first discovered your podcast and listened to it for the past 2 days on the way to and from work. It may sound stupid but on the podcast I felt like I was listening to “friends”:) Something my life has sorely lacked, probably due to my drinking. Im a solitary drinker in my own lonely world. Sober 4 days and feel encouraged to remain so by this blog and the podcast! Tried AA years ago and for me personally, hated it. Tried outpatient treatment 10 years ago and it worked for about 6 months, but I really made no lasting friends there either. I felt uncomfortable in mixed groups, men and women. Felt shy to open up in front of men about such a personal unhappy struggle.(Though my husband knows about it.) I will continue to read these blogs and listen to your podcasts. Thank you. I feel “hope” again.
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We are friends, Beth, we just haven’t met yet. You are not alone. Keep trying and don’t settle for less than the freedom you deserve. Keep building your tribe. Consider online support groups like those listed on my resource page. You can do this.
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Congratulations it is a refreshing new life that we are given every day one day at a time
Keep on keeping on
Buggy
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I stumbled upon this blog probably like most. Struggling with something that I know very well does me no good. Feeling all alone and wondering if other people felt the same way. I’m happy to say that I’m a month sober and I’m the happiest I have been in a very long time. Certainly some days are harder than others but knowing that I can get through it honestly, with emotions and not numbing myself is so freeing! I’m thankful every morning I wake up not in a fog or cloud of what’s, you know, what did I do/say.
I just wanted to say thank you for your refreshing honesty an know that it makes a difference in others lives.:) I know in my heart I’m on the right path and it’s totally exciting!
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I’m glad to be sharing this journey with you! We are all in it together!
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Congratulations being a grand parent is one of Gods greatest gifts. I have 11 so I truley now what a blessed time of life this is
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By the way this is Buggy
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Hi Jean
I am going to be totally honest here ,I am disappointed that there was no feed back for what I think 8 days. Not a critism just an observation . Not my first disappointment and sure not my last . I will however say the selfish alcoholic in me looked every day for one. One of the reason that I avoid AA in my recovery this time is because of the clicks and the gossip.
I do want to thank you for the Bubble pod cast I listened to your interview with Robyn yesterday and so related to part of her story.
I am trying desparetly to form my on tribe on WordPress.com hoping it takes off and I will feel
like I also created an environment of give and take
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Hey Beaucoup/Buggy, sorry you are feeling disappointed and thank you for being honest. You will find you’ll get more feedback from other readers if you comment on newer posts. I personally do everything I can to stay in touch but in weeks like this one (which included an out-of-town wedding, moving to a new house, and the arrival of a new grandbaby YAY) (!!!) you can understand that it is hard to stay on top commenting at times. Do not take silence as disapproval, rejection, or disinterest – if I don’t catch every comment it is not for lack of trying, I promise. It is great that you are building your blog and community. Read lots of blogs, comment lots, and keep reaching out.
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I get so scared before I go to bed at night. My heart races and I have increased anxiety! I am afraid I won’t sleep. I have been trying some meditation techniques to help me relax when I get to bed . I used to drink to fall asleep. That it is not an option for me any more.
Any suggestions .
Thank you Jean I can not tell you how much this blog is helming me I can’t seem to find the right words. Please know that I am grateful to have found it
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Feeling angry with myself today. I realized that I want to be a social drinker and I can,t I have been trying it for years and it doesn’t ever work! I am an alcoholic and I can not drink at all.
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Good work, that’s a revelation. Be gentle with yourself, not angry.
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Have you ever had a drinking dream an it was real that you woke up scared and feeling like you have a hang over
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Drinking dreams are common and they can be really upsetting. I looked into them and wrote a post about them last year: https://unpickledblog.com/2015/03/09/drinking-dreams/
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My guardian angel watched over me yesterday and rescued me from myself. Feeling blessed . Walking the walk and not just talking the talk. ❤️ Feeling grateful
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Thank you Jean not looking for sympathy just trying to be honest about the excuses we can make
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Forgot to sat Lung Ca is not a result of smoking and being addicted to nicotine
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I would like to share a little bit more of my story. I had 17 years of sobriety before I relapsed. I thought I was cured ,what a joke on me. I started drinking again in with in a few tears I was right back where I was. My children were grown done with college all happily married before I picked up again . Then I was diagnosed with Lung Ca and that was my excuse to drink even more that is daily .I know now that I used this as an excuse and people around me accepted that. My lung disease changed my life dramatically but my alcohol disease is what tore apart my soul and spirit. I am so thankful to feel like I have them back ! Any excuse to drink is just that an excuse.
Thank you for this blog where I can tell my story and just maybe touch some one else and help them realize that alcohol is not the answer to any thing if you are an alcoholic like me.
I am thankful for my blessings and hope I can help another alcoholic by sharing
Glad to be sober again day 7
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Being sober day 6 feels good. I want to keep this feeling. Today I laughed and was playful and just enjoyed the day. Didn’t sleep to well last night but that was ok too. I am feeling blessed and strong . I think I am going to make it this time at least I am praying that I do.
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You will make it Buggy, one breath, one laugh, one good decision at a time. You will make it. You ARE doing it!
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THE most amazing blog i’ve found to date. Thank you for being so honest. I’m almost ready to go that route. Hugs and loads of blessings.
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Thank you so much – I am glad you are here. It is a great life – a wonderful gift to give yourself, truly.
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You know. I just told my husband that i seriosly want to give up booze. And then those comments. Like , yeah, you been there done that. I’m soo sick of myself and am scared to even try. The worst think is i’m a integrative kinesiologist that doenst have her own shiit together.. Thanks for being here!!! 8 dc wine and 500 ml of beer later. High functionioning a*hole me. 🙄
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Don’t be too hard on yourself. Becoming addicted to alcohol is not a sign of weakness or failure – it is the normal fallout of using an addictive substance. We understand that cigarettes, coffee, sugar, and drugs are addictive if used, but for some reason we are surprised by alcohol addiction. The problem is that we ever expect to use it without becoming addicted. It isn’t your fault. But…now that you see what’s happening, it is your responsibility to do something about it. You are not alone, and you are definitely not an a-hole. What you are is self-aware, and that is a good thing. Onward! There is work to do!
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Hi Jen it is definitely a better for your spirit and your soul . Hugs and blessings to you
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Buggy. Thanks for the shoutnout. Am feeling desperate and not yet ready to let go as i thought. 😳😰
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Jen you have already made a big step by realizing the need to give up the alcohol . I have been where you are many times . Don’t give up the hope 🙏🏽
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Today’s my first day – well not finished yet, but getting there. started a blog… https://elementsofpeace.wordpress.com/. Jen
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Congratulations and welcome to Day 2. Blogging has been very helpful for me and the best part is connecting with readers and other bloggers. Build community, find your tribe, tell your story.
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Thanks Jean. Habe started a blog and will be updaring ever so often. Hopefully every to every second day to keep accountbility. Havent quite worked out how it all works in there but will keep learning. 😎
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Thanks unpickled. Quite overwhelming this whole thing of going unpickled and blogging. 😳. Will be updating again. And thanks for all the advice. Habe an awesome day. Day 11. 😁
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Jen wondering if you are getting my post on you new blog
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Thanks for checking up on me. 😄. I’m doing really good sofar. Only 4 days, but all is well. Planning on updating my blog today. Your blog doesnt seem to show up on mine. Will check later. Have you written anything on it yet?
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Is there really any one out there who gives a hoot?
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Yup, right here hooting! You are not alone, even if you don’t always get a quick response.
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My anxiety is less today still experiencing some . Grateful that I did get a good night sleep. It is difficult because my wife ( yes we are a same sex couple) gets angry when I get anxious,she said she not angry she is just frustrated but I told her that it feels like anger. I am not surprised that she has a lot of built up anger . My drinking is certainly at the root of her anger. I have caused her a lot of pain and for this I am sorry. It makes me want drink to escape the feelings. I am not going to drink today. I think I need to allow her to express her feelings . I need to show her by my actions not my words.
I will not drink today
If any one has any advice on how to handle this kind of a situation I could use some.
Thanks for listening and for any advice you can send my way.
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So remember this. In early recovery, we can be super sensitive. It’s like having no skin, so every emotion can be amplified. Your partner has a right to feel her feelings, and you may find that is hard to tolerate when you are so raw and hurting. You are so right that your actions are what will build your case over time, so be patient and consistent. It will come. Just keep creeping forward in the right direction, keep doing the right thing, and the anxiety will slowly ease, the positives will add up to a new normal in time. Be gentle with yourself, and know that feelings will pass. Just because you feel something doesn’t make it true (ie, how you perceive others’ response). Hang in there. You are doing great.
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Thank you feeling less anxious today. Great talk here today about frustration and anger.I have been super sensitive this week good to know that it is part of the process
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Today is a high anxiety day ,but I am trying to pull it apart and put it into perspective . Things
felt very chaotic to me this morning because there was so much ( it felt like) there was to much going on at once. I think that it was just my over reacting to the situations because of my anxiety level. I have been able to work through it . Got busy and made some great Bolognese sauce for supper.
I would normally have a couple or more glasses of wine when I feel like that . I am not going to drink today . I need to keep telling myself I can’t drink and that drinking only makes my ability to deal with situations worse.
LOL I am spending a lot of time praying but will be turning into bed sober tonight. Committed this to myself this morning.
Thank you again for this blog a place where I can put my feelings out there.
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Last night I went to bed and cried. I realized that I had broken my own heart and hope that the tears were part of a healing process . Today by some miracle I did not want,crave or even thinking about having any alcohol. I am grateful for the pain I went through yesterday. Crazy as it is I think that just maybe I needed to walk through to come to the realization that
I have to get serious about my alcoholism and honest. I am going to bed sober tonight and feel very blessed to do so.
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Good work. Keep moving forward. Sadness is normal at this stage, so feel the feelings and then release them. Here’s to a great sleep!
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Today I realized just how much alcohol has controlled me. It kills my spirit,self esteem and takes away my dignity . I did not drink today and want to say thank you to all of you who said a prayer for me. I did a lot of soul searching today and know that the ball is in my court and I have to be accountable for my disease. I also need to get Honest with my self .I can not drink !
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Today I am beginning a fresh start . I have managed to screw everything up again with my drinking. If you pray please put in a few for me today . I have begun this day with an intention no alcohol in my body today . Please Lord walk with me today.
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Ok so just in case there was any doubt, now you know what you are dealing with, because continuing to drink after you’ve decided to stop is a good indicator that things that crossed a line. So this is serious, and it will get worse is left unchecked. You get to decide, you get to call the shots. Come at this thing like a mo fo with guns blazing, or rise up quiet and strong, or….or dribble in and out of sobriety half heartedly, maybe getting better but maybe getting worse. The wobbly stuff is exhausting, and as I prayed for you this morning (as requested!) part of my prayer was that you would not get stuck in that trap. Addiction is not your fault, but recovery is your responsibility. Rise up, starting now. Get help if going it alone isn’t working. Take your life back and don’t settle for anything less that peace and happiness. You can do this, and you have thousands of cheerleaders here rooting for you.
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Thank you so much for the prayers and being so frank with me.I think I have learned a valuable lesson .
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I didn’t make it sorry to say but I drank then. Of course I drank yesterday and today I am shakey will probably have a couple of glasses of wine today to get rid of my anxiety and try to start fresh tomorrow . I need to be honest
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Thank you for the suggestions . I watched Lipstick and Liquor. Then made a really nice dinner watched a little TV and went to bed sober and grateful that the day was over and I didn’t drink . Today day 5 woke up with positive energy for the first time in a few days. Have a family function tomorrow that I am anxious about going to. Can’t bow out there are folks coming in from Ca & TX to meet me feeling pressure. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Glad this blog is here really helps to put this stuff out there
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Bring your own (non alcoholic!) drinks and keep your glass filled. You don’t have to tell anyone you’re not drinking, just say “no thank you” if offered and if someone mentions it say, “I’m driving” or “My tummy so bit wonky today” or “water is fine, I’m super thirsty”. Most people won’t care what’s in your glass. Literally, practice saying “no thank you, what I have it great” OUT LOUD and it will be easier to say when the time comes. Ask everyone else about their lives, make it a mission to find out new things about the people there, be interested in them get out of yourself. Leave when you need to – no big scene just say “this was wonderful, I have to go now” and go. Be yourself, be kind, sneak off to the bathroom and re-read this is you need to for encouragement. You are doing great and you are living in freedom. You will be shining with more light than you know.
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On to day 4 really having a hard time right now. Got hit with some disturbing news last night . I am feeling very vulnerable and emotional . Praying I hold on another day. This will pass but right now it sucks
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Hey Buggy, what you need is some distraction and alternate comforts. We taught ourselves to see booze as the only comfort to crave, and it takes a while to find replacements. This is a brain game. Go for a walk and listen to a recovery podcast. Have a bubble bath. Give yourself a massage with lovely lotion, or better yet convince someone else to. Watch something on tv that s recovery related, like “Thank You for Sharing”, “Lipstick and Liquor”, or “The Anonymous People”. Binge watch “Mom” episodes. Garden. Drink tea. Eat ice cream. Be very very gentle with yourself and DONT DRINK. It’s not an option anymore and it will only make things worse. Whatever bad thing is happening, drinking at it won’t make it go away and will weaken your ability to respond with strength and clarity. Stand tall. I’m sober with you today, and tomorrow too.
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Well I made it through day 2. Treated myself to Mediterranean supper and enjoyed every bit of it. Put my head down last night with no regrets,remorse or shame. That is a really good feeling and one I want to keep. Woke up a little shaken this morning but I am grateful and determined today.
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Well it is day 2 an so far I am doing okay ,no alcohol ! I am pretty sure I will make it through this day. I set my intentions for the day and number one was no alcohol,number two was to keep an attitude of gratitude even in the face of some serious cravings. I want to be free of the grip alcohol has had on me .I will walk through today knowing that this to shall pass
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You are doing great – you have a wonderful mindset. Be very gentle with yourself, change your routine – especially around the “witching hour” – and know that you are not alone. Reach out for accountability or encouragement if needed, and also be sure to tell us how you did it at the end of the day. You are my hero! Today belongs to YOU!
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I did day one down grateful and glad it is over
Linda
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You did it!! Day 2 is even better. What will you do to be successful today? How will you show kindness to yourself?
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Hello. I, too, have recently decided to quit drinking. I have decided to start attending the Celebrate Recovery program near me as well. It’s hard and scary. I am surrounded by drinkers (some heavy and some moderate) and feel as if my biggest struggle is going to be my lack of support. I am looking for a place to find that support and being so new to this I am looking for all the advice I can get too. I have two beautiful little girls who depend on me and I know I can only be the mom they need me to be if and only if i remain sober. Any encouragement is greatly appreciated to help me stay on this path. Thank you!
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You can do it and what a wonderful gift to yourself and your daughters. You will be modeling so many positives for them and shaping their lives in more ways than you can imagine.
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You can do this Meredith . Surround yourself with people who will support you.
Love and respect yourself but most of all be kind and gentle to yourself and your children will have the Mom you want to be
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Well I did not make through the day yesterday . I am going to try again today ! I will try to remain positive strong and committed . I really have the desire and the courage. Thank you for thi blog it is a blessing to be able to read others stories they hel me grow
Linda
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Ah Linda, I’m sorry. Don’t be discouraged but instead take yesterday as confirmation that alcohol does indeed have a firm hold on you and that something must change. Whatever you did yesterday, do something more today. Add to your efforts. Be bold and determined and excited for the future. You can do this.
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Today I am trying to stay sober . I am scared to drink and scared not too. I have been fighting this battle off and on for quite a few years now. I don,t like myself when I drink I lie and I sneak.
Linda
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Hi Linda. You’re not alone. Once you reach out you become part of a sweeping powerful family of brothers and sisters who understand and cheer for you. Just by posting here today you’ve done something different, and you can do more. Change up your day to disrupt your drinking routine. Get any booze out of your house this morning while you feel strong – I suggest pouring it down the sink and then smashing the bottle with a baseball bat for fun but do whatever feels good. Have some sweets on hand to help engage cravings. These are good tricks to get through one night without booze. If you’re drinking so much that safe withdrawal is a concern (search “post acute withdrawal syndrome”) take steps to ensure safety (generally this affects very heavy use late-stage dependency). Life is so much better and fuller without the burden of drinking. There more time, freedom, and joy. You deserve you have those things.
>
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Thank you for answering me I don’t feel so all alone now. I think I can do this at home safely. I am blessed to have a loving supportive partner who also. Is an RN
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Thank you for sharing this journey. I think we have a lot in common, so it feels good to know I’m not alone. It’s motivated me to get on the wagon, And use the art of writing as a medium to share my story, and get everything off my chest…secretly for now. Each journey is our own, but yours is a very good guide that will help me. It’s really hard to admit…I drink too much. I am an alcoholic. That’s only the second time I’ve “said” it. In writing. Never out loud. Someday soon.
Thank you.
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Hi there – just a quick update. 12 days sober! Some nights are hard, but I feel good. I go to your blog and to the blogs you follow, when I feel the pull of alcohol. I’ve followed several of the recommendations on here for weekends, and how to handle the cravings. Thank you thank you thank you. Progress!
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Hi Jean I just want to say thank you for your wonderful work for women striving for recovery. I stumbled upon sobriety after hitting, very suddenly, a low bottom 50 days ago. Coming out of the shock of that bottom (which I can already see as a blessing) I had a conviction never to drink again, but I had no idea where to start or what I was dealing with. Finding Unpickled and the Bubble Hour has been a revelation. I have started to understand alcoholism and how even people who otherwise ‘have it together’ and don’t resemble my stereotype of ‘an alcoholic’ can still be alcoholics! Especially if they, like me, drink wine every day and in ever increasing quantities. I also want to say that when I worry about not having fun without drinking again, I think of you (not meaning to sound creepy here!) and it really helps. You are a great role model so thank you again for speaking out and helping us secret drinkers put down the wine glass permanently!
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I am honoured, truly, to have contributed to the nudge you needed to make it happened. Congratulations on your courage and success! What’s your advice for anyone who is struggling today?
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Hi Jean I just want to say thank you for your wonderful work for women striving for recovery. I stumbled upon sobriety after hitting, very suddenly, a low bottom 50 days ago. Coming out of the shock of that bottom (which I can already see as a blessing) I had a conviction never to drink again, but I had no idea where to start or what I was dealing with. Finding Unpickled and the Bubble Hour has been a revelation. I have started to understand alcoholism and how even people who otherwise ‘have it together’ and don’t resemble my stereotype of ‘an alcoholic’ can still be alcoholics! Especially if they, like me, drink wine every day and in ever increasing quantities. I also want to say that when I worry about not having fun without drinking again, I think of you (not meaning to sound creepy here!) and it really helps. You are a great role model so thank you again for speaking out and helping us secret drinkers put down the wine glass permanently!
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Dear Jean,
I have been listening to the Bubble Hour while driving for the past few weeks. I have known I needed to stop drinking, but have been so afraid. Afraid of admitting I needed to stop, and then afraid of the changes I will have to make to commit to stopping……
but I believe I am now ready.
It is Mother’s Day tomorrow, and I have two amazing daughters who need their Mom to be present. I haven’t been.
I have an incredible man in my life who will support me through this…..bless him. He is not a big drinker and could easily go without alcohol. Imagine that?! I grew up with not one, but two functioning alcoholic parents, so I need to retrain my thinking. Problems got solved in my household with wine.
It is not even 7 am and I have been awake since 5:45. I had too much to drink last night for absolutely no reason. Nada. And I am tired. Tired of living this way. Tired of letting myself down. Just tired.
So I am telling you….because I need to tell someone…….that today is my first day of sobriety. I deserve to live differently.
K
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I can’t think of a better Mothers’ Day gift to yourself than the gift of recovery. You were taught from a very young age that alcohol is the way to cope,although perhaps you though it would be different for you, that you could handle it. Addiction can be genetic and it can be learned. You got both, it seems. So please please please understand this: your life will be so much better without alcohol – none! Zip! Nada!! – but you will maybe feel completely lost and discombobulated for a while because it’s all you’ve known. Persevere. Learn everything you can about being an ACOA (adult child of alcoholics), codependence (a thinking pattern that emerges in unstable homes that needs tinkering), and recovery communities (meetings of some sort). Write to me anytime, post here to connect and encourage others and ask for help and share your journey. This is your day. Take it bit by bit. You can do it, and you’ll never regret a day without alcohol. (((HUG)))
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I am so grateful for your response and your offer to connect. I am going to take you up on that if it is okay.
I can do this, but could use some initial support.
Thank you Jean, and God bless the dedication you give to helping others achieve their goal of sobriety. I hope to be a guest on the Bubble Hour one day talking about my success story.
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Hi Jean,
I’m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today and just wanted to pop in and say thank you so much for your blog and your Bubble Hour input. I’ve related to you so much since the start and you’ve been a big inspiration to me.
Brídx
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My heart is bursting with happiness for you! Thank you for taking the time to write this. I wish I lived close enough to take you out for cake and pedicures to celebrate!
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Good morning Jean,
I came across your blog through the Smart Recovery website.My last drink was December 18 th 2013.I must say,I could have written a lot of your words! I remember the beginning of my recovery very vividly.Not always easy but oh so worth it! I don’t drink.Period. Lots more to say but wanted to start with Hello and Thank you. I believe the words written in these posts will have an impact on someone who is feeling hopeless like I was not so long ago.
Peg
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Hi
I am 2 weeks sober today. I have been relapsing about every 2 months for 1.5 year after being sober for 5.5 yearsEach time got worst. I just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t get honest about what I was really feeling. I am a mother of 3. Business owner. Active in school, church ect. I thought I could handle it all. And do much fear of people finding out I was an alcoholic. Then I was arrested 2 weeks ago. So humiliated I can’t believe I am at this place again. I want to be sober but I am so tired of fighting this fight. Niw I am possible going to jail. I have been in and out of aa for 15 years. I wonder if I’m one that just can’t get this. I know where this disease can take me and it scares the hell out of me.
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it’s time…step 0, my life sucks….one the outside, it’s perfect. I am healthy, have two beautiful children an adoring husband, we travel and try to create great experiences for our children. For example, we took them to Las Vegas this past weekend to see Pentatonix. My 9 year old loves them! We had VIP passes and were able to hear them warm up and ask them questions, etc. I was miserable…no drinks for 2 hours…I made up for it later by attacking the mini bar and sneaking shots during the show… I blacked out at some point and don’t remember half of the performance…then proceeded to rip my daughters personally signed poster from the group (by trying to stuff it in a bag). This is a very common thing for me, I know classy…The plane trip home was not much better…I ordered a double gin and white wine on the plane. Thank god for the on line ordering, I don’t have to yell my drink order for all to hear! I don’t remember getting home.
Thanks for listening…day 1.
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Hi Jean…I found you through Belle and Mrs. D. This morning is Day 6 for me. It’s nice to “meet you”.
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Hi Jamie, happy day 6! I am sober with you today 🙂
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I need to join you.
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Hi Kari, Please do! It’s a great life 🙂
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Today is day 3 of my 5th time on this journey. I hope and pray that this is the last time. I need to be in constant touch with others that are facing this with me. Meetings are not for me. I’m hoping to meet people here.
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Day 1 for me. Tired of the dependence and relationship struggles caused by my addiction to alcohol.
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It is a great day to be free, and you are not alone. I am staying sober with you today and so are the many others who read this blog. Be very gentle with yourself and don’t drink. You deserve to be happy and free.
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Jean,
I am an unpickled Canadian woman, too. I stopped drinking almost ninety-nine weeks ago (May 17, 2014). I, too, stopped drinking quietly and I am pretty discrete about my sobriety. Those who saw me falling down drunk have likely noticed that I have a glass of sparkling water in my hand rather than a glass of wine. But I don’t talk about it, except occasionally with my husband. I discovered your blog on Hello Sunday Morning and look forward to reading what you have written. I think our journeys may be similar.
Jane
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Hi Jane,
How wonderful, congratulations. Your second year anniversary is rapidly approaching – I hope you will take time to celebrate the important milestone! Connecting with others is such a joy, and I hope you have found ways to add this lovely aspect to your recovery. If not, let me know and let’s see if we can connect 🙂 Jean
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Having doubts about my decision to stop drinking because of these nagging thoughts of how I have done it before but l have always come back eventually. I am like a parent that does not follow though on a consequence and the kid knows it doesn’t really matter.
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Hi Jean, thank you for making this blog—so much truth and expert tips delivered in a down-to-earth, easy to swallow manner. I’ve read your entire blog and keep finding so much that resonates with me. As in, ‘that’s me exactly!’.
I have been on my first attempt at sober living since the start of my drinking days (not yet 30 and wanting to make a serious change before then.) I relapsed yesterday after 18 days sober..day 19 and a Saturday.
I’m starting over again–scared, but find rereading different articles on your blog is so helpful. Just knowing I’m not the only one by a long shot. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your recovery and hope with the world.
Have a wonderful weekend!
xx
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I’m sober with you tonight, Rain! Good for you that you got right back up. Learn from what happened, make the necessary tweaks and adjustments, and move forward. That’s how we roll!
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Thank you! Clinging to that advice. 🙂
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You have a really fantastic site here, so much help and support. I listed you on the link section of my blog (in case my two readers haven’t been here yet, which is unlikely). Hope that’s ok.
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I really want/need to get sober. How do I begin? I have no network. My spouse is clueless to the disease. I feel trapped in a vortex. I can’t step off the crazy train. I accidentally found your site while reading a post that my daughter made. I believe this was no accident but happened when I was ready to receive help. Would love to live the best life possible with what time the good Lord gives me. I’ve not been kind to myself & do not know why. I’m kind to others. Any advise is welcomed.
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I’ve been trying to quit drinking for the past year and to be honest, it’s been quite hard. In the past, after a binge I would stop for about 2-3 weeks; then forget why I did and start again.
I do not drink daily, although it is weekly (1-2 days a week) and I still see this as troubling. I dislike feeling uncomfortable after I drink; I feel fat and out of shape. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like I’ve let myself and others around me down. Knowing this, I still revert back to old ways.
I write to you now, hung over and restless. I set out seeking help to incite change and I’m hoping this blog and those who maintain if can assist.
I am truly tired the control alcohol has had over me. I am hoping this time is it.
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Hi J, I hope you are well. Getting alcohol free is all about taking your life back and honestly, it can be so much easier to just not drink at all than to hem and haw if you should have some today, how much, when, where, was it too much, all that crap.No one wakes up after not drinking and says, “I sure wish I had drank last night!” To start, I encourage you to write yourself a letter about why you want to quit, what your reasons are, what drinking is taking away from you and where you want to go without it. Start with that, and keep it with you as a reminder if drinking again ever starts to seem like a good idea!
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Hi there – this blog has been helpful so thanks to you and everyone else. I am on day 5 and feel pretty bad right now. I mean, I feel great, but still foggy, headaches, and just feel out of shape. I’ve been drinking for years and just turned 40. The last few years have been progressively worse and I’ve been up to 8 or more drinks per night. I can relate to hiding bottles, hitting multiple liquor stores because of embarrassment, and freaking out when someone challenges my evening routine. I know I have a serious problem and I am serious about fixing it. I’m scared though. I tried to quit a few months ago and made it 18 days. Was doing fine and all of a sudden I was driving home and decided to pick up a bottle of bourbon. I want this time to be different and I think the addition of outside support will be the key for me. I hope. Thanks for reading.
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Your day five is my day one….only have made it to day 13 in the past two years and then only once. Hoping to have this be the time, i really am ready to feel better. My story is like so many others…..and i want to stop for good. We can do this……Have you ever read the book by Jason Vale….Kick the Drink, Easily……i have found it helpful…..good luck to all of us ……..
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Way to go Nancy! And thanks for the info on that book. I’ll be sure to check it out. Also, I went to my first AA meeting yesterday and was overwhelmed by the support. It was helpful to sit in a room where everyone is on the same page. I was really nervous but it went great. I’m going to go again today. Have a great day and stay strong!
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I was looking at your pictures, specifically the one of your phone on your 1000 day. Where did you find that counter-thingie?
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32 days …. Thanks for the blog… It helps…..
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Hi Jean…. I found your blog a couple of years ago…. read it all from the very beginning and was fascinated because you stopped drinking on your own which is the way I could only ever see myself doing it. In general I was not stumbling around drunk doing things I would be ashamed of but I was a daily drinker and would sometimes abuse alcohol when I found myself in some overwhelming emotional situation. I am feeling excited that I am on Day 15 now – the longest I have ever made it and at the moment all I can feel is the positive aspects of not having alcohol in my system. I often read many sober blogs but yours was the first one I found. I wanted you to know that you have been an inspiration to me during all those drinking days….. thinking that eventually I also would pull something up from within me and stop. I am realistic enough to know that 15 days is just a start but I am hopeful that I can continue to focus on the positives and figure out ways to deal with the things that could potentially derail me in the future. I am seeing a therapist and will keep reading the blogs…. maybe I can say that I made it to 30 days soon. Thank you for being out there sharing your story….. you really have no idea how helpful you have been to me 🙂
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Hi Kathy – 15 days is something to celebrate!! Bubble bath, cupcakes and fireworks for you! It means a lot to me to know that you have been able to use my work here to help move yourself forward. That touches my heart and inspires me to keep going and keep writing. Thank you for sharing this. xo, J
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Hi,
I love this blog because of the honestly, the balance and the overall helpful nature. I wonder if you have ever addressed those feelings that overwhelm so many when they desire to stop drinking. ..the feelings of, ” well, i may quit but I have been in this abuse pattern for so long that I most certainly have caused irreparable damage, so what’s the point?”
How did you handle these thoughts? How did you overcome this and other excuses to continue to drink? Clearly life can be so much better without abusive drinking, but will it be better if the effects of long term alcohol abuse come to fruition. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Continue to inspire! !
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Hi there. This is such a good question that I am going to copy it and answer it as a new post. Be sure to subscribe so that it comes to your inbox as soon as I finish writing it! Thank you for being here.
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Trying to find help in others to stay health and sober. I always had a problem with drinking and of course quit numerous times. My longest was 2 years of sobriety and most recently 11 months. I do know getting overwhelmed and looking for relax and forget time is what usually triggers my drinking. I am a weekend binge drinker and have started to miss Monday’s and i have also been so sick ive started to thrw up and slightly shaky and of course the anxiety. Wanting support and ideas on where to go for help Ive got so much going for me right now I really just looking for support and encouragement. Admitting I am powerless to alcohol is a scary thing!!
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I’m glad I found you…. Day 6…… And more to come.
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That is WONDERFUL – keep going. Caution: weekend ahead!! Don’t let it trip you up.
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I need tips on what you do at the bewitching hour? When you want a glass or 2 of wine.
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Hi Cindy. Here is how I’ve learned to handle that. Consider that cravings are a signal from your brain/body of discomfort. It’s your way of saying to yourself, “I’m feeling uneasy right now and want something to help me cope.” The problem, however, is that after years of boozing we’ve trained ourselves to only see one solution to that feeling: ALCOHOL. So I started thinking of it as if I was babysitting my 12-year-old self. What would I do if a 12 year old girl came to me and said, “I’m uneasy right now, can you help me cheer up?” What would I offer that girl, because it sure would not be wine, right? I might suggest an activity, a snack, a nap, or a change of scene. I might bake cookies with her, take her out to do some errands, or to play in the fresh air. I might have her cuddle a pet or maybe paint her nails. That’s the first thing. The next thing is to have snacks around that absolutely taste terrible with wine. This might include oranges, mints, ice cream or gummy bears. (Sugar can negate alcohol cravings for many people). Avoid salty snack or cheese or whatever is going to make it seem like wine is “missing”. Change your routine. Move the furniture. Avoid the old things you used to do while drinking – i.e. If you used to sit in a spot and watch tv and drink wine, then sit in a different spot and read a book and drink tea. Call a friend. Do a suduko puzzle. Stop at the drug store on the way home from work (instead of the liquor store!) and pick up a few treats to pass the evening (magazine, nail polish, craft). Self care, especially of that inner child! Try these things and let me know how it goes. Any one have other suggestions that they found helpful?
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42 year old man, been drinking regular and heavy since I was 16, it’s been my lifestyle. Lately over the last 10 years or so my consumption has steadily and gradually increased to a point very alarming to me. I’m obviously a high functioning alcholic due to my continued career success but when I look back after a night of getting totally trashed over the years, I’ve damaged many relationships with people I love, risked the saftey of my 9 year old daughter, crashed several cars, injured myself, 6 or so interactions with the law, driven black out drunk- I’m my company vehicle, played with and discharged firearms. Basically lived like a total reckless asshole when drunk.
It’s only a matter of time before something really bad happens, like a 2nd OUI and loosing a 6 figure income, and, and, and…..
I admitted to a close friend today that I have a serious problem, that I am an alcholic. This friend has 1.5 years down with AA and has been sober the whole time.
I’m going to my 1st meeting in 4 hours and I’m terrified. I realized alcohol needs to leave my life for good.
I’m simply not willing to damage another relationship or my life any longer.
This blog has been very inspiring
Thank you!
Norm
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Norm, great decision and I promise it’s a much better life. You deserve to be free and happy my friend. I’m standing sober with you today, saluting your courage and telling you, “You’re not alone.” Bravo.
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I read your blog. Found gratitude. And quit for nine months. But never found connection. I never replaced my sorrow with the deep need for friendship. So I ended up going back to my bottle a night. I’m so bummed about it. I’ve been drinking again for seven months. I feel terrible and depressed and I am deep in gratitude hoping that will give me the strength to want to actually live my life. I’m such an imposter.
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I have been sober 5 years, 4 of which were with the suport of a 12 step program. For me if i didn’t stand up an officially say i was an alcoholic in front of people and family then i KNEW as soon as i felt beter i would think….oh it’s not so bad…..i can try one more time to drink. The program taught me that i can never have just one drink again. I am incapable of stopping once i have one. So for me it will never even be an option. I have to “put a plug in the jug for good”. Today at xmas dinner everyone was drinking (alot) and it was hard at times but just as a diabetic knows to stay away from dessert that looks tempting I have to stay away from the drink. I can live with that slight dissappointment because my life is 100 percent better sober.
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Jean,
I want to express my profound gratitude to you. A week ago, on a Monday afternoon, I found myself hazy, head throbbing. Instead of working, I was in bed asking myself for the 200th time what I was going to do to stop the cycle I was on. I propped myself on pillows, cracked open my laptop, and made a list that contained everything from psychoanalysis to AA to kudzu, but nothing seemed right. So in desperation, I googled “how do i stop drinking?” and that’s how I found your blog. I spent the rest of the day reading the extraordinary bloggers in this amazingly supportive community, and reading comments left by so many others exactly like me. By evening, I’d started my own blog, https://theunlitpath.wordpress.com, and genuinely committed to Belle’s 100 days without drinking challenge. If I hadn’t found UnPickled, I wouldn’t be on the path I am today. Day 8! In place of the old familiar desperation and shame there is now abundant hope and relief and – above all – gratitude. Thank you!
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Wow fantastic! Great job. Stay close and write lots over the coming weeks, the holidays can be challenging in early sobriety.
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Finding this blog is saving me… I drink once a week, and once I have one, I don’t stop until I’m ready to pass out. I spend the rest of the week hating myself and promising I will quit for good and then once I’m finally feeling good about myself, I convince myself I don’t have a problem, I will just have “one” drink and the entire cycle starts again. I need to quit, I want to quit… I don’t know how. I’m hoping by finding this site & getting involved in the recovery community will be the start to my recovery. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I don’t feel so alone.
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You’re definitely not alone, you’re among friends here who are happy to shine a light on the path ahead. Read up, make a plan, make some connections, gather your courage and begin. Everyone deserve peace and joy in their core. Breaking free of alcohol can give you that, and you deserve it!
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I was sober for over 5 years. Started drinking again a few years ago after my son was born. I am not a daily drinker, more once a week, but if I drink even one than the whole night gets away from me. I will suffer memory loss, make stupid and embarrassing, although so far not harmful decisions (yet), stay out until 1 or 2am. I have a loving husband, three young beautiful children, and a good job. What is wrong with me? I don’t want to start sobriety all over again, but I can’t go one feeling shameful, embarrassed and awful once a week. No one thinks I have a problem, they think I am just “fun”, but I know, deep inside, what I am doing is not right. I could use some thoughts, comments and support. Today is my day one….
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(((hug))) It is a great day to be sober, and I am cheering for you. There’s nothing worse that knowing your outsides don’t match your insides. The world sees a fun person, but inside you are most definitely not enjoying yourself. Honour your truth. You deserve to be free, happy and honest with yourself. When you were sober before, we you involved in a program or community that you could reach out to now? Will you consider therapy to uncover what it is that you are numbing with alcohol? Usually it is some discomfort that we don’t want to admit or recognize, and it can be hard to face, but it needs your attention. That’s the recovery part – staying sober means staying off the booze, recovery is about changing the things that caused us to drink in the first place. You are not alone. What would be most helpful to you right now? If you could wave a wand, what would you conjure to get you through the next week?
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Hi Jean,
I find I’m really missing you and Catherine on The Bubble Hour…there was always so much wisdom in your comments. Will you be co-hosting again? I’ve been reading sober blogs for a very long time and have listened and re-listened to every Bubble Hour podcast. I’d like to find a sober community, but I’m not sure how to find one I’d connect with. I’ve been a drinker for many many years, but it seems to have escalated in the 8 years since I’ve retired. I know I feel better when I don’t drink…but alcohol seems to make it easier to live with a long-time depressed spouse. I’m 62 and I need help.
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Hi Mary, thanks for your post. For now, I can’t say when I might be back on TBH but I just did a guest interview on the Since Right Now podcast which you might want to check out: https://soundcloud.com/klen-and-sobr/episode-1542-jean-mccarthy-unpicked-the-bubble-hour
It sounds like you could use some “real-life” support that goes beyond blogs and podcasts. Have you visited any meetings in your area? Know that newcomers are always welcome in recovery meetings – don’t be shy about trying out a few and asking for help. Alcohol might seem like it is helping you cope but over time the negative effects will come to outweigh any benefits. There is likely a support group for spouses affected by depression – that might be a good place to start connecting with others and might give you the courage to walk into a recovery meeting. I promise you that the people in the recovery community with be happy to help you out and give you encouragement to make positive changes. At 62, giving up alcohol has so many health benefits it is worth doing for that reason alone.
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Thanks for taking the time to respond. You’re right…I need to be more proactive. It’s not as though I don’t know better. Sometimes it’s just so hard. I’ve looked into support groups for spouses affected by depression, but haven’t been successful thus far. I’ll keep looking.
I listened to the SRN podcast and enjoyed it very much. Thank you. I’m still hoping you’ll be back on TBH, along with Catherine.
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Thank you for being here. After 15 years of sobriety, and 6 years of relapse, I am on Day 2.
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Thank you for being out here.
Day 1.
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Hello Jean:
I just wanted to personally thank you for every post you’ve written as well as the comments posted by you and others. I’ve tried every possible way to quit drinking and its your blog that made me realize that I can do this and I am not alone. It amazed me how much of my drinking life compared to yours. Today is 2 years sober for me! I feel great! I love my sober life and all the fun that goes with it. I’m learning more and more each day of why I drank and why I can’t.
Thank you for being in my life
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Brilliant, Sue. Just brilliant. I’ve sent you a private message. Thanks for shining your light!
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God bless you! I am starting over being sober again after a 9 month run of abstienence that ended in Feb. of this year. I am one week sober today(alcohol) I am so glad I found your blog as your posts have gave me lots of insights, laughs, and tears. Thank you so much… Hugs.
– Eric
Small town sask.
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Inspiring, Jean.
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I’m about to join you on the road to being unpickled. I look forward to reading your blogs.
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I want to quit, need to quit. The only person I’ve ever really confided in shares my challenge. He recommended Unpickled. I quit for a few months, with a goal in mind (fitting into my first wedding dress). My husband drinks very rarely and when he does, it’s minimal.
I drink too much during the week & oddly the weekends aren’t much of an issue. Maybe because I give myself a “good excuse” of a stressful job – it helps justify weekday binging, in my head at least. We don’t have kids, which is another way I justify the weekday drinks – no kids to take care of. We have furbabies that I sometimes feel guilty about because I’m so distracted by my secret binging.
My career is solid, but I suspect if I stopped drinking, the “need” for redbull in the morning and the afternoon would not be as strong. And I’m assuming my depressive mood swings would lessen. Plus, if I wasn’t groggy every morning, I could work less hours. Just a guess.
I’ve started working out in the evenings until 7, which gives me less hours to consume. But I still manage. 😦
I have major anxiety, which I read could be a result of the alcohol. What a crazy cycle – I justify drinking to relax, which ultimately makes me more anxious and the cycle continues.
Thank you & those who post their stories. I’m going to try your advice:
“I am worth whatever it takes to have freedom, peace and joy.”
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I have a problem with alcohol. I have had it for many years (over 6 years). It has come to the point that I drink almost everyday at the moment, and if I am not drinking, I am thinking about it.
I wake up with an aching heart. I literally feel that my heart is in pain. I am disappointed in myself and full of pain for having done the wrong thing previous day. I do not like the struggle of having to use my willpower. It feels like I am breaking into two parts and each is fighting the other. It is quite awful. I do not like to be in that position at all. It feels like I am not an integrated and a whole human being. My goal is to be completely whole.
The anticipation of having a drink is no longer as nice as it used to be. Except the first sip or two, the whole process is so stupid and filled with pain. It ends with me sleeping off on the couch after having had too much to eat. Yet somehow I get drawn into it. I wake up stinking and feeling awful. Earlier I used to enjoy the numbness and the false pleasure. But now I do not, and yet I get drawn into it. I want this cycle to end. I want to quit and yet I know that I also want to drink. So this is quite hard.
For what it is worth, I am highly educated and earn very good money. But clearly that does not matter. I am also vegan and do not ever lie. It is my vow to keep my word to people always and to never fabricate or deceive intentionally. But I have broken my word to myself about not drinking a few times. I do not like that at all.
I wish to stay to the point and to not make this too detailed. I wrote an elaborate story earlier showing how I came to addiction in the first place. But I realized that wasn’t so important. I feel that does not matter as much as the fact that I drink, and that I am desperate to stop. That goal is the most important thing to me right now. I have read this blog since over a month. I identify so much with all the stories. It felt nice to not be in mental isolation and to know that there are many others who struggle in much the same ways. I desire a sense of community as far as this misfortune is concerned. Please share with me what can help me. I will pray everyday that every single person on this blog, and beyond, is rendered sober and whole. I owe it to myself and everyone that aches from addiction.
I am afraid of how I am going to cope without a drink. It is a fear for sure. What am I going to do when the desire strikes? How am I to handle the emotional challenges without a drink? What am I to do with boredom (other than work, most everything is boring). So these huge questions haunt me and prevent me from making a commitment for life.
I am going to take a vow today. When this post goes up, I vow to not drink a drop of alcohol (even in form of medication) for 2 months. That is till September 21, 2015 (Monday). Then I will report back (if not sooner) and extend my vow. Please please wish me luck. Please also share your words of recovery and wisdom with me. One thing (divine gift) in me is the ability to keep my promises to people. I waited a while to make sure that I wanted to give my word to you all. But all day yesterday I had a lot to drink, and by today afternoon I was ready to go in front of all of you. Please wish me luck!
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Wow. Reading your post I felt like I was reading about myself. I just decided this past Sunday (7/19) that I am tired of myself and my drinking. I’ve been drinking pretty much every day since I can remember. I think it got worse about 6 years ago when my husband and I moved away from friends and family. I am blessed to be retired at 57 and mortgage-free now but just miss everyone from home so much. There’s always an excuse though, right? I probably drink a bottle of wine every night. My justification is that “it’s ONLY 4 glasses”. Because that’s what I do. Make excuses for doing what I know I shouldn’t be doing. Most mornings I feel fine physically but hate myself and am angry with myself and once again tell myself today will be different. Until 5 o’clock rolls around. Then it all goes out the window and here I go again. Oh, I’m not really an alcoholic because I can wait until 5 o’clock. Yeah right!! I tell myself it’s just a bad habit, etc. I’m not sure what prompted this latest epiphany on Sunday but I told myself I will commit to just one week of no drinking, of course not forever; surely I can commit to that. So on Monday my doctor’s office called to say I needed to come in for a check-up because they won’t approve my prescription refills (hypertension) anymore until I do. I made the appointment for August 19th. The “coincidence” of the dates wasn’t lost on me. I stopped drinking on July 19th and my doctor’s appointment is August 19th? So it was then I decided to commit to the one month of no drinking. At this point today is day 6. I haven’t had a drop and I must say it feels good. I am extremely proud of myself. I definitely feel empowered that I am staying with the commitment I made to myself. I am also exercising every day (which I do most of the time anyway) and eating better. I would hope with no booze, I will definitely lose some weight! And I do realize how bad I will feel psychologically if I give in. It’s definitely a slippery slope. I am the kind of drinker that can’t have just 1 or 2. I have at least 4 or 5 (or more I hate to say). I’m sorry to ramble. I am hoping this forum will be helpful to me on this new path. Any insights would be appreciated. One added thing; my husband is a drinker too and committed to the one week with me. However, he has not been supportive in the past and I finally realized that even if he drinks, I am on this road by myself and only I can do this for me. I need to rely on that and no one else. Thanks for reading.
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Hello there. I hope that you make it to your goal and much much beyond. I wish you luck. I am on day 3 and this afternoon I have had the dreaded feeling that I want to have a drink. All that nonsense about how it is only a drink and that I can be ok afterwards. I know it never ends that way though. It is a shameful trip each time and always comes at the cost of productive work and a healthy body. Have you gotten these craving over the past 6 days? How do you handle them?
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I wish you luck as well. I can relate to the dreaded feeling of wanting to drink. I have it every day too. And I agree…..I have finally come to the realization that I cannot be a social drinker. It’s a slippery slope and once I have 1, I have 4 or 5 (or 6 or 7). I have told myself so many, many times that TODAY is the day I stop and I finally realized one of those days has to finally be the one. I do crave it but not to the point that it’s unbearable. (at least I am the kind of drinker that waits until the golden hour of 5 o’clock!) It’s just like I’m missing something out of my routine. When I feel the craving, I just think about the commitment I made to myself and how mad and upset and disappointed with myself I will be if I give in. I’m a big water drinker anyway so have increased that and I drink water ALL day long. I’m not sure if that helps but it can’t hurt. I’ve also been exercising more than usual and trying to eat better (hey, one thing at a time here!). I hope this may help me lose a bit of weight. I could spare 15 lbs. and not drinking will save a lot of calories! What also helps is thinking short-term. I am planning for a one-month respite and in my mind I think “after that, we’ll see”. They say one day at a time so that thought helps too. The ironic thing is the day after my one month is up is my husband’s birthday. In the back of my mind, I am planning to have a drink with him to celebrate and also celebrate my “success” in not drinking. How twisted is that? I am planning to drink to celebrate NOT drinking!! It would be funny if it wasn’t so ridiculous and sad. I am convincing myself that I’ll be fine by then and I could have 1 or 2 drinks. I guess we’ll see. I am hoping I won’t feel like having any after one month but who knows? I am also committing to the one month because I have to get blood work done in a month and I am terrified about my liver function test results. I have had some pain in my right side on and off recently and I am sure it’s my liver screaming at me to stop drinking. Of course I’ve ignored it up until now. I am very proud of myself and feel empowered by sticking to my promise to myself. (like you, I also keep my promises so that should help us both) Please feel free to “converse” with me whenever you would like. It helps me to write about it and have others truly understand. Enjoy your weekend.
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Hello Summer 621. Hope all is well and that your weekend is going great so far. As I said Friday afternoon was hard for me (for a couple of hours anyway) but I lived through it. It helped so so much to read your reply. Just in time. Thanks for that! So far since I have not had any major mental struggle. When starting I told myself that when I progress through a few days it would only get better. It seems like that was accurate. It might be a matter of habit-building and not allowing your temptation make you weaker. Still given all that has happened in the past, it is easier said than done. But my hope is that we will find the strength to overcome our fears and dependencies. Just like you, I too do not want to think too far ahead into the future. That is still scary; so one day at a time. And also the fact that I made a personal and public vow; that is important. It helps me too to write down my experiences and I am very very thrilled to find your journey and support. I am not doing anything else too differently. But I think keeping hydrated is a good idea anyway. I will look forward to reading from you. Anything encouraging you have to share will be awesome. I bet with a full month of no toxins in your body, your results will luck very good. I make sure to include dandelion and kale in my food everyday. Both are known very well to support your liver health. Give it a try 🙂
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Hello again! Well it’s Sunday so that means it’s officially been one week without drinking. I made it through a whole weekend though so I guess that’s something. I have pretty much been a homebody this past week out of fear. I didn’t want to see friends who most definitely would ask “What? YOU are not drinking?” Because they all know I’m a drinker. I didn’t want to face that. Also even going out to dinner because we always drink when we’re out. And then continue after (and sometimes before). I didn’t want that feeling of being deprived so I’ve just been staying home and cooking. I’m not so sure that is the best idea staying in all the time but I guess I needed it for the first week. When my husband agreed to the one week with me we also discussed not drinking while at home when it’s just the two of us. We said if we have people over or go out with others, then it’s okay. So I am still sticking to my one month because of my upcoming blood work and then I keep telling myself that after that “we’ll see”. For me I guess that’s the easiest way for me to keep with it. I think if I tell myself it’s forever, I will be miserable. I guess it’s different for everyone but this seems to be working so far. Just telling myself it’s temporary even if that’s maybe not the most healthy thing to do. I am proud of myself and basically try not to think about it but it’s very difficult. It does help to have my husband’s support (so far) but that remains to be seen if he sticks with it. I don’t expect him to stop completely because I am but as long as we stick to our plan we discussed, I think it will be okay. I look forward to hearing from you and I appreciate the understanding and support. Let’s help each other keep our promises!!
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Hello there….I have been meaning to write but only got around to it now. Well since I stopped drinking I have been way more productive at work; and I have to admit I feel awesome about that. At the end of the day I have a sense of satisfaction. When I wake up in the morning, I do not have the shame and guilt in me. These emotions in the morning (or in the middle of the night, if I had passed out way too early to sleep 12+ hours straight)
used to be so intense that the only way to pacify them (so I could live with myself even for a couple of hours) was to have another drink. This cycle was so strong. I have to admit that I have had thoughts of alcohol since my vow last week (I have them right now as well), but I know there is no way I can give in.
I have had a new realization that it is not about fighting the urge until you are worn out, but to expect the urges to hit and deal with them by simply learning to ignore them (that works better for me). I do not like the fight of the will power. This past week I have simply given up fighting the urge. Rather I just ignore it and let it pass.
Hope your last couple of days have gone by well. I know social expectation to drink might be hard to deal with, but we must all be our own individuals. The fact is that most people know exactly when to stop but some of us don’t. So the road is so dangerous for those of us who would rather keep going. Alcohol has become an important part of having fun. I had forgotten that numbing any boredom or fear with alcohol only makes them stronger.
I would love to hear how your past few days have gone. Have you had any realizations that are worth sharing?
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So great to hear back from you! This definitely helps to discuss things here. I have to admit when I first decided to do this, I thought I would be MISERABLE. What’s funny is, it’s just the opposite. I also feel a great sense of satisfaction like you do which does help. I can’t say I don’t miss my wine every night or that I don’t think about it because unfortunately I do every day. But I’m actually finding that it’s manageable because of how much better I am feeling by not drinking. I am sleeping better, I can tell I lost some weight because I’ve been exercising every day (I don’t really care what the scale says; I can tell by clothing, etc.) and I actually feel happier most of the time. Truly happier than when I was drinking. There was always something nagging at me that I couldn’t quite put my finger on and I assume it was me being disgusted with myself but not wanting to admit it. I can relate to what you say about the shame and guilt because when drinking, I would wake up EVERY morning being upset and mad at myself. Without fail. And I would berate myself and feel horrible and tell myself today is the day to stop. Now I wake up feeling great because I actually slept all night. (before I’d wake up multiple times, a lot of time not being able to go back to sleep). I mean embarrassingly sometimes I’d just plop into bed after drinking my bottle of wine and not even brush my teeth…..Ewww.. Every day now I just become more motivated because I’ve made in ONE more day! I actually marked on my phone calendar DAY 30 because I plan to make it there. Then I’ll have my blood work and………………Ugh I hope I won’t feel like a drink the next day because that’s hubby’s birthday. So I am taking a wait and see attitude even though I know that isn’t necessarily a healthy or good thing. We all have to do what works, right? I hope you’re feeling better and better and sticking with it gets easier for you too!
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Hello there! How have you been? All well and on track I suppose 🙂 I have crossed the one week mark and I feel great about that. Today is going a bit hard though. It is Friday and I have had a very productive week, and my old habit pattern says it would be great to have a drink to celebrate the weekend. But I know how that ends for me. I wonder how long it takes before these urges become very rare and not an everyday thing. I have to be honest, as much as I feel I am prepared for them to strike, I do not like to deal with them one bit. I am waiting for this one to pass.
I think your one-day at a time approach is very good. We will see what happens when the month is over (I tell myself the same). If we stress about that right now, it won’t help at all. Anxiety is no good. I too do not know what to do when my 2 month mark is reached and over. Have you gone out with friends lately? How was that?
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Hi – I hope you made it through your Friday night. We are going out with friends tonight who are big drinkers and they know what a drinker I am. We’ll see how that goes. My husband and I went out alone last night and only had water. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be because I’m so used to drinking when we go out. I was actually surprised that my husband didn’t have a glass of wine so I do feel very supported. We’ll see what happens tonight and next week when we have visitors for 6 days! I don’t expect him not to drink because I am committed to my one month off but I just hope he is moderate about it which is unusual for both of us. Today is day 14 for me so I feel proud I made 2 weeks! I still miss it because I will admit I just LIKE to drink. Unfortunately I’m one of those people who can’t seem to moderate and like the buzz so that’s why I keep going. Part of not stopping before now I think was I didn’t want to admit it was a problem but deep down knew it was. It’s more psychological for me than a physical craving. It was just part of my identity in a way and I do want to change that. Who knows……maybe I CAN turn into a social drinker but I also don’t want to deceive myself either. I feel so much support just from hearing how you are doing and I hope I can be of some help to you as well. I am kind of dreading the visitors in regards to not drinking but the wife isn’t a big drinker so I think that may help. I’m also encouraged that my husband noticed I lost weight because as I mentioned before I’ve been working out every day! So that’s a big incentive for sure!!!! Well, keep with it!! Be proud and stay committed. We can do it for sure!
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Hello there 🙂 For some reason I am not able to reply to your last message. So replying to this one. I have passed the 2nd week and 99% of the time I feel great. Today, just like last Friday afternoon, the familiar urge struck, but I feel I am over it already. Just the thought of how it goes and ends is disgusting. Yet the appeal might be in leaving work earlier and getting a drink, and pouring it with anticipation. in all honesty, that is where the good part ends. It is all downhill from there. I have had very productive days, thanks to being in senses all of the time. I have been sleeping well and for me the most important thing is that I wake up without any pain of guilt and shame. That is huge.
I really do not socialize very much, so seeing others drink is not an issue. I guess we all have different triggers. For me it is boredom when there is nothing to do, or when I feel like doing nothing. Oh well! Whether the trigger is external or something wired in the brain’s habit patterns, the result is not good.
How did your time with guests go? Was it hard to say no? It helps me a lot to hear from you, and I can relate on various levels to your story. Indeed we are in this together.
As for me I still do not know what I am going to do on the day my 2 months are over. But I will cross that bridge when I come to it. It is a very nice feeling not to be anxious about that part of it at this time. Have a great weekend and I hope to hear from you soon.
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So good to hear from you! It looks like they changed the website somewhat. I notice if you put your cursor on the head of the message you want to reply to (where the date of the message is), a reply button will come up. I have had my guests here since Aug. 5th and have not had a drop!! I am surprised but also proud of myself. It’s hard to believe for me really. I do want to but I just don’t do it. Although I admit it was all I could do not to just pour myself one along with my stepdaughter. I made someone else get it for her. I just couldn’t open that bottle and not have any myself!! I feel fine mentally actually so that’s a bonus! I know it is partly because I am thinking in the back of my mind that I just have to make it until my blood work and then “Oh, I’ll be fine with one or two drinks”. And who knows? Maybe I will but past experience tells me otherwise. I think (I’m hoping anyway) that if my husband and I stick to what we said about not drinking when we’re home just us two, that it may just work. Ugh………well like you said I guess we’ll wait and see. I am happy to hear you are feeling good. It definitely is different sleeping well and not waking up and hating myself!! It was such a routine just like drinking….. Well keep it up, hang in there and all those other awful cliches!!!
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You must be so proud and happy that you were able to resist temptation even with such a strong trigger around you!!! I am very happy for you.
My husband left today for a 12 day trip and I am very nervous, to tell you the truth. When I get home, there is nobody there but me. And boredom is surely my trigger for me. I am nervous and hoping to stay strong.
I run the details of what happens after that first sip in my mind, and each time it feels disgusting and worthless. I feel if I stay strong tonight I will be fine. Surely the 2 month pledge seems so long at times; but given my feelings over the last 3 weeks, it is worth everything to remain sober. Hope you have been well. Perhaps the guests have left by now?
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Sorry I haven’t responded in a bit. I’m embarrassed to say I had a small stumble. I don’t feel entirely like I’ve ruined my promise to myself and have gotten back “on the wagon” but did drink several days last week. Having the visitors did me in. I was fine for 4 days but then we had 2 other couples over along with the people staying with us and it was like a party and I talked myself into the fact that it had been 3 weeks since I’d had anything, blah, blah, blah…fill in the blanks to justify it to yourself. I was disgusted and disappointed with myself for sure. I am hoping to continue with just not drinking at home when no one is over and I’m going to try to be a social drinker. (Even though I KNOW this isn’t a good mindset for me because I know I really can’t be. My tolerance is so high, I need at least 4 drinks and that’s usually my minimum) The biggest problem is, I drink to get buzzed. I don’t drink for the taste or to be sociable. That means I HAVE A PROBLEM!!! Ugh……..I wish this could be easier. Oh well, enough whining. PUN intended……… At least hubby was good with watching his drinking and he is also back to no drinks when it’s just us 2 at home. I hope you’re doing okay with your husband away. My husband used to travel all the time before he retired so I can relate!
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Hang in there! I have had many stumbles and broken promises to myself. So I can relate. I read in Katie Byron’s book last night something very simple but profound. She said that alcohol is honest and true. It never lies and does exactly what it promises to do. Gets us drunk and promises to make things worse each time. I was so true, especially since I think of alcohol as a curse and the enemy. Turns out that we make it so. It is a struggle. I hope with time it is less so.
Anyhow I can tell you my side. Each time I stumbled, it became harder to get back on track. But I always wanted to get back on track somehow. And now I am on this track. I have done well so far. A couple of times I simply didn’t know why I was doing this to myself when I could just have a drink and be done. Somehow I didn’t. To me it is a miracle. I don’t know what else to say.
Wishing you luck as always 🙂 Keep me posted with your journey as it unfolds. A stumble does not mean that the journey has to end. You can still do it. I know. If you could manage 3 weeks you can manage longer. Practice makes perfect!
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Thanks for your response. I always look forward to hearing from you. You should be proud of yourself that you are sticking with it!! I had my doctor’s appointment and blood work on Wednesday and my liver functions are fine. I am hoping this doesn’t give me an excuse now. (I always justify drinking in some way or other!!) I did join my husband yesterday in drinks when we went out for his birthday. And, of course, today I feel lousy and overdid it AS ALWAYS. I do get totally disgusted with myself. It’s funny……at my doctor’s appointment, I was checking what my weight has been the last few visits and the doctor noticed in 2013 I was down about 10 pounds. And I said “oh yeah, I worked out like a fiend that summer because my daughter got married in August and I wanted to look good”. And he said “well, see…..you CAN do it if you want to!!” I can absolutely relate that to drinking as well. I think I need to start having that mindset about anything I think I can’t do!! Sounds simple but not so much in reality. Anyway, another weekend upon us. Ugh……then next week is a holiday weekend and, of course, there’s a party Sunday. We’ll see how that goes. I am definitely my own worst enemy! We had a Cinco de Mayo party in May and I totally was able to control how much I drank. It was because I love hosting parties and I had to be able to serve the food, etc. so I was watching how much I drank because of that and I also didn’t want to look like a fool. (even though when you’re drunk, you think you’re acting just fine, right??!!) Well back on the wagon AGAIN!! Enjoy your (no booze!) weekend.
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Summer 621 how sre you today? Your stor6sounds so familiar. It could be me writing. ..
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“…I drink, and that I am desperate to stop.” Me too! Your questions about the desire to drink, emotional challenges & boredom are familiar to me also. I wish I had the answers for you, but I struggle with the same questions. Know that you are not alone. I will pray for you. For all of us. To stop the madness.
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I wish you the very best too 🙂 I am on day 7 of no alcohol and I feel great. Don’t get me wrong. I have urges, but I simply let them pass remembering my vow and the awful downward spiral drinking puts me in. We are in this together. Feel free to share your thoughts and wisdom with me whenever you feel like it. I feel we get into a cycle where anxiety (boredom in my case) gets us to drink, but that strengthens the desire to drink. This is a very rough cycle. Hoping that working out and keeping busy is helping you. I wish success.
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How many times do you have to google “how do I stop drinking”, “am I drinking too much” etc. etc. before you finally quit? Oh actually I don’t need to quit… I can be a social drinker…
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Okay, I’ll admit I did that many many mannnnnnnyyyyy times. I wrote this post about the stages of change – I guess googling and waffling would be the “contemplation” stage. Read it here: https://unpickledblog.com/2014/06/08/how-i-knew-it-was-time-to-quit-drinking/
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I have a problem with alcohol. I have had it for many years (over 6 years). It has come to the point that I drink almost everyday at the moment, and if I am not drinking, I am thinking about it.
I wake up with an aching heart. I literally feel that my heart is in pain. I am disappointed in myself and full of pain for having done the wrong thing previous day. I do not like the struggle of having to use my willpower. It feels like I am breaking into two parts and each is fighting the other. It is quite awful. I do not like to be in that position at all. It feels like I am not an integrated and a whole human being. My goal is to be completely whole.
The anticipation of having a drink is no longer as nice as it used to be. Except the first sip or two, the whole process is so stupid and filled with pain. It ends with me sleeping off on the couch after having had too much to eat. Yet somehow I get drawn into it. I wake up stinking and feeling awful. Earlier I used to enjoy the numbness and the false pleasure. But now I do not, and yet I get drawn into it. I want this cycle to end. I want to quit and yet I know that I also want to drink. So this is quite hard.
For what it is worth, I am highly educated and earn very good money. But clearly that does not matter. I am also vegan and do not ever lie. It is my vow to keep my word to people always and to never fabricate or deceive intentionally. But I have broken my word to myself about not drinking a few times. I do not like that at all.
I wish to stay to the point and to not make this too detailed. I wrote an elaborate story earlier showing how I came to addiction in the first place. But I realized that wasn’t so important. I feel that does not matter as much as the fact that I drink, and that I am desperate to stop. That goal is the most important thing to me right now. I have read this blog since over a month. I identify so much with all the stories. It felt nice to not be in mental isolation and to know that there are many others who struggle in much the same ways. I desire a sense of community as far as this misfortune is concerned. Please share with me what can help me. I will pray everyday that every single person on this blog, and beyond, is rendered sober and whole. I owe it to myself and everyone that aches from addiction.
I am afraid of how I am going to cope without a drink. It is a fear for sure. What am I going to do when the desire strikes? How am I to handle the emotional challenges without a drink? What am I to do with boredom (other than work, most everything is boring). So these huge questions haunt me and prevent me from making a commitment for life.
I am going to take a vow today. When this post goes up, I vow to not drink a drop of alcohol (even in form of medication) for 2 months. That is till September 21, 2015 (Monday). Then I will report back (if not sooner) and extend my vow. Please please wish me luck. Please also share your words of recovery and wisdom with me. One thing (divine gift) in me is the ability to keep my promises to people. I waited a while to make sure that I wanted to give my word to you all. But all day yesterday I had a lot to drink, and by today afternoon I was ready to go in front of all of you. Please wish me luck!
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Hi all, I’ve made it to day 29 and I keep waiting to feel good. I thought I’d have more energy by now, and I’m just realizing how much drinking masked my chronic back pain. I’m wondering physically how people felt after quitting? Anyone like me and it’s not yet all sunshine and roses?
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great post 😉
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It’s midnight and this is Day 1
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Wohoooo (carthweel) (kick jump) (old lady cheer moves) Keep posting – let’s move you through Day 2!
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Thank you for your blog. It’s exactly what I needed in my life right now! I don’t feel alone.
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Oh you are not alone! If you have questions or want to start a discussion please post here any time. We are all in this together.
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Hi Jean
I am no different. Found your blog early this morning after only 3 hours of sleep. I am at the stage where I realize that alcohol is destroying my life but I am terrified to make a change. I have listened to Bubble Hour at work the whole day today but come 12.00 pm I knew I was going to get a drink in the evening.
Drinking is no more fun like it used to be. It is fun once I have taken that 1st sip but before I do it, I am more worried than anything else. Because I don’t how it will end; some days I am able to stop after 3 glasses of wine (and I actually tell myself the next day that I have control) but some days I just black out. The only reason I stop after 3 drinks is that I have an eating disorder too, so when I black out, I binge eat as well as binge drink. And then it is guilt and shame and hate of myself.
The crazy mind chattering that goes on before I take the first drink is unbearable.
Like most of us, I am a perfectionist and hold a high position but come a time in the day where only drinking matters. I don’t care about the rest of the world… And this is scary.
Will I ever make it? I have been contemplating a change for the last 6 months, I have tried everything, rehab, church, gym, but cannot seem to sustain anything.
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I relate to you. I have taken a 2 month vow to be without a drop and so far it is going well. I realized I need a drink (or many) everyday and no matter what I did I couldn’t stop the desire. The first few sips are awesome; the habit of pouring it into a glass could be far more addictive I feel. But it ends with me passing out and waking up with terrible ache in my heart from having done the wrong thing. I feel so sad from having given in that next day that the only way to take a break from that feeling is to have a drink. So the cycle continues. I feel bloated and terribly unhealthy when I drink like that. And far less productive too. I will pray that you are able to break this cycle. One day at a time. I wish you luck and a life of sobriety and pride in yourself. Take care!
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Its been two and a half weeks sober for me. I am keeping busy (i have several ‘go to’ tactics including ; oil bath, read, paint, op shop, snickers eaten mindfully) I am definitely achieving more in my day. And loving clarity of mind and better sleep. But best of all I am loving the freedom from guilt, shame and remorse. This was killing me – possibly more than the physical toll on my health. It’s early days and I’m prepared and armed with distractions for when I get ‘that’ feeling coming on. I know i must remain mindful of risky situations, but thats a small price to pay for the benefits Im seeing emerge. I think whats helped me this time is i decided to be kind to myself, forgive myself for past mistakes, and to do ‘this’ for ME! I had, previously made promises to others to get sober. This time I decided that I am worthy of a better life. I didnt put too much pressure on myself. I reasoned that if i slip i slip. I removed the pressure of doing it for others. And low and behold, something magical is happening. A definite shift in mindset is taking place. Im keeping it simple, and my main focus will continue to be; kindness to self, gratitude for all I have (and I’m skint financially) and forgiveness and letting go, being mindful, enjoying the moment – its all we have) helping others and treating myself too. So far this is working for me so im sticking with it.
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HI all.
from, lost my way a little.
I need help and I know it.
I work from home and have started drinking quite heavy due to the stress of it all.
Dont know where to start,,,,tried Doctors, but not very helpful,
Tried an internet help site and was getting spiteful comments, like get off your high horse….I am a good person, that just needs to get back on track.
When I try, I am getting really bad withdrawal symptoms…I really need to stop.
As anyone here had tablet help?,,,,My Doctor put me on antidepresnts that were awful, changed twice and they just mess with your head more.
Any advice much appreciated.
Thank you.
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You will find a way. Yes you are a good person. I like to look at it as ‘im a good person who has done bad things (some really bad). Dont give up, you will get there.
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Just started reading your blog. I’m a week sober now after letting my wine habit creep up on me over the last few years. It’s really great to read your story, I’ve started right from the beginning and can relate to it a lot. I mentioned not drinking in passing to my husband after my last binge caused me to black out – I know he will be very pleased if I do, but mostly I know I need to do this for myself. One day at a time aye. Just wanted to say thanks for allowing everyone to be part of your journey so that you may help us with ours.
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Your redoing something wonderful and I applaud your determination to make this change. You may find it difficult, and take that as a reminder that it is necessary. People who don’t have a problem with alcohol can take it or leave it. If it’s a struggle to go without, then you know you need to! Thanks for being here and sharing your story. Please keep posting your experiences and share your thoughts on other comments, too. The exchange is helpful for us all, and connecting with one another can fuel recovery.
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Hi,
I am not hopeless. I have every other day being Day 1….. Going for a morning run, feeling great and comitted. Then next day calling work from home or reading Allen Carr book ( 33% so far). Trying to arrange my night to go to the gym, since I know I won’t grab a glass of wine at 5 pm, will probably be 8-9 pm. Then my husband has to work second job and instead of the gym I secure my bottle of wine for the night.I ask my husband not to have wine in the house… Buy myself a bottle, drinking his beet once I am done with the bottle I buy. Weekend…. Our no guilt drinking me and my husband….
I have 3 beautiful children. I’ve been reading this blog for a while. I am reading Allen Carr book and I want to last more than Day 1 of not drinking. Is it a sign of me getting ready to live my life or actually fulling myself???? Have you been in this place and got to the sober place? I enjoyed my morning jog with my dog trying to remember how great it feels, knowing I probably be looking at my window tomorrow not going out of my house for the entire day except taking my kinder gardner to the bus stop, “working from home” and getting up from couch around 2 pm to make home made dinner to pretend all is ok.
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Go back and read this post about the stages of change https://unpickledblog.com/2014/06/08/how-i-knew-it-was-time-to-quit-drinking/
I think you are in between the contemplation/preparation stage – maybe teetering back and forth, from what you describe. It is a huge relief to take action and move forward – whether that means going to a meeting or making a therapy appointment or talking to your doctor or joining an online group or just quitting. I really feel for you – I remember that pattern well that you describe and it was an unhappy time for me. Maybe you could committ to digging into more resources this weekend – perhaps check out some Bubble Hour episodes while you are gardening or go for a walk with headphones on. Join a recovery forum like BFB on Yahoo or Mrs D’s Living Sober site. Self care and quiet comtemplation is in order, I suggest. Big hug. It is hard, i know, but you can do it and you deserve to be happy and well.
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I am still shaking from last night. I want today to be my first day sober, I asked God to help me, and I found your blog, and Ellie’s, I hope I can make it.
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Hi Diana, I am glad you are here. Be very gentle with yourself. Give yourself the same tender loving care as you would a newborn and simply don’t drink. (Simple, but not easy.) I am rooting for you and so are many readers of this blog. Hang in there and fight for yourself. Reach out to others. You are not alone. (((HUG))) You can do this, I promise.
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Nice to read your blog. It gives us fellow recovery addicts hope and so much more.
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Nice to meet you Jean. Great site!
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madison,
thanks for the encouraging words. 7 years – amazing. i know i have to realize this is a life long journey and change. i hope to see more of your writing and resources. 10 days only for me.
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Hi,
I just found your site and I breathed a sigh of relief, I am nearly 7 years sober and have a blog of my own about alcohol recovery, I am feeling a little empty and can’t quite get my head around it. I can relate to much if what you write and it feels good to know I’m not the only one going through this. I have lots of “stuff” to still sort through. After such a long time being sober, you start thinking that these thoughts/feelings are just who you are but really I think it means I have more work to do. I have become a normal person who is not really a normal person!! Only you guys would understand. Oh sobriety can be so complex and lonely at times but I wouldn’t go back the other way.
Thanks so much for your blog. I am going to subscribe. I haven’t written much on my blog in ages, I often post resources for people and I know I get a lot of people who have been helped by it, I’m hoping to feel inspired or courageous enough to write again.
Anyway, thanks again!
Madison
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So glad you’re here, Madison!
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thanks, Nancy!!! cheering you on also.
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Hello! So glad I found this blog. I am thirty years old and struggling with alcoholism. I have been sober a few times for short periods. I haven’t been able to make it stick. I don’t think I was thinking “one day at a time” and of course I am super hard on myself. I drank yesterday. I knew I was going to for a couple days (I had been sober for 87 days prior). I did it anyway. I justified it in my head. My boyfriend is in recovery and praise God he understands. He went out of town for work and I met up with a girlfriend. Before I knew it, I blacked out. I’m a binge drinker.
I love the person I am sober. I am proud of that person. I want to be that woman all the time! I need help, direction and someone to talk to. I’ve been in and out of AA. I would love it if some women would be interested in accountability via email. You may reach me at KNA1221@gmail.com
Thank you for your blog!! 🙂
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We’re you ever able to fix your past relationships ? Our problems with freinds? If so how
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Great question. I think the answer for me is that once I started to change, the relationships started to change. Some ran their course, some improved, some I see differently. Readers please chime in: What have you experienced?
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I think friendships and past relationships are one of the most difficult aspects of sobriety. I moved far away when I got sober so I don’t see anyone who I grew up with, I am also from a tiny family so don’t have siblings. Over the years many of my very close friendships have fizzled away, it’s very sad sometimes but at the same time, I don’t know that it could be different. I am 7 years sober now, I feel like such a different person now, I feel kind of awkward about people from my past which is a difficult situation to be in, after all I have so many memories and shared experiences with these people. It took so much to get sober and learn to live “normally” I neglected many friendships and they have faded significantly. I have made new friends but I think it’s different to the friendships you make when. You are kids that grow into adulthood.
I struggle with sobriety and relationships a lot, I don’t like to admit it but I’m terrified of judgment, I ended a 14 year friendship when I was newly sober because my friend told me I was a shadow of my former self, I absolutley could not handle that criticism in my early sobriety and I never rekindled that relationship. Whew, got that all of my chest! That’s my way more than 2 cents on the subject! Thanks all!
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I was on day 4 th today …:
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Iam on day 7feeling better try to start new and find new
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I love this site…I’ve returned to it over and over during the last few months. I’m struggling. Some of the “yet” scenarios you mention in a recent post are happening. I want to stop. I’m going to destroy my relationship with my wife. She’s my best friend. I’m a broken record of apologies. I have been seeking help. We are seeking help together. Im just beside myself with my own behavior. I can’t justify it. I can’t explain it. I can only acknowledge it. Your posts are helping. In the sea of online resources I keep coming back here. Thanks!
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Well, here I am again. Day 2. I’ve tried to stop drinking about 5 times at this point, always setting a goal for myself, never wanting to say “forever”. Last time I actually reached out to two sober friends, wanting accountability and support, but ended up lying to both of them about how long I stopped and how much my drinking has lessened since. Total, outright fibs. My poison is wine, and I can put it down faster than most people can drink a glass of water when thirsty. I can seriously gulp that shit. I can, and have many times, drink 3/4 of a bottle it in the kitchen while cooking when my husband is entertaining the kids without them even knowing. And if there isn’t enough wine, I’ll quickly and stealthy drink a shot of tequila, bourbon, or rum from the cabinet while my heart beats with the fear of being caught in the act. I don’t know how this addiction got so out of hand. I have always been a drinker, even as far back as early high school. My parents drank, but with control, at least when i was young. My brother was a raging alcoholic all through college, and eventually passed away from complications of cirrhosis three years ago. My dad passed almost two years ago, and was clearly an alcoholic as well. And yet the development of my own addictive relationship to alcohol has been so gradual and subtle, it’s hard to pinpoint how i got here. But here i am. Again. In the past, the first few days for me have been the easiest, because the feeling of self-hatred is so close, my memory of the morning after so clear. It’s when weeks have past and i can’t remember why i have quit, and i know summer is coming when a glass (or two, or three) of cold rose on the porch with bread and cheese and olives and friends is so delicious, when the voices in my head get stronger with the justification for drinking again, that’s the time i fear the most. Well, actually this evening cooking dinner for the kids without the soft warm melt of red wine seems pretty daunting as well. Anyways, Day 2.
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Stay strong and keep reaching out. There is tons of support available to help you through the rough parts. You are worth every ounce of effort.
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Another night last night of drinking with friends, waking up this morning and not remembering half the night……im scared, i want to stop every morning only to drink again in the afternoon…….can i say day one and really mean it? i see myself in all the stories…….ns
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Yes, anon, you can totally do this. Put your whole heart into it and know that life is better on the other side. It is worth it.
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Thank you, day 3 just starting….went to boyfriends sisters house last night, he brought a bottle of wine and although i thought about taking just one sip or so, i did not. Interesting feeling uncomfortable in my own skin…..always feel better and more at ease with some wine in me. I just have to keep reminding myself of the nights where i drank and could not remember the next day a lot of the details…..I want to do this!!!!! I want this to be the time to really do this……ns
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Phew at last I`ve found a blog. I`m not very computer savvy. I`ve been wanting to have a day, a week without alcohol. For years. I`m one of those people who has many yets. Yes I always thought I didn`t have a problem because I was never blind drunk. But yes I always wanted a drink. I would always reward myself with drink. I do lots of sport and sometimes while swimming along I would be thinking well I can have a beer at the end of it. I live in Spain where drinking is part of the culture and wine and beer accompany every meal. When I would tell my husband that I wanted to stop drinking altogether he would laugh and say everyone drinks. Last night I finally told him that I wanted a life without alcohol and I wanted him to support me. I have always made people laugh and I worried that I would be boring, but then I thought at parties I have been funny before I was drunk. Sometimes we`ve been at work or in another situation without alcohol and it`s not been boring. I also worry I will fail at this. Every time I start something new I throw myself into it and I want to carry on and not just slip back into my old ways. So I woul drink away happilly hiding everything so I guess that`s what I`m doing here- becoming unpickled quietly. (1day)
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Hi Rachel – welcome. I am glad you found your way here. I want you to know that I have an interesting life that is full of family, friends, and good things even though I don’t drink anymore. It is possible. It is normal, in fact. I want you to know that I fully enjoy those good things, because I am no longer numb to them. I used to get numb to avoid the hurtful stuff, but it also made it hard to feel all the good things. Now I deal with the bad stuff, and turns out it isn’t so scary, and I am fully present for the beautiful things life has to offer. You sound ready to make a change. Don’t give up! It is a wonderful life and you deserve to enjoy it all! Big hug, and remember that doing things quietly doesn’t have to mean doing it alone. Find a way to connect with a support system, whatever that looks like for you.
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Hey there,
How are you doing today? I myself am on my day 2 for the about 5th time as well.I felt compelled to write back because I know the feeling you have only too well. Although I don’t have any major family issues I do have many major issues myself with alcohol…I was sober last year for months even through the summer…which I couldn’t even believe myself…but relapsed at the end and have been full force since. I too have children and a husband and will sneak my drinks while cooking or anytime for that matter. I know my husband is getting tired of it and what kind of example am I setting for my kids?! Stay strong and keep in touch : )
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Wow! I can so relate to every single word, except I’m a beer girl. I am exactly the same during the first few days (day 1 here) and eventually wind up rationalizing why this time will be different. Like you I am shocked at how subtly this has snuck up. I have always known I drink differently than others (fast like you – I mean REALLY fast) and I know I have to stop NOW. Hope you are still on your sober journey.
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I see myself in a lot of what you said. I am on week 3 of being sober (I am on a 2 month vow), and today I am almost completely forgetting the terrible reasons behind my wanting to be sober. 3 weeks seems long ago and looks like I forget what it feels like to be passed out on the couch and waking up in the morning absolutely disappointed in myself, and with an aching heart and stinking breath and a hangover. I wondered many times today if I can just have a normal drink and end it at that. I know that is not how it goes for me ever. It is sad that it has be this way–the struggle. But I also think it gets better with time.
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I know I need to stop would like to have a loving relationship can’t do it with alcohol thou . Day 1 no more drinking
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I am sober with you today, my friend. We can do this!
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Day 2 stop quit drinking ! So round yourself by GREAT people become great accomplish great things ! Help others !! Quit quit being selfish othere poeple need you need your help!
Look at the shit in this world What can we do to help others ? Quit ” quit being selfish stop drinking help
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Continue from quit drinking – day -4 feel really tired thou but glad
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Lots of self care and self love right now for you, okay? Big hug.
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I am cheering for you BWC! Don’t settle for anything less that taking back your control and finding some peace again. Freedom from alcohol is a beautiful thing!
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Been lurking here for a while now. I see my self over and over. Been drinking for over 30 years now, and it’s taking its toll on my adult children and my tee-totalling husband. I’ve also quit before, just never stayed quit. Today is day one…
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Good for you – how are you managing three days along? Don’t give up!
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Sank like a stone… Like so many here, I keep repeating day one. Any excuse to move the goalposts. Today is another day one, and I will not drink tonight, even though my mantra for tomorrow is “May 1, day one”. I have been told that I AM ready to quit, by a psychologist, but she wants me to change my default gradually, and I’ve been making that an excuse to not really start at all. had a wonderful vacation recently, where I drank very little (by my yardstick, anyway), and it felt great. I just have to keep remembering that.
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I am right here staying sober with you today. Who else is with us? Let me hear you, sober warriors! Who is with us?
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May 1, day one!! Make that day two. 🙂
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Annnnnnd repeat.
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I did not repeat… I was actually fine until a casual comment from my husband about me going to get wine when I was genuinely only going for groceries set me off. My grip on this not drinking is tenuous at best, I’m thinking. I’ve gone 30 days before, but not more than that in 30 years. I was already battling some pretty intense feelings, and I just thought, I can’t. I read your stages of change, and it could be me – right up to the action part, which I’m obviously having trouble with. It’s not the drinking so much that’s the issue, it’s using the wine so I don’t face up to what I’m feeling. It’s a vicious circle – I need to quit drinking so I can deal with the other issues – once I deal with those, perhaps the need to drink will just go away…
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Well at least you have good self awareness. There is nothing unusual about the addictive pattern of drinking to escape – you can overcome it, it has been done before and you can do it, too. What kind of support do you have? Are you going to meetings or involved in a program or therapy now?
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The one thing I don’t have much insight about is why, when I *think/know* I want to quit, I don’t. Day one over and over, well, sucks. I’ve gotten past a few things with the help of my therapist, but not that – yet. I don’t have much of a support system otherwise, just family that knows how much I drink and want me to stop.
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This is a difficult stumbling block. Maybe you are afraid of your own potential…?
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Not sure what I’m afraid of. I’ve used wine for a very long time to make up for relationship shortcomings. Perhaps facing that fully is what frightens me. Three days this time and I’m not even tempted. Too sick to care – bronchitis or something.
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In sorry you’re not feeling well. Pamper yourself silly. Maybe you’re afraid of how great your potential really is….? Intimidated by your own ability to be awesome? Some people feel unworthy of the greatness they hold within. For what it’s worth, you are worthy. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.
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Thanks Jean – I did take some down time, and seem to be on the mend. 🙂 I don’t do sick often or well. So, six days now and I’m not trying not to drink, I’m just not very interested in the idea. Perhaps just enough of a break in my routine? I’ve always thought that I’d slow down or quit when it became unimportant to drink, rather than being a fight to stop. Anyone else have this thought? Just curious.
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Yes, i had contemplated for more than a year about stopping and felt that it would happen, just didn’t know when……then, as my 60th birthday approached, i thought that would be a nice present to give myself. So i decided to have one last bottle of wine on my birthday and that would be it……..so here i am, this is day 4. And it has not been terribly hard yet although i expect that it will……i have been able so far to say to myself the last 3 nights when the thought came to me that it would be nice to have some wine, well yes i would like it but i really can’t have it……that is if i want to live and be healthy!!! So, I am hoping that i have really turned a corner and can stick with this. And Amanda, if you are out there, this is Nancy, and i thank you for calling me back and i would still like to talk to you, just have’nt had the chance to call you but i will try again. I am feeling hopeful, and a little scared, sad that i will not be able to have that glass/bottle of wine especially with friends on a nice summer gathering, on the lake, on the porch, in our back yards, out to dinner and anywhere else that it just seemed magical (but was not good for me). In reading UnPickled over the last year and listening to the bubble hour, i have heard and am hoping that it is true for me that i will still find the magic in those situations without the wine……Nancy
On Tue, May 12, 2015 at 7:31 PM, UnPickled Blog wrote:
>
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Feel free tor reach out if you are having any tough moments. Support is key!!!
Lisa
lrw116@hotmail.com
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I really appreciate it very much!! I am having a hard time bc my husband still drinks and doesn’t think I have a problem. I told my therapist about it but feel that I need to belong to a support group with people like me and as I said I don’t want to go to AA!!
Thank u Lisa!! Xo
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That’s really tough. My husband drinks but he is not a big drinker so over the almost 2 months he hasn’t had anything. The good news is if you stick with this you may get to a point that seeing him drink won’t bother you. My husband did have a beer when we were with friends but I was ok with that. Sure, I missed it but I held to my resolve. I’m tired of doing the dance with alcohol…it always wins and I ALWaYS lose is soooooooo many ways. Your sobriety is yours, it’s a great gift that you are giving to yourself. Maybe he doesn’t see that you have an issue but there is a reason that you feel you need to be here. Many people think that to be an alcoholic you have to be a falling down drunk. Not true. There are people who have issues with alcohol and they come in every shape and size. Everyday I grow stronger and you will too! Just focus on getting through today and take tomorrow as it comes. Go for a run and feel how healthy your body is getting!! You can do it!!!
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Sorry…that was me Lisa above!
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Thank u again Lisa: I feel so blessed to have connected with u. I do want to get to the point where seeing people drink doesn’t bother me. I don’t know if I agree with what everyone says about avoiding being around alcohol or people who drink. Unfortunately that’s not an option for me. Alcohol is everywhere and I don’t want to isolate my self from the world or miss out time with my family. Also, I can’t tell my husband not to drink bc that’s not fear to him. He is supportive of me not drinking for now but still doesn’t think I am an alcoholic. I know I need to stop for good. I already tried to cut back in the summer and couldn’t . I have so many reasons to stop drinking and none to drink again and even tough I am having a hard time with the idea of “NEVER”. I feel very strong about my decision but am so scared of a relapse. Today is 11 days and I am hoping it will get easier each day. I am really enjoying every day being sober. I don’t miss the hang overs and headaches. I am also more patient with my kids. I do feel more tired than usual but that’s ok. I don’t want my kids to grow up with an alcoholic mother.
Thank u again Lisa for being there for me!!
My name is Maria 🙂
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We have a house full of alcohol from a party that we had the weekend before I quit. I walk by my wine fridge everyday. It bothered me in the beginning but now I don’t even notice. I have actually felt more empowered because I can resist it. Alcohol is everywhere! Everyone I know drinks…except that have (or most of them) have an “off switch” and I don’t. My husband can have a beer and not finish the whole thing, meanwhile I was finishing his and the rest of the 6 pack. I also couldn’t bare to say “never” so I just stopped thinking about that and said “I won’t drink today and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.” As time has gone on I am thinking more about “never”. I know if I had one drink I’d be right back to square one and I’ve come so far….almost 2 full months. At this point my husband has told be that if I relapse he would have to leave me. I don’t want my son to feel like I am out of control. I know he has a lot of respect for me and there have been times when I was drinking that I could see that look of sadness in his eyes. I can’t take that. So that has given me a lot of will power to keep going. I read this quote from another blog…I love it! “Sobriety is the heroic decision to finally let go of what is harming your heart and soul.” Another quote I love “State today by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible!” Have a great day Maria…you can do this!!
Lisa
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Lisa and Maria, your exchange here is the very heart of recovery. Sending out gratitude for your willingness to share here. May it come back to you both tenfold.
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Wondering if Maria is OK??
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Lisa & Maria, wow your story sounds so familiar. i can’t change and don’t want to change my circle of friends, like you said – they have an “off switch”. i do sometimes, but this battle of having only 1 or stop @ 2, not drinking every day – blah blah blah. i am so sick of the battle. i wake up thinking about – not drinking or if we have plans – telling myself to only have 1 or 2 wines. but last night had family over – i am always stressed about that- so i drank a bottle of white and then had a couple of red wines. so mad, hungover today.
your right – alcohol is everywhere – i need to just learn how to enjoy life and handle stress without alcohol. I like hearing from Unpickled saying life is rewarding without.
i always pre-think about what will I say @ a restaurant or social setting – if I don’t order a wine. i have to get past that. not sure how to handle it – telling people i am trying to quit? most of them don’t know i have a problem–b/c most of my abuse of alcohol is @ home. so starting today, AGAIN, i am not going to drink, not have the white stuff in my house. i know how you feel about walking by the wine fridge!!! love this website!!!!
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Wow, its hard…..same stories over & over that i can relate to Terri…..o.k. day 1 for me as well!!!! Nancy
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Cheering for you, Nancy!
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Thank you so much for this blog. I have 6 days without a drink. I have been drinking for over 40 years and have been down this road before. I am always amazed how quickly my mind’s fog lift’s when I stop drinking. Yet somehow each time I have stopped I eventually allow myself to take that one drink that then leads me back into the habit of drinking with greater and greater frequency. My motivation to stop this time was related to my guilt in relation to my adult children and my worry that my many years of “functional alcoholism” has given them permission to drink without concern. I struggle and I worry that I won’t be able to maintain sobriety and I blame others for that. An extended family that loves to gather and drink and one that always asks questions that cause discomfort when having to “explain” why I have stopped (again.)
My wife says I am not as happy when I don’t drink yet she also says that she knows that it is healthier for me when I don’t. Her drinking decreases exponentially when I stop so I know it is good for her too.
This is just where I am right now. I woke up this Monday morning for the first time in several years not having to worry about whether or not my hangover was going to add to the misery of the day. That is a good thing and something I need to remember.
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I literally just found this blog, and read this post from “one more day” and it hit home hard. I am riddled with guilt when it comes to my adult children and how my drinking has affected them and my relationship with them. I am quitting drinking today. After years and years of over doing it, apologizing for my behavior, being sick, partying again, vicious cycle. I am done.
I want to be able to look my kids in the eyes and be there, not some glazed over version of a mom. Seriously as I write this I am mortified at who I have become.
Thank you “One more day” and UnPickled for allowing me to see me, and to begin my new life sober today.
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Dear Jean: I found your blog as i was trying to find some motivation to stop or modify my daily drinking. Your story really inspired me. I see my self in you. I am a happy 36 y/o mom with 2 beautiful children and a happy marriage. I have been thinking a about my drinking for years with the same red flags you listed. I would at least drink a bottle of wine each night and more on the weekends. I would drink to relax, to have fun, to release stress, to celebrate, while cooking, talking on the phone, etc. I tried to take a month brake over the summer so I can try to moderate but went back to my old habits soon after that. I have passed out on the couch many times and have woken up un the am not remembering how i got to bed or what i said or did the night before. At parties I would be able to manage to drink the whole time and still act relatively normal. My husband likes wine too but seems to be able to moderate it more than me. I am 9 days sober today and want to keep it that way for good but am so afraid to relapse since I have been drinking wine for so long and its the only thing I enjoy besides my family and running. I am running my first marathon in May and want to do my best but don’t want to go back to drinking after it. I definetely don’t want to go to AA meetings but want to have some kind of a support comunity to understand what I am going through. I love the bubble hour and have found so much inspiration from listening to all the episodes. I haven’t told anybody about my decition yet. I just said that I have given up wine for lent.
Thanks again for your blog!!!
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I really can relate to your post. I have been sober for 51 days today. My drinking was similar to yours…and I love wine. I am also a runner and triathlete. Its hard to imagine that I have trained and been successful in many races (half marathons, marathons, and half ironman triathlons) all while my drinking was pretty heavy…7 nights a week. Many workouts were done when I was hung over of feeling fuzzy. This July I am doing my first full ironman. I have never met an ironman that had a severe problem with alcohol and I knew that I didn’t want to be THAT person. I also knew that I wanted to be healthy and ready to train and endure the tough training that I have to do. Alcohol won’t help with that. So with my husband’s support I quit. It was really hard at first, but as time as gone on it has really become a lot easier and I hardly crave alcohol or think about it anymore. I am excited to compete in my races this year because I am 100% healthy and physically and mentally strong. None of my friends or colleagues know that my problem was as bad as it was. They think I have quit drinking for training purposes. I also didn’t want to do AA and I have found support through various blogs and talking to my husband. You sound very motivated and I know that the success of finishing your marathon will only be sweeter because you did it all while beating your addiction. Good luck to you and remember it does get so much easier!!!
LIsa
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Thank you so much Lisa for your kind words of support. Define Training is a huge motivation. I am so glad to hear that it gets easier. Today is my day 10 and I already feel healthier and happier!! So thankful for this blog and to know that I am not the only one!! Good luck with your races!!
Xoxo
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How great (and timely) to find your blog which is refreshing, comforting and really well written!
I stopped drinking the day before New Year’s Eve just been. And what a relief that was! I’ve been drinking every day since my wedding and honeymoon (we’ve just had our 10th wedding anniversary).
I feel absolutely no doubt in my mind that I do not want to and will not ever drink again. I’m not going to risk this new buzz I’m on by taking a little drink of something. I’ve just lost the taste for it and I see booze (and the act of drinking it) for what it is… NOTHING.
The reason finding your blog is timely is that I’m just learning how to BE in this new skin, and you have a lot of good stuff in your blog where you experience(d) this yourself. Reading it makes me feel unlonely. My husband is amazing and very supportive, but I can’t explain my feelings to him in a way that make sense.
Thanks Jean, for existing and for writing this blog. I’m going to check in often.
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I am glad you are here, Julie. If you also want to hear the voices of others in recovery sharing their stories, check out http://www.thebubblehour.com and listen to our podcasts. It is a great way to feel connected and know that we are not alone!
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Well today is my 10th day of not drinking and I’m not feeling too bad. The first few nights were hard and hard to sleep but it gets better every night. Working outdoors in the Australian summer makes me crave for a beer so I started having non alcoholic beer and surprisingly that does the trick! I scoffed at the idea of na beer or wine but now it just gives me that taste that I’m used to after many many years of overindulgence. I’m living in a house with drinkers and there is beer and wine in the fridge and I’d be lying if I said I don’t take a second or even third look but I’m quite proud of myself to not take the next step! Tonight will be my first night of socialising at a friends BBQ and am feeling somewhat anxious but my friend who is hosting is very supportive of my recovery. They have a swimming pool so my plan is if it gets to much I’m going for a swim! Wishing everyone well in whatever stage you are at and I’ll keep you posted on how the night went. And no I won’t be throwing another shrimp on the barbie! I be dipping a prawn into some garlic and pepper olive oil and placing it on the hotplate!
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Well done! (your sobriety that is, not the shrimp! lol) Enjoy a wonderful time tonight – friends are still friends, good conversation is still interesting, and funny jokes are still funny. You may have a few awkward moments but those flashes of humour, friendship, and fun will remind you of the good life that is very much possible without alcohol!
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I appreciate this blog so much. Sometimes we think alcoholism looks completely different than us until we look for something like this. I just wanted to convey my appreciation to you for your strength in being vulnerable for all to read. I noticed social events are a struggle but mostly because of the perpetual habit that formed over the course of several years of drinking. When at a restaurant, look for drink menu. When at a friends, where is the alcohol? Everytime I order water, I feel empowered. Also, I feel like this is kind of the first time my family and friends really get to see me. I am a dork and make jokes but I always tucked that part of me away when I was drinking because I hated the possible look of, “oh she’s acting like this because she’s buzzed”. So I over compensated and wasn’t my normal loud self in group settings. Now, I feel like I get to be me. It’s beautiful!!!
I noticed that I have a more difficult time staying hydrated now that I don’t drink. I set an alarm on my phone now to remind me to drink water or I’ll be full blown dehydrated. Pretty bad when your water source is from your beer. Does anyone else have that issue?
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When I drank I was the most hydrated person in the room. I’ve had to teach myself to find interesting drinks.
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January 1st was it, no more I was telling myself for 1 year but then I’d think 6 months would be really good, even 90 days or then I just went and settled for 16 days. Like many other times I got carried away and ruined what would have been a fun night out with my family. The next day like clock work was filled with self-loathing, embarrassment and regret. Warmest day of the year and I’m holed up kicking myself. It always starts out as it’s going to be fun but rarely ever ends up being fun. The apologies, the trying to remember what I said or did, the it’s “okay daddy” from my wonderful kids, the “there’s nothing wrong with you, you just got carried away” from my ever forgiving wife who somehow puts up with me, the disappointment in their eyes gives me new motivation to not do it again. I’ve been at this point many times and it always wears off, there is always a reason or excuse. Even this time I can’t bring myself to dump out the rest, I’ve thought about it. I hate it, I love it and I usually wish I could redo the night before. I know I’m a selfish, self-centered, narcissist and the very fact I am writing this because I think it will make me feel better reaffirms this but maybe just maybe it will help me remember the humiliation so I can avoid a next time.
J
Utah Valley
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I am now 7 days not drinking and I found that its a little easier to pick a day to stop and then reduce the amount of alcohol intake. For me it was a week of just having a little less each day. I failed many a time trying to go cold turkey after a bender as the hangover made that decision easy. Not saying this would work for everyone but it helped me.
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Hi J from Utah Valley. I hope today has been a good day for you.You have an awareness of what is wrong. The next step is to find the willingness to change, and then to take action (by dumping out the booze and quitting). There is lots of help available to you, but it all starts with that essential move from awareness to willingness. It sounds like you have a great family that would support you in this effort, and fully enjoying your time with them again would be worth all the effort. Don’t give up! You have it in you to make this change and to be in love with your life again!
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I meant to say I don’t know how to start
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Reaching out is a start, and you’ve done that here in a safe, quiet way. Next you will need to find the courage to make some changes in your life. Do you know anyone in recovery that you could connect with? On the sidebar of my blog is a list of recovery resources for various programs, meetings and websites. Pick one and dig in! I also encourage you to search information about alcohol withdrawal in order to be safe. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
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I can relate to all the stories and I want to start to be better today but I do know how
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Hi there anonymous,
Here’s how I got sober, and I have just passed 3 years sober. I went to an AA meeting, and just sat there, quietly, listening. I kept going, eventually got a sponsor, and stayed stopped. There is no commitment, and no requirements to join other than a desire to quit drinking. You don’t have to speak, you can just sit and listen. Go here for a list of meetings in your area:http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-local-aa
This site will help you find your local site and meetings. Good luck and best wishes.
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Oops! I forgot I am not supposed to post on this site as my program is AA, and this person doesn’t want those experiences posted. Sorry!
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Check out the “Recovery Resources” section at the side of my page for links to various programs – including AA, Women for Sobriety, SMART Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, and LifeRing. There are many pathways to recovery and each website has a ton of great material to help you decide if one of those programs is a good fit for you. Sending you strength and encouragement! Be gentle with yourself and firm in your resolve to make this change.
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Hello Jean. My name is Jessica. I’m so very happy to have found your blog. It was literally what I was looking for when I needed to know and hear of someone else’s story. I have started my own. As of Jan 8, 2015( only 4 days ago) I’ve decided to quit drinking. Like you, I relaized I am an all of or nothing kind of girl. I had to quit cold turkey or I never would. There is no, “a couple drinks for me” nor is there “slowing down” I believe that I can do this, and I am looking for all the support in the world. I have love and support from my husband who does not drink, so I feel at home, I am Winning. Social situations haven’t arrises yet, and I would be lying if I didn’t say I am petrified. But, I’ve made the decision and more than ever I am determined. it’s been the most difficult 4 days of my life so far, but nothing is as important as me beating this and being healthy and sober, and leaning to function without that crave of temporary euphoria. Thank you for putting your blog out there, I believe you have done what you intended to do..
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Hi Jessica. Congratulations on making this very important decision and moving forward toward positive changes in your life. It can be scary at first but it is worth it – you will get your life back in so many ways. The support of your husband is so wonderful – it can make all the difference in the world. Give him a great big hug and tell him UnPickled says “thank you” to him for having your back! Cheers from Alberta 🙂
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Hi Jessica and Jean,
I quit drinking on Jan 11, 2015. I have been a highly functional alcoholic for many years. I’m not entirely sure the exact thing that made me want to be sober. Like Jean, I didn’t have a rock bottom moment…more like things that just made me say “WTF are you doing??” I have quit cold turkey and on my own. I have great support from my husband who is the only person that REALLY knew I had a big problem. Because of my job and my lifestyle (I am a runner and triathlete) it would be hard to come out to everyone about my problem. I totally understand the all or nothing mentality. I could not stop at a few and I was finding that my problem was getting worse. The past two weeks have been hard. We have beer, wine, and vodka left over from a party we had the day before I quit. It calls my name every day, but I have resisted it. I realized that everything that I loved to do involved alcohol (except running, biking, and swimming). I love to cook or sit on my porch in the nice weather with a glass of wine. Doing yard work with a cold beer is awesome! Coming home after kicking ass in a race and having a cold beer in the shower is amazing! I obsessed about alcohol every afternoon until I got home and could have a drink. Alcohol was my best friend for many, many years. I felt like I wasn’t as good in social situations unless I was drinking and any time I was stress or anxious I had to have a drink to cope. But the great things about the last two weeks that keep me moving forward…I sleep great! I no longer wake up at 2am and worry the rest of the night until my alarm goes off. My husband looks at me differently. When he looks at me now, I can see true love and pride in his eyes and not the usual look of helpless and disgust. My work and my training is better and more productive. I can wake up with out a hangover or feeling fuzzy and feel great about the day ahead. I don’t feel as depressed as I had been. Alcohol was really spiraling me into depression…which was mostly me feeling ashamed and guilty for my behaviors. This past weekend I was in my first social situation without alcohol and people generally didn’t ask questions or seem to care. I was fun and funny and I had a great time. I did miss alcohol, but I found it fairly easy to resist. My husband said I could have one drink and he would shut me down if I wanted another, but I resisted. My feeling is if I “break the seal” and have one drink, it will damage all the work I have done over the last 2 weeks and I will want more. I know I need to keep myself sober because everyday gets a little easier and the cravings get a little lighter. I never thought I would be at this point or that I would ever admit that I had a problem. I am glad that I stopped before I did hit a bottom. I have enjoyed reading this blog and the response and I relate to so much of what has been said and I am finding this very helpful with my own journey.
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I happened upon your blog today, looking for a way to help myself stop feeling like the only way to ‘relax’ and manage anxiety is alcohol. I cried as I read your story, and your words feel like I could be saying them. This is the first time I am reading about someone so much like me. I thank you so much for sharing and I am going to continue to follow and share with others. I am ready to stop disappointing myself and everyone who loves me, and I want to be happy.
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Thank you for this blog. After reading the posts I cried! So many people in the world just like me! Went to the doctor today for an unrelated issue after reading and had a chat to him and he was very understanding. More about that and more later. Just wanted to say thanks. And good luck to all! Day 1 (again!) Tomorrow.
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Hugs, Julie. Thank you for sharing that and please post anytime you need encouragement or want to share your success. There can be a lot of ups and downs along this journey but we are all travelling together and we can help one another along.
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This blog turned up in my reader and I read of your experience and hope. I can relate to some of it definitely. I definitely have obsessive tendencies!! I do wish all the very best in whatever route they take that leads them in positive directions!! It’s so sad that women often drink or take medications secretly as so many do in our society. I ran the gamut myself when younger and was amazed I survived!! On the other hand personally I was not able to embrace the AA philosophy either. I came from a long line of drinkers though most were also high achievers. At one point I remember seeing my own self as not in control – and in many things. I didn’t drink for years and do consider myself sober- though I was able to achieve moderation.( i.e. I have a glass of wine on some occasions and no desire to finish the bottle). I know that many choose complete abstinence. My life in balance ( in all things including blogging lol) is a work in progress but has been mostly a good journey. I’m glad you have found your center and peace of mind. I hope you don’t mind me commenting !! Blessings!
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PS: Life is grand! There are so many wonderful directions we can go. The creative path definitely was a saviour to me on so many levels. Keep on the path with heart!! and thank you for writing of your experience.
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Hi Dune Mouse. Thanks for stopping by. I hear from a lot of people who have tried to moderate after a period of abstinence and almost everyone says that their drinking quickly returned to previous levels or worse. It is not often that someone says moderation is working for them, however I am happy that you have found what works for you. Perhaps one day science will explain how/why some people can drink and some simply cannot. There is fascinating research showing that addiction causes permanent neurological changes, and perhaps this would suggest that stopping before those changes occur would make the difference.
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thank you for your reply!! well, all I can say is I’m still aware that most cannot do this. I can’t say why mine has stayed so moderate the last few years but perhaps getting older I no longer have a desire to “party on” so to speak. I have a friend who says the same as you and it’s a great mystery. We must do what we need to do to keep peace of mind and fulfillment for sure. And you are. I just honestly had a huge problem with the AA philosophy of absolutes but that was just me and I know it does help many people.
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PS pardon my grammar lol. * my drinking ( mine). By the way you look beautiful and happy!!
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Thank you for showing your ‘face’ and writing this blog. As a mid-forties professional, happy Mum of 2 (desperately trying to stop drinking) just thank you for being there. I found you via Belle, so I’m following now. Maybe one day that radiant smile full of life might be mine. None of my family or friends really know the true extent to how I drink. Although when I’ve stopped before when some have been supportive, others have been quite callous, I don’t really understand that, when I’ve managed to be sober for a while (maybe sometimes a week) or I’ve cut down, they sneer and ask if I want a medal. I know its probably more about them than me but I am dreading people knowing that I’m trying to quit, I love these folks. I respect their choice to drink but one or two of them I suspect might not respect my choices. Have you had any similar experiences. I just wondered and now I’ll be quiet. Thank you for writing so openly. I wish I had that courage. I’m on Day one again, almost got to day three. But today I won’t drink. Thank you again.
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I suspect that anyone who doesn’t respect your choice to quit drinking is a person with a drinking problem of their own who does not want to face it. “Normal” drinkers could care less whether others in the room are drinking or not. Be true to yourself Daisy…you may wind up being a great example for those callous characters. Hugs and best of luck to you!
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Hi Daisy,
I used to think this problem was about them, but over time I have realised it’s really about me.
Some of my friends have been really proud, some have been angry, and a lot have just been confused. I no longer associate with 99% of the friends I had when I drink. You are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with, and so over time I felt that it was important to find people more congruent with my values.
I still love a lot of them, like even more, and dislike just a few. It’s just not my scene anymore. I also got divorced because my wife and I couldn’t cope with the fact that I no longer drank, and she did, such was the power that drink had over my life, and how much it is part of the community.
I think this issue comes down to self acceptance. Once you have accepted the new you, nothing anybody ever says means anything anymore. This is the most critical part of the work if you want peoples thoughts and words to hit you and just fall to the ground.
Take a look at this short video on my Facebook wall. It’s based loosely on your issue. (https://www.facebook.com/needyhelper?ref=hl)
Good luck with everything.
Lee Davy
http://www.needyhelper.com
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Hi Daisy, how are you doing today? Some people are uncomfortable with our choices because it holds up a mirror. Their anger is really a distortion of their own dissatisfaction with themselves – a defence mechanism in reaction to the shame they feel. This is not to say that you are shaming them, but that your choices make them feel ashamed or uncomfortable about themselves. It has nothing to do with you, but action/reaction – your choices make them feel bad, they lash out and make you feel bad, you internalize it and your recovery is threatened. Surround yourself with support, treat yourself and your recovery like the fragile baby that it is right now. You wouldn’t put a baby in a dangerous situation – don’t do it to yourself right now either. Take a break from these friends and see who you can bring into your life that celebrates your good choices. And let me know what happens next!! xo
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Alcoholism is like gravity. What goes up must come down. Day 4 done. I live in hope!
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You have inspired me to start my own blog.. I understand Your story and I understand how writing can help. I don’t care anymore what so called friend think I’m putting myself out there because people need to understand they are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story
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You, too! I love what Bill White says, “By our silence we let others define us.” If we tell our stories, we help others see that recovery is something to celebrate, not a source of shame.
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ps – keep writing!
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Hi, great blog, really helpful. So here it is ….
I have now been sober for 6 months. I have just got on with it, on my own and overall I am doing OK. What I am really struggling with is living with someone who continues to drink. I feel so guilty for feeling like this but when I see her drinking when I’m sober I can now see myself in her when I was drinking. I think she is also alcohol dependent but she doesn’t see it as a problem. I know that she has reduced her drinking to try and help me but I can also see it gradually increasing, again. I have tried to speak with her about this and I haven’t approached it very well and it has just ended up in an argument. She thinks she hasn’t got a problem and I think she has.
It makes it so much harder for me to stay sober when I see that alcohol remains such an evidently important part of her life and one that I want to eradicate from mine. Our circle of friends and neighbours are all heavy drinkers and it seems that everywhere we go there is a little glass or two on hand. I don’t want to make her stop drinking, if she wants to continue then fine. What I really want is for her to just say no to the juice every now and again and stop drinking every day. I just know that if she continues like this she will have some health related problems in the future.
I just don’t know now how to approach her to discuss this. We have always been so close and loving and now I resent alcohol even more as I feel it is to blame for coming between me and my wife. Her argument is “it’s just a glass”, “it’s not like I’m an alcoholic”, “I don’t drink a lot”
I don’t know anymore if this is just me and my problem and that I am being unreasonable with her. Just because I don’t drink doesn’t mean everyone else near me has to stop. She was drinking around 40 – 50 units a week (is that a lot?) and I think she has now cut down but I know she hides glasses of wine so I am not really sure how much she drinks. I love her so much but this is tearing me apart. At times I just want to scream.
I have posted this anonymously as I would love to speak with someone about this but at the moment I’m keeping all this stuff just for me until I can try and resolve where the issue is.
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Firstly, congratulations for remaining sober for six-months. Not only have you managed tho through willpower, but also in the face of what appears to be severe stress.
I know because I have been there.
Don’t feel guilty for feeling the way that you do. In a way, this thought process helps maintain your sobriety. In order to be 100% free of cravings you need to develop you beliefs around alcohol. Six months ago I assume you had pleasurable beliefs associated with alcohol, and over time you have been changing this and affixing painful associations. This is good progress.
I gave up drinking because my wife was drinking too much. Not only was I worried about her heath. I was also worried that she would get raped, run over or just kill herself from a fall. I was also worried that our marriage would end. I tried talking to her about this but she got angry and defensive.
So I quit.
I thought if I quit then perhaps she will do likewise.
It didn’t work out like that.
I ended up preaching about alcohol. I would get angry that she was drinking. I refused to go out with her because I didn’t want to see her drunk, but would insist on picking her up at closing time. When I picked her up I would be embarrassed and we would fight.
We started arguing more after I gave up drinking than when we were drinking!
Then one day she read the Allen Carr book on her own. She rang he in tears and apologised. After that she stopped and everything was great but she missed it. When she started again it all fell apart. I realised that I didn’t want a relationship with a drinker, and she realised she didn’t want a relationship with me.
I have since remarried with someone who doesn’t drink.
Now that doesn’t mean all marriages will end in disaster, but you do have to tread carefully.
I have written about it on my blog (http://www.needyhelper.com/10-reasons-your-marriage-fails-after-you-quit-drinking-alcohol/) so please check it out. Also feel free to talk to me at needyhelper@gmail.com as I have a lot of experience in this area and may be able to help you steer clear of my own mistakes.
Lee
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Thanks for the reply Lee. On first reading it scared me even more, the realisation that I could maybe lose my wife and family over this. I am trying to find a way of thinking abut this that I can cope with but at the moment I don’t think I’m doing a very good job at it. Can’t seem to find that way forward at the moment.
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Lee has already posted some wise words and I echo his congratulations on your sobriety. Do any other readers have experience with this type of situation? Anyone in a family program like Al-Anon?
My heart goes out to you and wife – there is lots of support available but no one can force someone to change who isn’t ready. As I understand it, the best we can do is educate ourselves and get support and direction from others in the same boat. Please let us know how things go.
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Thanks for the support. At this immediate moment in time staying sober feels like the easy part. The tricky bit is keeping everything I love with me.
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Quick update. Had a wonderful open heart conversation with my wife, calm, no shouting and a fair bit of emotion from us both. I feel so, so much better about everything! We can move on and we can now hopefully move forward together, supported and sober. Thanks for your responses it certainly helped in getting my head around this. One step further forwards…. 🙂
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Hey!
My name is Zak McDonald and I really dig your blog. I’ve been sober for the last year and it has changed my life!
I’ve lost weight, obtained a whole new stronger circle of friends and couldn’t be happier.
I recently recorded myself doing stand up and talking about quitting drinking. I think you might like it!
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Hey Zac, this is some great work! Very funny! Do you find it harder or easier to get on stage sober?
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I am just coming across your page now, but I plan on devouring a good chunk of it this evening! I just have to say even reading your about page shows courage I hope I can muster myself. I’ve been blogging for about 8 years but always under anonymity. They were also very “dear diary” and I didn’t have huge plans for them.
After a few years of struggling with alcohol addiction (and only a few months of actually acknowledging it as such) I decided I wanted bigger and better things and the only way I could hope to do that was get clean and be accountable, all while using this “harsh truth” in order to do some good. I opened the flood gates and pretty much used my blog and it’s objective to tell the world about my struggle and my daily ways of managing it. The social media army I have created gives me a huge sinking feeling. While I am so proud and so very confident of the work I had set out to do, I just know there are people out there looking into my private life as a side show. Perhaps I am not giving people enough credit, but darn it, the stigma is paralyzing some times.
I look forward to the blog-stalking 😉
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I also find it hard to connect all the aspects of my life but the more I do it the more free I feel. Meanwhile, anything that gives us the ability to share, connect, grow and take strength is good for our recovery! so if that means anonymity – partial, total, or imagined – so be it!
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well, here comes day three. i’ve been to day three before. a few times. even day 10. that’s about as far as i have been able to make it. i am scared. my stomach is in knots, and i keep getting these very familiar waves of panic. i have made a hundred lists, in attempt to recall what it is i am so scared of…maybe i am forgetting something important and if i just make a list i won’ t forget. i feel illogical panic about things that would seem so minuscule to others. my husband is out of town and i want a day to myself so bad but i have these three kids and he is out of town so much and i am lonely even though i have so many friends and a great community and it is gonna be 100 degrees today and my daughter’s birthday is in 6 days and i have nothing planned an no presents can’t figure out when i’m gonna get them and she is so sweet and i was a bitch to her yesterday and i’m always a bitch to her because she is my biggest mirror. i am terrified that it is almost autumn again, “back to school” time, and i will once again be starting another “school year” with my three unschooled kids and after almost 4 years of this i have yet to figure out regular childcare for myself and sometimes i absolutely HATE homeschooling but don’t know what i want to do with my life and feel so guilty at the idea of uprooting what we have worked so hard to create as a family but i feel like i am losing it half the time and my family gets all my resentment……and on and on and on. i am scared. panicked actually. and three days ago i could know that at 5 o’clock i could pour that first glass of wine and feel the warmth and relaxation and blurring of the difference between their time and my time and the softening of my fear and resistance and the numbing of my achey body and. wine/alcohol has been my greatest “friend” for so long, always the same, always dependable, always there. and i, despite it all, i feel profound relief to be letting my relationship to alcohol go. day three, here i come.
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It is such a heartbreak when the thing we thought was making things better turns out to have made it all worse! That is how I felt about it, anyway. How are you doing today? Big hug.
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Hello Jean, I’d like your opinion, and I value your opinion. I’ve just blogged about it today. I feel confused and need some clarity. If you have some time, can you look at my July 22 post and offer your thoughts. If emailing is better, please feel free. I emailed you last week, so you should have a message from me in your inbox. Looking for guidance, thank you so much.
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Okay, lengthy email sent. Readers, please pop over to Mallards4us blog and send your support, although I caution about making decisions by committee or consensus. I think what you are asking for is who sees themselves in you and can relate.
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i want help. i am scared. i have tried to stop drinking so many times. i don’t know where to turn. i want to do this more than anything. each morning when i wake up in shame with a headache and total annoyance with my 3 homeschooled kids, it is easy for a brief time to promise i will stop….even to get excited about it. But when five o’clock roles around, every fear and excuse i’ve ever had bowls it all over like a tidal wave and i am left in its wake wondering how i ever imagined i could actually do this. every single day. it’s my oldest daughter’s 11th birthday today, and i am so buzzed i can barely write this. i am ashamed all the time. and so scared of life without the roller coaster of emotion it brings. i am terrified of the boredom and the craving it will create. i am petrified of my own failure. i want to be quiet about my problem and keep others out of it. and i don’t know how to go about this. so here i am. yep. here i am.
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Hi Robin, I know how you are feeling, we all do. It sounds like you are ready to make this change in your life. I am new to this journey, but I’m learning so much every day. Let us know how we can help. Keep reading and commenting on blogs, gather up some treats just for you…start to believe that you deserve this, because you do. Your story is my story, you are not alone. Let me know if you would like an email pen-pal. I’ll be checking back, big big hug to you, xo, Nikki
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thank you so much. i can’t tell you (or i suppose i don’t have to) how much your response means to me. i am scared this morning. and yet ready. i would love an email penpal. i’ll take it. i have been wondering how to comment on these blogs….i’m new to this. the only place i can tell to do it is the “reply” link at the end of everyone else’s comments, and sometimes there isn’t one. can you explain? thank you soooo much. i am so relieved to finally talk.
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Hi Robin, I’m pretty new to the blogging world too. My e-mail is nikbobier11@gmail.com. You can do this. You already ARE doing this. It’s great you are commenting on blogs and reaching out, do it as much as you can:) I hope today is a good day for you, you are doing amazing work:)
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I am so thankful to have found your blog. As I read through many of your past entries and comments, I see myself in so many of them. I see myself in most of them. I have known for a long time I needed to get control. I wasn’t a particularly early (age) drinker, and it took me a long time to become a “regular” drinker. It took very little time between rationalizing a few glasses of wine most nights, to rationalizing on average a bottle a night. Many of my friends do the same, and we all allow each other to think it is okay because it makes each of us feel less guilty about our “secret” habit.
I remember several years ago telling myself, “This is it. You are done with alcohol.” I think I made it about a month before believing I was free from the hold that the wine bottle had on me. I started casually enjoying a drink here or there, and here I am three years later back to Day 1 (for probably the 3rd or 4th time).
Day 1. It is never Day 1 that is my problem. I always feel strong and confident on Day 1 that I can and will do this. I will end my unhealthy relationship with wine. I will be able to remember all of the reasons that quitting for good is so important for me. I will not let stresses or social life return me to that place where me and wine are best friends. Day 1 always feels good. I even walked down the wine aisle at the grocery today without a single desire to buy any. I walked past samples that they had out with friendly sales staff offering just a taste, but it was easy to say, “No thank you.” I love Day 1.
My difficulty will come on Day 4 when a friend calls and asks me to join her for drinks. Day 6 when I am at an evening birthday party filled with my friends who have supported me and my habit for years, and they are all sipping on a glass. Day 10 when I pass those same friendly grocery store staff offering a sample of a really nice bottle I would have never allowed myself to buy before. Day 10 when I have to go down the wine aisle again to get to the ice cream.
I know you and anyone reading these comments likely know the feeling. I hope what is different this Day 1 is I told him. I told my husband that I had a problem with drinking. I sat embarrassed and nervous as I cried and told him something I am certain he has already been well aware of for a while now. I cried and asked him to help me. I cried and told him it was okay to be mean to me, but to please try to stop me if I was about to drink wine again. I know he cannot stop me. This is up to me, but I am hoping that this time….because I said it out loud, I can do it.
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Support, accountability, encouragement – so many reasons why telling your husband can be the very thing that sees you through the spots that have tripped you up in the past. Stay in touch and let us know how you get through. Persevere!
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Hello,
I completely relate to the previous story and most of these stories. It’s early morning and I cannot sleep because wine has that side effect. And each sleepless night when I lay awake thinking I might be having a heart attack or I might be ruining my health in some other way, I start that next day with all good intentions–the day 1 intentions.
I’m happy to have found this blog. I am at my own breaking point. I would say every night of drinking a bottle or close to a bottle of wine, is a rock bottom night. My husband does not realize that I am drinking as much as I am because I drink “normally” in front of him. It’s the behind the scenes drinking that is somewhat new and out of control. I despise being deceitful and “tricky” about my drinking. I have told my husband on several occasions recently that I need to stop drinking because I know it causes so many health consequences….I give into the urge and the cycle starts all over. I want to do this without AA. I know that group has helped millions but I feel it is not for me. I want to do this my way and feel I can with a little support. Thanks so much for creating this blog. I am one step closer. Will keep you updated on my success!
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I updated my info realizing I left a letter off on my email address. MNC (making new choices)
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I relate to every part of your story and all the feelings involved. Keep reading blogs, get yourself some healthy treats (you deserve it), pamper yourself….and make those ‘new choices’ that will someday make you feel a lot better. I’m right there with you, Nikki
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Thank you! Day 1 how crazy. I compare this to starting a climb of say, Mt Everest, having never trained or climbed before…that is how hard this is. Each step represents a day.. You would never put someone on Everest in a weakened state and yet, as weakened individuals we choose to take on this monumental task. One step a time. Thanks for your support:)
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Yes, good analogy…each day is one big step- one huge leap- one great accomplishment. And thanks for your support, it’s really amazing how by telling your story and opening up, you HELP others. Thank you, and great job taking that step:)
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Hi Jean.
I found your blog by listening to the Bubble Hour. I’d listened to a few episodes, but the one that spoke to me was “In Recovery, We Find Freedom!”.
I’ve had a terrible battle with a “hidden” drinking problem for years. I say hidden in quotations because it’s no secret to anybody close to me that I drink too much. Scott’s testimony on that particular episode rang terribly close to home… I felt like he was telling my story, down to the smallest details, as far as my own drinking behaviours.
Deciding I needed a reset, I took a 60 day hiatus from drinking in March and April of this year, as a run-up to a trip to Mexico. I felt healthy, my head was clearer, and I was proud of myself for it. On the trip, though, the problem came roaring back. And with a vengeance. Since then, I can count the number of days that I haven’t had a drink on one hand… and possibly have fingers left over.
My hands are shaking as I type this… possibly because of yesterday’s drinking, and possibly since I’ve decided to make this my Day 1.
I’m scared as s**t that I’m going to fail, but I feel I have to do this. The 60 days let me know it’s possible. Now I need to know if it can be permanent.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and thanks for your inspirational work.
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Hi Nate, Yes, you can do this- one day of clear-headed ness at a time. Enjoy each day, try not to think of permanent. Just enjoy what you are learning today…good luck and peace to you. Thanks for sharing.
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Hello n8 and a HUGE warm hug of support and understanding – you’ve had a little taste of freedom from the bondage of addiction and that can make it so painful to fall back into old patterns. You know that song “Shake It Off” by Florence and the Machine? I want you to play that song and sing it out loud! Follow it up with Katy Perry “Eye of the Tiger” and maybe a little “Let It Go” from Frozen. LOUD and if you feel like it dance or jump or run naked through the house. The kind of ritual that pumps you up and makes you smile and gives you a spark of JOY that can start to take hold in your heart. Let’s take your life back. How are you today? How can I help? What have you learned that can help someone else?
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Hi jean!
Love you! I’ve been follow you and a few others…also heard you in the Bubble hour!
I love the music references here! My husband is such a music junkie…he has music blaring thrum the house all weekend long. I on the there had can’t turn it in..only to be swamped by the “broken record” of my toxic thoughts. I think I’m going to start turning up the radio a bit more and enjoying the natural beauty of music! And the wise words of the musicians behind them
Thanks,
Lvmydogs53
Day five
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Hi Jean,
My name is Lee Davy and I come from the http://www.needyhelper.com website where I spend my time helping people quit drinking alcohol.
I am a big fan of your site and read everything you write, and I would be truly honoured if you could spare some of your precious time to be a guest on my Podcast?
I believe you are helping so many people make the right choice to quit drinking, and would love for you to spread that belief to the Needy Helper audience. Your interview can make a big difference to so many people’s lives of that I am sure.
That being said I know you are a very busy person, and from the lack of a contact form on the site I assume your privacy is important to you, so I will totally respect your decision to decline.
You can contact me at needyhelper@gmail.com.
Keep up the excellent work.
Lee
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Hi Lee, You are very kind and thank you for the work that you do. I checked out your page and it is clear that we are kindred spirits with a passion for helping others and changing lives. I will be in touch via email. (And I will add contact info to my page lol). Jean
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Super Duper. Speak soon and thanks for the quick response kindred spirit.
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I don’t feel strong enough to share my story but am so grateful to have found you. Day 1.
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Good morning and welcome to a new day in your new life. It can be hard at first so be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone in this.
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Hi Jean
I’m not really sure of the ins and outs of this whole sober blogging thing so please feel free to delete this comment if need be 🙂 I found your blog through the amazing and inspiring Mrs D, who’s blog I discovered thanks to her interview on NZ tv last Sunday. Since then I have been reading as many of her links as possible in order to prepare my self for my up and coming day one sober that I have committed to, beginning 1st July (dry July!) I am so scared, apprehensive, determined (enough I hope) and excited to begin my sober journey. I have been drinking regularly for the past 10 years. A bottle or more of wine, plus whatever else is available at least Friday to Sunday but if I am honest there is always an excuse to start on Thursday or earlier. Before that it was writing myself off every weekend since I was 15. I am now 36with 2 young children. My husband and partner in crime (who has taken on my heavy drinking habits through the course of our relationship and who is now as entrenched or more as me in the drinking life much to my dismay and guilt) has also committed to staying sober for that time. But I am so scared, of being sober and no fun (I KNOW!), of how I will tell all of our (partying) friends but mostly of failure. I would really, really appreciate any tips and input from anyone out there in the sober blogging universe on how to navigate the first few days/weekends and what worked for them. Thanks, and wish me luck xx
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get a DUI that will show u how to stop for awhile,
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Funny you should say so…I have a good friend whose husband got a DUI and lost his licence for a year. His drinking SKYROCKETED during that time because he always had an excuse to call a cab or have a DD. It wasn’t until the year ended that he had to start driving again that he had to do something about his intake. That said, for many people the DUI is the thing that brings them to change. Was this your experience?
Anyway, to the original Anonymous commenter, I seem to have failed to follow up with you! How are you doing today? What can you teach us all about this thing called life and your experiences over the summer?
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Hi Jean,
I am not sure if I’ve ever communicated directly with you, but I am one of the masses who hangs on your every word. Love your blog, love The Bubble Hour, love you!
I am quite confident this is the wrong way to go about this, but I am a nincompoop when it comes to being media-savvy. Just finished reading the update on Ellie, I am heartbroken for her, and for her family. Anyway, if there is any way I could plug in to help out in any way, I’d love to do so. Not even sure what I could bring to the table, but I wanted you to know I’d love to contribute.
Thanks for all your recovery efforts, it means so much to all of us!
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Thank you for this beautiful message! I will make sure that Ellie knows you are thinking of her. She is doing wonderfully.
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Thank you for the words of encouragement……tonight is night 6, so far so good……..and i really do like myself better this way…….i like feeling clearer, getting more done……..not numbing myself in the evening……..but it is still hard to think about never having it ever!!!!
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honesty…who knew? Thanks
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so many of the stories i can so relate to….i have known for quite a while that it would be better if i stopped my drinking of the wine everyday, sometimes up to a bottle(occationally more) and really wishing i could control how much i drink……but iv’e tried to limit myself to 3 glasses(which is still to much)…and while i can do it sometimes, more often than not i go for more….my partner and i are trying for a 3 week break…….while he knows the drinking is not good for him, he really does not want to stop for good while i feel i need to, don’t want to but need to…….this is only the second night, and i do not see how it is possible……..i wish i could just be a controlled social drinker but i am trying to see the reality that i can’t be……what i would give to sit on my porch right now with a glass of red wine……..
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Hang in there, Nancy! It’s bumpy at first but eventually it gets easier and then is GREAT. I love to sit on my porch with a mug of tea and a book – a few years ago I could not have imagined what I would ever do without wine in my hand. I really remember thinking “what do non drinkers DO? Just like, watch tv and not drink? Are they HAPPY with that?”. Um,yes – quite perfectly happy with that as it turns out and no self-hatred the next morning!
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Hi, I also am new to the sober blogging world. Thank you unpickled and Nancy and all of you. All of your stories are unbelievably comparable to mine! I’m on day 6, and have been horribly anxious and have had a headache for 4 days. I am a single parent of two wonderful children and have been living in a lonely usually solo drinking world for the last ten years. I would drink at least a bottle of wine per night, or skinny margaritas as I could have a chance of sleeping at night with that. I’ve felt shame for too long, tried to quit almost everyday for the last 2 years. I know now is the time to make a change. It helped me last night reading about the physical effects of drinking, especially on the brain and neurotransmitters….I was wondering why I had a headache for four days straight! Well, my body is trying to readjust….it has gotten used to alcohol everyday for many years. This scared me more, I’m able to finally think a little more clearly about it if I’m not escaping every night with a bottle. I thank all of you soon much for being here and being honest. I don’t think I would be able to do it if it weren’t for all of you. So very grateful.
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I have a lump in my throat as I read your words. Your strength is inspiring – I am so excited for you! It is really hard at first so pamper yourself and give yourself credit for the amazing transformation you are creating. Don’t give up, no matter what. It gets easier but, you’re exactly right – the body fights hard when the daily dose is removed. Scary, isn’t it? That is the very definition of addiction: withdrawal. Please stay in touch!
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Thank you! I will stay in touch!
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U.P./Secret Drinkers/Secret Recoverers- Upon returning from Iraq the first time, I found solace and balance in the bottle. It helped to erase and ease the pain of my dealings with the past. Since 2006 I can count on one hand the number of times I have gone more than 1 day without a drink. I drink from travel coffee mugs now so that my kids don’t see me walking around at home constantly with alcohol. It really is pathetic. Much like PTSD itself, it seems (only in my experience) the military views the aftermath of PTSD (like drinking) as a scarlet letter and an official stamp of “damaged goods”. For this reason, I too am in the closet. To admit would be to end 18 years of service and any career goals I have left. Like you, I am not at rock bottom either (I don’t think), but I have tried to quit many times, and many times have failed. I pray a lot, but the hypocrisy of being a devout christian-alcoholic pulls at my very fabric- I have even gone to bible study drunk (I guess that means I can either hide it well, or my brothers or sisters in Christ are too intimidated/nice to say anything). It is a surreal place that I find myself at, and even stranger is that my wife loves to drink a little wine (1 or 2 glasses max) while I cannot stop until the bottle/box is empty. I cannot even casually drink anymore without feeling the need to have one more. and another, and another…well, you know the rest.
I urge us all to continually seek Christ. Through Him (and Him alone) we have forgiveness of our sins and imperfections (not just the drinking kind). We will all one day be judged and not one of us will have a leg to stand on based upon our “good deeds” in this life. My drinking alone will erase any goodness that I have managed in this life, but because of what Christ did at the cross, we can all be redeemed. This is not something I have made up, but whenever I am pulled from this ‘valley’ of my life, I will be able to stand and know that there was only “one set of footprints” on my path to recovery.
If you pray, I would love your prayers. If you don’t I will be in prayer for you- not because I am self-righteous or because you deserve it, but because we all need it. God really does hear your prayers but His answers are not always what we want; they are what we need.
Respectfully,
No Atheists in the Foxhole
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Hello Anon – thank you for sharing your story here and most importantly for your service in the military. I want to comment on your perspectives. I also enjoy a close walk with my faith although I seldom discuss it here. It is true that we are forgiven – but of course that is not a reason to continue doing what we know to be wrong. God wants us to be happy, fulfilled and live productive lives (‘whatsoever you do, do it all for the Lord’), and find strength in our faith (“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me”). Here is the thing, my friend. You fear what coming forward with your alcohol addiction might do to your career – but if you don’t change course you will arrive where you are headed and people will find out anyway. What if you walked into an AA meeting? Could that hurt? From the state of addiction you describe, the problem is not going to self resolve – generally speaking it only escalates. You can hit “stop” and get off this elevator anytime you want – you don’t have to wait until it gets to the bottom.
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I love that poem! Brought tears to my eyes. You are not alone : )
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We don’t ever have to be alone again. There is a solution
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I wanted to share this poem I wrote to describe my drinking. I am a mother to three young children, married to an amazing man. I drink wine once my kids are asleep to “unwind”. I have a truly amazing life and I don’t want to lose it to alcohol. When I read your blog it feels like one of my close girlfriends wrote it. Thank you in advance for your honesty and support!
“When the fog lifts and the world around is silent and still,
she appears.
This woman, a stranger, yet so familiar to me.
She is determined, confident and courageous.
We share the same dreams and our hearts are filled with the same love.
I admire her, embrace her strength and drift back to sleep.
Dusk is here.
The day was long.
Darkness sets in from within…
before it steals the sun.
I take a drink.
The drink takes me.
The woman I love is gone.
But I will meet her again…
when the fog lifts.”
Today is my Day 1.
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Today really is my day one and I feel like you wrote this for me. I don’t want to fail again. I love the morning but my hangover mornings are just rotten. Like a sacrilege. Darkness sets in from within. You are so wise. I betray myself each evening, why? Thank you so much for sharing this. I want my light self, not the dark one.
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You have a true gift – this is exactly how it felt to find and lose myself each day. You have perfectly captured what so many of us feel. I can truly say it is glorious to live as “that” woman day after day and never want to see her disappear again! Thank you for this beautiful poem.
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I googled, “how to stop drinking'” and it led me here. I am so moved by the similar stories. I have been pickling myself for 10 years, and am sick and tired of being a slave to my wine induced fog. The guilt hangover has been chipping away at who I truly am, and keeping me from being who I want to be….a great mom, loving wife and generous friend. I think this is my day one and I cannot thank you enough for giving me the courage through your words and the words of other picklers!
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I’m a new follower and I must say, I am already more than encouraged and inspired.
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http://olderwomen-lilyofthewoods.blogspot.com/
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I found this a great start for me to assist in my decision to stop depending on alcohol.
I love you wine, beer but I’ve gone to far. Why, I asked myself, to deal with anxiety, society, sensitivity. Instead of telling myself I’m an addict, I’m hooked. I need you, replace with I’m over drinking for now, the moment, and each moment you get stronger changing thought pattern and emotional responses.
Im sobar a week though I don’t like using days just moments to get stronger. I have rested a lot to help heal. Ive found forgiving myself and stop being a people pleaser solved a lot of concerns about my mental health and the reasons I wanted to drink. Below readings are really helping.
http://m.wikihow.com/Forgive-Yourself
http://m.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-a-People-Pleaser
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I just found your blog. I hope all is going well for you in 2014, and that you are still sober and happy. I quit drinking three years ago and have never looked back; it’s one of the best things I have ever done. Peace.
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Thank you so much and bravo to your sobriety. I agree – it is the best gift we could ever give ourselves! I can not even imagine my life any other way now. I won’t waste a moment.
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I didn’t realize when I woke up today that this day, just another Thursday, might be my Day 1. I found your blog earlier this week and have meant to read it all week. Been too busy with work, 2 young kids, life, excuses. But I’m home sick today. So I spent the afternoon reading your entire blog. And then I read through some of the blogs that you follow. Turns out, today is as good as any to be my Day 1. Amazing how empowered you can feel on Day 1. Keep thinking a glass of wine would really help me fall asleep & not feel the pain of this sinus infection. But I know one would become 3, maybe 4. Then I imagine the dread I would feel tomorrow. I guess that’s how I know it’s time, the right time. I’m able to envision what tomorrow brings before it comes. That’s actually a huge step for me. I’m SOOOO glad I found your blog. I needed it, in the same way I need air.
Day 1…..I pray you are my last Day 1 in this chapter of my life.
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I have been reading through your blog for the past week in anticipation of today as my first day sober. I take tremendous comfort in knowing that there are so many others like me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the time and effort you have put into helping people like me. You are a good soul.
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I have been reading through your blog for the past week in anticipation of today being my first day sober. Reading through your entries, I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the time and effort you put into this work. You are a good soul.
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God bless you. Very brave indeed.
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Wow you are totally gorgeous!
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Hah thanks. I want people to know that THIS is the face of addiction and recovery, and that there are millions of other nice, pretty, smart, lovely ladies (and men) in recovery. We need to shatter the stigma!
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the name of your site “unpickled” caught my eye..because my wife recently told me i smelled “pickled”….not exactly a compliment. 🙂 i read your story and feel very similar. i don’t want to know what rock bottom would look like for me.
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Hi Jean,
I hopped over here from RoS! Loved your songs and stories this morning. Immediately, I could see that you have warmth and talent and a beautiful soul. I can’t wait to read more–hope you don’t mind if I hang around and follow you 🙂
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Where ever you go in the world there is one constant. We alcoholics can find strength in knowing that we are the same. And from that find shelter from the storm in each others stories.
A couple of weeks ago i found this bottle of whiskey hidden under some clothes in one of my closets. It was not not as if it had been lost and missing. But it was the last of many to be found.
I looked at it with a mixed feeling of surprise and reverence as I put it on the table in my kitchen. It was just half a bottle of whiskey. And even that small amount of alcohol contained the future of the rest of my life.
Without the strength and love from other alcoholics as yourself I am nor sure if I would have been able to take the right decision and poure that whiskey down the sink. But I did.
So I just want to send some love from me to you and let you know that thanks to you and all our brothers and sisters. I am sober. .In a couple of days I get 2 years clean and sober.
Hugs from Sweden.
(Please forgive my poor english.)
// Stefan
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Thanks so much, my friend and congratulations on TWO YEARS of sobriety!
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Nice to see. Nice posts on this blog. Can I get permission to write blog posts for your blog?
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I just came across your blog. Thank you. I’m a binge drinker. When I go out it usually gets bad. I tend to be mean to my wife when being a great guy to everyone else. I don’t know if she is going to forgive my episode last night. I’m afraid of losing her and losing the respect of my peers not to mention being a professional… the hardest thing I see coming is saying no to a drink at the next night out or the vacation to mexico planned in one month that also coincides with my 37th birthday. I pray for strength and forgiveness. I look forward to learning more through this journey. Going to try the sober wallet for sure!
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I would love to speak with you. I am 25, female, and both your blog and picture remind me alot of me. I haven’t drank at all in 27 months. Recently, I have been struggling with the idea of drinking again. Social drinking. Can I do it? Did I ever really have a problem or was I just a crazy teen/20 something? Will the hospital visits, arrests, fights, etc. repeat themselves, or have I grown up and learned how to handle myself? This is the strongest I have contemplated going back to drinking in the entire 27 months sober. I think about planning a “going back to drinking date”. I am sure this will pass. Am I crazy for these thoughts? Or am I crazy for getting sober at 23? I know these questions can’t be answered, and may go unnoticed, but I am curious about thoughts and if other people can relate. Just writing it has helped already..
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Hi Lauren, thanks for your message. You can email me anytime at picklednomore@gmail.com if you want to touch base. I recently heard, “Once we realize we are alcoholics no longer have the luxury of drinking.” So is your question, “was I really ever an alcoholic?” or is it, “I know I am an alcoholic but I feel like I’m missing out on something.” I can’t answer that for you but both are BIG questions with BIG ramifications. Definitely something you should give serious thought to. I am just not willing to give up all the peace and freedom that comes with sobriety – oddly that is really what I was looking for in wine every night.
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I thought I would contact you via comment as I don’t have your email. I have also given up the drink, and written about it that you may relate to. The book will be free for download on Amazon on Sunday 26 Jan 2014. Check it out if you would like. It is called Between Drinks: Escape the Routine, Take Control and Join the Clear Thinkers. http://www.amazon.com/Between-Drinks-Routine-Control-Thinkers/dp/1922237957. I enjoyed reading your blog. Regards David
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Went to download but not showing as free. Am I doing something wrong?
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Posted the last blog thought email would be attached. New at this.
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Tonight I am drinking because my husband is out of town. I’m not hiding it he knows and I would be drinking if he wasn’t out of town. I have the ugly misfortune of being abused as a child and then later in life as an adult. Its like a sign is posted on you and you are forever tagged. My journey to recovery has been a little long. It first started a year and a half ago. I had drank all day when my husband got home we had a conversation that kinda went like this,
Me: Looks like I can quit if it means losing my family
My Husband: Yea looks like it.
This woke me up, made an appointment with the doctor not to quit drinking but to quit smoking. This was August, I had seen counselors before but the doctor sent me to a new one and she finally told me something that made sense.
The depression, the anxiety, the repeated nightmares.
She diagnosed me with PTSD.
Finally, Finally, Finally. Something that made sense.
I didn’t quit smoking right away but I did stop. I’m getting ready to celebrate my one year anniversary.
Now drinking. I will do this and as you, I have to do it privately. I don’t feel like I have to tell everyone what I have gone through I don’t feel like anyone has a right to know what I have gone through. Yes I know its not my fault and I feel no fault. I still feel disgust and anger. My anger is the one thing I cannot let go of. I don’t know how. I have prayed and begged for me to be able to forgive my mother. She was abused and knowingly put me in the same situation. I do not understand this. I am more angry at her then my abusers. My sister once said something to her about it and her response was, I swear to you, “Boys will be boys.” My sister was our buffer, who has since passed away. Another reason to drink. She OD’d on prescription meds (that were not prescribed to her). She was 29.
The thing that has changed my life in the year of 2013. Thanking God for the so many blessings he has given me. My absolutely beautiful children. The wonderful and beautiful loves of my life. My Husband. I swear to you I know he will never leave me and he will do whatever it takes to make me better. He likes to drink to and he does but not to my extent. We are our own problem I do believe. But we do love one another and while I can’t say I could do it if he asked I know he could stop drinking for me.
Now, however, I have to face not drinking. I’m tired and God do I want to live. There is so much I want to do and there are just so many things out there.
AND I swear time waits for no one. Blink and your life goes from being an abused child trapped in a bathroom with a pathetic excuse of a man to a 44 year old woman who is simply trying to stop the hate.
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Oh dear girl, you have lived through something no one should ever have to endure. Especially not twice. You’ve tried to cope your best but sweetie you can’t do it alone. You deserve to live freely and joyfully. This is big but not insurmountable. Listen to the Dr Drew podcast, the interview with Dr Dan Seigel about the role of trauma in addiction. You are not alone. There is help available. Even though your instincts might be to try and fix it yourself, your best chance for recovery will be through professional help and a recovery support program. You’re strong enough to have survived so much. You have it in you to heal fully, and you deserve nothing less. My heart goes out to you
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Oh my God, Anonymous, You are ME. From your age to the abuse to the rage for your Mother, I could have written this message. Thank you. Made me feel less alone.
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Anonymous and Tracy, I, too, share your experiences. The abuse, the Mother, the search for serenity. For many years, every night, it was a martini and cigarette outside alone, followed by wine at dinner and after. Being responsible, not dropping the ball, not bottoming out, holding down a job, taking care of twins, but always knowing that I was slowly killing myself. Tonight is my second night without a drink. My husband is out of town and normally I would be drinking more than usual, without his disapproving but loving eyes on me. I have gone to a few AA meetings recently but felt out of place there. But I intend to keep going. It’s not as if I have any answers that have worked. I went to a cocktail party last night and had a Diet Coke. I could smell the wine all around me; it was torture and it wasn’t. If we can just fight for ourselves. Love ourselves enough to treat ourselves with all of the kindness, acceptance, and respect that we never got growing up, we’ll make it. God Bless you both for sharing your stories. Stay in touch.
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Hi Jean, thanks so much for this wonderful site. I see that most of the posters are women, but I really like this site. Tonight will be my first sober night. I am disgusted with this grip that alcohol has had on me, and want my life back. It started as fun nearly 50 years ago. I only drink at night, but have been almost every night for the past 30 years. Thanks to all of the nice people posting here. I am really encouraged by your comments and your new way of life.
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I am so excited for you, Robert! Your new life awaits! It can be a bit rough at first but it is definitely worth the effort. Depending on how much a person is drinking, the body can have different responses to alcohol withdrawal. Please do a bit of research to ensure you are proceeding as safely as possible. Much joy and encouragement to you.
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Hi Jean, it’s nice to put a face to the words. Christmas Day is my one month and weirdly, since deciding to quit, I actually don’t think about alcohol much at all. I did for the first few days whilst reading your blog but after that when I thought ‘shall I have a drink?’ I then thought ‘meh, don’t want one’. I’ve kind have got 2 pictures in my head, the first is me pouring the first glass and the second is me stumbling slightly, talking boring rubbish, maybe picking an argument with my husband and then walking up feeling guilty with a headache. Picture one = picture two and I really can’t be bothered with it all. Your blog is brilliant and I’ve read the books you recommend but also try Allen Carr’s Easyway to stop Drinking. I was in his way of thinking before I started to read him, because of your blog, but he just banged the final nail in! I’m not saying I never think about it, but when I do, the urge slips away quickly with a shrug and I feel happy. Thank you so much for your blog. It’s a real help.
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Wow a Christmas anniversary! Congrats on one beautiful precious months and for the clarity and peace you express. Your words are a gift. I’m honoured to know that our stories are interwoven. Many blessings.
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I had half a glass of champagne Christmas Day. I sipped it, enjoyed it for what it was and didn’t want anything else. What a result. Who knew life could be so good when alcohol has no importance? Yey!
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Hi Mo,
I’m happy for your sobriety. I’m wondering how things are going for you with your sobriety now. I’m really curious because your feelings regarding the situation sound just like mine. Today, I’m 23 days sober and I honestly don’t miss the alcohol at all. Honestly. The only time I thought about it during the first week was more out of habit than anything else. For instance, we had a bad snow storm and my first thought was, wow some flavored vodka would be great when I get in from work. Then I thought about all the hangovers and how completely tired I was of waking up feeling that way and the fact that they seem to take longer and longer to recover from them. I read about the woman who is 27 months sober and considering / fantisizing about trying to drink socially again. As I’m reading it, I’m thinking…why….why on earth would you want the hangovers, guilt, shame, etc. back again?! BUT, I’m 23 days sober so who knows how I’ll feel down the road. Your thoughts??
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Hey there!
I am not Mo, but thought I would just say that this is my 23rd day sober too (well, one day off)! I think, with me anyways, I have never had a problem in the first month or so because I was full-in, deep NOT DRINKING. It was after, when I started feeling really great about my supposed SuperWoman like ability to steer clear of wine that the thought would pop into my head, “I am not addicted, I can just have one and be fine”…fast forward one year/two years later and I am back to quitting after noticing that I am once more, not in control. It’s humbling to admit this, because I don’t think I ever thought of it this way before. I think I stopped protecting the idea of being sober and went back to using it to cope with everything I had just pushed aside for that month or whatever. I coddled myself that month, protecting myself and putting off real responsibilities and saying “You can eat that, buy that, do whatever else you want, at least you arent drinking!” and that doesn’t work in the long term because reality, pain, annoyance, credit cards, relationships all that stuff can only be put off for so long and when it comes to coping with those things without the numb escape of alcohol was when I was most vulnerable to my own thoughts. It was like I was trying to sabotage myself! Hopefully this time, I ride out the annoyance and anger! Cheers to you, The Lone Pickle, and good luck on this new adventure!
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Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. Too much wine, buying things I cannot afford, being in denial is my reality. I know I can be a social (one or two) drinker at events and be responsible with my money, but I have been lazy and not sticking to that. The results are not pretty. Physically I am not taking care of myself and financially – let’s just face it – alcohol is a waste of money and sometimes it makes me spend more than I should on other things – creating debt. Time to face the denial and get a grip. It was healthy to read your post, so thank you.
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Thank you! I’m day 1…. But have been looking for a way to stop the whine (wine) for a long time. I didn’t realize that there was an alternative to AA. I’ve been reading your blog all day…
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I came across your website a year ago today when I finally decided I had had enough. I wondered for years if I could in fact have a problem. Your blog has been a gentle companion. I, too, quit drinking in private. It’s a little tough to go to a group meeting with 5 kids under 10. Needless to say, it’s been nice to have a friend to travel along this path. Today marks my 1 year anniversary. Thanks for your honestly and kindness.
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Thanks for being a companion of ours. I am coming up to my first anniversary in three weeks. I am now much more settled and in a routine. In the evenings I am fine at home. If I go out I think of it in terms of using the experience as a networking opportunity. I enjoy good conversation and sharing good stories. I get restless as soon as I become tired and am often impatient to go home. We often stop on the way home for a gellati or an ice cream. I have discovered elderflower sparkling water and cordial and it is fab! I have a vision in the back of my mind of me crouching down next to the china cupboard pouring red wine into a mug and then pouring it down my throat. So dark, so sad. It took years before I finally successfully gave it up. I couldn’t have a dink and face that scenario again.
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WOW!!! Congratulations on your anniversary! You are a miracle and I am thrilled for you. This journey is full of lovely surprises – I am touched and honoured to have traveled together, however quietly. Many blessings. unP
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Hi Jean, I stumbled across your blog over the Thanksgiving holiday, and have not been able to stop reading. I am a 45 year old married mom of 2, (also married my high school sweetheart) and on day 9 of no alcohol. Have never been an every day drinker; more of a once or twice a week binge drinker, and have been trying to quit for a while. I went to a couple of AA meetings, but they made me want to drink, and have been reading every book out there on alcoholism and quitting. I am a runner, an avid yoga lover, a music teacher at my church, a preschool teacher, and I have a drinking problem. Your blog has encouraged me more in the past few days then anything I have come across so far. Thank you for your honesty, and your encouragement for others. Tracy
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Hi Tracy, and welcome to the big warm hug of recovery. You are among friends who understand and want to see you succeed. You have chosen a path that is not easy but is ultimately worth the effort. I am thrilled to know my story has helped shape yours. Onward we go!
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Found you – looking for help for my 30 something son. You’re amazing. I’ll be clicking on your links and commenters in hopes of finding more people he can relate to. He’s only on day 4. His brother is helping him this week and he and we are still figuring out where he and we are going with this.
Thank you for sharing your self with us.
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Hi mom, I’m sorry your son is going through this. Have you considered Al-Anon? You can google it to find more info. In that program you will meet other moms and family members in your same situation.
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How are you doing, Mom? Hope things are going well.
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Hi Jean! I am Katie and it is great to read your blog! I am 10 days sober and have not spoken about it to anyone but my husband. I live in a family that if you aren’t drinking you must be pregnant and have been struggling of thinking of excuses for the holidays. I’m only 24 and a new mom and wife. I quit drinking because I saw drinking becoming a problem and thought it would be easier to quit now then in 10 years. I’m also a student nurse and have had three lectures on alcohol abuse in the past couple weeks and started to recognize drinking four drinks a night every night is not normal or healthy. The main reason I quit drinking is because I don’t want my son growing up thinking that drinking is a good coping mechanism. If you had a bad day you should go for a bath or read a couple hours not get wasted. Any who I wanted to let you know I appreciate you and your blog 🙂 thank you – Katie
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Day 7 for me…and this has been one of the most earth shattering weeks of my life. I have had a problem with alcohol for a few years and it escalated into the post 4pm secret drinking….wine at dinner but a secret starch of vodka and orange juice throughout the evening. Over the years there have been countless horrible fights with my husband, pushing my kids away, drunken texts and facebook posts, blackouts, embarrassing myself at events…..well, last weekend I did a marathon read of. Ann Howett Johnston’s new book “Drink” and thankfully everyone else in the house was out at a hockey game as it moved me. From that book I searched around online and I am gobsmacked at the numbers of women in the same boat as I! And here I thought I was the only one filling bottles with water so no one noticed them getting empty! Just knowing so many others have the same struggles I do has made this so bearable. I have an amazing therapist, and while I know there are many excellent programs out there, I am choosing for now, for me, to work with her and look to these blogs.
This week has been amazing and scary. Up until last night I have had terrible night sweats – beyond my usual pre-menopausal ones! And while I have not been sleeping well, as for so many years I have medicated myself to sleep, when I do sleep I have horrible dreams. I read about these symptoms online and was horrified to realize I was detoxing! Had it really gotten that bad?
Jean, this blog is amazing and I am so glad I have found it. Your message and the messages of others on here speaks to me. I am looking forward to being a part of this community.
Btw Jean I am Canadian too! Ironically, my son plays rep hockey and travels a great deal with my husband so that was prime, uninterrupted drinking time…… They are off this afternoon for a road game but, I have created place I call “my cocoon” at home – my favourite wingback chair, lots of new books and Christmas magazines and V8 fruit cocktail and club soda……
Enjoy Sunday all.
PS. I highly recommend Ann Howett Johnston’s book. Honestly, I don’t normally read that genre but it was the big catalyst for my change……
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Your message makes me so happy – this is such a difficult part of recovery and yet your joy and strength are shining through. Ann Dowsett Johnston would be very pleased to know she kick started your journey. You know how I know that? I spoke to her on the phone for 90 minutes last week when I guest hosted The Bubble Hour! (If you haven’t already, head to thebubblehour.com and have a listen. Be sure to subscribe to their podcast. It’s a wonderful show).
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I just subscribed to the podcasts of The Bubble Hour! I have to say my iPad is my new BFF on this journey. Thank you for your response and indeed I am very joyful. I have not felt this good, and as I told my therapist the other day, I finally feel like the “person I want to be”. I am not naive and realize there will be some bumps along this way but for now it is one step at a time. What a wonderful world outside of the permanent alcohol induced fog I had been in for the past few years……
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Thanks so much. I read your entire blog over 2-3 hours on Tuesday morning. I was hung-over again and just ‘knew’ in my core that it had to stop. Moderation has been tried many times for the last few years – and it’s failed.
So much of your story resonated with me: high functioning during the day, secret drinking, perfectionism, guilt/shame and then resolve.
I read your blog right at the best time. It’s day 3 now – I feel confident and inspired (with a mild detox headache – although even that’s better than a hangover headache).
Thanks
PS: I almost laughed when you had an anecdote about making a big show about having a second glass of wine. That’s a strategy I’ve used many times: ‘Wow! I’m going to lash out and have a SECOND glass tonight’ (just don’t count the number of bottles in the recycling bin!).
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Ahhh thanks for sharing this and welcome aboard this journey, my friend. Isn’t it a sweet relief to know that all these crazy things we do are shared by so many? It’s makes us all see that change is possible. We are not alone. Stay strong and be well. Keep coming back and stay in touch. Lots of love, UnP
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Great news! Im glad to hear you are doing so well. Still staying strong Oct 24 was the last time I drank. Im not going to count days. This is the hardest thing I have ever done! Just trying to focus on all positive, keeping busy and very tired.
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Thank you for your efforts. 22 days in and this helps a ton to read the stories. Oh how can relate. Keep it up.
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Three weeks – that’s huge! Keep going and stay strong, my friend.
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Yes it’s going great I find myself drinking a boat load of coffee. I enjoy the social aspects of coffee shops and find it a great alternative to the bar seen I have spent so much of my life. I just need to focus on decaf after 5 pm. Lol
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31 days now. 3rd week of AA feeling great. Wow was I a dumb ass to not do this sooner. I’m so grateful for everything I have.
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…my butt hurts from kicking it because I didn’t do this sooner….but just living in the moment and appreciating and marveling in this whole, new world…..
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Ditto
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Thank you so much I don’t feel so alone anymore. My life is very similar to yours I had some very violent things happen to me as a child and was abused by an exhusband. I’m on my 7th day not drinking very tired. This is my 4th time trying to quit alcohol. I think I can do it this time thank you for giving me hope! Deb
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I’m on day 24 we are in the same boat. It is tough but I know now it’s worth it. Hang in there. I’m eating lots if candy and drinking lots of coffee.
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Hey now, it’s completely up to you. I am only sharing my experience; how it was for me then, how it is now. I think I didn’t want to tell my husband because I really did not want to quit. I subconsciously wanted an “out”. I prided myself on being totally open to him and not lying, but oh my, did I lie about my drinking. It’s great to feel good, it only gets better.
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Thanks Tricia, I appreciate your perspective. It’s not that I won’t tell my husband – that would be impossible. I just wanted the decision to stop to be mine alone. But no one else for the moment. And he hasn’t even noticed the missing vodka (that’s what gets me) yet so I just haven’t brought it up. As for feeling better, I do feel great. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to sleep sober because I’ve always used a nightcap (or a few) before bed. These past few days I’ve been sleeping so well and still feel exhausted. But in a different way than you do after having too much. Happy to be finally doing this.
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Keep up the good work!! Whatever you do, don’t pick up! And of course it’s your decision, it’s not your husband quitting. It’s amazing what I thought my husband didn’t notice. Give yourself enough time, and I guarantee your eyes will be opened.
I was reading my old posts on here, remembering how crappy my life was. Wanting to quit in the morning, then drinking again around 5PM. Gosh that was a terrible merry-go-round that I’m so happy to be off of!! I got so much support, on here, and another forum I frequent (soberrecovery.com). I spent quite a bit of time online before I got the guts to walk into an AA mtg. That was a support like I never knew, and now I realize it’s not a support group, it’s a design for living without booze. It’s a program that teaches you how to live life without booze.
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Glad you are doing well. I told my husband before I quit and honestly, it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. Before, I’d try to quit and not tell anyone, and that would last about 3 days tops. Easy to pick up again when no one knew I had “quit” in the first place.
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I will, and he’ll be fully supportive. But…for my own reasons I wanted to do this completely myself, so I was sure that it was my decision, and not motivated by embarrassment at being called out about it. I feel really good about that right now. I certainly expect harder days…right now I think this is “sober euphoria”
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Self-managed recovery is very do-able. As long as you have support and some means of accountability you are on your way. Stay focused and motivated. You’re doing great. Xo, UnP
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I agree 100% with what UnP says about self-managing recovery. I don’t believe anyone else will create a newly sober life for you — it’s you who has to do the work. I do however, think that trying to do it alone, and not telling anyone/hiding, leaves out the accountability factor, and inevitably leads to drinking again. That’s just my own personal experience and perspective.
Going to AA meetings every day for 2 years has given me a much larger perspective of what others are dealing with, and it showed me how many others have maintained sobriety. My home group easily has 40 personal in attendance, and that’s quite a big section of people with experience.
I don’t think I would have the same experience had I tried to do this alone. I might have still been able to stay away from the drink, but I doubt I’d be this happy. Again, just my personal experience and opinion. I’m sure there are some who’d disagree, and interestingly, I have found that those who disagree are often not sober or have not been able to obtain long term sobriety.
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Hey, happy day 2! I said the same thing, didn’t feel comfortable sitting with others, etc. But really, I sure didn’t mind pulling the crap I did when drinking, so I decided I could handle a group. I actually gained weight when I quit drinking. I thought I’d lose all this weight and do all these things. Really, quitting was plenty for me to work with! Good luck!
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Thanks, and on to day 3! I’m definitely keeping AA in mind, but so far the online resources and blogs like this one have been amazing for me. Yesterday was good. I had a couple moments where I know if alcohol was in the house I would have gotten into it, but since it’s not here, all good. I’ve actually dropped a couple of pounds so far (bloat, no doubt), and the freedom from worrying whether my husband will be able to tell I’d been drinking when he gets home (of course he will) is blissful. I don’t think he’s noticed yet that I got rid of a bunch of stuff and we’ll have that conversation when he does.
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Hi, the time flies by. Although initially it was very hard, and still some days are very hard. I remember feeling very gung ho and then my first week feeling completely exhausted. I also looked into Smart Recovery. Ultimately, none of the other programs worked for me. I really needed the human contact, and AA is so widespread it fit into my schedule easily. I’ve also made some very good friends and I don’t think I could have done that via the web or other alternate means. I was pretty much friendless when I quit.
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Thank you, Tricia H. & UnPickled :). Yeah, I’m a bit worried about this enthusiasm being just momentary so am trying to put things in place so I have things to do when I would normally have a drink. And getting rid of the home stash is the BIG thing for me. I will hold off on AA just because I’m not comfortable in a group setting at the best of times. Fitness will be huge – it’s already a priority for me and I’m looking forward to doing more and not worrying if I’m sober enough to go to the gym. Not to mention, goodbye alcohol calories! Day 2 and feeling good.
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Hello and THANK YOU! To “unpickled” and everyone else who has contributed here. I had a bender last night and have been reading this all day today. I want to stop. With the secrets (which I know my husband knows anyway), the calculations, the not-so-secret-purchases, the feeling like i am a lesser person..yada yada. It is enormous comfort to know that there are others with the same struggles as me. I have felt so alone for years. Will keep you posted as to my progress.
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Gosh I remember days like that. I had many. The remorse, embarrassment. Mostly I remember really really wanting to quit, and feeling super hungover. But by 4PM I was right back at it. I remember someone online once telling me to take action now before I got to feeling better and went back on my merry-go-round. I ignored them and spent years doing that. I finally got sober by joining AA. It’s what propeled me into the life I wanted. I was pretty much desperate to quit and felt that AA was the drastic thing I needed. I was right. I’m closing in on 2 yrs now. Crazy. Good luck to you.
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Thank you, Tricia H.! I got rid of (poured down the sink, haha), all the “trigger booze” in the house. My husband’s high end bourbon is safe from me. I don’t know that I want to do AA but have been all over this site and have been looking at SMART recovery. So many resources. And looking at things I need to do to make myself healthier, mentally and physically. Today is booze-free day one. Still early yet but feeling good. Something in my mind has changed and I actually WANT to do this :). Going to be so hard though, so it’s amazing to hear my story so many times over and over. And congratulations on 2 years! I can only imagine…
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Congrats on your courage and welcome to a new chapter full of possibilities. You are not alone and there are many options for you to find success. The trick is to find a good fit for you. You’ll find your greatest strength will come from connecting with others, in person if at all possible. I also love podcasts like thebubblehour.com -listening to other women like you and me help us see ourselves more clearly. Stay strong and keep in touch! UnP xo
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Thank you for the bubblehour.com recommendation – really inspiring and helpful. Closing in on the end of day 6…I honestly can’t remember the last time I did that. Wait…I lie. A drink at a restaurant dinner last night. BUT, in the past this would mean after we got home and my husband went to bed, I would start my “real” drinking. I actually found I didn’t even really want the drink! Baby steps I guess. Quitting is still my little secret but I’m really thinking about the reasons why I’ve done this for so long, and really exploring the online resources available. The physical and mental clarify this week has been amazing. Thank you, everyone for sharing your stories.
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Hi MD -I am truly cheering for you. I encourage you to think about the drink you had last night at a restaurant – I found ordering at restaurants one of my big early obstacles. Can you make a plan for the next time? Reimagine the situation and how you might do it differently. I even wrote down phrases for when someone goes to fill my wine glass and practiced saying them aloud in front of a mirror so that it might come out of mouth easier in the pressure of the moment. Ellie has some really great advice on one Bubble Hour episode about changing your routine in early sobriety to shake up old habits – not sure which episode that is but if you are like me you are listening to them all over and over again! For daily drinkers, the first week is brutal. For binge drinkers, it can seem easy at first but social situations are landmines. And for some it is a combination of both. Lot of love and support, UnP
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Believe it or not, I listened to that episode this morning! Really, really useful stuff. Thanks so much for the recommendation. I explained elsewhere here my reasoning why one drink in a restaurant didn’t feel like the “danger zone” for me. Totally on track since and amazed myself today walking past the liquor stores I usually do, and not even tempted to walk in. This whole thing is new and a bit scary but also peaceful.
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Hi MD – how are you managing? I’ve been sending you lots of good vibes!
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Hi! I’ve been ok. Had a few setbacks, but I think they’ve helped to teach me about this addiction beast. I’ve been just trying to take care of myself and been listening to a lot of Bubble Hour episodes. Usually at the gym – so it feels like I’m doubly doing something good for myself. So much insight and I see so much of myself in many of the stories there. The online community at SMART Recovery has been really, really good too. I’ve attended a couple of online meetings and plan on more. Thanks for the good vibes! They help!
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Not to make this all sweetness and light though. This is HARD. And I find it ironic that while I’m supposed to not be drinking, I am also trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of my drinking. Which means I’m thinking about drinking a LOT.
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I responded to MD but have no idea where it went ! Hopefully you can find it somewhere.
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Alright, here’s what I tried to post earlier.
Hello and happy Monday! What you described is Step 1 for me in my program. It didn’t make a ton of sense to me at first, and honestly I tried to reject it at first. I had to immerse myself in my program and do what others said, instead of doing it my way which obviously didn’t work. That’s when I got it and eventually step 1 made a ton of sense.
Now, you might be one of those people who can drink normally, although I doubt it. (Normal drinkers don’t search these sites out.) Myself, I cannot have any alcohol, not even one. Sure, my first drink might be just the one, but soon enough, I will drink myself right back to where I was before. I know, because I’ve tried this 100 times.
I sure hope you find your way. I was a person whose life was full of “yets” and thank god I didn’t have to spend any more time waiting for those to happen. Glad you wrote in and I hope to hear from you soon.
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Hi Tricia. I appreciate the amount of time you spend commenting on my blog but I ask you to please respect the spirit and purpose of this blog, which is not to constantly promote one recovery pathway but to encourage fellow seekers and travellers regardless of their choices. I am very happy for you that your program has been successful for you and I rejoice in your recovery, I truly do. Perhaps you might want to engage in a forum or start your own blog that is more suited to discussions based soley on the pathway of your choosing.
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Also, MD, I don’t get how it’s day 6 if you drank last night? Interested in your rationale.
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MD, please do not feel you have to respond to outright challenges such as the above comment. You are on your way and that is to be celebrated.
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Hi, I tried to post 2 last responses, as well as contact info, but I think it ended up in a weird spot. I realize it’s probably because you have placed securities on replies and such.
Anyway, I apologize for any offense to you and your blog. I certainly wasn’t trying to do that. I understand you want others to post a variety of recovery methods, however, I only have one and so that’s what I share.
Sent from my iPhone
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Certainly. I try my best to share only my experience, and since my experience only consists of AA, that’s all I can share. I completely respect your opinion and blog and do not mean to offend. I do contribute to other forums and did mention that in case anyone was interested. I will stop posting in your blog. Thanks.
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Hi Tricia and UnP,
I don’t mind the challenge at all as it’s probably a bit odd to speak of having a drink but still feeling sober. The rationale is as follows: for that one I had, I was with 2 people in a celebratory situation. For me to not have one would have changed the focus to me not drinking and that wasn’t the time. Also, drinking in public has never ever been the problem for me – I always keep very much in check. What is my problem is the secret drinking, and that in my (very recent!) past, that one drink would have led to several more at home. That didn’t happen so that’s my victory, and for the moment, how I still consider that a “sober” day. I don’t know that I’ll be able to do that on a regular basis as I”m still learning about this whole process, especially as it’s unique to me (and I’m an oddball 😀 ).
Tricia, I really appreciate the perspective, and am really happy for you that AA has worked so well for you. Maybe it will for me too. This is so new to me. I find it truly fascinating how everyone’s experience is so similar, but we’re all so different. Right now I’m just really so amazed that there are so many of us hiding in plain sight. Thanks everyone.
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Hi Tricia,
You posted the same comments several times over due to a viewing setting. I removed the extras. Settle down.
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Day 5 and counting. I’ll stop the daily updates but I just wanted to let you all know that I am doing the work. Exciting, scary, challenging, humbling, freeing…..lots to learn but grateful for the chance to change.
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Huzzah! You’ve got this. And we are all here if you ever need encouragement, feedback, or a good old kick in the butt!! Xoxo
Sent from my iPhone
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Hi, I’ve written this which was published in Spain in Dec 2010 and now has been translated into english.
Just wanted to share it with you.
Best regards
Una
Book Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpjKG7zZnCQ&feature=em-share_video_user
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Day 3 – thank you for the support and suggestions. I appreciate it all! I am a little anxious today but from what I read day 3 can be tough – I suppose in the beginning every day can be tough without the right attitude and tools.
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Hello,
Yes, every day is tough, heck my first year was tough. It’s still tough. I think you better brace yourself for that. It doesn’t mircacuosly become this wonderful life. Life goes on and you can’t drink when you are uncomfortable, stressed, tired, bored. While it is tough, what will make it hands down worse is drinking again.
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You are doing great, luckygrl…Keep focusing on your family and the reason you are doing this: for them and for you.
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P.S. – I believe I posted under my same name when I was struggling, and when I first got sober.
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Thanks for the support! I made it through day 1 – wasn’t all that hard, as I have never felt more ashamed of myself. Now the trick is going to be to keep going days 2,3,4 and onward – when my shame may feel a bit more distant. What gives me hope is that I really believe something inside of me has snapped. Now that my husband (and GULP….my kids) have seen what I have worked so hard to hide there’s sort of no going back. The gig is up. Thanks as well for the advice on withdrawl and resources. I’ve got my C and B vitamins – along with milk thistle and L-glutamine. Besides being too good at swilling wine, I am actually sort of a health/fitness enthusiast so I’ve been reading up on herbs to help in this process. I do promise that if the symptoms get tough I will seek formal medical assistance. I am going to also purchase the Carr book today. Seems like that one might be a good one to start with. Any other first few days words of wisdom/advice? I haven’t decided on AA or other resources as of yet but I am investigating. Been on SmartRecovery and have already completed a few of the inventories/tools. I feel like I have to nurse myself along a little bit….this is so new to me and it feels pretty scary to be “outed” by my family.
I have so much gratitude for this amazing place you’ve created!
luckgrl
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You are off to a great start and I am so sorry that it took such a humbling experience but if it saves your life it is worth it. You chose to turn that into something positive for your family in the long run – that takes courage and strength. What helps the most is connecting with other people in recovery. You can do that in person by reaching out to someone you may already know in recovery, or joining a program in your community. I chose to connect with the recovery community through an anonymous Twitter account and reached out for support that way. Helping others is one of the keys to long term recovery, so you will find that those ahead of you on this path will gladly step up to help you. I take a lot of strength from listening to recovery podcasts while I am running or toodling around the house – check out http://www.thebubblehour.com
I hope all this is helpful. Readers, what can you add to help our soberita-sister?
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Hi all, I probably sound like a broken record, but it worked for me so I like to share. I’m a 40-something professional, married (happily), with no kids. I’m almost 2 yrs sober and here’s how I did it:
I first told my husband. Not all of my hiding secrets, but I told him I had a problem and needed his help. I asked him to remove all the booze from the house. He did and fully supported me.
Next, I went to AA. The first meeting I went to is now my home group. I have close friends I met there, and I talk to one of them everyday. I stuck with AA, and learned A LOT about alcoholism, and my relationship with it.
I highly encourage anyone struggling with alcohol to quit with the excuses (and I’ve heard every one in the the book), drop the ego, get humble and walk into a meeting. Everyone else there is just like us and honestly, there is no excuse you have that’d convince me going to AA would hurt you. And quit with the “oh, what if people find out?” You think they don’t already know? And um, what bad things will they say? “Oh, look at that chick, she got sober!”
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Thanks for sharing your personal perspectives, Trish. Your success is inspiring.
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KK…So wonderful to see your note! You will never know how much your words have helped me these past months, through unsettling times. I am so happy that you sound so good..I think about your son often and pray he is doing better.
All the best to you, KK..
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Tired, so good to hear from you. I think of you often, wondering how you are doing managing your job, family, travel as well as your health. Hoping you are enjoying the wonderful offerings of city life. I am a bit of a country mouse myself. I am envious of your wonderful bakeries and deli’s. I have come to love bakeries and coffee places, a fabulous replacement for wine. For those of you just days into sobriety, treat yourselves to wonderful coffees and teas along with a lovely sweet item. There are sparkling waters to enjoy over ice with a splash of cranberry or lime. Don’t forget to get some exercise and buddy up with sober friends. Enjoy the beauty and victories in each day. Peace and love!
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Hello KK! I think of you often, as well. Work gets in the way of enjoying all the city has to offer, but I am thankful for the many blessings I have been given..How are you? And how is your son? I pray he has found some peace.. Please take care..Peace and love!
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Hi Tired,
Hope all is well with you. I think of you often as well. Thank you for asking about my son. He bottomed out in a terrible way, almost died. Thank God, he is in a wonderful recovery program which includes 1:1 therapy to work on the root cause of his drinking. He sounds significantly improved on the phone. Thank God for answered prayer. Funny thing this evening as I came home from the hospital after sitting with very ill Mother in Law. Yea, I wanted a glass of wine in the worst way. Instead I started the mountain of laundry crying out to me, made sone toast abd tea, the wine urge is gone!! Would love to hear from you! roseldy@mail.com. Be well, peace and love.
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KK..So glad to hear your son is in recovery! My prayers continue.. Will write soon.
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KK..Thinking of you and your son during this holiday season…Peace, love and blessings..
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KK…Happy New Year!!! Hard to believe I have been following this blog for almost a year, around the time you started posting. Hope you and your family are well, particularly your son…All the best for a blessed 2014 … Xxoo
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Hi KK,
It has been so long, and I am not sure this link is still active. Hope so, and hope 2014 has been a good year for you.. I am doing very well, but don’t take anything for granted. Pray each day that the good days continue. Hope your son is still doing well.. Peace and love to you, KK!
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Good to see newcomers on unP. Sobriety is a bold and awesome journey. I am 8 months into the journey, feeling so much better than when I first began. I attend AA joyfully, but there are other tools out there. Just find what works and do it! For me, the spiritual component is key to the emotional wellness part of sobriety. I worked with a therapist to tame anxieties that contributed to my drinking. Sobriety takes some work and prayer, but the payoff is mental and physical health. Be well everyone. Peace and love.KK
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Thinking of you KK.. Hope you are well.
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Here goes my day one. I am a super sneaker drinker (as well as a mom of 2, wife, consultant, fitness buff, etc) or at least I was until last night. I had a rock bottom moment (up until this point I told myself I didn’t have a problem with booze because I didn’t have any big, ugly event I could point to that “qualified” in my mind as an alcoholic moment – stupid logic, I know). Here’s my shame – I am recovering from surgery and decided to have a glass (make that about 3 glasses) of wine – on top of my pain medication. I blacked out. My husband had to put me to bed. My children saw me drop dead drunk. I cannot even communicate the amount of regret/sorrow/sadness I have at this moment in time. My daughter actually told me she was scared for me last night. I literally cannot stand being in my own skin right now. Not sure how I am going to do this – just know I must do this. For my soul.
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I am sending you some big love on your first brave day. It’s probably going to suck but your heart and mind will rejoice while your body/brain fight the withdrawals. Please take a moment to research alcohol withdrawal online – most people don’t realize that alcohol is the most dangerous addiction to withdraw from. Can you speak to your husband about quitting so you have his support during the next while? Please stay in touch and share your journey here. I am cheering for you and so are many many others who read this blog (right readers?? Lend your voices!).
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Just to clarify, I strongly believe there is a big difference between religion and spirituality. I do not believe they are one in the same. I strive to be spiritual, and I could care less about religion. These are representative of AA principles as well.
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fullofsuds, AA is not about religion. If that were true, then we wouldn’t have alcoholic priests. I really clung to the idea that AA was for Christians and it was my excuse for not going to AA and therefore not getting sober.
The Big Book was was originally published in 1939 by AA founders Bill W. and Dr. Bob and has really outdated language. For example, the writing is geared towards men. And of course, God is mentioned. But the higher power described in the Big Book can be anything other than yourself. I am the farthest thing from religious, and do not believe in a Christian God. However, I do have a higher power, and I can admit that there is something more powerful than myself in this world. That’s all it takes. You can find out a lot more about this topic by attending an AA meeting or reading the official literature online.
I really like what this article has to say about it, found on the Hazeldon website: http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/ade80121.page
AA offers a new way of living, and is about being spiritual, not religious. With that said, there are many Christians in my AA mtgs, as well as Jews, Buddhists, agnostics/aetheists, even a Muslim or two.
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Do you or does anyone else have any other support groups that they would recommend? I am not christian and have read that AA is brings at least some type of religion into it. Am I wrong?
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There are a lot of pathways to recovery for you to consider. As Tricia says, AA is one of them and although it is not aligned with a specific religion, the 12-step method does involve spirituality. Secular programs include Life Ring (lifering.org) and SMART Recovery (smartrecovery.org). Yet another recovery group is womenforrecovery.org – make a cup of fragrant tea and enjoy some time reading and considering the best fit for you! Keep us posted. xo, UnP
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Hi Melissa,
Gosh your post brought me back. It wasn’t that long ago I felt exactly as you did. About 2 yrs ago, I was doing the same thing. I didn’t realize it then, but my husband was just about done with me. Can you imagine living with yourself? Frankly I can’t believe he stuck by me, the fact that he did shows just how much he loves me and how lucky I am.
This month marks the 21st month I’ve been sober. How’d I do it? I walked myself into an AA mtg. It was so hard to do that. I sat there for a long time without speaking. The beauty of AA is that I didn’t have to talk if I didn’t want to. I could walk in any time, late or early, and leave any time, and no one pushed me into anything. It’s all about me and my relationship with booze afterall.
Anyhow, I stuck with it, and found happiness. And a whole host of real, true friends who were struggling with the same problem, but also found happiness via AA. I located my first meeting by finding it on the web, and it turned out to be right behind my work. Here’s the site for your area: http://www.aavirginia.org/hp/meetings/waw.asp
Good luck to you.
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Melissa…keep up the good work, one day at a time girlfriend!!! It is my 2nd week of not drinking and I feel my anxiety calming down(not gone…lol…but calming). It is amazing what a difference you feel just from one day, I know only too well waking up not hung over is priceless. Sending you strength xo
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SG: Wow, you’ve made it 2 weeks!!! You are entering what I called the danger zone, it’s when I began to feel better and then went back to drinking again, thereby resetting my horrible downward spiral! I meant to provide this to you earlier, but forgot. I don’t know what state you are in, but here’s a link that will route you to local AA mtgs: http://www.aa.org/lang/en/central_offices.cfm?origpage=373
Good luck to you.
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I have been following this page for a while. I have tried numerous times to stop drinking or to “cut back”. I am at the point of severe depression that is taking a serious toll on my marriage. My husband just wants to help and I just want to disappear. I have started seeing a counselor recently and we dived into my drinking recently. He had some powerful words to say, but I still continued to stop to buy A twelve pack of my favorite suds ever couple of days. In order to save my marriage and myself, I know that quitting drinking is the only way. I wake up this morning without a bloated belly and a clear mind. Last night I DID NOT DRINK! And I feel GREAT! Onto day two and beyond. Thank you so much for this blog. You are saving so many people just by being brave yourself. Kudos lady!
Melissa from Virginia beach
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Hi Melissa and welcome to our circle of support. There are many paths to choose from and the most important thing is to stay motivated and proactive about taking care of yourself. Don’t drink, engage in a process to adress the reasons you turned to alcohol for comfort, and stay passionate about the life of freedom you deserve. Stay in touch and let us all know how youa re doing. xo, UnP
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I didnt realize when I posted this that it would be anonymous. I am also FullofSuds! And I am on day 7 and I feel GREAT!
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I am on my 29th day without a drink!!!!!! I could not even tell you how long I went this long.
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Woohoo! Tell us how you did it!!
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I am now on day 35 of my sober life. I have found that replacing my nightly beer(s) with flavored carbonated water is a good way to trick myself into thinking I am drinking a beer. Sometimes I will even have O’Douls. I have gone out for happy hour a few times, and even my husbands 20th reunion and only drank the non alchohilic beer. He is so proud of me! I started going to a counselor for depression about a month before I quit drinking, so he has helped me through the process as well. I feel great!
Melissa
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SO AWESOME! Good for you!! It is so important to make the connection between addiction and mental health.
Parties can be tricky. I just survived a huge housewarming party (at our house). One of our guests even brought me a special bottle of imported cherry juice instead of a bottle of wine. I usually mix grapefruit pelligrino with grapefruit perrier (to cut the sweetness and calories) and have just as much fun as everyone else. I also love O’Douls and Fresca (mix it half and half). And I just bought a great book from @soberjulie with holiday mocktail recipes!
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Thanks guys!!! So far so good. Last night was a little daunting since it was Friday but spending some relaxing time with my daughter seemed to do the trick and let me tell you waking up early on a beautiful Saturday morning without a hangover feels AWESOME! I will keep everyone’s suggestions in my mind, thank you all for reaching out and for the support!!! xo right back to all of you and stay strong : )
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SG – I think you’ve found your secret support group right here! Tricia’s advise is also “right on.” I attend regular AA meetings as well, but these sober cyber blogs are what really got me through. They are all very positive and ready to help you through any of those hellish moments (which get easier and easier by the way). Forget about “life without cocktails to relax.” Those cocktails just numbed you until morning. They added no value to your life. Stick around here and you will discover a whole new life to enjoy with your children!! Hugs! Trish
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It is day 5 for me without drinking. Just the beginning..my hands sweat just thinking about a life without my “cocktails” to relax at night, weekends and even sunny afternoons. What will fill that void? I felt myself slipping very quickly. After my horrible one of many many incapacitating hangovers I said I can’t do this to myself, my body and mostly my children (what do they think when I have been drinking all night and can’t get out of bed the next day? what king of example and I setting and what the hell kind of mother am I! ) I know stopping drinking is the answer….as hard as it is going to be. I have looked all over the internet to find some sort of “secret” recovery group because I do feel very ashamed and also worry what others will think of me especially being only in my early 30s. Finally I found something that I can relate to and become part of with your blog, it hit the nail right on the head…thank you. Looking forward to following you and seeing clearly again
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Hi SG, there is a secret support group out there, it’s called Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s great, because everyone is anonymous, and just like you! If you can summon up the courage to go to a meeting, I think you’ll be surprised at what you find. It’s not really a support group, but a group of people who get together, talk about how they got and stayed sober, and formed a new life. I did this almost 2 years ago, and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done. I have a new life now, and it’s all because of AA.
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SG, You have a ton of options for making this change in your life. I believe that one day there will be no shame in seeking recovery – it will be met with the same enthusistic support as someone who quits smoking, loses weight, starts a savings plan, or quits suntanning. “GOOD FOR YOU!” Taking charge of your health, your character, and your happiness is something to be entirely proud of, not ashamed of. And don’t worry – that will come. As Tricia H, suggests, AA is an option for you. So is SMART Recovery (they have online meetings as well as local groups), Life Ring, Women for Sobriety, and more. You could consider Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Or you could immerse yourself in the online recovery world of blogs, yahoo groups (check out Booze Free Brigade on Yahoo), postcasts (www.thebubblehour.com), and so on. In my opinion, the MOST important thing is that you do SOMETHING OTHER THAN drink and be persistant. If you try it on your own and can’t make that fly, try another path. Don’t settle for anything less than recovery! You deserve it and so does your family. You’ll find that talking to other people in recovery is incredibly helpful; fellowship is a major contributor to success in recovery. So if you have a chance to reach out and connect, grab it! The benefits will far outweigh the temporary discomfort of feeling embarassed. Way to go – I am so happy for you. xo, UnP
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The strength of mind you have shown to reveal personal details really is inspirational. I wish I had that strength. I am scared shitless on your behalf and I do hope no one makes unkind comments but in case anyone does I hope you can balance them against the strength you have provided others.
Of course I can but hope I recognise you in an airport one day.
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I really enjoy your blog and your honesty. Keep staying the course. Your writings encourage every day to try my best to avoid the drink. Some days I am better than others.
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I am so PROUD of you for having the courage to show us your pretty face and tell us your name. I am still struggling, but it is nice to know that there are people out there JUST LIKE ME!
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Encouraging news about your son, KK.. I will continue to keep him in my prayers..Back to work after a wonderful break…
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KK.. Thinking of you. Hope all is well. Peace and love..
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Hi Tired. Good to hear from you, and that you carved some beach time. I love the beach! My favorite getaway. Hooe you are relaxing away from the corporate world. Talked to my son today. I do have the sense he now wants to get well, sounded good on the phone. Peace and love!
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KK… You are often in my thoughts. Hope you and your family are well. Peace and love!
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Hi KK.. Enjoying a week at the beach.. Thinking of you and your son. Hope you are well.. Peace and love..
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Tired.. I am deeply sorry you lost a loved one to alcoholism. It is all so tragic and heartbreaking to all. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes which mean the world to me.
On a happier note, we are enjoying amazing mild weather here in Ca. Good golf day !
Be well, be happy, and peaceful. Love and blessings!
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KK..I am terribly sorry to hear about your son. Your situation is one I can unfortunately relate to, having lost a loved one to this terrible disease. You are doing the best you can at this point, which is letting your son know you love him; that you are there if he can find the strength to try to recover; and to pray….Many thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers. I am doing well..Your concern has helped more than you can know…Please take care..
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How is your son, KK?
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Hi Tired! Thank you for your concern. Unfortunately, he is still sick, not taking steps to recover. No better than when I saw him in Dallas. All I can do is pray.
How are you doing these days? Think of you often, you are in my prayers! Peace and love!!
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KK..The message to you earlier today is from Tired…Peace.
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Tired.. Thank you for your kind and warm support. So glad you are still on line. Praying for our loved ones still suffering. Pray God leads them to recovery before they die od liver failure, pacreatic disease, wet brain, etc. The insanity seems torturious by the demeanor of my son.
Hope you are well Tired. Thank yoy for your friendship. Peace and love to all!!
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KK..I was so happy to read your post..delighted that you are continue to do so well on your journey, but terribly sorry to hear about your son. Your grief is completely understandable. I know firsthand the pain and helplessness when a loved one has the disease of alcoholism. Please know that you have my prayers for his recovery..Peace and love..
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🙂
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This is great. You are great. I’m ready. 25 hours sober.
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Hurray! Great for you – holler if you need encouragement. There are many wonderful folks connected to this page who are cheering you on right now. Can you feel it? You’re not alone in this. Xo, UnP
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Hi there. I love your blog! You are never alone – truly. Sending you prayers and well-wishes!
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Tired, So nice to hear from you! I am doing well on day 25. Will attend a 4th of July party this evening. My first sober party…my first sober 4th of July as an adult! I’m looking forward to being in the moment…clear headed…physically and mentally strong. Hugs to you and all!
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KK and Out of the Box: Away on a business trip and doing well.. Thinking of you both..Hope you are both enjoying the summer. Peace!!
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Tired,
Glad you’re still out there! KK…hope you are still around as well. I’ve started my own blog however, it’s not that engaging, but I am commenting on other blogs as “changingcoursenow” in case you run into me in cyberspace. Hope you are both well. I’m doing great at 33 days (thanks to Unpickled who started me on this journey).
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So happy to be sharing this journey with you. I’m honoured that my observations have helped you to make this important change to honour yourself. I wish I could reach out and hug you all. Lots of love, UnP
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Tired and Out of the Box… so good to hear from you. So enjoy our cyber friendship. Out od the Box, what a huge and courageous step you took by attending a meeting and speaking up. I will never forget my first meeting a few short months ago. I love the womens group meetings. I have made friends there who meet after meetings for lunch or coffee. We encourage and pray for o e another. So happy you are on this beautiful journey. Peace and love…KK
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KK and Out of the box ….Thinking of you both on this long weekend…Doing well and enjoying time away from the city by the ocean.. Hope you are well…Peace and love!
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KK…How are you doing? Thinking of you… Peace..
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Hi Tired and All….Yes, still here. I have been in Dallas all month, heading home tomorrow. Six months into my jouyney, still feeling great, loving sobriety. I saw my Son last night who is very sick with alcoholism. Honestly, unless he commits to recovery, his life span is very short. His mental and physical health is very poor. This disease is a killer. I share this with you to appeal to the newly sober to continue on the sober path of wellness. Just commit to not drink for 24 hrs, just for this day because you mean the world to someone. That someone would grieve deeply if you let yourself fall into the abyss of alcoholism. Second, if you would pray for my son, that God will lead him to recovery. Apologies for being down, grief is in my heart today.
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Tired – I’ve been thinking of you as well. Hope you are feeling well and energized! So much has happened to me over the past few days. Tomorrow will be day 20 and I’m floating on that “pink cloud.” Hope it stays under me. I’ve also attended two women’s AA meetings and feel like it is the place where I belong. Did something at the second meeting that I never, ever thought I’d do. I said “my name is Trish, and I am an alcoholic.” I felt a shudder…then, such relief. Sober feels so good! Have a wonderful weekend my sober, cyber friends!
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KK and Out of the box: Thinking of you both and hoping you are well… Happy Friday!
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Thanks Out of the box and UnPickled for reaching out. Feeling good today. Relaxing with a San Pellegrino with grapefruit…Thanks, UnP, for recommending this delicious beverage!
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I just found your blog tonight through a recovery page on Facebook. Alcohol was never my problem. Crack cocaine was. I was in active addiction for over 20 years. I went through homelessness, prostitution to support my habit. This coming 4th of July I will celebrate 6 years clean. And, like you, I did it myself. Life is SO much better now. 6 years ago I lived in a tent in the woods, ate out of dumpsters, had to find buildings with outside faucets to bathe, and walked the streets and prostituted myself for crack. Today I own my home. I bathe in my own shower. I buy and cook my own food. And I am happily married to my best friend. I have been abundantly blessed.
It started so slow I didn’t realize it at first. At first I would just “party” on weekends with friends. Then ALL weekend. Then during the week – I missed work and lost my job. Then my vehicle broke down. Then someone suggested tricking to pay for the drugs. Then I stopped paying rent and lost the roof over my head. At least I had a tent (and lived in South Florida). I started in my 20’s and swore I’d stop when I hit middle age. Next thing I knew 20-30 years have gone by. I was gonna turn 50 on my next birthday. But I think the thing that “got to me” was when one day I looked in the mirror and I no longer recognized the person staring back at me. It was like another person had completely taken over my body. I no longer could even find the tiniest part of the “real” me – the me I was raised to be.
My parents were retired “snow birds”. Six months in South Florida, six months in the Ozarks of Southwest Missouri. My parents were well aware of my addiction. I called and asked if I could move and “start over” up there. You see I had already called with this same request twice before. They had bought me a plane ticket (twice) and drove hours to the airport and sat and waited on me. Only I was holed up in some fleabag motel smoking crack and never even went to the airport. My parents ended up losing all that money for 2 plane tickets. Figuring they would be hesitant, I offered to pay my bus ticket. They agreed. The day arrived. Yes, I did buy a small amount of crack. But I also went to WalMart and bought a traveling outfit AND I went to the bus station and bought the ticket. Yes, while waiting I dipped behind a soda machine and smoked a hit or two, but when that bus pulled in I left that crack pipe behind that soda machine, got on that bus and never looked back. BEST DECISION EVER!!!
I remember seeing fireworks in several small towns along the way. And this 4th of July I will celebrate 6 years clean. I call it my own little “Independence Day”. And I got to rediscover “me”. I got to choose what I liked and wanted to keep and what to get rid of. Did you know vanilla is my favorite ice cream? I wish I could just wave a magic wand and grant everyone who wants it, sobriety. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that, so instead I will pray for courage, strength, patience, and forgiveness for each and every one of you!!!
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Kim, I was so touched by your story and so happy for your new blessings. Possibly you are still struggling since you are searching for like-minded bloggers online. I found these blogs 13 days ago when I decided never to drink again. They are my new friends, my new support system. Stay with us – we’re all in this together!
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What an amazing testimony of strength and spirit and will to survive. I’m in awe of your achievement and I’m sure your words will move everyone who reads them. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope anyone who is searching for inspiration to change their life finds their way to your comment and feels the power we all possess to throw off the chains.
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Kim….You are an amazing woman of strength, willingness, and courage. I am very moved by your story. Thank you for sharing the most raw and deep pieces of your recovery journey. I wish you many more happy “Independence Days” celebrating yourself and recovery. Peace and love….KK
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Tired…so good to hear from you. I hope you are well…knowing that work, family stress, etc can get in one’s way of “serenity”. Anxiety still hangs on to me. Hate that old friend who just won;t let go. At times anxiety is worse than others. The big “however” is I refuse to invite my old friends, Chardonnay and Zinfandel to my pity parties. Actually, I am seeing someone tomorrow about getting a handle on my anxiety. Yes, life continues to happen on it’s own terms.. When we are sober we actually have to “cope” with whatever comes our way. Sobriety requires new and different coping mechanizims. When I was drinking, I could be upset and tell myself I’d wait until wine time to medicate. That worked for many years, but not now. That said, I am so loving sobriety and feeling physically and mentally well. Love the clarity of thinking, sleeping better, and not waking up in a fog, feeling guilty, trying to remember what I said the night before, etc……. Life is good on this side. Be well…peace and love.
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All: Back to day 1, after some good stretches. Life is turbulent..no question. But as KK, out of the box, UnPickled and so many others on this blog have noted, numbing yourself through alcohol (my problem) really does not help..at all! I have such control in so many aspects of my life (unPickled..I so relate to your recent posting on “perfection”), but can’t seem to get this one under control, once and for all.. So deep breath, here I go again.. feeling down on this beautiful day, but trying to be optimistic…and to live in the moment..Thank you, friends, for being there…Peace and love…
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Tired, Don’t beat yourself up on this. Just take a breath and start a new day. We are all in this together – so we will all reach down to pick each other up and walk arm in arm. Thanks for your honesty…it keeps us all humble. Love and warm hugs!
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Every second we spend in triumph over our addiction is its own little miracle. Grab on tight to the lessons this relapse taught you and may they strengthen you going forward. Xo, UnP
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Tired. congratulations on day 1. Hang in there as each day without wine is a wonderful victory. Sipping wonderful non alcohol beverages instead of wine helps tremensously. When tempted to drink, try a walk, water plants, or call a friend. I made a few Starbucks runs in the first few weeks. You are so worth this journey! Prayers for peace.
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KK.. I can so relate to coping with anxiety. I hope you are able to find some relief. One thing is for certain, as you well know, wine is NOT the answer for all the reasons you mentioned.. My thoughts and prayers are with you …
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KK…Thanks for the encouragement! Living in the city makes walks to Starbucks easy since they seem to be on every other block :). …Truly hope you are doing well…Blessings and peace!
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Out-of-the-box…..9 days is terrific!! Enjoy your week alone without the wine… KK….It was so good to hear from you… You sound wonderful. And you continue to be such an inspiration…Thank you!
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Thanks KK! Day 9 and still in there for the long haul. I’ve shared these blogs with a good friend who is in the same place and she is all in too! Had my bi-annual physical today. The doctor noticed something different about me and asked what it was. I told her I had eliminated alcohol from my life (very nonchalantly). She asked how that felt. I told her it was an awesome feeling. Couldn’t help but wonder if she asked that for her own personal reasons. My husband is out of town for a week. That would usually mean a trip to the store for the box with no worries about how many times I visited the tap – no one to judge. No one to hide it from. Funny…this is the first time I don’t want to buy that box, because I really don’t want to drink it. Awesome!
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Dear Out of the Box. Happy 34 year anniversary. Good for you for going out to dinner and not letting yourself be seduced by the romance of the wine. Wine, like all alcohol is truly cunning, baffeling, and powerful. Good you were preared with what to order so you weren’t caught off guard by the serving asking what he/she could get you drink. One day at a time! Peace and love, KK
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Thanks so much KK. You are a great support for me. I just finished emailing a good friend about my new “hobby” (that’s how I think of it since it’s such a new feeling and life for me). Feels good to share with someone that I know will understand. Thanks for the resources. I’ll check out the blogs and pod casts.
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Yes, build a support team around you. Telling my husband was difficult because he doesn’t believe I had a problem to begin with. Non drinkers believe it is a matter of self control. Just use some self control and enjoy one glass of wine, they say. However, it isnt that simple for problem drinkers. Read “Alcohol Lied to Me”, an honest, eye opening read of what alcohol actually is in our bodies. The blog “Crying out Now”, with it’s pod casts are fabulous. Use all the resources you can get your hands on. Don’t be afraid to walk into an AA meeting. I say this because I fought going to AA for a very long time believing I wasn’t one of “them”. What I found was a warm and welcoming group of people who have been extremely instrumental in my sobriety. Hang in there, you can do this!! KK
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Dear KK,
Thanks so much for thinking of me. I am 4 days sober and just loving it! I have not felt the absence of alcohol yet, but am aware that it will come. Reading all of these blogs is my new hobby and is so encouraging. I’m thinking of starting my own to document this journey. My evenings are nice and calm, free of guilt and secrecy. I have not shared my new journey with my husband yet, but will most likely let him know when he takes me for a steak dinner this Saturday to celebrate 34 years of marriage. I’m sure he will expect to order a nice bottle of red, and I’ll say “no thanks!” That should be very interesting. Also planning to confide in my neighbor and friend who is a non-drinker. She will be a great support and I believe our friendship will grow since I have crawled “out of the box” and will be free to come outside to enjoy the evenings. Again KK – thanks for caring.
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Dear Out of the Box…I hope now you dumped the box and are on your way to sobriety. I know, it is easier said than done, but you can do it. Don’t go it alone. Reach out to others in the sobriety community, get to an AA meeting, counseling, whatever it takes. Life is so much better without wine or any other form of poison. I am 5 months sober. I cannot tell you how wonderful life is on this side. I never thought I could/would quit my evening relationship with wine. Evenings are indescribeably better. Who knew it could be so good. Yes, there are still squabbles with my husband, the dog still pees on the floor, my adult children hurt my feelings, etc, etc… but, I am not pouring alcohol on my irritations. I deserve better, my family deserves better, and so do YOU!.
Tired, how how are you. Haven’t seen you on the blog for awhile and think of you often. I would welcome your email: roseldy@mail.com.
Peace and love.
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Dear KK and Out of the Box… So good to read your posts… KK..You are amazing, and an inspiration for all who yearn for a new, sober life. (And, of course, we owe it all to you, UnPickled, for sharing your journey with this blog.. Massive thanks!!). Out of the Box… How was your anniversary tonight? Very difficult to pass on the wine, but as KK noted, the benefits are great..And don’t despair if you struggle in the beginning…Just keep at it….KK….I think of you often and am delighted to hear you are doing so well…Thanks so much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers…It means more than you can know…Peace and love..
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Dear Tired, KK, and all my new friends,
Last night my husband took me out for a steak dinner to celebrate 34 years of marriage. I ordered a cranberry juice with lime and he ordered a beer. When our steak came, he ordered a glass of red and I enjoyed water. I could believe how good that steak tasted. I watched as he swirled his glass of red to look for those peaks left behind on the inside of the glass. I watched him slurp that small taste and swish it around in his mouth. It really looked ridiculous! I had downloaded the audio of “Alcohol Lied to Me” yesterday morning and listened to the chapter about that ritual of enjoying a good wine (spoiled fruit). It was comical to watch from the “other side.” I listened to the table of four next to us as they talked and laughed louder and louder with each new bottle, adding more and more swear words to their conversation as the night went on. I watched a father hand a vodka soaked olive from his martini to his young son. I wanted to slap him. My sober app says 7 days and I am on such a high. Thank you all for sharing your truthful stories. I can’t tell you how much they inspire me. Love to you all.
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I say dump it now and get some outside help other than the web (AA is my choice). Hate to sound harsh but there is a very high percentage of failure with alcoholism treatment. I wanted a day 1 so many times, and the day just never seemed to come.
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So, I want to start day one, but the box is half full. Do I toss it and deal with the anxiety, or begin my new life, leaving it as a reminder? Suggestions?
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Dump it and light the box on fire while you dance in circles and shout “I DESERVE BETTER!!!”
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I found your blog today. I sniveled my way through your first 3 months of posts and look forward to reading more. Every day I awaken with the intent to stay sober and the goal is never reached. I make up ridiculous excuses, downplaying the problem. It’s the same story over and over and it’s getting really old. And so am I.
You’ve inspired me and I know I can do this! I’m proud of you for all your courage, your success, and the effort you’ve put into this. Thank you.
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I am so glad you’ve found my blog and welcome to this community of support. The most important thing to know is that you are not alone. Many others have found themselves in your same predicament and you’re right – you CAN do this! Please email or comment to share your success and if you should need encouragement. It can be tough at first but don’t give up! It is important to persist and put your health and happiness ahead of all else. xo, UnP
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Hi, am really liking what I read in your blog. Thanks, b
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If only there were a silver bullet or single treatment for alcoholic recovery! I think that commitment is key, regardless of the program or approaches one uses for recovery. My thoughts are with all of you..
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Well whatever works for each individual, I say go for it. Whether it be prayer, medidation, blogging, Smart Recovery, Women of Sobriety, AA, or therapy. There are many things one can do do ensure success, if they are willing. I do a couple things in addition to AA. For me, it was far to easy to pour alcohol on my wounds and successes. I didn’t realize there were so many helpful resources out there. So blessed to have found resources to help, and so glad to be done with alcohol…I will be successful. Peace and love…KK
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Hi KK…Was thinking of you on Mother’s Day. Hope it was a good one for you…Peace!
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Hi Tired, So good to hear from you with your thoughtful Mother’s Day wish. I had a lovely day in Hawaii with my Step-Daughter, Daughter, Grandaughter, Husband, and, even Mother-in-Law. God truly blessed my day. I am grateful and ever so blessed. I hope you had a blessed day as well. Think of you often and pray you are well. Peace and love. KK
Please email me at: roseldy@mail.com
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KK…So glad your Mother’s Day was a good one! Really appreciate your kind words and prayers since life is somewhat unsettling now. Thanks, KK, and stay well…
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Yes, many don’t make it, but many, many do. Our local meeting celebrated birthday night where there were newcomers and celebrations up to 18 years. I heard testimony yesterday from a gentleman with 28 yrs of sobriety, spoke to a woman with 26 yrs, and others with many years. They all have messages of hope, faith, and courage. There are two types I see in the rooms, those that have to be there because they “have” to be, and those who “want” to be. Those who make the choice are the ones who are successful. Hang in there everyone. Peace… KK
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Exactly why I mentioned AA in the first place; however, that didn’t go over so well, and so I decided to go on and live my life in the real world, instead of a blog. Glad you found your way. Sad that others have to suffer alone and in hiding.
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I’m still sober. But I have come to find that one sad truth to alcoholism is that most of us don’t make it. It’s a very complex disease, one that is highly resistant to treatment.
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Oops, Tricia here.
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I’ve been researching recovery stats and I hope you’ll be encouraged to hear that recovery success is estimated in thirds – about a third do find recovery through (active) AA participation, a third recover on their own or through other programs, and a third struggle with the disease off and on throughout their lifetime. So as long as you’re not waiting for the problem to fix itself, the odds are in your favor!
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Sounds like good news! Although I find, as other researchers have found, that qualifying stats on alcoholism is not so easy. For one, AA participation can hardly be quantified as members are anonymous. It’s not like we have a sign up sheet or membership form. As I have daily contact with other alcoholics, and visit the rooms daily, I have seen far more relapse than stick with the program.
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Forgot to put my name in again. Tricia.
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Hi Tired. Thank you for your thoughtfulness; I am truly touched by your warm wishes. I am so grateful for this journey. Looking at the things life brings with sober eyes is so different than before, when I was numming myself with evening alcohol. My husband still irritates me, caregiving my Mother-in-Law still vexes me, and so on. However, I am able to cope by not pouring alcohol over my wounds. It is a freeing journey in that respect. I so hope you are well. Please email me anytime you need a sober sister to support and listen to you. flowerldy@mail.com. Peace and love, KK
BTW: I don’t see much activity on Unpickled. I am hoping it is a “no news is good news” phenomenon. Wishing everyone sober living!
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Hi KK… I am doing okay.. Thanks so much for your ongoing encouagement and kind thoughts. I must say that your journey has been truly inspirational.. And, I can relate to so much of what you are dealing with (iincluding the irritating husband :)).. Much peace and love …And, thank you.
,,,,
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Tired…So good to hear from you. I think of you often and always with thoughts of your wellness and peace. I am doing well, still going to AA, enjoying the fellowship of loving, non drinking people. The 29th of this month will mark my 3rd month of sobriety. I feel so blessed and grateful to be on this journey. Peace and love…KK
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Hi KK … Thinking of you today as you complete 3 months of sobriety. How wonderful! Enjoy your day…Wishing you continued peace and good health…Tired
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Thank you for this blog. Today I decided to start the exact same thing. When I got online I saw your blog and it truly has me motivated to begin my journey. I don’t ever drink when with friends or family or in public. My friends don’t believe me that I actually have a problem. I think that they secretly think I’m overreacting. Congratulations on continuing your journey and thank you for helping me begin mine.
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Thank you KK for your supportive words! It’s my day 2 and since I don’t drink during the week, doesn’t feel out of the ordinary at this point…the test will be the weekend. But your advice is helpful, just keep adding days on to days. I have heard or read somewhere it takes about 23 days for the brain to really register new habits/changes in habits. You sound like you are pretty smooth sailing at this point, congratulations!
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Unpickled… I saw the suggestion you made to fearnessnfree about catching “The Bubblehour” podcasts. I pulled up their website and must say the information is very impressive and so helpful. Several of the stories I’ve listened to do resonate with me and the journey I am on. I love that you share resources as well as encouragement, especially to those who are just days into sobriety. I remember my first few days, finding this blog, and gaining strength each time I logged on to Unpickled. Thanks again Unpickled for your service to our little community. Peace and love..KK
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Hi KK! Thinking about you, and hoping that all is well. I am feeling good, grateful for my many blessings….Peace and love to you!
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fearlessnfree…you are taking the first step, congratulations! You are admitting you have a problem, something that took a long time for me to admit. This blog is a safe place to air your concerns and share your journey as you do need a support system. I too, was protective of my evening wine time, and planned my life around my wine schedule. So glad to be done with that. If I may, suggest you start with one day, don’t drink for one day, then another day, then another. I began by making myself a tonic and lime over ice and nursing it over a couple hours each afternoon. I did that for a couple weeks, now I am ok with 4:00 rolling around and not thinking about a glass of wine. It gets better over time. I hope you can connect with a sobriety buddy for accountability. I blogged on this site every day until I got comfortable with sobriety, it made me feel accountable. I have been without wine for two months now, feeling seriously good! I hope you will join us on this journey. Peace and love!
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So much of what I read here resonates with me. In the past 3 days I have run 13 miles (7 on Friday, 3 Saturday and 3 today) but in that span of time I have also downed about 5 bottles of wine; some socially but mostly at home in the evening, my own little party with myself time. I’ve gotten very protective of “my time” and realize I do an awful lot of planning around my drinking. I would like to stop completely but have my doubts that I will be successful. For the past 3 months or so I’ve gone from near-daily consumption to “only on weekends” which sometimes extends to 3-day long weekends. Like so many, the weekends are my trigger times. Not during the day, but evenings which can sometimes start as early as 4 pm. Especially if I’m doing housework. I don’t drink Fri nights normally because I train with a running group early on Saturday mornings. But after that, it’s ON, in part because I use it to reward myself. As you can see, I do try to make rules around my drinking behavior, but that doesn’t remove the shame and remorse. And the hiding and deception that go with it. Most people wouldn’t know that I am a heavy drinker (I even hate how that sounds). But I may be kidding myself with minimization and denial. I am a single mom of an 18 year old. I wonder if anyone else is both an athlete and a drinker? It’s probably what has saved me, that I really feel the need to exercise. Anyway, thanks to all of you who share stories, strength, and hope. I really want to do this, I’m, just afraid of setting myself up for failure. Again.
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Hi FearlessnFree – I wish I could reach through my computer and give you and every reader of this blog a big strong hug – partly because I have been exactly where you are at and I know how much strength it takes to take the first step (which you did just by commenting and acknowledging the reality you are in), and partly because I so want you to know that it gets better, so much better. Life without wine was unimaginable – even as I left it behind I had no idea how I would make it through the next moment without it. I am a runner – I would not go so far as to say I am an athlete but I workout and/or run daily and also did when I was actively drinking. My fitness has improved greatly since I quit drinking and I love running even more now because my mind isn’t yapping at me the whole time I’m out there. I am 45 and I love what this body is capable of, even as I age. I love that my 16 year old son is seeing me live this life and not the old pickled one. You said in another comment that the test will be this weekend, so here are some helpful hints to help you through. * Disrupt routines – if you normally drink in the evenings, then plan an evening trip to hardware store or clean your bathrooms or anything you would normally never do during that time. Make it something that requires some focus and gets you into a different surrounding than where you would normally sit and drink. * Enlist a friend – this can be tricky, but if you have someone you trust make them your secret partner in this endeavour. If you are at a restaurant, it can even be your server. Pretend you’re going to the restroom and pull your server aside for a quiet word. Slip him or her $10 and say, It’s important that I don’t drink and I need your help. Please keep bringing me XXX and even if someone orders me a drink please bring me a blank. * BYOX – you used to “bring your own booze” to gatherings, but now whenever you go to someone’s house, bring your own X (whatever X is) – I recommend Grapefruit Perrier. Bring it and DRINK IT. Eventually your friends will realize you always bring the same thing to their house and start stocking it for you. * Go for coffee, not drinks – I always used to go out with the girls for wine. Now I turn down those opportunities but ask instead to meet them during the day for coffee or brunch the next day. Wayyyy better environment for me and lets me focus on the conversations and laughter that friendship is really all about. xoxo I hope this helps! Stay well and stay focussed on self care. I recommend listening to podcasts from http://www.thebubblehour.com – I listen to these when I run or walk my dogs – I especially recommend the one on the high functioning alcoholic, and the one on stigma. Stay in touch and let us all know how you are doing. UnPickled
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Thank you, thank you for such kind words and great suggestions! All is well, renewed energy & focus and less self-doubt and shame can’t be wrong! More later, for now just a big thank you for being there!!!
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Hi Tired… So good to hear from you! Hope you enjoyed a wonderful Easter. It was a very pleasant and quiet day in our household. Still going to AA meetings and enjoying sobriety. Feeling good is so worth it all. Still have not outed myself to friends and family, which is rather amusing. Have a good week…Peace and love!
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Hi KK … Thinking of you…Hope you are well. Things are good here!
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Hi Kelly! Congratulations on your new life of sobriety. I was very anxious about going out to places where alcohol was served the first couple weeks I quit drinking. It gets better each time I am out. Each time a server asks what I’d like to drink, my usual answer is “an ice tea would be lovely”, and that’s all that is said. You are right, there are many wonderful and supportive friends out there and on this blog. Keep up the good work, you are on the right track.
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Hi,
Like many of you, I have been battling in my mind for years now. I know I need to quit drinking, and it’s feeling like I’m finally getting there. My last drink was 3 days ago. I’m not a daily drinker, but a binge drinker. My drinking always brings me guilt and shame, but before I know it I’m drinking again with friends. I’m scared of life if I continue to drink, but I’m scared of life without it. I know now is the time, so I’m reaching out. Yesterday I emailed an acquaintance who has been sober for three years and let him know that I, too, want to leave my drinking behind. I want to be more present in my life, have more control, and feel less guilty and ashamed. I want to stop feeling like a hypocrite. I deserve it. My son deserves it. My friends and partner deserve it. My clients deserve it (well, future clients, I’m just starting grad school). I know this is possible, but damn it feels daunting.
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Hi Kelly and a huge congratulations on getting through 3 days! This change isn’t easy but it is do-able and life is so much better as you journey further and further into a life without the burden of booze. Shed that old skin and emerge. Reaching out to a sober mentor is smart and brave – you will find support and accountability that will help immensely. If I may suggest an idea to consider, it can also be helpful to spend a few quiet moments each day envisioning yourself in a situation where you are faced with the choice to drink (or NOT) and seeing yourself saying, “no thanks, I’m good”. Choose a few different phrases and practice saying them out loud – it sounds corny but it truly helps your brain engage your mouth in an awkward situation when the rest of you is in panic mode. I enlisted one friend as my conspirator at first who went places with me and buffered me. One time someone put a glass of wine in front of me and she promptly grabbed it and dumped it into her own glass. It is funny now but at the time I was weak with relief. Stay in touch with us here and keep us posted on your journey. xo, UnP
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Thanks so much! Today I sent out a group email to my closest friends, and I have received so much love from each of them. What a blessing to have such great friends. One of my girlfriends suggested that we go do a ceremonious throwing of shame and anxiety into the water to be taken by the waves, so this coming week we are going to the beach together to do so. I grateful for all the support I am getting, but I’m still feeling nervous about going out and being social. Also, I realize I am going to have to do some grieving, too. Even though I have had so many terrible experiences with drinking, it still has been part of my life for a long time now. I’ve had lots of fun with friends when we have had nights of drinking together. I know there will be parts of it that I’ll miss, but the cons definitely out weigh the pros at this point in my life. The truth is, I’m not a responsible drinker, and I just need to accept that my good intentions very rarely pan out. One drink turns to two…..and you all know the rest of the story. This is a huge step for me. I’ll be checking in with this blog regularly, and I’ll be keeping the lines of communication open with those who love me and who support my goals.
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Tired…So good to hear from you. You are in my thoughts often as I believe we are somewhat Sober Sisters together in this journey, being in the same age group. I do hope you are well. I absolutely plan on keeping up with this awesome blog which I am so very grateful for. Unpickled, you did a marvelous thing by initiating this blog for all of us to come to a common and personal place to share our thoughts as we walk along this new path. Gratitude, gratitude!!! Fellowship with others, good thoughts,and abundant prayers will keep us on “the good path”. Peace and love…KK
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Hi KK…. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts…. I had a good week, relaxing at home now before a few hours at work later. Focusing on the “here and now”‘ (rather than the past) …and giving thanks for my many blessings in life has helped. I hope things are well with you, and others who haved joined this place of fellowship. A good weekend to all!
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KK …. Life is a journey, as you so wisely noted. As such, there are detours along the way, and different ways to deal with the inevitable rough patches as you continue your journey….44 days ago (maybe 45 now?), you decided to embark upon a journey to sobriety, using this helpful, effective blog, which helped you off to a great start…Now you have decided to supplement this blog with AA, a terrific way of connecting with people who are on the same journey. … I wish you peace and joy as you continue your journey.
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Well, I did it. Swallowed my pride and went to an AA meeting today. I felt at peace being there. It was amazing hearing some of the stories that were shared. I will continue to attend meetings for my sobriety. It isn’t easy going this journey, is it? I hope you all are well….Peace and love..KK
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Day 44, still feeling amazingly well. I don’t miss the devestating effects my evening wine consumption had on my. On the other hand, a nice glass of wine with a lovely meal sounds good; however I know that I can’t have just one responsible glass. I’m thinking these are normal thoughts for those of us on this journey. This is the whole point of being on this journey!! Because I am one of those people who have one well intentioned glass, which leads to another, and another. I so love the option and decision for health and wellness, which makes me honor and have gratitude for each day. I hope you are all well. Peace and love…KK
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KK..I am so happy for you…40 days is amazing…And great to hear how good you feel. Your words continue to comfort and inspire me. Many thanks….and enjoy celebrating your incredible accomplishment!
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Day 40 on this awesome journey. Sobriety feels seriously good. Despite the daily challenges of family life, etc, etc…. it feels wonderful not to turn to the wine bottle when something goes wrong (r right, lol) . Now I try to face the issue, deal with it, and move on to do something nice for myself. Had a funny drinking dream last night. I was dreaming I poured myself a scotch (hate the stuff), then ran over to the sink and dumped it out, feeling horrified I’d poured a drink! lol…Hope you are all well this evening. Peace and love…KK
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Laurie…Congratulations on your first week of sobriety. I thought the first week was the most challenging. Now it seems easy. Wonderful to hear happiness in your message!!!! Yes, having a daughter and grancchild to spend time with is precious.
Tired, so good to hear from you. I pray your rough patch will end soon. Peace and love…KK
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Meant to say “no ONE size fits all” in my prior post, as KK mentioned…Regards, Tired (obviously!)
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To all: This is a terrific blog … Kudos to UnPickled! Life is not always easy… And I think there are many options to finding peace in your life. That includes how you go about becoming sober… I certainly do not know the right answer for everyone, or even for myself, to be honest…..I believe as KK says that “no size fits all”…And I have known enough loved ones who have struggled with alcoholism to know that this is true. Some have used AA and found peace, and others have succeeded on their own…..Let’s all support and help one another, regardless of how we “make it through the long night”! I could certainly use your prayers and thoughts right now… And please know that you are all in my thought and prayers…Peace and love…
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Day 6. A great day to be sober. Was able to visit with my daughter and grandchild and be happy.
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Good for you!!! Being happy is really important.. And having a daughter and grandchild to love is priceless…keep at it!
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Coming Clean….Congratulations on your third month of sobriety. You sound good and strong in your plan to stay sober. The fact that you had a “flat” night out but didn’t drink speaks volumes for your resolve. Good for you!!!!
I check this site each day to see how everyone is doing and to keep myself accountable. This blog is truly my support system for inspiration, accountability, and encouragement of others on this journey.
Like AA, we are anonomyus, a community of good people dedicated to the goal of sobriety. Whatever works should be cause for celebration. As we honor each day of our sober journey, we move forward on a positive and healthy path. Peace and love to all…KK
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Hi good to see this discussion that followed on from my rather dull night out. I choose my own journey in life. I have never been one to get involved in clubs or group which require a strong commitment. This blog works for me. It suits me because I can be at home in the privacy of my own home and type on my laptop and read blogs from like minded people whom I will never meet, who will never feel uncomfortable sitting with in a church hall,who if they see me in the street will never know I am Coming Clean and who are as honest as I am because we are all truly anonymous. I think we are the true alcoholics anonymous group. We don’t need 12 steps we have each other. You can’t tell me that people in AA don’t feel flat after a night out with drinkers. That is reality. It is normal to feel left out when everyone else is lining up at the bar getting their wines. It is the normality of life that is our biggest challenge. I think we should rebrand this type of recovery and celebrate its appeal. I am now into my third month and I look at this site at least twice a day. Thanks Unpickled. Now I will sign off and “clear my history” and come back in a few hours to see if i have had any bites!!
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Very interesting discussions going on. Where to srart?? Let’s discuss “drinking dreams”. I have them occassionally. While I find them somewhat unsetteling, I agree with Unpickled. I believe it is a way of processing just how much I value each day of sobriety. I love and cherish each sober day!
About AA. I have a close family member who is very active in AA. After a very rough start to his program, he is now enjoying his sober life with the help of AA. Is it for everyone? I am not sure.
I do believe there is not a “one size fits all” solution. For me, I know AA is out there, if I chose to go, and I may at some point. For now, I am ok, and very much enjoy the fellowship of “unpickled”, and studying other resources. I have the “Big Book”, as well as other reads, etc.
Peace and love, KK
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By the way, I had every argument there was for why AA wasn’t for me/wouldn’t work for me. When I look back I think I was being completely ridiculous. To judge the program without ever giving it a try. I would tell myself all about how the program wouldn’t work, might ruin my career, etc, when I had never ever even entered the rooms of AA.
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Well, I don’t believe I mentioned AA as being the only program for getting sober, in fact, initially I stated that no one had to get sober alone, and I purposefully did not point specifically to a program. I later mentioned AA as it is my program of choice, and I do believe it would help many of the readers of this blog. I also wanted to explain how I found my happiness. I paid lots of money to therapists trying to find this happiness. To live without constantly searching for others’ approval, to be able to forgive myself, to be able to easily forgive others — is something I found via AA. And it’s free. I only wish for others to find this same exact peace, instead of having to come up with “thought blocking mechanisms”, having difficulty in social situations, fighting “temptations”. I just don’t have these problems any longer. I’d love for others to feel this same way.
Threaten? I chose to use the words “personally” and “I believe” to illustrate that these are simply my opinions. I certainly do not intend on threatening anyone trying to quit on their own.
As to driving 2 hours to a meeting, I know of many who do that. I have been known to drive hours to get drunk; driving 2 hours to maintain my sobriety isn’t impossible or even hard. Heck, I know zillions who spend 2 hours simply driving to work. I worked hard at drinking, I work just as hard at staying sober. Funny you mention ex-spouses, as I have an ex in my very own meeting which is extremely close by my work – yet I still attend. Finding sobriety for us both has turned out to be a wonderful thing as we have a newfound friendship.
Again, these are only my opinions. I apologize if they were viewed as threatening.
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Hmmm, I respectfully disagree to the comment regarding “smaller communities or with complicating circumstances” — all drunks have complicating circumstances, whether we live in a small town or large city. AA is a program of attraction, not promotion. I only brought it up here because I found true peace and saw so many people on here struggling alone. You mentioned having drinking dreams – I haven’t had one of those in a year. I don’t go to restaurants and cling to my Sprite. I don’t avoid places where drinking is. I just don’t have an obsession with drinking any longer. I have made good friends, real ones. I found this peace and hope for others to find it too. I was such a mess when I was drinking. I felt horrible. Lost and alone and depressed.
I wanted your readers to know that you don’t have to do this alone. One major character flaw of mine is believing that I am “special” in some way, that I have some kind of special complicating circumstance that meant I couldn’t do AA. As if all the others in my group weren’t facing the same thing. An anonymous program allows for us to be ourselves and find a peace like no other. Personally I am not sure about white knuckling being better than drinking, as I believe it will lead one back to drinking sooner than later, with that person being in an even worse situation. Just my personal opinion.
I feel that quitting is hard enough, so why add struggling and white knuckling to the mix? I am a professionl working in a tight legal community. I was so afraid of being “found out” or having professional repercussions. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I thought I knew all about getting sober and AA, when in fact I had no clue. I don’t believe any person in this world is faced with quitting on their own. I’ve met people from Japan and Kenya who have found AA meetings.
Thanks again for your blog. I hope others here find their way to living a great sober life.
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I agree wholeheartedly on the power of fellowship, but if this blog stands for anything it is that it is far FAR better to quit on your own than to keep drinking. AA is a great program but it is not the only way to quit, and it’s wrong to threaten that without it you will relapse.
If you live two hours from the nearest meeting, if you are a caregiver who cannot get away for meetings, or if your ex-spouse attends the only AA meeting withing 60 miles, you probably need to find another way to make this work.
Readers, what do you make of this conversation?
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I’m glad you quit. What I find sad about yours and others posts is that you all seem to be “white knuckling” it. You really don’t have to do this alone. Or by way if a website )great blog that it is!). You can actually meet other people living this great way if life, and find out how they did it. Instead of seeing a handful it’s in here, you could be meeting with tons of others. I’ve probably met well over 100 people in my 16 months if sobriety.
I remember all too well how hard it was in the beginning. How lost and lonely I felt. That’s all gone now. I wish you the very best of luck. Oh, and it does get better. Much better.
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My if’s are of’s. and unwanted to say handful in here. LOL, iPhone.
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Hi Tricia – you are completely right and yet it’s important to understand that for some of us in smaller communities or with complicating circumstances, there are limited opportunities to connect anonymously. So many people are faced with the choice of quitting on their own or not quitting at all. White knuckling is a hard way to quit but it is better than continuing to drink. My hope is that for those in that position, making some connections here and feeling the power of it will inspire all of us to find a way to also connect with the recovery community in our real worlds. Thank you for giving testimony to the reality of that. We all need to hear it.
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Felt a bit flat last night, went to the opening of a show on VIP tickets. Arrived an hour early to the pre drinks. Drank lemonade, sat throughout the show felt like I shouldn’t have been there. I couldn’t muster up any sense of enjoyment and pleasure. Drove home and climbed into bed wondering if it gets better. Felt so unlike the party girl I used to be. I suppose i an a bit like Unpickled at her first convention sober! I woke in the middle of a drinking dream this morning. I drank a glass of something and I suddenly woke up feeling very confused.
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It does get easier, I swear. As you get more comfortable and self assured, your inner fun girl will emerge again – in a better way, too.
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Ps – I still have “drinking dreams” all the time. I’m always so relieved to wake up and find its not real. I take it as a sign of how much I value my sobriety and want to protect it. How about everyone else? Do you have drinking dreams? What do you make of them?
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Just to add to my below post, but I thankfully do not have drinking dreams. Many believe that having drinking dreams is a sign of unresolved issues. When I first quit, I had a lot of drinking dreams. I thought it was a sign of my conscious struggling with my inner thoughts. I’m so glad to be rid of that angst.
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Laurie… Congratulations! Three days feeling good, with empty wine bottles, hangovers and regrets behind you, just where they need be. So happy you have begun this awesome journey.
Peace and love to all..KK
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Thank you KK. I am SO glad to be here. And happy to be on day 3 surrounded by triggers that I’m turning my back on in favor of a future free of empty wine bottles, hangovers and regret!
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Tired..I have been thinking of you and all the folks in the Midwest and Eastern states. My daughter is a flight attendant based in Denver, lots of snow and blowing wind. Glad to hear you are well despite the weather in NY.
Laurie, congratulations on your decision to begin the journey with all of us. There is wellspring of inspiration, love, and support here. One thing that helps me each day is gratitude for my new beginning, rather than mourning the wine I no longer have in my life.
Be well.. Peace and love to all. KK
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Day1 (well 2nd night) complete. Translates to 10 glasses of wine I did not drink! You really have me inspired!!!
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Tired, glad you made it home from your trip and are enjoying your weekend. Hope you are well.
Busy weekend here with several dining out gatherings with friends and family. Had lunch at a beautiful winery in the foothills. Was not tempted to drink. Like Coming Clean said, “it wasn’t mine to drink”, thank you for that! However, last night at a resturant, the wine looked so good and I was tempted for a moment. I wasn’t mad, sad, or in any distress, the wine just looked darn good. No, I didn’t induldge my compulsive self. Sure looking forward to not having the “wolfe at the door”, always tempting. Go away wolfe!
I pray you are all well and in good places on your journey. Peace and love. KK
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Hi KK … Lunch at a sunny winery sounds great right now…even without the wine! Cold weather won’t budge here in NY. But the good news is that spring is right around the corner! Hope your week is off to a good start. Things are well here….
Peace and love to all…
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UnPickled…. I join KK in thanking you for this wonderful place to connect with others. All of you are such an inspiration and source of comfort….KK…Glad to be home from my trip. Hope you are well and enjoying the weekend…Peace and love to all..
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Unpickled. MMMMWAH back at you for having the courage and heart to launch this awesome blog which provides a forum to connect with other like minded souls who have a desire to be non drinkers seeking a better quality of life. It is a wonderful blessing to have wonderful virtual friends who encourage and support one another. It is better than AA for me because I can check in anytime without waiting for a meeting.
Coming Clean….congratulations on day 54!! You sound so good, serene and content. I wish you and all of us, a lifetime of sober days!
Tired…Hope you are well.
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KK congratulations. I know how good you are feeling. it is only when you have been down that deep dark hole do you know how good the sunlight is. I am now day 54, one day for every year of my life lived! I am getting so used to it now that I am not panicking, I am feeling serene and full of the ordinariness of a good life! This blog is better than AA because for some reason I feel like I am sharing with a bunch of mums who are very similar to me. I have been to more functions and able to drink lemon and lime drinks all through.
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UnPickled here – I’m butting into your conversation to say MMMMMWAH! and send you all some love. You all are keeping me going – so excited for all of you. It’s wonderful how so many friendships are being formed. We are all connected. Xo
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31 sober days. It feels amazing! I am so very grateful for each sober day. So very grateful for this wonderful website which keeps me accountable each day. I can’t tell you all how much I appreciate your heartfelt stories.
Tired. So good to hear from you. Glad you are having a good week. Be well and safe travels bac to your home base.
Peace and love!
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Thanks, KK… How are you feeling as you close in on 30 days? An uneventful flight and good first day of meetings…Stay well and enjoy the rest of the week… Peace!
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Tired…Travel safe and be well. Up until a couple years ago, I travelled constantly for business. I know about the business dinners with wine, the pre-flight stop at an airport bar for a glass or two before boarding, and the hotel mini-bars. Arriving home after days of meetings called for a glass or two to unwind, to cope with what the time zones did to my body clock. Having said that, believe I could travel now without the need to self soothe. I was great at self-soothing with wine. It would be tempting to induldge, but I could do it. You can too!
Be well my friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers
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Dear KK … I truly appreciate your note, thoughts and prayers, which will be helpful during the coming week. It will be a busy one with business travel and dinners (always a challenge with the wine). And thanks for the app recommendation. I agree that all tools to help with sobriety are certainly welcome!
Take care of yourself this week. You will be in my thoughts and prayers…And many thanks for your support and inspiration.
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Dear Tired…So sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. I pray circumstances improve for you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Yesterday I listened to Andrew Johnson’s “Quit Drinking” app on my iPhone. It is a free app that takes about 30 minutes to listen to. I find it very relaxing, soothing, and helpful. I am all for useful sobriety tools!
Made it through dinner last night at a lovely Italian place, with ice tea for beverage. Was I tempted by the wine bottles at the tables, of course I was. However, I know if I give in to my temptation, I am seriously screwed. I much prefer happiness over “being screwed” by my old friends Chard and Zin.
Hang in there Tired, you are in my thoughts…Peace and love.
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Day 23. It feels so good. I must admit the cloud of fear hangs over me like a shroud. I am so afraid of letting myself be pulled into the abyss with Chardonnay and Zinfandel. What am I doing about this? Telling myself that for “this moment and this day” I am enjoying, no loving being sober. I really don’t have a desire to drink as much as I have a strong desire to remain sober. Yes, with a little help from my friends and being accountable, the fear should subside in a few months.
I am deeply grateful for all of you. Deeply grateful for each day! Peace and love!
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Dear KK…Day 23!!! I am so pleased and proud for you… I know how great it feels to be sober and happy….Please keep going!
Going through a rough patch right now… Please keep me in your thoughts….Peace xo.
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To all: Happy Friday!! Nice observation, Paul, on how this small corner of the world has become a place of support. To me, this is one of the amazing benefits of the Internet…. And great observation, KK, on gratitude… I think that focusing on being grateful for what we have is a good way of dealing with the challenges that are part of all of our lives, beyond the struggles associated with sobriety. I will be interested in your read of “Simple Abundance…..” Peace!
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Anonymous/Tricia..Thank you for posting. Congratulations on 14 months of sobriety and your new wonderful life. I feel the same way about food and wine. I thought cooking and wine were one in the same. Read all the cooking and wine magazines and thought myself to be quite the gourmet. Now, I prepare a meal and call it good. You are so right, there are many wonderful things in life besides cooking (and wine).
Everyone: Started reading the book “Simple Abundance, a Daybook of Comport and Joy”, by Sarah Ban Breathnach. She suggests the reader begin a gratitude journal. Being grateful for what we have, not what we don’t have, or may have lost. You see, I don’t view not drinking as something I have lost, more that I have gained peace and good health. Peace!
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I went thru this…I thought I was a great cook, thought I loved to do it. Once I quit, I found I hated it. See, for me, drinking and cooking went hand in hand. A type of sport. Now, no longer. I don’t quite hate it quite as badly, but I do dislike it. Some said my love of cooking would come back – it didn’t really. I do it mainly out of necessity, not because I enjoy it. Oh well. I have found countless other things I enjoy that take the place of cooking. I’m almost 14 months sober now and am very happy living a sober life. Good luck to you!
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P.S. – I’m Tricia. See my posts above.
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On day 20 of sobriety. Sobriety feels so very good. I sure don’t miss my old enemies, Chardonnay and Zinfandel. I do admit to feeling a bid odd at 4:00 and the “cooking dinner hour”, but manage the fleeting feeling with a non alcohol tonic water over ice with a splash of bitters. Does the trick nicely. Funny thing about the cooking dinner hour. I am finding my cooking skills aren’t what they used to be, which I find amusing. Perhaps I am not as good a cook as I thought, lol.
Tired, you made me smile with your reference to Joe Cocker’s song, “I get by with a little help from my friends”.. So true, this supportive, loving, vitrual group is an immense help for all of us who have but one goal, “sobriety”. Everyone, love your postings which support “accountability”, such an important step for all of us on this journey. Peace and love for a wonderful day!
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Coming Clean. You faced a huge social challenge by going to the party and not giving in to the temptations of wine. Good, good for you! Making the wine not yours to drink was a wonderful and successful mechanism. As I begin my third week sober, I will be thinking of you and your success. Please keep us posted as you walk on your journey.
Peace and love to all. KK
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I went to a Chinese New Year dinner last night, banquet style. The wine bottles were spinning around in front of me all night. I ordered a Coke first up before the food was served which was a mistake as it gave me a sugar lift then a drop. I looked at the wine and thought of it as someone else’s property. It was not mine and I would not touch it. I enjoyed watching people pour it into their glasses while the beautiful gracious Chinese lady next to me kept pouring me green tea from a teapot. I felt like I was sitting in an emperors palace sipping my tea. I loved the way the Chinese women can stay in absolute control and seem so graceful in their movements. I got up at the end of the night and thanked the host and offered to drive two friends who were over the limit home.
KK and Anonymous I really didn’t have to use an of my more powerful thought blocking mechanisms just the one where I thought the wine was not mine to drink! Do I make sense?
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Dear Coming Clean …. Not surprisingly, the most difficult time for me is socializing, which always entails alcohol. Interesting way of avoiding wine (which is also my alcoholic drink of choice) at the party… Thanks for sharing…. Another frigid day in NY… To you and KK: Terrific progress! Thanks for reaching out to share and help. As Joe Cocker sang (KK.. You may remember this one, being in my age group….) …..We get by with a little help from our friends, even the virtual ones! Peace from Tired of Drinking…
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Dear KK and Coming Clean… Congratulations to both of you! And thanks for inspiring us by sharing your feelings…I hope you do share your thought blocking mechanisms, Coming Clean, even if you do not need to rely on them….To all: a peaceful, sober Sunday…Tired
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Coming Clean…Congratulations on 41 + days sober. It is wonderful to read stories like yours and many others who are successfully quitting alcohol. I hope you will share your “thought blocking mechanisms” for others to use.
I love being sober (17 days now). I realize I am only a temptation, a breath away from slipping. I pray each day for strong resolve.
Peace and love, KK
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Now 41 days sober. I was in the kitchen getting dinner tonight and I thought to myself that I have gone all day without even the slightest craving or thought for wine. I feel calm and organised. I am so happy to have this blog to read and look forward to reading new posts. I can’t believe how wonderful I feel. I have nothing to hide. I have emptied out my purse sorting receipts and there are no receipts form the bottle shop! This is such a liberating feeling. I will not go back to drinking. I have set up a series of thought blocking mechanisms in case I need them at a social function. I will let you know if and when I have to use them.
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Dear Tired and all…..On day 15 of sobriety. Feeling well and highly motivated still. Sobriety is truly “one day at a time”. Still recovering “silently” and it is ok. You all are keeping me on track and accountable and I love you for it. Be well…Peace and Love, KK
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WE can do this! It’s a WE program though….we can’t do it alone. Using is but a symptom. I think if you can, you need a little team, on-line, therapy, AA/ NA, Friends & Family. I quit that 1st time for 14 years at age 22, YES! YOU will have fun again, even more fun. I can’t convince you. You will see the promises in the Big Book happen. I never laugh harder than when I’m with a bunch of sober ppl. i mean, if we lived through it, our stories can be pretty damn funny. We laugh until our guts hurt. Remember, it’s all fear. Fear based living is death. NOTHING is going to kill you. Only living the way we were can do that. You may feel panic, restless, insomnia, all ishy things….but, just wait. DON’T QUIT before the miracle happens. And be proud of who we are!!! Addicts are thought to be the most brilliant ppl on earth! Look at what we came through? If we put a bit of that energy into something positive? Imagine what we can do!! DAY by DAY, MINUTE BY MINUITE. My love to all of you. It gets SO much easier. 😉
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A dozen days…Good for you!! Peace and love to you, as well. And thanks for your inspiration and encouragement.
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Tired of Drinking. I hope you are doing well today. I am now on day 12, never thought I could/would stop drinking. What would I do without my friends Chardonnay and Zinfindel?? I must say, it feels seriously good to feel good. I don’t miss the bad taste in my mouth, horriffic heartburn, disrupted sleep, racing heart in the middle of the night, etc. etc………… Why do I need friends that do these awful things to me. I have left these so called friends for health and wellness. I hope you will join me and others as we walk along this path towards wellness. Peace and Love.
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So wonderful, KK!! You can do it xo
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I did it! Enjoyed a nice evening with friends, never said anything about not drinking, didn’t drink alcohol. Enjoyed the company and conversation, actually, enjoyed the “sober” conversation and remembering what we talked about after we got home. I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement and just “being there”!! xxoo
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That is so terrific, KK. And you sound good! Having recently stopped for 21 days, I know how great it felt. I looked better, slept better and, most importantly, felt good about myself. Your encouragement, and sharing your experiences is helping to get me back on track. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue your journey.
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Made it to day 9! Having dinner out with drinking friends tomorrow night. This will be a big challenge. I must say, I am aprehensive. Knowing I am fortunate to have found you all gives me a sense of accountability.
So appreciate this blog. Peace to all.
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I am on day 7 and feeling good. I seem to have a little more energy and feel less anxious about everything. Just finished reading “Alcohol Lied to Me”. Excellent read that cuts to the core of why we drink. Good information on coping with the first two weeks of quitting, the withdrawal period.
I am so glad to have found you all. There is truly strength in having people to connect with who are on the same journey……. Karen
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Got through day 5!! My “witching hours” are from 4:00 pm to 6:00pm while making dinner. Made myself a club soda and lime over ice. Made it through ok without uncorking a bottle of wine. In my internet travels to find help and solutions, I came across a book called “Alcohol Lied to Me”. I haven’t read it yet, but plan on it. I did download an app from ITunes called, Quit Drinking, by Andrew Johnson. It is an audio app using hypnosis to relax the listner and open the sub conscious mind. I will share any resources I come across.
So blessed to have found this blog. – Karen
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Love it! Thanks for the reading suggestion and for sharing your own story. I’m excited for you!
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How have I missed you for so long?! So glad to have found your blog!
-Christy
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Love your blog. I am on day 5 of recovery. Like, Unpickled, I am doing it privately. Privately because of shame, because I would like to have victory over this by myself. I know there is AA, but for now, I prefer the private silence. My habit is wine. I live in beautiful wine country in California where the wine culture is strong. It seems all about food and wine. I love to cook. Along with cooking goes a glass of wine, then another, and by the time dinner is on the table, the bottle is almost empty. If not empty at dinner, it is afterwards. I have often had a half a glass, top it off, and count it as “only one glass”. Lies, lies, that I tell myself to justify the daily drinking. I feel strongly that I will be successful because my little, daily, secret habit wrecks havoc with my digestive system. I have developed a pre-cancerous form of esophagitis. Lovely!!! I have only done this to myself over the years. I have prayed often and consistently for God to give me the strength to give up my habit. I feel have a good, strong beginning to my new journey. I know the worst times for me will be going to a resturant for dinner, ummm, the best time to drink wine. Entertaining friends at home requires wine before dinner, and during dinner. Cleaning up afterwards can mean finishing that little half glass left in the bottle. I had a nightmare last night that someone made me drink a glass of wine to sabotage my resolve. It is that “little-Bity-Shitty Committee” surfacing in my dream? Yes, I know the journey is just beginning. I am so thankful to have found this blog. The stories I am reading are raw, honest, and from the heart, and I appreciate every one of them because I see myfelf screaming for victory over this insanity. I will try to participate in this blog daily.
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Ahhhh screw the shame!! You should be SO PROUD for taking charge of your life and your health. I’m proud of you and I know that you have something wonderful ahead – welcome to your new life, featuring your best self.
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Thanks so much 🙂 Heading into Day 4 now and can’t believe I didn’t think about reaching out to others before. Looking forward to sharing my thoughts and time with people who are staying sober and not feel like the boring granddad, as you do when socialising with drinkers.
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Hi Unpickled,
I haven’t read all your posts yet but I am almost there. I only started reading them yesterday so it’s not bad going! Yesterday was my day 1 and needing to make a change in my patterns I was surfing the net and came across this excellent blog.
You have inspired me to start writing my own blog and I already think that recording my thoughts and feelings will really help. I also think that to start interacting with the online ex addict community is a good idea for me. Any tips on where to start and how to build up my blog base? The energy I throw into this I feel is helping me crystalise my desire to stay sober, which hopefully won’t wane as time marches on and I hope to still be blogging as far down the line as you! 🙂
Thanks again and keep up the great work
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Hey Doc, Your blog is great! Wonderful work. I left you a note there as well. Keep reading sobriety blogs and commenting to stay connected with others who can light the path ahead for you. And soon, very soon you’ll start to see others who are just beginning their own journey look to you and your blog for that same inspiration. Here you are, a miracle on day 2! Stay strong, my friend.
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Hi, I really love this blog! I think it’s quite inspiring! I was wondering by any chance, if you could maybe give us a shout out for this, it’s the funny side of what bad can happen from drinking alcohol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1TEWVRJ4Sc
Thank you so much for the posts. : )
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Still Silently Quitting……Thinking of you during this holiday season, a difficult one for all who struggle with the disease of alcohol …. a disease as democratic as any other, indifferent to race, religion, education, IQ, social status, etc. Unfortunately, there is still a stigma to alcoholism, with many thinking it is simply a matter of saying “no”. My brother, an ivy-league educated, high school valedictorian, star athlete, with a wonderful sense of humor, many friends and a loving family, struggled with this disease for many years, succumbing to it at an early age. He died before the Internet was available…I often wonder if having blogs like this would have helped him, a place to reach out to others for support anonymously, knowing you are not alone…. Hang in there….Wishing you a peaceful 2013.
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Peace and love to you as well. I am sorry about you brother – thank you for sharing his story. I know it isn’t easy. May we all take strength from one another.
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Thank you , UnPickled. We do, indeed, take strength from each other. Thanks for all YOU have done to help others…A blessed and peaceful New Year to you and your loved ones.
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Merry Christmas to you as well. I made it through the first major holiday without giving into that whisper of my “old friend” alcohol. So I’m feeling fairly confident. It’s been 15 days and counting. Sometimes it’s the ordinary days that are really a challenge for me especially during those hauting hours between 5 & 7. Quite a struggle for me at times. But I’m determined and I know I must always be vigilant. I have to say it feels good not to be drunk and to actually remember the holiday.
Thanks for your concern. I’m going to check out 30 sleeps.com right now.
Still Silently Quitting
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Thinking of you…How are you doing?
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How are you doing, Still Silently Quitting? Has been awhile… thinking of you ..
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This is day 4 of my journey. But this is not my first trip down Sobriety Lane. It is the first time, however, that I have found any helpful, supportive, realistic information and people I can relate to on the internet. You were a godsend at the exact moment I needed one. I think this time I found the “tools” necessary for me to remain sober. Finally I said it….I was drunk! I know in my heart and soul that sober is better but that old friend of mine called alcohol keeps whispering in my ear. Oh how I hate you. I’ve always felt weak and powerless over it. I guess I’ve always had a problem with it but over time( and I’m 62) it has gotten out of hand. It’s so easy to open that wine at night and thats what I am a silent drunk. Although I’m sure I’m fooling no one but myself. I’ve polished off at least a bottle of wine every night for as long as I can remember and I just kept ignoring the fact that I can never ever have one glass. i NEED the whole bottle. Oh, how I hate that I can’t just be a moderate. But just like Oprah says “One thing I know for sure” I am an Alcoholic. I will always be an Alcoholic. But I know down in my soul that I can choose not to drink and that is the choice I am making today and everyday for the rest of my life. There, I said it…..the remainder of my life. I WANT to be sober. I’m finally making that commitment to myself. I will hopefully learn how to live, really “live” without it. I’m glad I’m not alone in this struggle, although I’m sorry anyone else has to have this burden. I do not want to share this decision with anyone who knows me. That’s why I’m so glad I found all of you.
Thank you for having the courage to share your struggle.
Silently Quitting
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Merry Christmas! How are you doing on your journey? Try 30 sleeps.com…good support there. Wishing you the best in 2013.
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Silently Quitting, how are you doing? I am over 60 myself, new to this blog and I finally said to myself that “I am an alcoholic”. There, I said it! I am so glad I am not alone. It seems there are hundreds of “silently quitting” people like you, and like me, and so many others who are beginning this new journey. I hope you are well.
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Hi KK..I am not “Silently Quitting”, but like yourself, I hope Silently Quitting is well…And like yourself, I am over 60 and trying to quit on my own…Last year was a challenging one for me, due to tough personal issues…To the outside world, I am a well-adjusted person who has so much…But I know my drinking has escalated during the past year, and that I need to quit. I was sober for 21 days a month ago, and want to do it again.. This blog, and your encouragement helps… Thanks for sharing your story. I will continue to check in to see how you and Silently Quitting are doing, and for inspiration and support..
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Dear Tired of Drinking and all who struggle, just like me. I can relate to you on so many levels, over 60, looking successfull to the outside world. I am successfull in most areas of my life with the exception of alcohol. I am amazed at how much time over the past many years have been spent drinking and thinking about drinking, not to mention recovering from the effects of alcohol, then swearing to never drink again.
I am on day 10 or 11 and still feeling strong in my promise to not drink. The esophagitis is much better. Esophagitis to a drinker is like a chronic cough is to a smoker, Neither have healthy outcomes.
Enjoyed dinner with friends last night, thought I might be tempted to order a glass of wine, but didn’t. Had lunch with a wine drinker last week, and hardly noticed she was drinking wine. I do not mourn the loss of my old friends Chardonnay and Zinfandel. I do pray each day for my reslove to be strong, to never take a drink. I know it only takes a moment to slip into my old habit. I am quite humble as I walk along this path of being sober. I hope you will walk with me along this path. Peace to you!…KK
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I am very excited to have found you!!!
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Hi Kara – hope you are well and are finding good information and support! All the best in the New Year. Please stay in touch.
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This blog is great! I noticed the last post was August:( Hopefully you start back up again. You can definitely get there, just keep trying! I’m sober myself, and have found the blog inspiring. I’ve illustrated my own drunk log and i cant tell if its funny or not. Anyone feel free to check it out and comment but UnPickled, get back to the blog!
ynotdrink on Facebook
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Dan, your Facebook page is incredible – dark and honest and very funny (and sad). Knowing you’re sober now made it easier to laugh. I don’t have one good drunk story myself – it was all about falling asleep at night for me. Numbing out.
You’re right I need to blog again because I keep getting messages that people are worried but I have to tell you that I am ROCKING MY SOBRIETY! A year and 8 months woohoo!! It’s just who I am now so the blog entries are fewer and far between because it’s business as usual now day to day.
Thanks for your encouragement. I do have some more good words to share so I’ll make the effort to get on it.
Everyone – go checkout Ynotdrink on Facebook!
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Dan,
Powerful and compelling Facebook, both funny and sad. The illustrations are terrific. How did you start your journey to becoming sober? Any suggestions for one who is struggling?
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You are, of course, so right. There will undoubtedly be many challenges, and support will be key. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and for your encouragement.
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Oh, there are so many more challenges, but I didn’t really see them until some time passed. I hope you get to an AA mtg, you need the support. Because sooner or later, life will happen and you’ll need the support. Have a nice day!
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The real challenge will be during the many social events that I attend for business, and while away on business trips. And I need to adjust to being with my husband, who drinks. Sounds like you had a lovely day. I really enjoy long walks and reading, too. Have a peaceful Sunday.
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Wow, you have more will power than I do. I don’t think I could open a bottle of wine and not go crazy with my thoughts. I’m just not there yet. I enjoyed the quiet day with my husband, eating snacks throughout the day, taking our normal walk, and reading. It was really nice. Glad you had a great holiday.
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Thanksgiving was great, spent with family. I opened a nice bottle of wine and watched while those who drink enjoyed in moderation. I was happy with my apple cider and no one even noticed. Day 10 begins…
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Happy Thanksgiving to you too. I hope you do find your way to AA. I found far more support in AA than I would have ever had in counseling. I have a few real friends now, people who really care, and not people who only really care if I show up at happy hour.
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Indeed .. Life certainly does get in the way of the best intentions. I will take your advice and look into AA support groups in my area. Hope you are doing well and that you enjoy Thanksgiving. And thanks for being there this past week.
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Great news! I suggest getting some support ASAP. While I know you feel great, I sure did, life goes on.
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Day 7, and I feel good. Sleeping better than usual, working and preparing for Thanksgiving. Stocked up on plenty of apple cider! Thanks for sharing your experiences and for your encouragement.
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I can relate. I remember thinking, oh sure, I can quit now, but what about when my 40th birthday comes along? Or Christmas? Amazingly, I had a great birthday, no booze. I also took a 2 week cruise and had an awesome time, no booze. How did I do that? Well, I didn’t think ahead for one thing. When I quit, I concentrated on what I was going to do tomorrow, or the upcoming weekend. I didn’t give one thought to my birthday or holidays. I told myself I’d deal with it then. And before I knew it, the birthday came. And I was just fine. Honestly. But I worked hard to get there. When I went to AA, I did everything I was told to do and committed to meeting with my sponsor at least once per week. It worked. It still works.
I completely understand, I too drank wine as part of my “relaxing” routine. When I quit I realized what a crutch it had become for me, because when life got hard, it was very hard for me. I didn’t know how to deal with it without booze.
My family had no idea either, and same for my coworkers. My husband was the only one who had a glimpse into the real me as an alcoholic. I thought I had him fooled, but I didn’t. He told me later that he was really worried about me and hoped I’d find my way.
You can do this. Good luck to you.
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Have you reached your milestone of 1 year of sobriety? Been thinking about your journey. Stay well.
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Nope, almost there though! My last drink was Dec. 31, 2011. Technically, I think I was drinking into Jan. 1, but I’m counting Jan. 1 as my first sober day. So I’m about 3 weeks closer to one year’s worth of sobriety! It’s been well worth it. Life is so much better on this side. I wouldn’t go back for anything, that past life of mine was pretty miserable.
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Congratulations on achieving one year of sobriety! You must feel terrific. My best wishes for a peaceful, happy New Year.
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Thank you for the congrats!!! I can’t believe I’m into my second year. Crazy!!
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Starting day 5 with coffee and time to reflect since it is Sunday. The term “one day at a time” suddenly resonates… I am fine, thus far, but cannot imagine enjoying certain things – dinner at a restaurant, a trip to Paris, Thanksgiving with family, alone after a long day, etc., without wine. Having a drink to relax is a part of my life. And to friends and family (except, perhaps, my husband), drinking is not a problem for me. Thanks for your ongoing support. A Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones.
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Good for you! 4 days is great! Just concentrate on not drinking. Whatever you do, don’t drink. I had cravings, sure, but they didn’t last. I made sure to get thru the craving without drinking and sure enough, the feeilngs passed. I won’t lie, it’s a journey alright. My relationship with my husband got much better with sobriety. All kinds of things are better now. It didn’t come instantaneously, in fact, I spent a ton of time working on myself – and the bonus was the better relationship with my spouse.
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To Anonymous: Thank you for reaching out to help me and sharing your experiences. Terribly helpful. …. My focus is to heal my relationship with the person who means more to me than anyone, my husband, and to stay sober. It is day 4 and I feel confident, and good. And congratulations to you…almost a year is certainly something to be proud of! Enjoy the weekend.
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To Anonymous: No, I did not try counseling. Prior to AA, I tried to find a therapist who specialized in addictions, and was hard pressed to find one. It was a very discouraging experience, and ultimately I continued drinking. It wasn’t until I made the personal decision to quit and find help, and went to AA, that I found true sobriety. I highly suggest AA. I had all kinds of misconceptions about it, even went as far as to say “it’s not for me”, when I had never even been to a mtg. Just try it. You’ll like it.
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Thank you, Anonymous. Like you, I have reservations about AA. Based on your feedback, I will consider trying it. I am at a low point, at great risk of losing my spouse of almost 30 years who does not believe drinking is my problem. In my heart, I know it is. How long have you been sober? Many thanks for your help.
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Actually, that should be I HAD reservations. The reason I had them was because I was making excuses for why I didn’t want to/couldn’t stop drinking. None of my reservations had any merit since I hadn’t bothered to attend one meeting. I used their word of God as an excuse to not attend a meeting. I read over their steps and decided it wasn’t for me. Really pretty silly given I just had no idea what they were about. My husband didn’t believe (or said he didn’t) I had a drinking problem until I quit. Then he told me the truth. We are closer than ever now and he tells me how proud of me he is. Says he’s so glad I quit and hopes I never go back. I have now been sober almost 11 months, quickly approaching my one year mark. I wouldn’t go back if you paid me.
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Another day of saying I am sorry for mistakes made while drinking. I have it all, but am slowly losing it all…I found this blog and feel inspired..Please help me to start a sober life.
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Anonymous: You need to help yourself. You need to make a decision on whether you are done with this life. AA saved me, it can save you too. Good luck.
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Did you try counseling in addition to AA?
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I found your blog yesterday, on my day 1. It inspired me to also write for accountability. I have another blog already, and it has been therapeutic to write. I never thought I’d be writing this one. Thanks for sharing your story, and letting me know there are others out there. Others that didn’t hit a really really bad low to know it’s too much. Others that think/thought about quitting all the time, but quieted that voice with more wine in the evening.
I scared,
Super Mom Gets Sober
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Were you able to stop drinking? Please share your thoughts with me…I am slowly losing everything due to drinking..No one knows how bad it has become for me…
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I quit drinking today. I am hungover as I type this. Hungover and ashamed. I am trying to avoid thinking about all the things I have done and said over the last week. I am turning 40 in two weeks time and I think this should be my gift to myself, sobriety. One loses so much credibility when you drink the way I do. How the hell did it get to this? How did one glass of wine in the evening to relax turn into this monster. My addiction feels like a merry-go-round that is spinning out of control. Fake it in the morning. Dont ask anything about last night in case there is an outside chance no one noticed how smashed I was. Listen to the cupboard doors, if they are being slammed, I am in teh crap again. Sneak teh headache pills from teh medicine cabinet. Late for work. Again. Keep everyone happy at work, try anyway. And then at around 16:00 I feel the wine whispering softly. I dont ened anything from the store, but I can’t just buy wine. Drive home, polish the bottle, or two if tehre are two, in 1 hour. Put the kids to bed, and “fall asleep” in my heels next to them. Next morning, hide the hangover, listen to the cupboard doors.
The thing that scares me the MOST is that I am pretty sure I am never going to relax or have fun again. Please tell me it isnt so?
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My dear friend – you deserve better and you have it in you to make this change. It’s simple (don’t drink) but it’s not easy. Then again, it’s not easy living the way you are now – is it? The difference is, each difficult day without alcohol leads you to a better life while each day you spend drinking is dragging you further and further away from it.
You have the brains to see the truth of your situation and the courage to write it here. You can do this. I’m cheering for you and so are the many good folks you’ll find here. We all help one another.
Lots of love and encouragement to you. Stock up on tea and sugary snacks. Take a deep breath and start your journey!!
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No kidding – how do you have fun? What do you use as a reward? I already avoid sugar and grains and other carbs. If I cut out alcohol… I don’t know, why don’t I just give up oxygen too…
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I have been there and am now. Please know you are not alone. We’re you able to stay sober? Can you help me with some advice?
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Hey merrygoround!I’m wondering how you’re doing. So much of this sounds familiar to me. Hope all is well. Take care everyone!
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i felt so relieved to read your blog because you used wine and alcohol in the same ways i did/do. I felt so alone until i read this. I have been sober now for 4 days and being sober is a quiet personal decision for me. it’s like giving up a friend who you love but have outgrown, and who holds you back. It really helps me to see how you experience the same gaps and voids in your life without alcohol–the end of the day, out with friends at dinner, at a large reception meeting new folks. I honestly feel naked and alone navigating through these moments without alcohol. But like you, I also have seen myself spiral into addiction with alcohol, and like you have heard ‘DANGER’ alarms in my head for the past few years as I’ve seen alcohol taking a larger, more prominent, more assertive role in my life, and dealt with a desire transforming into a need/compulsion. All of this of course, while appearing to be normal, in control and high functioning to everyone else.Anyway- I’ll continue to follow your story, which has a lot of dignity and reality about coping. I miss my friend alcohol, but i know we had to part ways. x
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Hmm. Interesting. I had the idea to start an undrinking blog at the beginning of the year, but I wasn’t about to do it myself. Eschewing all recovery programs, I decided to do it myself with the help of anyone who wanted to join. I set up a private blog that’s only available to people who write to me and ask in, so as to protect their privacy. I already had a public blog (http://www.montrealfoodblog.blogspot.com) where I advertised the new blog. I got three people, two of whom were my friends from a while back, and someone who had been lurking on my public blog. Flash forward five months: I quit February 1st after 35 years of drinking (sometimes a LOT) every day. I’m still quit. Turns out one of the participants, an old friend of mine, was too “into the Lord” and liked the recovery jargon so we let him go, and I’m left with two great people who, surprisingly, don’t have much of a problem at all but just wanted to stop drinking. Thank god, they’re smart and write well and they’re around my age (54) so we have a great time. I googled “stop drinking blog” and got yours.
If you want, I can send you an invitation to come read what we’ve done over all these months. You seem to have your problem licked but you could always send some folk over to me if they seem to check out and want a place to go. Keep up the good work! You can email me at nick#montrealfood.com if you want to come take a look at our little project. Cheers, Nick
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I don’t know how I came across your blog but it’s as if I wrote it myself. Thank you for sharing as I start my quiet journey to let go of wine. How many times I told myself I can walk away at any time and then drink 3-4 glasses each night. I don’t feel so alone as I embark on this journey in silence. Thank you
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Need à word of encouragement. Day 32 and struggling today .
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Hey! I really want to quit, but just can’t make it happen. I am disgusted with myself for my lack of self control and will power. You are where I want to be. Thank you for sharing. Your blogs inspire me. I hope I figure this out soon!
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My heart goes out to you. I do not miss the self-loathing. Freedom from that is the greatest gift of sobriety. There are lots of options for you – have you told anyone? The moment you find someone to confide in you will start to feel the burden lift, I swear. That is, someone who cares enough to hold you to your decision. I’d love to help you, to stay in touch with you. Please feel free to email me: picklednomore@gmail.com
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PS – If I could offer a thought, here it is: most people with addictive behaviours use their habit(s) to soothe a wound. In order to quit drinking, you will have to “face the monster” – but good news. Once you do that everything gets easier. It’s hard but no harder than what you’re already putting yourself through. Well, that’s my experience. Perhaps you’ve already laid down the gear and started your journey? Where ever you are at, I am cheering for you. You may muster your courage for a long time before you are ready to change. Don’t be discouraged – every day is a new day. You can do this, my friend. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
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Dear unpickled,
Your blog has been a great help to me over the past 2 + months. I am like you in that my drinking had inched up over the years, I had tried moderating and tried all sorts of rules , only drink on weekends, etc. I finally decided that it was time to quit for 2 months and see how I felt. I feel better, no hangovers, no sour stomach. I am still a little bored at parties, but I guess that will improve.
Anyway, I just want to let you know, your blog has really helped!
Jean
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I’m forever thankful I found your blog – it’s been almost 6 weeks since your last blog – I hope you had a sober and happy xmas and new years and can’t wait for your next post – as of December 18, 2011 I started my life again – sober 🙂
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Congratulations on your new life! There is strength in numbers – happy to link arms are we all go forward. Thank you for your kind words, too. It means so much to hear from others who are on a similar journey. So much to learn from one another. Wishing you well and way to go on making it through another day.
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Hi, I love your blog. I can relate so much. I’m a secret drinker too, only I waver between wine and vodka. I have quit before, 4 mos. to be exact, and I absolutely regret starting drinking again. I went on vacation and told myself I’d drink (although it took me an awfully long time to drink again on that vacation – I couldn’t figure out what to order as no alcohol looked good to me!). Then when I returned I never looked back, and here I am, drinking just like before. I am smart and accomplished and I remember how great I felt when sober. I am on a see-saw. In the mornings, I’m ready to quit. But by 4pm, 5pm, I’m ready to drink. I hate that I spend my time thinking about it so much. Normal drinkers don’t do that! I know it to be true. I have been batting around the idea of making Jan. 1, 2012 my date for sobriety. I do well when I choose a date, instead of say, stopping the night before a big Christmas party. Thank you so much for your blog. I plan on following you on Twitter sometime soon, but maybe not until I can actually re-claim my sobriety. Take care.
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How are you doing? Did you take the plunge on January 1st, or are you still rallying your strength? Your words rattled through my thoughts so many times in the days since you posted your comment – thank you for reminding us all that we can’t just take a vacation from sobriety. I am cheering for you – please please stay in touch and let me know how things are coming along for you. I am cheering for you – where ever you are at in your journey! Gearing up, getting going, on your way – every stage needs a cheerleader!
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Yep, I stood by my word. My plan has worked out well, considering the amount of time I spent preparing said plan. I like not waking up hungover, love being able to do and plan stuff for later in the evening, knowing I won’t be too wasted to go. This time around, sobriety is not a chore or temporary, I’m embracing it headon and very much liking it. I never ever want to go back to feeling like that again. Take care~
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Hey, update! I’m still sober. Over 10 months have gone by now and my life is great!!!! I wouldn’t go back for anything. It’s sooooo much better on this side. Happy holidays.
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Great blog. I added a link from my blog to yours! Stay on the path! It is so worth it!
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I’m so much like you. The Voice in my head has been telling me to stop drinking for quite some time. But now it screams. I have at least one bottle of wine a day. Often, I have more. Shame clings to me like a shroud. Please keep writing.
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I truly hope that hearing my story will help you make changes. It’s hard at first but it gets easier – and the freedom from shame and guilt is beautiful. You already know that 1+ bottles a day is too much – you know it in your head and you feel it in your heart. The next step is to take action – what could you do next to support yourself in this decision? Please stay in touch either through comments here or by emailing me: picklednomore@gmail.com I also recommend you set up a twitter account (this can be anonymous if you prefer) – you can follow me @unpickledblog and tons of other folks who are living sober and cheering on those in recovery. More support awaits you than you can possibly imagine.
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Dear unpickled, I would realy love it if you would volunteer as a case study as I think I have the answer you have been looking for. PLEASE look at my blog and my new book START. You can review the program at start5steps.tumblr.com START is a non-12 step method I created and used to end a 30+ year battle with alcohol and drug addiction. Please give it a view and share what your thoughts are with me. The book will be published within the year and I would love to have you be in the book. I hope you will get back with me soon! All the best, John
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Thanks, John. I will have a look and email you!
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I have been a keen observer and follower of your tweets and now blog. I really identify. Please keep writing, I want to stop, scared to stop. My fear at the thought of stopping tells me deep down I have to stop. Thanks for sharing. Just today I won’t drink but by afternoon I am, but just today I am not going to….it will be a start.
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I did a lot of watching from the sidelines before I was ready to take the step of quitting. I sense you are getting close to that point, am I right? It seems like just by making a comment you are showing bravery. What are your fears? Failure? What others will think? Is your desire to starting taking care of yourself greater than these fears? I think you deserve to give yourself this gift, this new and best version of yourself. Please be in touch and let me know how you are.
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I read your blog tonight and am encouraged. I have tried to quit over the last 27 years. I didnt realize there was such an online community/resource. I restart my journey tomorrow as I was still drinking at 1am this morning. Verbally abused my wife, slept drove 30 mins to work in a blur and felt like I might die or at least deserved to. Thanks. pete
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Not sure if you already know about this site, but Stephanie helped me get sober by reading about her courage. (this post specifically: http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/2009/05/secrets/)
Her blog is awesome on it’s own, but she also does “Don’t get Drunk Friday” posts that are awesome and she started the Booze Free Brigade online community. Totally worth checking out.
http://stefaniewildertaylor.com/
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What a great site – was only able to sneak a quick look today but I look forward to reading more. So many amazing stories and blogs – I had no idea!
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I am taking strength from your blog. thankyou
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It’s 6:54 am, I’ve only had two sips of coffee but YOU have already made my day. Whoever you are, wherever you are – you just helped me start another sober day. This is the beauty of “how it works” – sharing our strength and weaknesses to help eachother. The first few weeks feel like hell, but things get great once you’re past that. Be well and please stay in touch. You can always email me at picklednomore@gmail.com
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Love your blog! Those early days are tough, particularly when no one knows you’re an alcoholic to begin with. Your story is similar to mine. I had to convince people I actually had a drinking problem! I hope you’ll gain the courage to confide in your husband. My husband’s support & encouragement was critical in my getting sober. Email me if you ever need to talk. Have a great day!
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Subourbon Wife: I love your handle name. My husband is so supportive and yes, it is tough when no one knew I was a drunk to begin with! It’s hard sometimes, telling family. I still haven’t told my mom and I hit 90 days next week. I told my brother and he doesn’t get it, so I decided to heck with it, it doesn’t matter who knows or believes. I know, and I’m doing something about it. Hopefully the rest will work out in time.
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Good for you…I am struggling…only my husband knows I have a problem, and I am losing him….please help me.
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