I’ve been here before. One day sober.
I’ve even been two days sober, and once or twice in the past decade, three days sober.
I’ve haven’t gone four days without a drink in over ten years.
Stay tuned. This should be interesting.
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UnPickled 
Congratulations Jean on your 10th Anniversary! You inspire and help so so many. Me too!
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I’m on the road again! Glad to be here for support.
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I listened to the podcast with Nicole Cameron. When you said how can listeners get started and find their footing today. I loved Nicole’s answer but I also felt Yes I want to find my footing. Then I listened to your episode on the Intention podcast. I do agree with you I don’t want to hit a rock bottom. The solution is just to stop. I want to be the puppy on the highway that is rescued.
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Sending you encouragement and support. Yes, time to reach out and whisk yourself to safety. With all the changes of this difficult year, perhaps you’ll need to add more reinforcements and supports than in the past.
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I have had sooooo Many Day 1s… cant wait to read your log!
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Should I be here? I’m not completely convinced??? Am I? pretty much only drink at home. I would say 95% of the time. I drink 1-2 Vodka drinks per night. I just found out that a drink is considered 1.5oz. of alcohol. 1 of my drinks contains 3 of these shots. Since I have been doing this consistently for about 3-4 years that is A LOT of vodka. I don’t drink EVERYDAY I have gone days without drinking. Lately though I really want a drink when I say to myself “I’m not having a drink today”. My husband and I own a business so my drinking has not affected me going to work. I do not feel like working lately. I don’t have hangovers anymore. I keep asking myself “do I have an issue with vodka”? I”m a middle class woman that enjoys a cocktail or 2 after work. Is it normal? Is it not? I drink more on the weekends for sure! When we go out and I drink (always vodka) I have only get sloppy and slurry. Husband doesn’t know I’m questioning, He has never said anything. He drinks too but can have one in a normal size glass instead of the 32oz cup I use. Would love to know your thoughts.
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Hi there. I’m glad you’re here. The way you are bargaining with yourself is a red flag of gray-area drinking at the very least (in my non-professional opinion). Telling yourself “I only have one or two” when it’s really three to six – that’s a common refrain as people move further into the spectrum of addiction. There’s no need for a diagnosis of addiction to quit drinking, though. If you feel like alcohol has its hooks into you, like it’s pulling you somewhere that you don’t want to go, then better to quit now while you still have options. Because addiction strips away choices and empowerment bit by bit – just ask anyone who was court ordered to attend meetings or rehab.
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Day 1 … again … for me.
I have a terrible hungover … headache and being sick 5 or 6 times.
I am fed up of this …. I feel embarassed and let myself and others down all the time.
😢
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Hey there. Please be gentle with yourself. Remember that addiction is not your fault but recovery is your responsibility. It’s not easy but you can do it. Hang in there. You don’t have to do it alone.
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Hey! I’m back for a day 1 again. It’s strange how 2 days is seeming so special and difficult! I’ve gotta keep busy tonight. I’ll be thinking about all of you and hoping you are doing well.
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Sober with you. We’ve got this. Enjoy the day and pamper yourself relentlessly.
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Today is day one and I’m so glad I found this blog. I quit for 3 years and just started drinking again in October. Let me tell you it only gets worse. I could really use a shoulder. Thank you.
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Sending you a hug, Alisha. You’re not alone.
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Hi my name is Dawn. I just wanted to say that I have been listening to your podcasts on the bubble hour and I have started reading your blog and also keeping a blog myself. This is the second time I have given up but I am absolutely determined this time. I have 2 months in the bag but it is really hard with this lock down. I also have been doing videos on facebook and actually just told everyone. This was massive for me as I live in a small rural town in Wales. However I am glad I have done it as I now feel accountable. I want to thank you for your podcasts and your blogs they are so helpful and very inspiring.
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Hi Dawn, so glad you’re here. I know the lockdown is hard but sobriety is a superpower during these times, truly. There’s so many fantastic recovery blogs, podcasts, books, and communities – you can fill your time with resources and growth. I’m rooting for you!
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Dawn! Hang in there! Hang tough! Being shut-in is really challenging and liquor sales are through the roof right now. When you get to the end of this, when activities are back to normal, you will feel so accomplished, and it will get easier! One day at a time. It applies for the quarantine and for the alcohol. Get a puzzle. Take a bubble bath. Be very kind to yourself and proud for what you are doing for yourself. Way to go!!
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How do I get through day 1? I’ve been numbing myself with one bottle of wine a day for a year – since Covid I’ve been working at home and it’s become harder to not drink –
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Hi Bridget, I’m glad you posted. You are on an exhausting cycle that, left unchecked, typically gets worse rather than better. So it’s great that you’re recognizing it needs to change. But it’s not easy, right? You can do it, though. Planning ahead really helps. Can you get the alcohol out of your house so you don’t have the option to drink? Stock up on snack, treats, and distractions to self-soothe through those first few uncomfortable days (maybe weeks)? You’ve trained your brain to only recognize (and wish for) one form of comfort. It will take time to learn new ones. Be gentle and patient with yourself, but also be lovingly firm. You can send me a private message by going to my Unpickled or Bubble Hour page on Facebook, if you would like some resources and encouragement. I believe in you, Bridget. You deserve better than this and you have it in you to change and heal. Big hug.
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Today is going to be my day 1 again. A few months ago I did 14 days. I listened to your podcasts a plenty and need to get back into it for the reality check to help me drive this sober life I desire.
When I quit smoking many years ago I reached out to an online community and it helped immensely. I plan to use that/ this as my tool again.
I find it hard to commit to being day 1 when the morning isn’t even here yet but I need to. It’s been a holiday of excess food and drink and my body is feels lousy.
I want to be where you and others are today, with those first days behind you and nights of full sleep. When I quit for the 14 days I couldn’t believe how great the sleep was. And when I walked my dog, some days I felt like running up the hills. That’s where I want to be again.
There is booze in the cupboards so I need to see if my partner is willing to dump it. Wish me luck.
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You can do it! There’s so much help available – you’re not alone. Keep adding patches to your patchwork until you have all the reinforcements you need to succeed.
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Today I am starting day one. This is not the first time, so I’m grateful to have someone else’s journey as a guide!
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Hello and welcome. It’s great that you are taking your power back. You’re among kindred spirits here.
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I am right behind you. Let’s do this!
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I went to your Day 1 Jean as I begin again. I thought let me try posting here and hopefully I will get the result you have. I love the bubble hour and this blog too. Your my model to follow for sure. I saw the movie “Judy” and if that wasn’t a reality check to the havoc, pain and shame of addiction, well you couldn’t help but identify. I just don’t want to carry the burden of alcohol in my life anymore. I want to free! like the lyrics of your song, “free”.
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Day One it is. Time to take your life back and stand in your power. You deserve all the joy that recovery can bring!
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Thank you Jean! Your words of encouragement are like gold! I was listening to Emily 2018 episode of the bubble hour. She spoke about the 30-day solution book. Got it on audible. She mentioned her upcoming wedding October 19,2019. Hope she is happy and well. Thank you and her for inspiration.
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I’ve had a few bumps in the road. And I’m here again Jean, Day 1! I’m praying it will stick. I just am listening to bubble hour every chance I get. Know its a life saver.
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Welcome back! It’s worth the effort. Glad you’re moving forward.
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Its day one again! I need the support I find here. Thank you Jean, you are my go too.
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I’m glad you’re here. I’m sober with you.
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Thank you Jean! The Bubble Hour and your blog are fantastic. Day 2!
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I’m going to start day 1 today..
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It’s day 13 for me. I was sober for 16 months and then I watched my favorite sister die from a sudden freak health problem almost a year ago. I started the day she died when I hadn’t even seen it coming. I need support from any place I can.
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I am so sorry for what you have been through. Hopefully being free of booze will give you more space to process and heal the terrible loss you experienced. Keep going, even when it hurts and is hard, because you are stronger than you know. Sending you strength, love, hope and peace.
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Hi there – I hope you are getting a few days under your belt and feeling okay. How is it going for you?
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Jean, huge thanks for your inspiring blog and your Bubble Hour podcast — including the very cool theme song that you wrote. And thanks to all who have courageously shared their stories here. After countless first days, at age 62, I begin the fight again today, determined to finally overcome the “power of weakness” that you sing about. The really hard part is a few hours hence. Wish me luck!
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Thank you for putting your story out here, This is my Day !
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Your not alone. I’m cheering for you. Plan ahead, lots of snacks and positive distractions. Be very gentle with yourself.
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Day 1. This time I mean it.
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Sober with you. You’re not alone
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This is my day 1. I’m glad I found your site. I have started to read your blog and will follow your journey.
I am writing this to make me feel accountable.
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Day 1. The first day, the most important day of my present and the only hope for my future. Day 1: It’s a Yippee Moment! Its the only way to live.
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I am starting again July 19th! Hard to get past day 10 for me. But I will not give up! Thank you Jean for being there for me and all of us.
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It’s my pleasure. My
honour. What happens on Day 10 that lets your addiction win the argument? Have you connected any dots?
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All day today I have been thinking about drinking. I know that I need to stop. I’ve been looking all day for the right podcast, the right blog, something that would resonate and inspire me…..didn’t get much done which is rare for me. I almost gave up before stumbling across your blog.
I went back to the beginning of your blog, read the first 11 posts and it gave me hope. I feel like I can go home now…..and though the wine fridge will sing my name, I won’t sing back.
Not tonight. You were really brave to begin your blog at day 1.
Thanks
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Halfway through my First Day Sober, hoping it will be my last first. So thankful I found your blog. Reading through many of the comments brought me to tears; it is shocking and comforting to see how many women are so very much like me. I’ve always had a love of The Drink, but it wasn’t until my husband (now ex) moved out in August 1996 that I developed a real issue. I discovered that a glass of wine took so much of the edge off my pain. Over the years that one glass every night became two, three, more. Many nights I consumed more than an entire bottle of wine. I’ve always made myself wait until 5 p.m. to pour the first glass, but recently I’ve been getting that hankering earlier and earlier and I’ve started cheating by 10 or 15 minutes. Last night I drank most of a bottle of wine and then two hefty glasses of Scotch, neat. I realized as I was pouring the second Scotch just how bad my problem is. When I woke up in the middle of the night I resolved to quit. Like most of the rest of you, I don’t want to talk about this yet publicly and I definitely do not want to go to AA (my mom’s boyfriend is 40+ years sober and is so annoying with all the AA stuff; not for me). I’ve been sifting through the posts looking for strategies. Feeling encouraged but scared.
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Sending you the biggest of hugs and high fives. You are not alone. Have a look at my resource page for some recovery options. Also consider a recovery coach – I know a few amazing ones you might like. https://unpickledblog.com/resources/
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Thank you so much for this encouragement. Knowing I was going to reply to you helped me get through the toughest time – 5 to 7. Dinner now prepared & eaten, I think I can safely say I am one day sober. I will definitely explore your suggestions tomorrow. Right now I am going to clean up the kitchen and watch the news before climbing into bed with a really good book.
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Starting day 2. So many reasons to get Sober.
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Paige, I have been remiss in not replying to you right away! How are you?
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I am 17 days sober! I went to an AA meeting last week out of town and it was “okay” but I am a professional in a small community and would rather not be around locals airing my dirty laundry. My husband and adult children are very supportive but this week my husband is out of town for 10 days hunting, my daughter works when I am not and off when I’m working and my son is away at college. I am doing fairly well but would love to hear from people who are going through or have gone through these times when your skin kind of feels like its tingling and you want to get away from it but can’t. I am an registered nurse so job can be stressful but keeps me busy and drinking off my mind. Right now it’s cold and rainy outside so to get through these moments right now, I’m going to get on the treadmill and give my energy to hating the burn but knowing I will love the after burn and will also get rid of some pent up stress..Would love to talk to someone.
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Hang in there! I”m on day seven (again) trying something new. Spoil yourself , do something silly. Stand in the rain! Eat ice cream right out of the container…..just stay busy
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Hi Yvonne, how are you doing? I spent my early days on the treadmill listening to recovery podcasts – there are tons out there including the one I now host (www.thebubblehour.com). Let me know how you are doing. Also check out my Resource Page for some online groups and other places to look for support: https://unpickledblog.com/resources/
I am cheering for you! We are all in this together!!
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61 days sober now and am mostly doing great. Some nights it’s hard sleeping and some days very easily angered but all in all I remember every day and everything I did and said. I’m also treating my husband with respect and kindness and love.
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61 days sober now and am mostly doing great. Some nights it’s hard sleeping and some days very easily angered but all in all I remember every day and everything I did and said. I’m also treating my husband with respect and kindness and love.
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I’m reading the very beginning of your blog, and it sounds a heck of a lot like my story… I started drinking in high school, hid it VERY well (teacher’s pet and good kid)… Then got in a drinking-related accident at 21 and stopped. For years, I rarely had a drink. Then I met my wine-drinking friends and realized I could grade papers on a couple glasses of wine. No problem! But then, like you-then, those two glasses started to turn into a bottle by accident… and a steady half or more a bottle every night for the past 5 years. I stopped last August for a month (it’s my birthday month). And then teaching started again, and all the stress, and hello! Wine!
If I could keep it at one glass, I would drink until I was 99. But, I can’t. And I hate what it has done to my life, my body, my brain, etc. So I’m hitting the tea and nurturing my body right now. Doing yoga. I am going to need to come back and read your blog, because I, too, can’t do AA, yet still need support.
Thank you for your awesome blog.
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I’m one week sober for the first week in years.
I drink for stress too. Hang in there, so far so good.😃
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Hi Jen. I’m happy you’re here. You would be AMAZED how many teachers are in recovery for exactly the reasons you describe. And it’s a scary feeling to worry that your students’ parents would judge you extra harshly, so the shame we all have in active addiction is compounded by fear and imposter syndrome. (If that’s why you worry about aa, please know you will be safe there). You are wise to see the problem and courageous to do something about it. School is about to start. When the stress sets in, turn to your comforts – yoga, tea, connection – instead of wine and don’t believe your own thoughts that may whisper “you weren’t so bad, it’s okay to go back”. Stand your ground and don’t settle for anything less than the life of freedom and authenticity you deserve! Ps – may I suggest you check out http://www.thebubblehour.com – the podcast I host to hear the voices of other women just like you who are in recovery.
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Thanks for the encouragement😃
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Hello, I am so glad to have this connection! This is day 16 sober for me and it was a tough one!! whew! Came so so close to throwing in the towel after a frustrating day at work!! Tried relaxing on the way home with some mellow jazz on car radio, only to have that mellow music make the thought of that glass of white wine all the more appealing…they go together…or use to. I want the sparkling water to go with the jazz now. I made it through though. I asked for strength from God, “I can’t do this alone.” I turned off the jazz and turned on the bubble hour. By the time I got home I was better. A snack pack of M&Ms helped:) I made it. I so want to do this.
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You ARE doing it – this is exactly how it’s done. It gets easier. It gets better. I’m SO HAPPY for you. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you’re here.
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Hey…been lurking in your blog. Day one for me again today August 13, 2016. I need help and support. I hope blogging here will help. I really want to quit, get healthy and feel great. I am 53 and the effects of over drinking keep me down, depressed, tired, irritable and so on. If you are in this blog then you know what I am talking about. Don’t really want to do AA but if any of you have some comments on them or any resources please tell me.
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Hi Betsy, I am about the same age as you and I have to tell you that being booze free has helped me feel better now than I ever did at any age. Inside and out. The first few days can be super hard so please be very gentle with yourself, lots of TLC, bubble baths, movies, snacks, lovely tea, and self kindness. Support is incredibly important and I encourage you to tap into the many resources available to you. If one pathway doesn’t suit you, another one surely will. Check out the list on my resource page here https://unpickledblog.com/resources/
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This is day one for me and it is scary. Not sure what to expect. I am having a hard time picturing life without alcohol.
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Day 2 coming to an end here. I’m reading your blog from start to finish. I need to do this for me and for my son who is almost 5. I don’t want him to know me as a drinking mama, I want him to know a happy sober mama. I’m a single mom so the nights without him are hard but I’m going to work really hard to make this stick this time. Thanks for sharing your story for those of us who need a bit of encouragement.
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Sending you a big, strong, two-armed (((HUG))) as day two becomes day three and your future unfolds before you with endless possibilities. You are changing your child’s “normal” in a beautiful way as you heed the call to a better life. You are a hero and a warrior. Be proud. Stand tall.
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I am on Day 1 and just looking for some additional support, so I am reading your beginning. 🙂
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You can do it Elizabeth. Stay strong and seek support. 6 August I have my second anniversary celebration of sobriety. Strengthintheforageofsobriety.blogspot.com is my blog. I hope it helps you. Keep getting back up. You will survive and thrive. Peace always.
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One Day Sober was the first blog post I ever read about quitting drinking. I am now at Day 32 and still come back to your blog for inspiration and support, Today I pulled One Day Sober up and want you to know it still resonates with me to this day….Thanks for sharing your journey and inspiring others like me to find our amazing selves!
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I just read your entire blog in 2 days… I can relate to so many things here. I am (was?) a high functioning heavy drinker in a happy marriage, great career, wonderful friends. I have been trying to moderate my drinking for over 10 years now with only escalating amounts and dysfunctional behaviors surrounding my drinking. My dad and 2 of my sisters are also high functioning heavy drinkers, although my dad – in his 60’s now – is having more and more serious consequences of drinking. I am part of a fitness group that started a “star challenge” recently where you are supposed to create a personal fitness or nutrition goal to get your “star” for the day, and aim for 80% success over 90 days… I practice excellent nutrition and fitness and so the glaring goal for me was no alcohol. I knew (from trying, repeatedly, desperately), that I couldn’t moderate to weekends, or even 1 glass per night… So to get my star was to have zero alcohol. I am on star 16/90, but not in a row. I made it 11 days and it was surprisingly “easy.” Then I went home for a long weekend where wine flows like water and told myself I was in control and could drink in moderation (again). I told myself I could continue drinking just when I visit home so I don’t make everyone else uncomfortable. I had 5-10(+?) drinks every day there for 4 days. I left hungover, exhausted, disappointed, mourning…. I am not in control. I need help. I am 4 days sober again. I am a mother to a 14mo child. I don’t want to be this person. My husband doesn’t drink and is so supportive, but he doesn’t understand. He thinks I can regulate it (or stop, like “what’s the big deal?”). Meanwhile, I literally cannot imagine my life without wine. I am watching my dad destroy his health and relationships and it is tragic. I want peace and freedom from this cycle. I need help. Thank you for sharing your story and resources.
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Rose. Congratulations on your continued desire to fight this. Your story resonated with me so strongly. Much of it could be my story. I fight this battle until it exhausts me and I give up for awhile. Then I pull myself up and try again. I made four days last week but drank a bottle of wine last night. Lonely on a Friday night. Valentine’s weekend and I lost my husband two years ago. So wine became my companion.
I was intrigued when you said you thought you could drink when you go to visit your family….so you don’t make others uncomfortable. That’s how I feel with some friends. If I don’t drink they will be uncomfortable. My social life is meeting a friend for dinner and wine. Or I should say wine and dinner since the wine is most important. Would they still want to meet me if they have to drink alone?
I so desire to be free from this struggle. I LOVE how I feel when I don’t drink. I read that quitting alcohol is like climbing a cliff. You have to move so cautiously. Always so close to slipping, must hang on tiight. Like you I am active, stay fit, eat well (most of the time) , am a respected community member with a very good job. No one knows this battle I fight. No one. I don’t want my step kids and step grandkids to know. They rely on me to keep the family together since their dads death.
I am going to try a journal, blog to keep me motivated. I’m going to try again.
I would love to continue to hear how you are doing. Everyone here is behind you , supporting you!!
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Thank you gracefullysober! Yeah, I also relate to the friends issue… So much of my life is structured around alcohol. It makes me realize to be successful will require actual restructuring of my life and time. Sometimes I think I am so lucky my husband doesn’t drink, and sometimes I wonder if I found him intentionally to try to save me from myself…. I have a few celebratory events coming up that I am absolutely dreading and can actually hear the voices in my head telling me it will be ok if I have 1 drink…. Then I know if I do I will be consumed with wanting more or being envious of everyone else drinking. I need to just let it all go and remove it as an option. Sigh. So hard I just want to stay curled safely in my bed.
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Hi Rose, I’m so glad you’re here. It’s pretty hard to ignore that scary truth when moderation is impossible. Stick with it so your sweet little babe only ever knows you as a strong sober woman who is 100% present. I encourage you to connect with some sober resources and try to find some other women in recovery in your community. It’s AMAZING to talk with people who “get” it and who can help steer you.
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How is it going Rose? Quitting drinking for you would be the absolute best thing you ever did and you can do it! and, yes, you probably did marry someone who doesn’t drink, because you were making a healthy choice for yourself! Bravo!
I visited Unpickled again. With the support of this blog, i quit drinking for 8 mos. I found the absolute hardest part was the disappointment from my friends that i did NOT drink. I also felt like I was letting everyone down when I didn’t because I was livelier after a few. I also feel way more comfortable around my family of origin when I drink. (I have been drinking since I was 15. ) I also found that my largely un-drinking spouse would offer me drinks on many occasions when i wasn’t drinking.(Interesting) I think people enjoy it when I have some alcohol in me. I enjoy me more…until i go to far which is often the case. I can go days without drinking but when I do I most often end up bingeing. I have had numerous blackouts in my life. I honestly think that I have adversely affected my memory and cognition at this point. (I will be 50 in Sept.) I am visiting again, because I am drinking again and I am fighting with myself. It is simpler to decide not to drink- no fight- but harder because I like the effects. Or used to. I am getting too old for this and I am feeling emptier and emptier–which makes me want to drink all the more. ahhhhh
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Today will be day 1 for me. What symptoms can I expect? I am a white wine drinker.
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I have been reading your blog for a long time. I had to live a difficult life and show strength to move past it.
I have dreamed of John Fluevog shoes. I have visited the website and the store in Georgetown thinking of your commitment.
I am at a crossroad. Looking at times of failure and still desiring a better future with a cool shoes. Strangely, I would not buy until I was committed. Will I find my way?
Thank you for your path. I think you are awesome and have helped so many. My turn I hope will come.
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I have one week sober. Listening to The Bubble Hour and reading on WFS has been a tremendous help! So glad to have found your site as well.
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I am so glad you are here and that the resources I have helped to create are helping you achieve this HUGE accomplishment! Congratulations on ONE WEEK!!! Fantastic. I am going to go and eat some ice cream in your honour, Shan!
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Found Unpickled last night! Day 3 for me. I met all of the red flags! Here I go!!!
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Hello and welcome. Happy to share this pathway together. Three days is wonderful. Tell us how you are doing it and what you’ve learned so far.
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I want to do something different now.
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Hi Jamie. You sound ready for a change. What’s been going on for you?
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Day 2 for me, 10am now, long day ahead will make effort but no too confident
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I’m so grateful to have found your blog this morning. Reading the posts and all the comments helped me to make this my Day 1, it’s 10pm and I’m off sleep without having had a drink. Usually I have close to 2 bottles of wine every single night, wake up every morning feeling horrible and then get depressed about how much time I’m wasting on drinking. Will be reading your blog every day from now on.
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This is my day 1. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve gone more than four days without drinking. I need to stop, I want to stop, and I will stop. I know it’s going to be hard, but I need to. Your blog is an inspiration to me, as are all the comments I read. It’s nice knowing that others have gone through what I’m going through as it tells me it can be done
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Day 2.
I’m 26 and a few days ago I went out with some friends and ironically I hadn’t drunk for 7 days. I contemplated very hard but decided to order a glass of wine a glass that become 3. The rest wanted to continue on drinking and I stopped I went back happy but my mind couldn’t stop thinking about quitting the alcohol for good.
A year ago, I realised i was drinking more than my average peers. every signs was there but i decided to ignore them, because i didn’t think i had an alcohol problem. Im a young professional ‘I work hard and play harder’. I go to the gym, travel, I go to social event etc How can I possibly be having a drinking problem?
What most people don’t know Is I began drinking at the age of 22-23, The drinking was first social. Then i had a drinking buddy we would go the the pub after class and have a few bottle of wine. Then I got bored of going to the pub and started buying my own bottle first i would drink 2 glass on my own. The next thing i know is I’m drinking 3,4,5 glasses Depending on the day.
A year ago, I realised I had an alcohol addiction but was in total denial. I have been ashamed, my esteem has diminished, and I don’t like who I’m becoming inside. I struggle with this and it has taken a considerable amount of my time and thinking.
After a few weeks of strolling the internet I stumbled on this website and I couldn’t be more thankful. I don’t know any of you but your support will mean the world to me.
To Jean thank you for sharing your personal struggle with the world.
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This is the end of Day 1 for me. You know the feelings… Shame & guilt from last night drinking. But resolved to embrace sobriety… Terrified at the same time.
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Hello everyone,
This is the end of my first day sober. I’ve tried to quit numerous times before but always seem to start back up. I’m a 64 year old male and have been pounding myself with scotch for about a year and it has really got me down. I’ll add my thought again tomorrow after day two. I think this a neat thing to do. Kinda gets things out in the open. I’ve never blogged before. Hope you guys will pull for me.
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Cheering for you! Hurray for day 1!!!
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In 2011, I found myself in an IOP for disordered eating. It was a long time coming; I’d had bouts of restriction for years, usually triggered by a traumatic life event. I got out three months later with new perspective and a deeper understanding of myself. Or so I thought. Looking back now, four years later, I see that I came out of my program no better than when I went in. I was still isolated. I still had a family that didn’t understand my struggles. I had friends that were no longer in my life because the disordered me wasn’t the loveliest person to be around. (Who am I kidding? I was fucking *mean* sometimes when the disorder was in control.) But, I digress…
And then I found a real, true “friend.” A friend that was always there, just within reach, whenever I needed it. Rain, shine, summer or winter, it didn’t matter – this was a friend I could depend on and cling to when things got rough. It was me and my new best friend, Sauvignon Blanc, against the world. Oh, we’d curl up on the couch together with my beautiful little dog, Norman, and enjoy a lovely night in. Lovely until I passed out and found myself in a puddle of my own vomit. (Go ahead, say it – that’s super sexy!) There were nights I’d stumble to the bathroom and be so drunk I’d smash into the wall because I couldn’t walk straight. I remember a specific Sunday, just a year ago, when I slid off my bed face first and smashed my head and nose into my hardwood floor. I was a bloody mess and gave myself a concussion. The doctor initially said my nose wasn’t broken but I did end up with a deviated septum; I only have 30% airflow in my left nostril and surgery to correct it is coming up this summer.
The dog I mentioned earlier, Norman, was my *other* sidekick. I adopted him just before getting out of the IOP and he quite literally was the center of my universe. As long as I had Norman, I knew things were going to be okay. So when he woke me up in the middle of the night on January 29, 2014 shaking violently and ultimately having a massive seizure, I didn’t know what to do. We went to the emergency vet more than once but no one could figure out what was going on with him. Finally, he had a seizure during the day, March 26, 2014 to be exact, and I ran with him to my regular vet and begged them to see him right away. Blood tests brought about my worst fears; his kidneys and liver were all functioning perfectly which meant it was neurological, most likely a brain tumor. I got that news on Thursday, March 27, 2015, left work, went home to pick up Norman and brought him back to the office to spend the day with me. One of my co-workers drove us home and I made him a special chicken dinner since he didn’t feel much like eating. Then, I ran out and grabbed a bottle of my favorite Sauvignon Blanc to help numb the pain I was in. I settled down on the couch with my “friend” while Norman dozed peacefully in his doggie bed. When I woke up at 10:30pm from my wine-induced stupor, there was Norman. In the middle of the living room floor. He was dead.
I ran to him, picked him up and threw him on the couch looking for any sign of life. But there was none. I told him how much I loved him and held him until I literally couldn’t hold him anymore. I wrapped him in his favorite blanket and placed him in his bed. My world was shattered and I missed out on Norman’s last minutes on earth because I was drunk. A year plus later and I still sob as I write about his death. I may never forgive myself.
Despite all that, I still continued to drink. Fucking Sauvignon Blanc.
To the world, I look like a put-together 30-something with an amazing job, great apartment, a beautiful (newly adopted) dog and a good group of friends. People don’t see the sad, lonely girl hiding under the facade. The girl who hides out in her little apartment with her wine, shielded from the world, but longing for companionship. This is the most abusive relationship I’ve ever been in, but still, as the old song goes, breaking up is hard to do.
Today is Day 2 of sobriety. Not only has my relationship with wine caused physical and mental pain, but it’s also helped pack about 30 pounds onto my petite, 5 foot 3 in frame. So, I’m working hard at replacing old, bad habits with new, healthy ones. I’ve joined a running club at work with some people I really like. I committed to running a 7-mile road race for charity in August, though I can’t even run a mile without stopping. (Yet.) I will remember that everyday, I have a choice to make: Do I let the wine win? Or do I let my best self, who I’ve yet to meet, finally emerge from her cocoon? I hoping for the latter.
Although this forum is public, this is the FIRST time I’ve ever shared my whole story. Of course there’s more, but if I wrote more, it would be a novel. I believe that sharing what really has happened to me and what my hopes for the future are will make this all real. I CAN DO THIS. And I’m gonna kick Sauvignon Blanc’s ass.
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Hello,
I do appreciate the posts as they inspire me to continue to fight the battle. I did go from Saturday, May 9, to Thursday, May 14, without a drink. However, after a stressful day, I fell off the wagon. I got back on this site to look for help again. I am focused on getting well. As an FYI, I am a 56-year old male and not sure why this site seems to reach out to me more than others. Maybe it is the influence of 4 older sisters, not sure. I do find that the posts help me think about the challenges but the joys that may exist down the road. Thank you for listening.
Until the next time,
Tired
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Dear Tired,
It’s good that you’re here and committed to getting healthy. A slip-up isn’t the end of the world and it’s important to understand why you were triggered, which you seem to. Seems like we’re all here to remind one another to simply take each day as it comes.
Wishing you a peaceful evening,
LittleMissB
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LittleMissB,
Thank you as it means a lot to me this time. I quit drinking from Lent 1992 until midnight December 31, 1999 right before 2000 rang in. A friend said, one drink, and I have not stopped since. I am committed to get better, life is too short and too precious.
Thank you and bless you,
Tired
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Hello,
I came across this site several months ago in search for help to stop drinking. I have attended AA a few times, which is nice, but did not help me in the way I need help. I am very functional but drink almost every night. It is taking a toll on me physically and mentally.
I am tired and looking for help. Life is too short and I plan not to drink tonight, which is Saturday and a usual night of drinking.
Sincerely,
Tired
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Hi Tired, today is your day. I encourage you to make a plan to entertain yourself as if you were babysitting your 12-year-old self for the next few weeks. Go to the store and buy lots of healthy food and some special treats for her. Buy her some activities for the evening – she doesn’t want to sit around like you *used to* watching tv & drinking wine. Get pedicure supplies, some crafts, books, look up movies and events she might like to attend. Roll out the red carpet for your honored guest: yourself. Pamper and protect her.
Whatever your old routine was (that preceded & included drinking) CHANGE IT UP. Take a different route home. Stop at a different grocery store. Come in to the house through a different door. Sit in a different chair. Put on sneakers instead of slippers. Order dinner if cooking is a trigger.
You get the idea. One last suggestion : dump out any alcohol that’s in the fridge. Do it this morning while you’re feeling strong, and go shopping for other nice things to enjoy – sparkling water, hot Chocolate, tea, fresh mint & a mortar and pestle to make mint lemonade.
I am cheering for you!
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Thank you! I will do as suggested as it is time to make changes!
Sincerely,
Tired
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Hello,
I wanted to thank you for this site as it helps me think about how to get to the right place in my life. I made it Saturday with no alcohol based on the suggestions given, which was the first Saturday in a decade without drinking at some level. I used that success to get thru Sunday and working on my third day now.
I just wanted to thank you and everyone for their encouragement and courage to help someone be successful on their journey in life.
Tired
But making it one day at a time for now!
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I see myself in these stories. On Day 12. I love this blog. Thanks.
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Beautiful. I am sober with you to Day 13. Happy for you!!
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I’ve been reading this blog for six months and am at the point where I’m ready to take action. My experience is a mix of what so many have posted – began drinking wine in the evening for stress reduction, went through a stressful/ traumatic experience about a year and half ago, upped the wine intake as a means to self-medicate, and have found myself with a nightly drinking habit that has begun to escalate. I began dating someone very special in the last three months and, unfortunately, it has taken having someone close to me to reflect back how bad it has gotten. (He ended our relationship yesterday, as he has been deeply hurt by people with substance abuse issues and does not want to get hurt again.) I know I’m tough as nails and when presented with a clear problem have always attacked it head on. I’ve reached out to a substance abuse counselor and will research local meetings today. I’m stunned see how significantly I have veered off course and deeply sad that this recognition has come at the cost of a relationship that felt different than any others I’ve had. But I am also deeply relieved to be able to be honest, set down this weight I’ve been carrying, and say, “I don’t have this under control, I need help.” Unpickled, I appreciate your writing and the fearlessness of your words. I appreciate all of the words that each of the posters have shared and the knowledge that I’m not alone. It fills me with compassion for myself and for the underlying pain that we experience that leads us to this place. We all have it in us to change.
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Oh MGP, thank you for that brutally honest post. I am sorry you are hurting, and impressed with your clarity. Let the healing begin. I am glad you are here.
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Thank you so much for your reply – it means so much. It’s been a long two weeks since I posted, filled with many moments of certainty, curiosity, and strength and equal moments of fear, anxiety, and doubt. I have faith that just as it took me a minute or two to land here, it will take me a minute or two to make my way somewhere new. Tonight I am surprised by the trickiness of the voice inside that “reasoned” with me last night that I could go ahead and have a few glasses of wine at the dinner I attended. I honestly thought I was having a reasonable debate and came to a reasonable decision! It is now clear to me (after a day of feeling awful, anxious, and disappointed) that it is THAT voice that I cannot engage in any type of debate with It’s a childish voice that wants what it wants and it’s been the voice I’ve been listening to for quite a while now. Wonderful to finally recognize it for what it is!
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Thank God I found this blog.
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Glad you’re here!
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Sigh, Day 1 again. After a good stretch over 100 days in Belle’s challenge. I just got bored. Truly. I just got like, defiant and I drank for a few days in a row. But finally of course, I drank so much I am sick today. So at least I am reminded about why I am happier not drinking. I just feel so much better sober. I was doing so well, going to the gym. Now I am feeling/looking like hell, feel so shameful, sad!
But tomorrow, huh gets better. . . sigh. Reaching out for encouragement.
Considering starting my own blog. Maybe there are too many? I really enjoy yours and the Bubble Hour, which really got me thru my first sober weeks.
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Do not beat yourself up! Focus on taking care of yourself and feeling better. Change something up. Take a shower, eat a good meal, take a walk if you do not feel like going to the gym. Do something that makes you feel good to get rid of the shame. If you have been considering a blog then start one. Do something to make this a better day then “day 1.” (which is great, anyway.) You can still visit here and communicate and still write your own. This is going to sound funny or silly but when I feel down, sad or sometimes hopeless I go to youtube and put on some of my favorite old songs and dance around. Yesterday I had a bad day and it was Queens another one bites the dust. No significance in the title. I had caught the end of it in the car last week and that was just what I put on and danced around my kitchen by myself. It made me feel better. Hang in there!
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Hi Anon, it is impossible to have too many blogs. Your story will help others, and it will help you to write it down. I highly recommend you give it a try. Be kind to yourself as you get back on track, and now you know that you will need to work to stay motivated. Maybe you need to give yourself a big crazy challenge like running a marathon or learning to knit or take a dance class or learn a language and travel to another country – there is no excuse for boredom with that great big world out there inviting you to discover and enjoy all that it has to offer! Don’t be ashamed – now you know that you do better living alcohol-free. Steady the bus and off you go. A big strong hug. You are not alone.
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I would, for one, like to read your blog. I like the way you write. Plain and simple. I am not sure there are ever too many blogs because you never know what little snippet of thought or scrap of information is going to hit a random person and impact their life in a positive way. If you feel inspired to blog, you should.
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This is day three for me. I have had many day threes, fours, weeks. One football game or bbq and I am back to having a beer in my hand. And one turns into 6 now. My father died of alcoholism and my brother is now a full blown drunk. I think I am following the same path, but at a much slower rate. I now realize I am closer to being an alcoholic that I have ever been before. Or, maybe I am already there. Regardless, it is time for me to stop. Forever. Nothing good comes out of drinking for me. Nothing. I am not an AA person, my Mom always made my brother and I go to those meetings when we were young, when my Dad was in rehab the first time. It it a very negative place for me. I need support from other people like me! I have never done anything like this before! Thank you to anyone who is reading.
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Way to go Tricia – keep going! Check out some of the sober resources listed on my page – there are many alternatives to AA and tons of great ways to connect with others. I am rooting for you!
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Your blog resources probably saved my life. Sober and recovering since July 10th, 2014 Thank you for that.
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Today is my second day sober. I should be happy about this and I am if it weren’t for the fact that I feel like absolute crap. I feel weak, sick to my stomach, and extremely exhausted. I suppose the fact that I got so drunk Sunday night I fell and smacked my head pretty hard isn’t helping but (sadly) this isn’t the first time I’ve done that and I haven’t felt this horrible. Please somebody tell me it gets better. Even in the terrible state I currently find myself I have no plans to start drinking again. I have realized that I am not a person who can “have just a few” or only drink once in a while, for me it’s all or nothing. I strangely find I’m rather sad about this, even though I’m beyond the point of deluding myself in to thinking I was having fun. After I woke up yesterday morning I came to fully understand that if I kept drinking like I had been I will die. I either won’t wake up due to alcohol poisoning or I’ll fall and smack my head and die that way. Makes me shiver thinking of my wonderful husband having to deal with that. I have a wonderful support system around me, my husband first and foremost. He’s my biggest fan and told me yesterday “You’re an incredibly strong woman and if I know you can beat this.” He’s right, I can but I wonder…I am still friggin hung over two days later, Is this withdraw symptoms, or did I hit my head harder than I realized? This part of being sober really, truly sucks and I’m ready for it to be over. I think, maybe, it’s part of my penance for treating my body so horribly for so long.
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It gets better – hang in there. Let the fact that you are going through withdrawal confirm your suspicions that you have a problem. Addiction is basically defined by withdrawal. Do some internet digging for info on how to safely detox and maybe see a doctor about your head! Confiding in your dr about your alcohol withdrawals would be good as well – medical supervision is well advised. You are going great – this is hard stuff to get through and it is totally worth the effort. YOU are worth the effort!!
Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you so very much for responding. I actually don’t have suspicions that I have a problem, it’s a cold hard fact that I am finally willing to face head on. It’s really wonderful just to get confirmation that I’m doing the right thing from people outside my family. I know it’s going to be tough at times but I realize things can only get better. Actually as the day wears on I am feeling a bit better but part of me dreads tonight, going home, what will I do to occupy my time? Maybe it’s time to reread the oodles of novels I’ve read during my drunken stupors……I realize I can’t let myself get bored, that’s when it ALL starts.
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Yes, you now have the capacity to get to all those others aspects of LIFE that drinking put on hold. One tip – if you are going to sit and read, try sitting in a different spot than where you would normally sit and drink. Change it up. Move the furniture. Do whatever you need to do to ease the idea that booze is “missing” from the scene.
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This brought tears to my eyes. I could have written the same story myself; just not quite as well 😉 Thank you for sharing this. It matters.
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This is my day one. I’ve drank a handle of gin every four days for years. I’ve asked myself how much do I hate me. I drink alone and I am lonely. It makes me sick every day. Headaches diareah moodiness etc. I said to myself yesterday I guess I like feeling bad. I found your blog and it made me realize I want to change. Thank you
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Life can be so much better than this! Please take any encouragement you can find here and let it propel you forward to a better way. How can we all help you today?
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Thank you unpick you are a sweet soul. I’m doing it slowly. Your story has inspired me to change . I really appreciate your honesty.
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*sniff*sniff* this touches my heart xo
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Thank YOU, Cyn, for sharing this. It’s appreciated. I have often asked myself “how much do I hate me”? I thought I was alone.
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Hello, I am 3 days sober. Well my personal happy hour started at 8pm, once the kids went to bed. The longest I have gone is 70 days last year. I kick myself in the butt for picking up that glass of cabernet again. I am no stranger to stopping a bad habit. I quit smoking about 10 years ago. My mother has been in AA for 14 years and received her 4 year coin last month. I am a bottle a night kind of girl. The only way I could control the amount was buy a small bottle. If I opted for a large bottle I would be hurting in the morning. I really just wanted to say how much I appreciate your blog. I sat here and read from day one to your most recent post. I purchased the SMART book you mentioned and feel a little more secure on my journey. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration! I look forward to reading more of your posts!
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Hey Jas, how are you doing? Please check in!
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So here I am. Sunday morning. Its a beautiful day. Got up on time to get the dogs out but feel too sick to really enjoy this gorgeous fall weather in Northern VA. Im shaking through my morning coffee. Typical evening last night. Opened my beloved bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and started making dinner. Cooking is my favorite hobby but it has become a game. I can have a glass of wine with a smoke while the chicken is browning. Ok reduce the sauce, While that is happening, glass # 2 is poured. By the time I am serving I am 3/4 through the bottle. Funny I drink water with dinner. Clean up, walk the dogs and finish bottle # 1 while watching whatever is on the TV. Soon the next bottle will be opened and I will usually pass out on the couch until hubs tries to get me up to the bedroom. Most night I make it. Some nights I just stay on the couch. Im 43. No kids. This has been going on for a little over a year. Im an alcoholic. I now realize it. I start to shake around 6 pm until I get that first gulp of wine. How did this happen? I kind of know. We moved 2x in the past year and I am away from good friends and family. But on the outside everything looks good. New house, cars etc. Inside I am depressed and lonely but make no effort to make friends and have pulled back from the old ones. I have not told anyone and hubs must see it but he just ignores, doesnt know what to do. I pray I find the strength to not open that bottle tonight.
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That is my post above. I made it! A spent most of the day in bed. I got my usual anxiety and shakes around 5-6pm but took the dogs for a long walk and then came home and made it through dinner prep and evening TV and didnt open the bottle! Day 1 down. I know its a long rode but I feel good today and thats what matters.
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The strength is in you. You just have to acknowledge it. Don’t give up or get discouraged – it is the enemy of your strength.
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I totally identified with you about the “cooking ” connection ! I think for me it’s tied up with my inner martyr and feeling like the woman who provides and nurtures . Somehow drinking wine while lovingly preparing meals , ………..” licensed ” my drinking for me . Rationalizing this way seems incongruous when looking back honestly over associated instances … The ” almost” pan fires , loosing track of the recipes and finding ingredients put back in cupboards to fester instead of in the fridge , dropping cast iron pans on my foot , oh , and burning myself ! So much for nurturing my family !
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Today is day one for me. I am actually numb right now and have anxiety about thinking of never drinking again. I turn 48 soon and my drinking is ridiculously getting out of control. I can easily drink 2 bottles of wine. I have three beautiful children 17, 14, 11 and a wonderful husband. I need to start loving myself for the first time in my life…..
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Wow, that is me. 45 years old. Day One of stopping drinking. I am also a little numb and have anxiety about thinking about never drinking again. I to could/can easily drink 1 to 2 bottles of wine. I also have 3 beautiful children, 17, 15, and 11…and they watch me. My mom was a binge drinker and actually died at the early age of 55 from the disease. It is my time to stop. I just told my husband how ashamed I am of myself and he just put his arm around me and told me he loved me. So here I go.
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Can I really call this Day One if my yesterday’s Day One failed? I got antsy and bored and went to the liquor store. Realized I’d forgotten my purse and went back home to get it even though I knew that forgetting my purse was a sign/omen/signal from the universe to not drink. But I pushed it aside and ignored it, as usual. I’m 54 and want to stop wanting to drink. So I’ll try again today. Fall down seven times, get up eight. Thanks for reading.
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Today is your day, Feisty1. We are right beside you cheering you on.
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I felt a little thrill of hope go through me when you replied to me so soon (or at all). Somebody cares! Still, I had the rest of the day to get through. But I made it. I got angst-y and teeth-knash-y at my usual time, mid-afternoon, but I think this little back & forth conversation helped me keep my resolve. Then, I totally wanted to run out to the liquor store around 5:00, quick, before my husband got home from work, but I held off. Day One done.
Must say, though, it sure is hard to fall asleep when I don’t drink. Usually I konk out right away and then spend 3-ish hours tossing and turning in the wee hours.
So today is the beginning of my Day Two, and I’m trying to talk myself into exercising this morning. I’ve gained a lot of weight from all those alcohol calories and being such a slug. Anyway, thanks for being here for me, Unpicked. And for anyone else who reads this, thank you, too.
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I really enjoyed this posting. Thank you for sharing. It’s a nice shot of non-liquid courage. The other kind, I can’t seem to do without …
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I’m ready to start but scared I can’t even remember what I did this weekend. I am 40 years old I’ve got to stop now I just don’t know how. I’m gonna keep reading your blog . I’m really discusted about who I’ve become to my husband and kids….I’m embarrassed how can I forgive myself and move on?
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Take a deep breath and do the next right thing. Start anytime. You can feel soooo much better. It is hard to believe, I am sure, but honestly it can and does get better.
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Today is my day one…I’m scared to death. But I have to do this for my three, ages 11, 8 and 5. Not sure how it happened. Scared I won’t be able to find something else to do…to make me feel courageous and carefree. 😦 But I am so sick of beating myself up every morning. Found your blog at 3 AM…I think it’s time.
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Amen. It is time and you deserve to enjoy every minute with those 3 precious children!I promise you won’t be bored – there is lots to do.
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Oh My Gosh…I just throw out a big new bottle of vodka…and said ENOUGH…then I went to my computer and found this site! I am a 58 year old woman…and want to stop drinking.
So very happy I came across this forum.
Here I go…!
Robyn
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Welcome, Robyn.
There are a lot of us out here.
Welcome to ‘us.’
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More than we will ever know. I am thinking for every 1 of us who replies or weighs in on the subject, there are a hundred—maybe a thousand—who don’t. Thank you Cindy and Robyn.
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Today is the day I admit I’m an alcoholic. I am not physically addicted and my drinking is a symptom of the true problems – some of which I know, some of which I don’t. Because of that I have really resisted calling myself an alcoholic. I mean, that would mean I’m an eataholic, an exercisaholic, a workaholic, a cleanaholic and I just realized I also like picking at my fingernails and the skin around them – never thought that was a symptom of anything because I do it even when not anxious.
I resisted because I was convinced once I figured out why I was drinking, I would naturally decrease the amount. It’s NEVER been normal for me to have 1 drink and be sated. I didn’t drink at all in high school and the first time I did, I drank a bottle of cooking wine all by myself (graduation party). When in social situations I can moderate the amount I drink, but my preference is to drink alone.
I live with my boyfriend and his love is unconditional, but this morning he told me I was acting weird last night. I prepared for him to say something else but he didn’t. He was likely testing the waters to see if I wanted to say anything. I didn’t. But I realized I had been waiting for him to prove he cared enough to intervene. I mean, he’s GOT to know! He has his game night hobby, I have my drinking hobby. Every time he goes out he comes home to me being intoxicated. But I am almost always able to act sober. My tolerance is high. A bottle wine? No one would know I’m drunk and I don’t feel drunk. It’s only the next day that I can’t recall everything I did or said. But I know I acted fine in the moment. It takes a lot to get me visibly drunk. I must have been that way last night, but I don’t remember everything. I had: 3/4 bottle of wine and 5 beers.
Part of my problem is that I rarely get hangovers and I drink fast. Even non-alcoholic drinks are always gulped. I envy people who sip and put down, sip and put down. I went from zero to partier and there was never any moderation. I have not learned moderation. I’ve only learned to do without or go all in. For example, I’m trying to get back into exercising and the best way for me to do that is to start working out every day. If I workout one day, rest one, I just will never go back. It “works” for me to approach things this way. But I wish I knew how it felt for moderation to be normal.
I’m so thankful I found this blog. I need an outlet but just want to stop quietly so I don’t want anyone knowing. I don’t want it to be a part of our conversations. Just thinking about it exhausts me emotionally. Like most things, if I’m successful, it will not involve others confusing the matter with their well meaning but completely out of touch help.
The reason this is day one for me is because I’m finally ready to quit for good, forever. Alcohol no longer provides me with anything helpful in my life. Before I truly didn’t want to give it up. I am going to a BBQ tomorrow and am not going to drink. As I type that I don’t even feel that familiar “I’m lying to myself” feeling. I 100% believe I can do this.
So here goes….
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I appreciated your comments and especially loved the phrase “alcohol no longer provides anything helpful in my life.” You have hit the nail on the head, Sister! You got this!
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Well done for all your honesty I totally relate to the all or nothing approach. You are sooo ready for this Blogging is an awesome way to get through this I 100% believe you can do this I just survived (and thoroughly enjoyed) a weekend staying in a hotel with friends this weekend I am now 35 days sober and just about starting to lose count You will be there in no time Hang in there Look forward to seeing your progress
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Well, I didn’t do it. I was great for about 4 hours and then I got bored and had a drink. I started to think, “Hey, I am Ok to drink if I really concentrate on keeping control”. I had only 3 drinks total. For some people that’s a lot but I wouldn’t know. I don’t know what’s normal. I might have convinced myself except that when I got home I tucked my BF in bed and I proceeded to down several beers until I passed out. I woke up about 2:30am on the couch.
I will try again. And one day I will succeed. This was the first time I wanted to be sober so that’s encouraging. I’m getting closer.
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Moment by moment…each and every moment counts as do you…being mindful about our drinking is a first step! Here’s to this moment…right now!
Robyn
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I was also a quick drinker (and still am with coffee, etc.) and prefer to drink alone rather than in public. I hope you did well at the BBQ!
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Today is my Day 1 (7/7/14!). I’m going to start with the beginning of your blog and work my way to recent. I’ve always been one to drink to excess but could “control” it if I wanted to. My husband left 3 years ago and while I over-drank during our marriage, I now drink a bottle of wine every single night. Also, when I go out on the town, my behavior gets increasingly worse. There have been many times where I have no idea how I’ve gotten home. I recently fell and got scraped up pretty badly. Also, my parents are very worried and that makes me sad. I’m committed to three week’s sober and will see if a) I can do that and b) where I’ll go from there. Let’s do this!
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Beana, you really CAN do this! I have found this blog to be extremely helpful. Congratulations on Day 1 of your journey. It is yours, so claim it!
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Thank you so much, Cindy! It’s nice not having a hangover for my presentation today!
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Congratulations on starting this journey. Stick with us!
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Thank you, UnPickled! 5 days sober now. It’s been surprisingly easy so far, if not boring. Of course I got invited to two happy hours yesterday but I saw a movie with a friend instead. Trying to fill up my evenings so that I don’t stray. Relying on a mix of prayer and effort.
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Changing up activities is a great strategy and surprisingly enjoyable. What you are doing is so important and can resonate throughout your years.
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Today is my first day scared but excited 🙂 fed up feeling like pants everyday
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You can do it, Viv! I’m on Day 8 and I truly feel happier and have more energy. When I realized I was dancing along to “Single Ladies” on my Monday drive to work, that was a definite indicator! Keep it up!!!
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I just read the Unpickled Blog of Keeping it Quiet as my story is so similar with the exception that I told my husband after he mentioned yesterday I should cut back on the bottle of wine a night routine. That’s not what made be decide yesterday I should just quit. My Dr. called to tell me the blood results of my annual physical and that my liver enzymes were elevated. A big wake up called since I have a whole family history of people dying from complications of alcoholism. I knew I drank way too much. I am committed to a lifetime of no more drinking. I have to take another blood test in a few weeks and I hope it goes back to normal after no drinking and better eating habits. I am hopeful we will all make it! Let’s do this! 😉
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You can do it!!! Time to start a new, healthy lifestyle for your family!
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Relieved to have found your blog and this community! It’s 9pm on my Day 1 – I’m going to make it! But I, too, have had many, many first days sober and always fell back into the old dance of drinking every night. I feel a little bit of hope but also alot of fear. However, anyways, here I go.
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You’re not alone. We can do hard things. Happy Day 1!
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After falling off the wagon (AGAIN), today is my last ‘first day.’ I’m going to do it this time!!
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Don’t give up! Freedom is possible and you are capable.
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Me too! It’s been years since I went more than a day without alcohol. I’m going to do it this time! Good luck to you.
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Today is my Day 1. I tend to drink every other day since I drink so much when I do I usually don’t t feel like it the next day. The drinking has probably been a serious problem for the last 5 years. My mom passed away 3 years ago today.so I picked today to stop. I have gone 6 months, 6 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 week but what I now realize is that I cannot have just one drink. It is easier to go without than to stop once I start. i think this blog will help tremendously as it will allow me to talk anonymously and fill up time reading about other’s journey to a better life.
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Hi Lynn – welcome aboard! You will find lots of support and encouragement here. I am touched by your story – what a lovely tribute to your mom to use this anniversary to begin (continue!) your recovery journey!
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Thanks for sharing your journey ! My Day 1 is today… have been there many times in the past few years…. the longest I ever made it was 6 weeks and 5 days and that was in 2011! Started a blog for the first time today to keep track and to finally finally shout it from the rooftops… well not really 😦 I drink in secret and alone and hope to become a sober person all quietly and anonymously … groups are not for me…. AA is definitely not for me…. well not at the moment anyway…. every journey starts with a single step…. I have taken it today
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Sending you much support, love, and encouragement as you begin this journey. The first few days can be very delicate and tender – be gentle with yourself and yet be fierce in protecting and nurturing yourself as you would a baby. Your new life is in its infancy and needs your full care and attention. And, just like a new mom, if you find that it is too hard to manage all on your own then please reach out for help. There are many resources for you to find support – see all the resources at the side of the page here. I’ll watch your blog and cheer for you. Please check back here as well and let us all know how you are doing!
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Today is day 16 for me. I have not been this far. I am envious you made it 6 weeks. I really think having a blog helps. There is a community that helps keep you/me accountable. I had a really difficult time last night and I kept thinking of the blog. It helped.
I look forward to seeing your progress as I continue mine.
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Today is day 2 for me. I’m so thankful that I found this blog…I’ve felt very much on my own and have become an expert at hiding my “rituals”! I too hope to do this for myself quietly and anonymously. How is it working so far?
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Monday was Day One … for about the 30th time this year. I’ve made it to Day Two many times, Day Three a few times and even made it for a week a couple times. My first Day One of the year began when I found this blog. Everyone is so inspirational and supportive. I made it a week that first time. I am so thankful to have rediscovered all of you. This is not something you can do alone. Day three and in need of support!
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I am so so sorry that it has taken me a few days to get back to you!! How are you doing, sadieb? Be patient with yourself about having a few false starts – it is not uncommon so don’t beat yourself up. At the same time, do not let the fact that it is normal be a reason to keep slipping up. Where are you at today? How are you managing? How can I help you get through today? I am sending you my heartfelt encouragement and support, a giant panda hug, and even a kick in the pants if that is what you need. Please let me know how you are doing and keep taking good care of yourself.
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I’m a seeker and find your blog ‘addictive’ in a good way. I have a devotional book and every morning for the past 3 days I have written “Day One” at the top of the page, signifying today will be Day One for me. I have scratched them all out the next day. But I always check Unpickled after doing so. I just went back and wrote Day One on today’s devotional. Stay tuned.
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I BELIEVE IN YOU! Today is your day.
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I did not find your blog by coincidence — I was led here for daily inspiration and support found no other place. TODAY is my day; I have claimed it; I believe in me and so glad you believe in me, too!
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I made it! Woke up sober. Rested. Day 2 has begun. Change is in the air!
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Beautiful.
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Hi Cindy,
Me too! I’m on day 2! Feeling empowered today! Wishing you the same!
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I stumbled on your blog as I once again searched quit drinking. You sound so much like me. I drink wine and it is an evening ritual. I drink 3-5 glasses. I am usually relieved the next day when I see a little left in the bottle. I feel “proud” I did not quite finish it.
I am successful in what I do. Most of my children are grown. I have grandchildren. I have been drinking 12 years. I don’t know at what point it became a problem or a nightly ritual. I have tried many times to stop drinking. The longest I have made it was 2 weeks and that had 1 day in the middle that I drank. So, yes, technically, I made it 1 week twice.
I wake up every morning hating that I drank the night before. I hate that I feel so weak about it. Usually, once I set my mind to something I can do it. It is enormously frustrating that it does not work in this situation.
You sound so much like me that I cried reading some of your blogs. Part of what I felt when I cried was sadness that I cannot drink. This is really the most difficult part for me. I want to believe that I can one day drink “normally”. The other part is it is difficult to imagine life without drinking. I can see it being better, more alert, healthier, more energetic, experiencing life more fully, but what about when everyone else has a drink in their hands and they look so happy and content with that?
Your blog has me wanting to explore other “fancy” drinks. I bought some fancy blue glasses a while back to use for my tea and other choices just to dress them up a bit.
Ok, so again, today I quit. I have been here many times before, almost daily. I plan to come to your blog daily to read your stories especially the early ones.
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Wow, that is my exact story.
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My story too!
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I wrote that. I am still anonymous but with a name. And now I am on day 16. It is amazing how different things look even at this early accomplishment. It is odd now to think that I had sadness about not drinking. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel that. I still want to fit in with everyone else who has a drink in their hands but I no longer want to feel what the wine does to me. And it is a bit embarrassing to admit I feel or have felt sadness over not drinking.
I am settling in on some “fancy” drinks and I have a couple special glasses I use.
Still hanging on.
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First sober day for me. I’ve been reading all the blogs, playing solitaire compulsively, and just…waiting. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. I am heading into a big week, with international travel, meetings, dinners–all the situations in which I would previously get drunk. Just drunk. One drink was never an option. So, I am determined but scared, and worried about my weak coping skills. This blog helps enormously.
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I too have felt the shame and disgust at “doing it again” and waking up feeling terrible, waking up in the wee hours of the night missing huge chunks of time and wondering what crazy things I did or said to my husband or children, wondering how I scarred them this go round and why I have to KEEP doing this? Day two after a day four and a day 9 in the past two months. I’m hoping this is my time and that day three is mine tomorrow and day 10 is mine next week and on and on!
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Hi K. I’m glad you’re here and I’m impressed that you’re taking on this hard but essential task of recovery. Be gentle with yourself in these early days and don’t be discouraged. In the first stages of recovery, relapse can be common. Of course, you don’t want to give yourself permission to drink or slip, but if it happens just get right back at your goal of total abstinence. Think of it like a toddler learning to walk. He might plop down every few steps but he still makes it across the room! Dr John Kelly just did a really great interview on The Bubble Hour and said to look at it by realizing that the sober days add up to much more than the drinking days, and to never feel hopeless because if you keep pursuing abstinence then your long term outcome is going to be very good.
Sent from my iPad
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Thanks unpickled, I’m on day 2 again.
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I fell so fortunate to have stumbled upon this blog. I know my drinking has been a problem for many years. It started 20 years ago when I met my then Husband-to-be. He was so much older and more exciting than I was/felt so I would sneak a little drink before our dates (which included drinks) to calm myself. There really wasn’t a need for me to do this since he was the most genuine, kind man ever and truly loved me, We married and had 20 years of happiness. But our lives evolved around alcohol. Parties, dinners etc. Every night we had a cocktail. He could handle his drinking and have 1 drink and stop. I couldn’t and drank until bedtime. So much of what I have read from you resonate. The wine while cooking, the half filled glass, the boxed wine that hides the amount being depleted. Soon it was a bottle of wine a night or more. I hid it from him, his kids, our friends etc. To the outside world I was a successful business woman with an ideal life. It was ideal except that I couldn’t sleep at night without a bottle of wine. And even then I didn’t sleep well. Sadly my husband, and love of my life, passed away from cancer two months ago. It has been unbearably painful. I have used wine to numb the pain every night. I don’t want to numb the pain anymore. I don’t want to be THAT woman who drinks by herself every night. My husbands memory – and I – deserve better, I am excited to have you and your community help me through my recovery. I would appreciate hearing more about those first 5-7 days of your recovery. What to expect emotionally and physically. It’s frightening. But not as frightening as being a widow who washes the clock until it’s 5 pm and then drinks herself to sleep each night.
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I’m so glad you’re here, and so glad you realize that things need to change. My heart aches for your loss – I can’t even imagine how hard it must be. I help out with a podcast called The Bubble Hour http://www.thebubblehour.com – a weekly show that you can listen to any time online about recovery. We just did an episode on grief and how to get through it without losing your sobriety. I’ll think you’ll really benefit from hearing Michele’s story – it’s quite similar to yours.
Early recovery can be hard – really hard under normal circumstances and more so in a situation like yours. You would find it a great help to be involved in a recovery group – the fellowship would really help carry you through the difficult days.
Please do listen to that Bubble Hour and let me know if you find it helpful. There are lots of episodes on different topics and the voices of others who understand will be music to your ears.
I have some other information for you as well that could really help you get started. Please email me (picklednomore@gmail.com) and I’ll fill you in.
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I was so impressed with your quick response. I saved the Bubble Hour video until the “Witching Hour” It was a relief to hear stories like mine and frightening. I can hardly handle the grieving for my husband and our future together, now will have to add grieving for wine. I haven’t quit drinking yet. I’ve cut back a glass of wine each night for past three days. I am fearful of the detox symptoms. I quit for a 30 days 8 months ago. I had a rough first week. But I also had my husband with me as a safety net. Then he had a reoccurrence of his cancer. I was a 24/7 caretaker. I started to use wine again to relax, numb emotions and sleep. This time I will be all alone. I am going to the doctor next week to discuss with her. Hopefully, she will have some ideas for help. I want to do this quietly like you. Discussing with my doctor will be tough enough. My step-kids are their families are dealing with their own grief over their Dad’s death. And they have been so supportive of me. They don’t need to also take on my addiction. I am thankful to have found this blog and plan to use the support and resources you provide…and then pay it forward when I am in recovery. I so want a sober life. I am amazed at your strength and courage and of others who post on this site. I hope to be as strong as all of you
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You’re very wise to work with your doctor. Lots of people successfully self-manage recovery – just be open to choose another pathway if you find you’re not able to go it alone. And truly, connecting with other people is a joy, a true joy. So if you can find some sober buddies, you will benefit greatly. There’s also the online group called the “Booze Free Brigade” on yahoo – you can sign up there for amazing support from other people In the same boat. You deserve this good life, my friend. I’m so glad you are reaching out to grab it!
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Nine days sober. I like many others have found this blog to be a genuine support. Never at a point where my drinking was causing me to lose control of my personal or work life, I nevertheless find a lot of common ground in your posts. Feeling that I can’t get past a certain time in the day without buying wine – check. Feeling that I am overreacting when my brain, heart and liver are telling me to quit – check. Feelings of shame and remorse – check. I know that my relationship with alcohol – or, more specifically wine – is deeply unhealthy, and there is no reason not to abstain other than my addiction. Thank you for expressing your feelings in a way that so many people seem able to relate to.
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I wish I could say I’m One Day sober but I can’t even do that as I’ve had to have a sneaky brandy in my coffee to help me cope with my hangover. So here I am 10 days before Christmas admitting I need to stop drinking right now. It feels an impossible task. The bottles of sparkling wine are already lined up in the garage. I need to do this. I want to do this. Thank you for your blog and for all the posters. I am so glad I’m not alone with this. I’m going to take myself off to bed and read all your amazing posts and hopefully will wake up tomorrow liking myself a bit more.
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How are you doing? There are many in your shoes so know you are not alone. Baby steps. Be gentle with yourself!
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Thanks for asking un’wined. I’ve just spent a few days with family. As with most people at this time of year it has been a time of eating, drinking and being sociable. But I have got through it. I wasn’t a party pooper – I didn’t go to bed early any night; I didn’t back out of any gathering. I went along, smiled and drank a variety of soft drinks. I’m glad to be back home now for some space and time to myself a bit more. Just New Year’s Eve to get through and then life is back to normal again.
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I have been reading about women and drinking for the past 18 mos, knowing full well that my frequent imbibing is taking over. So many of your posts resonate with me. I drink too much and too often- out of habit, out of need to unwind after stressful day, in order to have fun with friends and let loose. I also habitually awaken with a self loathing resolve to abstain and get it under control. I found your blog this weekend and instantly felt a comradeship with you and the story you share so eloquently. I suffer from the need for approval, to be the best, to always consider other’s needs over my own. Outwardly, I have it all together. Inwardly, I am fragile and insecure. I could never share my concerns truthfully with my friends. My husband knows I have concerns about my drinking, but since he doesn’t drink at all and I don’t get “drunk” I feel he minimizes my concerns. Not his fault, I hide the extent of my drinking and worries from him masterfully. I can’t imagine giving up drinking altogether but I am considering trying to see what life is like without the influence of alcohol. I often would say to myself that my 2-3 glasses of wine 4-5 nights a week was the cost of doing business. That is what it took to keep me excelling in all aspects of life and quieted the notion that I could have done things better. I can hardly believe I am sharing this.
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So, I googled “blogs for sober women” yesterday, and this is the first one I read, and I haven’t been able to stop reading. Part of my personality, I guess. I must devour ALL OF IT!!! Most days, it was a 12 pack of Miller Lite. But, today, right now, it is this. I am on day 2, been here before, LOTS of times. But, I can’t think of that. And the other thing I have realized that I have in common with “Anonymous”, above, is that I have always felt “the sober ones” out there were apart of some exclusive club, that I would NEVER have the secret handshake to get in the door….But, what I am beginning to realize is that it is not that easy. NOTHING is easy about this. Leaning on each other is vital to our survival, that is ALL I KNOW, for now.
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Hi Jessica – are you hanging in there, sister? Keep taking care and don’t give up! Let us know how you are doing. Sending you lots of love and support. UnP
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I am so jealous of you, but happy for you. I really like your wit and strength. I wish it could be me that quit – but it can’t.
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Why not you? I bet you have it in you to make the change. And I know you deserve it. It’s soooo much better once you slog through the first rough days. Xo, UnP
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I’m beginning at Day 1 of your journey and am about to begin my own. Thanks for sharing your story!
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Thank you so much day 4 for me does it ever get easier?
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YES!!! It does get easier in some ways but there is work to be done besides simply “not drinking”. I read this blog today and it is spot on about dealing with your junk after you quit: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-high-functioning-alcoholic/201005/being-sober-versus-being-in-recovery
Have a look and let me know if it speaks to you.
Keep lots of water and sweets handy, stay busy, go grocery shopping at night or work out – because you CAN, because you’re not drunk by 7 pm! lol
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im new to this.day 2 no alcohol.i havent been more than 5days without alcohol in 10years….
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I can totally relate, except I prefer beer over wine. Very similar story except I have a divorce in the mix. I am trying to get the inspiration to give it up. I have 5 or 6 beer almost every day after work and know I should probably give it up.
It’s so hard to get started!
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Do you live alone? I think it might make it harder to quit on your own. A group may be the thing that helps you stay motivated (aa or smart recovery – depending on which you feel drawn to. Both are great programs but they differ radically in approach). Email me anytime picklednomore@gmail.com if you want to vent, ask questions, or just touch base to help stay on track.
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Missed this somehow. So what are your faves? Mine are Don’t Let Them Grind You Down, Sober for Good, How to Quit Drinking Without AA, Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife, and Drinking, A Love Story.
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I understand and am 100% behind you! I havent gone more than 4 days without a drink in 5 years. JFT
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Let’s keep encouraging each other 🙂
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This is all we have and it’s enough! 🙂 have you got literature to read? We can swap references, pages and chapters to help get through difficult days etc
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I am picking up literature today. Please let me know your recommended favs and I would love to go back and forth with inspirations.
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