I decided to blog because I thought it would help in theory to know that people could read about it and thus I would stand accountable.
I just never thought anyone actually would….
Lo and behold, I awoke to find 13 twitter followers for @unpickledblog and 15 hits on this page. I stood in the kitchen and wept with unexpected relief. Help is on the way…I can be anonymous without being alone.
To give credit where enormous credit is due, I have told one person. The right person, this time. And I told her the whole truth, which made a big difference. She was surprised but supportive, and totally understanding of the dynamic that would make secrecy necessary. If people don’t know how much you drink, they can’t imagine how badly you need to stop.
My friend’s surprise was enough to confirm my suspicions that I needed to stop. That and the fact that she said, “I can see how you need to get control of this”. It was enough to get me through the first day, but I knew from past experience it would take more to keep going.
As a professional musician, I have many times walked out on stage and felt relieved to see an audience. There is always that worry that an event wasn’t well publicized, or that even the people who bought tickets won’t show up. A performance is always better with a nice audience, and I guess I expected that blog readers and twitters followers would be similar.
I was wrong.
It is a thousand time better than that – because this isn’t a performance, and folks aren’t following for entertainment. They are here to help, to care, to cheer, to encourage.
I thought “followers” might be a helpful concept, but I never realized how WONDERFUL it would be to feel their support. My heartfelt, joyous thanks to every person who takes a moment to read this. You are getting me through this day.