It seemed easier to talk about sobriety and grief than write about it so I recorded this episode of The Bubble Hour, including insightful comments and messages from readers of this blog. Heartfelt thanks to all who have commented about your own experiences with grief and alcohol – good or bad. I have learned so much from you and taken strength from your honesty and kindness.
We pretty much all go through this eventually and we can all learn so much from one another.
Please have a listen.
Jean, i am so grateful for this bubble hour podcast. I am approaching two years of sobriety and just lost my dad last week. He died after a short battle with pancreatic cancer ( probably caused by a lifetime of drinking). I come by my alcoholism honestly.
My dad was diagnosed n June 9th and gone by June 30th. I was the only one with home when he passed. Though I was asleep next to him when it happened, I feel I will forever be haunted by the sounds of his last breaths hours earlier that evening.
I Am sure thankful for this podcast For many reasons but mostly as a reminder that alcohol will not help my grief. am so tempted to turn to it to escape the pain and emptiness I feel and replace that void with my dear old friend and lover, alcohol.
I was wondering if you would share your dad’s eulogy with me? I am in the process of writing one myself. i think I have all the building blocks and my outline complete and I feel good about It, butI sure could use some inspiration from a much respected writer who has been through this sober.
Peace and love, Jennifer
I’d be happy to Jennifer. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll reply with a copy of the eulogy. Sending love. It’s a hard time. Press on, keep going. We heal so much faster without booze, it’s nothing but a “delay” button. In a way we can celebrate grief and honour it with beauty and meaning. It doesn’t have to be all grey and cold. It can be more like autumn than winter.
For me grief, and also learning how to let go are huge triggers to drink. I am not sober, have been struggling with a weekend drinking pattern for quite some time. 3 days, basically half the week, which is only building my tolerance so i drink even more.
Im posting here because i lost my father last year, long process of decline and he suffered at the end. Also his 2 brothers in the 2 year timespan. You are amazing to be sobering through, and i know various anniversaries will be tough, but the fond remembrances over time did help me with day to day coping ,Gradually. Like you, i also broke my leg a year ago! I found the time period after i got my cast off to actually be more challenging emotionally. Maybe more vulnerable, expectation that cast is off , so everything back to normal. I will listen to this bubble hour and hope you are continuing to heal. Alcohol is not helping me cope, its a patch. A bad one at that. So its day 1 again for me, and journaling to help process grief, and talk myself out of the drinking as coping. Thank you for your blog
I’ll be thinking of you. These are hard things to deal with and I know we all have hidden depths of strength to discover as we get through them. Honestly, things are actually a little easier without alcohol complicating them – it may serve you well to stay alcohol free and plough through.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I know it intellectually, about alcohol free being avless complicated way, but its those in the moment decisions i where i have been getting waylayed. Processing via journaling isnt something ive committed to before, and i believe it will help me. Your bubble hour about grief was really helpful, and surely was difficult for you. But so much wisdom in everyone stories. Day 2
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Aw Jean…..this was yet another great episode of the Bubble Hour. Thanks for checking in and what a great idea for this show. All the things you read on air in this episode were great.
I do want to say, however, I can hear in your voice how raw you are from your father’s death and just what has been a totally crappy 2017 for you so far. You are flat.worn.out.
I want to add that I think this whole idea of “being with someone until they take their last breath” is completely overrated in my mind. Having nursed and cared for my Dad in his final years of Parkinson’s from 2012 until 2016 I was with him the day he died but I, too, felt like I had to leave his room so he could let go and pass away.
Take care of yourself and continue to take all the time you need. We are grateful for all you do for us in recovery between Unpickled and the Bubble Hour.
I so appreciate every Bubble Hour and this episode is no exception. Thanks for sharing your grief and vulnerability -I know it takes so much courage and strength and I am so grateful for your willingness to tell your story. With aging parents with health issues and dementia, I feel like you are giving me a coat of armor to protect my sobriety today, and also for the future. I wish you comfort and peace in the days ahead.
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I listened to the Bubble Hour yesterday about the grief for your dad. It was very powerful. I got sober when I was 30 for 4 years…then I got really burnt out on AA and church…..went back to drinking…I wasn’t happy at the time. Now I’m 58 and have been trying to “manage” my drinking for the last couple of years…..who am I kidding? not myself! I’m tired of numbing myself every day and quit drinking on 4/4….I feel better and am much more clear headed. I think I was really ready and I still have cravings around “happy” hour…especially when I’m hungry. Your advice about having sweets really works…..hopefully that won’t be needed forever but it definitely helps! I was really touched though by your story about the wound on your hand and what your dad told you……it is so true…..I’m grateful that you are clear headed enough to remember that story!!!! I truly love the new technology since I first got sober because there ARE other ways besides AA to get where we want to be…
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Jean so happy to hear all the progress you have made in the last couple months. An inspiration truly!
Thanks xinfinity. Without you the blog, the podcast, and this community I wouldn’t be hold strong at Day 131! Truly something that on Dec 4th (had three slips early on) I wouldn’t be where I am today. I’m still flaky, forgetful, and neurotically anxious, but all of this is much more manageable without they glass of wine. Do I have cravings, you bet I do, is it easier to manage than in the beginning, 90% of time yes. Do I engage in all of the self-care I said I would, absolutely not, but what I have been much better at is not beating myself up about it. In the interim I started therapy. I sinced terminated therapy, due to lack of fit, but she helped me immensely during the crisis-riddled action period. Now that I feel as though I’m in maintenance, I need to really continue my processing work. Work has been keeping me “too” busy (the excuse) to restart therapy, but five minutes in to the recent podcast I hit pause and called a new therapist who seems to be a better match. I am on a waitlist, but looking like I may be able to get in soon.
All this to say thank you for being the beacon that helps light the way along this often dark and tumultuous journey.
Onward to day 132!
I just listened to your bubble hour about losing your dad. I want to commend you for sharing your grief with all of us. You were so open and honest. I could feel your raw emotion. That was very brave of you. As a recovering alcoholic, it means so much to hear such real and heartfelt stories. It’s amazing how such beauty can come from times of such darkness. Thank you for being an inspiration to so many people.
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Oh no – let’s fix that!