To The Hills!

I am back home again in southern Alberta, settling into my routine. To wit, my routine now seems to include not getting to yoga, not getting my 10,000 steps a day in, not cooking regular meals, and not writing as much as I had planned. I am floundering.

On Friday night, we had our little grandsons come for a sleepover and it was a wonderful evening of reading books, sculpting play dough, eating snacks and missing the official bedtime by a long shot (unintentionally – they were too excited to fall asleep even though we got them to bed on time). Mornings are the best – all snuggles and pjs and quiet chatter.

I was feeling desperate to get some serious writing done. I am 19 days out from the arbitrary deadline I gave myself to finish a first draft of my novel and I need to get at it. I decided to send myself on an overnight writing retreat to the ski hill – our big family cabin is empty and quiet in the off-season; a perfect place to hide away and write. As soon as the little boys went home, I grabbed my laptop and a tea from Tim Horton’s (large, one milk, two sweeteners), and started driving.

So here I am, writing on the deck. That is not a painting behind me, that is the reflection of the mountain view. I used to drink a lot here, like a lot of people do on ski vacations. Now I drink tea and revel in the freedom and power of sobriety.

From the Rocky Mountain of southern Alberta, I wish you all freedom and peace.

Writer at Cabin

About UnPickled

I am learning to walk without the crutch of alcohol. As I begin I am 1 day sober. Gulp. I drank in private and hope to quit just as privately. The purpose of this blog is to help make me accountable - just by following you will give me enormous support and encouragement.

Posted on June 3, 2018, in Life After Alcohol, Long Term Recovery, My UnPickled Life, Reflections on Recovery, Sober Travels and Adventures and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. StoneColdTemperate

    Just a quick note. I’m not sure if this was the trip that you did your recording while kayaking and it doesn’t matter. The point is I LOVED it. The sound of the water actually brought tears and I felt like I could breath. Thank you for that quirky interlude.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just finished reading your entire blog over the past 4-5 days. I appreciate the thoughtfulness you have put into your words and of course for validating that we women can indeed have a problem with alcohol even if we aren’t at rock bottom. It seems that there are quite a few blogs about this and that writing really helps one work through these issues. For reasons I won’t bother to go into I just can’t blog about my situation. So I started a journal as if it were a blog and if you don’t mind I’d like to share my first “entry” here. Just to get it out into the universe. Oh, and I’m on 9 days sober and doing well.

    June 29, 2018
    Day 5 Sober
    “Y’all drink every day!” This holier than thou, accusatory statement came out of my daughter’s bossy (sometimes) mouth more years back than I care to remember. She is now married with one child. She made this proclamation when she was home from college after my husband and I had settled into what has now been a ten plus year habit of…drinking every day. Well, almost every day. And as if drinking every day was not enough, I have swilled down multiple drinks on most days. Yep, pretty much every single day except for several months almost 3 years ago when I did the auto-immune paleo diet to see if I could clear my psoriasis and the 4 week stint this past February when I thought I’d just had enough. But the diet change didn’t seem to make much difference and this past year I thought I could start again and just have wine with dinner, or at least just one or two glasses a day. But the thing is I can’t. Or at least I seem to lack the good judgement, willpower, what have you. Anyway, have I enjoyed drinking? Yes. Do I like the taste of wine? Oh, yes. Do I like making my own cocktails from scratch and trying out new ones and creating my own? Definitely. But alcohol has taken something away also. It has robbed me of good, honest sleep that I really need to be able to have the energy and brainpower to do my job. It has made we wake up multiple times per night with my heart racing and my stomach hurting wondering if I’m doing permanent damage to my insides. It has caused me to lash out at my sweet, wonderful husband when I’ve had too much and I’m angry at the world and since he is my world, well, he gets the brunt. I have driven to work hungover. I have gotten up and put drops in my eyes to get them clear before I left to babysit my grandson for the day. When I wonder if I have a problem with alcohol my husband says no. He says no because I can quit and not drink and feel fine. I have no “physical” symptoms when I don’t drink. I guess I could agree that if I do have an addiction it is most likely emotional. But, does it really make a difference? I used to think that because I never had any really wild days as a teenager or young adult (mostly because I was too chicken), that it was now my turn to really cut loose. That now, as an adult, I was having all the fun with drinking that I didn’t get to have or didn’t allow myself to have in my youth. But at this point, I don’t even really get a good buzz anymore. And I feel like crap when I drink. And it isn’t really worth it…and I think I wasn’t really missing out on anything worth doing all those years ago. So THIS time, I have been sober for four full days and am now on the fifth day. I have slept much better this week. My stomach doesn’t hurt. And I am hopeful.

    Thanks for letting me “borrow” your blog – hope it was okay,
    Susan

    Like

    • This is wonderful- thank you for sharing. You’re a gifted writer and truth teller. Congrats on 9 days. Huge accomplishment! You’re through the hardest part for a daily drinker. Keep going!

      Like

  3. What a beautiful place to write. So much inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Raisedbywolves

    Hi – thank you for your blog – am about halfway through and am 14 days sober! After reading and listening to a recent bubble hour podcast, it really strikes me that mothers are a significant demographic in this sphere (including me!) and I read this article with interest today – hope your followers find it helpful https://www.theguardian.com/global/2018/jun/10/the-secret-shame-of-being-a-sober-mother

    Liked by 2 people

    • Great article, thanks for recommending it. It rings all too true. I also recommend reading “Drink” by Anne Dowsett Johnston. Congrats on 14 days! If you were a daily drinker then you are through the hardest part. Glad you are here!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. That looks absolutely AMAZING! I think we all need a mountain to go to for some peace and quiet 🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Leslie Arnson

    Thank you Jean.Thank you for your post.Thank you for the Bubble Hour.Thank you for bringing us all together and thank you for your continued inspiration. One of the most effective tools is when you (and your guests on Bubble Hour) share their “human side” (e.g., I immediately felt not alone after reading your post {that I too had neglected my 10,000 step/day goal and my yoga practice, and had not accomplished my recent deadline}; and I’m still struggling with today beginning ANOTHER “Day 1” -ugh! But instead of embarking on my fresh attempt at a LIFE of sobriety with self contempt for all my past failed attempts, I realize that I CAN do it (because you’re THERE, at a ski cabin where much drinking was done nonetheless!), embracing the work you love: writing your novel, while enjoying clarity, health and beauty in your life of sobriety.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You look fantastic and what a beautiful place you have to focus on your writing! I love that you escaped there to do this for yourself, I often wonder what it would be like to just go someplace serene and beautiful away from work and the normalcy of every day life for just a day or two to only write. I may just have to do this one day.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I need a place to go to like that

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Hello Beautiful! 😘​

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Jean you’re looking gorgeous as always! I need to give more attention to writing as well. Amazing view! Get crackin’!

    Liked by 2 people

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