I’m cranking out today’s post from my iPhone. You might wonder why, with my laptop and iPad right here beside me, I chose to make things harder than necessary and my answer is BOREDOM.
So let the good times roll, I’m living it up here! Not only posting from my phone but once again only with the use of my right thumb since my left hand is in a splint.
Today I managed to unfurl my yoga mat and do a few cautious stretches, even with the broken leg, which felt wonderful. Then we wrapped my cast with a garbage bag so I could shower (I’ve been having “bird baths” all week at the sink). My husband’s “McGuyver” abilities came in handy. He set up a thoughtful system of seat, leg rest and handsprayer so that I could actually relax and take my time. It was glorious. I kept thinking of Survivor, when contestants win a shower as a reward after weeks of wearing the same clothes.
Here is an actual conversation I had with my husband yesterday, which was romantic in a “28 years of marriage” way:
Me: Hey I have to ask you something. (Long pause) Do I stink?
Him: No, not that I’ve noticed.
Me: (another pause) Would you tell me if I did?
Him: I would.
He said it so kindly that I swooned a little.
Me: You’re the sweetest.
Yoga, showers and tender moments aside, it’s been a quiet day. My leg aches. I read a lot. We are at the ski hill because the layout is easier for me to manage, but — and it’s a BIG BUT — there’s no tv. Just ancient DVDs and very slow wifi.
I’m full of gratitude because my husband is so helpful with fetching me things and reminding me my job is to rest while I heal. So technically I’m a workaholic here by laying with my foot up, reading for endless hours.
I’m glad I’m sober for this ordeal. Not only because, Hello?! Drunk on crutches?!! But also because have an alcohol-free life is a bonus for healing.
So my friends, my thumb must now return to flipping the pages of “The Flood Girls” by Richard Fifield, who is a person in recovery and sobriety is prominent in this funny book.
Reading and resting. Work, work, work!
That made me laugh. You have s great husband.
This sounds incredibly sweet of your husband, he’s very lucky to have such a warrior for a wife.
Today is my day 34, fest ever! I am super duper proud of myself and my continued resolve. Today I must admit I am feeling anxiety “what if” type of anxietycreeping in…in a very short amount of time I am going back to work, and that means a significant increase in work-related stress, and work related stress turns into general stress, which is a toxic equation. for me. While today I keep reminding myself to stay focused, I am really worried that the “rationale voice” get louder and saying I “deserve to unwind”. I don’t have successful models of recovery in my family…my father passed in 2008 (his death anniversary is the 30th) the main cause I suspect was alcoholism. He battled his demons my entire life and the demons won out. In my struggles the “critical/angry” voice has berated me and constantly tries to make me think that I am my father’s child and will end up just like him. So this is my BIGGEST fear, that I will struggle with sobriety and recovery just like my father did and that the demons will win out. However, now I talk back, well because I am a grown ass woman and no stupid little critical/angry voice is going to tell me what to do. So what to do! Well this grown ass woman tries to pull herself out of the dichotomous and “fortune-telling” cognitive trap and counts the ways in which this “I have not models” thought is not true: 1) my boyfriend has been in recovery for 9 years and counting; 2) I am slowly learning that there are COUNTLESS models on the internet that I can emulate and count on (something my father did not have access to; and 3) if all else fails, I can picture the unpickled warrior sitting in her cabin with her leg in cast, and left hand in sling surrounded by books blogging with one thumb…slaying one demon at a time.
Onward day 34!
You just made me cry with #3 there – it’s an honour to be on your list. Your words will keep me going when I start to feel crabby and forgotten by the world.
Some thoughts for you. Have you read anything about “adult children of alcoholics”? Also you should have on your nightstand everything written by Melanie Beattie (Co-dependant No More, etc). Having an alcoholic parent really means not only a probable genetic predisposition for addiction but also a lot of emotional fuckery that must be gently, lovingly undone. Good news – other people have been there and figured it out and will show you the way. Maybe your dad never moved past Sobriety into recovery, but you are and that will be the thing that makes you different.
Thanks for the recommendations. I will definitely look Beattie up and get the books. I have a tendancy to jump off the deep end, so in sobriet I’m trying to take it one step at a time. First step blogs and online support, next step therapy, next step read one book on recovery at time. So it will definitely be added to my “next on the to read list”. I have heard of the adult children of alcoholics, as I in my “that’s so not me” phase of life have recommended it to clients. But as I now turn the page on denial, I will look for more information on this as well.
On point #3, I whole heartedly believe this to be true. You have served as a model for me these past 34 days, hugs to you lady warrior demon slayer!
We did a few Bubble Hour episodes on the topic of ACOA (you have your own acronym). You might enjoy hearing other people talk about their experiences: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour/2014/02/10/adult-children-of-alcoholics-1
Thanks, looking forward to listening tomorrow am! 😉
You do “deserve to unwind” and the trick is finding ways other than alcohol, it’s strange how the answer we have for everything is “get pissed”, to relieve stress, celebrate, cope with boredom………I have started to meditate and find this really helps me – clearing the mind – almost not thinking at all yet awake.
Im praying for a fast healthy recovery for your broken leg. Im sure its hard for you not only stay put but to depend on others more than your used to.
Im writing to inquire about when the next retreat is? How do I go about getting information on this?
Sent from my iPad
Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers. I feel them, I do. The retreats I have been going to are through http://www.sherecovers.co – there are several to choose from. There’s still a few spots left in the NYC event and I will be there, too! It’s a bigger, conference-style event, the yoga retreats (which are pure heaven!) are also on the website: Mexico, Bali, and more.
Hi Jean, it is so hard to be sitting when you are used to being mobile – hang in there. Your daily posts are incredibly motivating and helpful to me and I am guessing others too from the comments. I was wondering if you would welcome some topic ideas – or even some first drafts to post to ease your load – some topic themes I see include: drinking and anxiety/panic, women who start or increase drinking once at home with young children, drinking and menopause, and in relation to thinking life without booze will be deadly dull, linking to the happiness research about individual’s baseline happiness levels.
I’m also wondering about a general comments section unrelated to a particular blog – for example I just survived an evening at the pub for quiz night and did not drink – it would be cool to have a special place to share this on the site – and for those times when someone might want to reach out to your audience for moral cyber support – e.g. Friday night approaching – need some support.
Love to hear your thoughts – or of course I could start a blog too and we could connect that way.
Judging by your excellent topic suggestions I think you should definitely start a blog and get writing! I want to hear more 🙂
Sorry the hear about you leg and hand. Drunk on crutches sounds like a good name for a book, or a band:) Sounds like this ordeal has forced you to slow down (work wise) which might not be a bad thing. Hope you made a quick recovery. xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Given the weather forecast, tucked away in a ski cabin with a pile of books sounds like heaven! You’ll have to send your husband out for a pile of magazines tomorrow! Hope you’re feeling better soon.😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Im sorry to hear about your leg. I know how horrible that is. Not only for you but for your husband. My ex wife fell off a horse and shattered her ankle. She cried for two weeks all day, all night. We had to have a pain specialist come to the house and fill her full of prescription drugs. It didnt matter she still cried. Although it was kind of a funny cry this time cause she was all doped up lol. Anyway, I admire you for making the decision to get sober. Even more so the fact you have made something so private so public. Its a great lesson in humility im sure. Both personally and professionally. Alcohol is the worst thing someone can legally do to their body and mind. And I would say top 2 or 3 thing periiod. Heroine/alcohol stop or be dead. Those are your choices. But anyway you are an inspiration and a positive light in our quickly dimming society. Good luck. Never retreat. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading:)
Oh no, your poor wife! I’m fortunate to have manageable discomfort. Thanks for your kind words.
LikeLiked by 1 person